Short Reviews

Hercules – I wouldn’t call it a good film, more an 80’s sword and sandal film with a special effects budget. In it’s favour, The Rock is consistently entertaining (Even when wearing an incredibly camp lion skin cloak) and Ian McShane (Who also narrates the film) is in full scenery chewing mode.

Lock Out – It’s bascially Escape from New York/LA but in space and so close to it that John Carpenter took legal action and won. Guy Pearce does seem to having a tremendous amount of fun though.

Solomon Kane – Why must people persist with origin stories? Can an audience not be trusted to understand a character without spending half the film on introducing them? In it’s favour, it’s about a good a Kane film as we could expect, with James Purefoy in excellent form and the late, great Pete Postlethwaite supporting. Still a shame the sequel didn’t get up. Wonderfully grim in the mould of Warhammer Fantasy Role Play and if anyone calls it a Van Helsing knock off, you have my persmission to smack them.

The Scorpion King 3 – It features a lead actor I thought was Billy Zane, the actual Billy Zane (Who appears more than half cut), Temuera Morrison and Ron Perlman in a mullet/Legolas wig. There’s also elephants, some genuinely terrible fight scenes, a Celt in ancient Egypt and ninjas. Yep. Ninjas. Hadn’t realised there were 3 Scorpion King films? Actually, there’s 4…

 

Ideas upon ideas…

So, I’ve been having ideas over the last couple of years and figured I’d detail them, both in the hope that I’ll actually get started, and to possibly spark other people’s creativity.

Deadlands – It’s a western, but with magic and all manner of horrible gribblies. I had some notes about a riverboat cruise combined with a poker tournament (Yes, I’ve seen Maverick), but factor in intrigue between the rail companies, poker players (And those trying to steal the pot) and several gunfighters on a trip and there’s an idea which should make it past the after party. Some system would be needed for magic, but as for combat, if you can hit the other person with a Nerf dart, then you’ve wounded them. Plain and simple.

Ghost Hunters International – 1 goup of players is the investigators, the other are a mix of the local experts and the ghosts.You could take that further in a Cthulhu mythos direction, or the PC’s could be trainees of Ghostbusters International. There’s certainly interest in that given the new movie, though I’d set it in the new movie universe, just to annoy any whining man-babies. You wouldn’t be restricted to Ghostbusters, you could have the client, journalists and reps from head office checking how the trainees are doing etc.

Star Trek – The idea’s not mine on this one, but I’m part of the planning crew. Two ships (Federation and Klingon?) have been damaged/stuck somewhere, but can communicate through viewscreens (Ipads connected though wifi). The plan was a make it a con game.

Shadowrun – Along with Fallout, I love the universe , though haven’t spent much time in it. Either way, something post apocalyptic would be a nice change. I’d also be open to a retro-future style Cyberpunk 2020 style game. Or perhaps some sort of cross between The Running Man and Escape from New York?

Conan – I did some prep work on this a couple of years ago. The idea was a 1-shot set in a tavern in Arenjun, city of thieves. Someone has stolen an important thing and come to make the exchange. Others want the thing, or to stop others from getting the thing. Mercenaries looking for work, fences looking to make the exchange etc. Either way, put a load of people who aren’t trust worthy in any way, add in a pile of coin and an expensive magic thing and stir.

Adventurer School – This one snowballed somewhat. What began as Adventurer College: 10 Year Reunion: The Freeform morphed into a series of games where we see the characters start Adventurer School, then games based around the first day of high school, formal and college. Maybe another LARP that’s their athletics carnival?

Star Wars – a planned (2-3 sessions) game set in the Old Republic era. Probably set on Nar Shadda to allow for agents of both sides (Jedi and Sith) to appear. Perhaps some sort of negotiations at opening, but I haven’t had a plot for this one, just the idea.

So yes. At some point I should actually put something together, as opposed to the one I’ve actually said I’ll run, which is as follows:
Star Wars: A Small Disturbance in the Force.The PC’s are a group of Jedi trainees in the Old Republic era, but the twist is they’re all the smaller races – Jawas, Chadra-Fan, Squibs etc. Oh, and one Wookiee. True, they aren’t small, but you try telling Massive Q no… 🙂

 

A Public Service Announcement

Ahem. Recently I ran a convention game entitled Fair and Balanced. For those who didn’t play it, it involved Fox News anchors saving America from Obama’s ‘socialist tyranny’. (Before anyone says anything, it was a parody, though several groups of players hadn’t realised the PC’s were both A: real people and B: their flavour text quotes were genuine.)

It seemed to go rather well, judging from the reactions. Several groups started fist fights with Obama (With one player disguising themselves as Stephen Colbert), some launched attacks on the 200ft tall statue of Obama made from melted guns while one group used home made napalm to paint a giant burning cross on the front lawn of the White House. (Feeling that America has forgotten about religion and needing a reminder..) This has led to numerous people asking for a sequel, with a working title of FAIR AND BALANCED 2: THE TRUMPOCALYPSE. 

So, will I run a sequel? I’m here to answer that question now: NO.Nope. Nay. Nein. I’m not touching that with a 10 foot pole.Not for all the tea in China or all the dice in GenCon.Thor can speak for me further:2344222-2040381-thorsay_thee_nay_3

Writing the first one was hellish enough  -keeping track of, let alone making heroes out of people whose every utternace I find loathsome and abhorrent (Megyn Kelly’s needling of Donald Trump aside) and people want me to delve back into that cesspit? What the hell do you think I am?

PS: I’m not running another Ewok game either – once was enough for that. The only sequel I’m contemplating is one to Operation Aquarius, as in the canon version of that game SHIELD, and by extension HYDRA, now have access to Dalek technology. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

 

More Zedtown thoughts

So, a few more thoughts on the recent Zedtown, slightly more critical than previous: the QR code readers not working at the start was irritating, and the territory mechanic wasn’t really explained. Knowing that we had to start a quest at a point to use the code, as opposed to just being there would also have helped. I’m happy to give them leeway, as this stuff has to be tested, but explaining the process would have helped. Also, some indication of where the bases where at the start of the game, or an organised convoy to take us there like at Outbreak (Last year’s game at Olympic Park) would have been nice. Given we had 5 minutes before zombies could start tagging people, there was some pressure. I don’t want to sound like I’m ripping on the game all of a sudden, as I had a hell of a lot of fun, but now that the initial adrenaline has faded, there were some issues. Nothing that majorly detracted from the game, more stuff that will hopefully be corrected in future events.

I also regret not congratulating Jordon Raskopolous when I saw her in the queue. Well, congratulating’s the wrong word, more giving a quick note of support. But every time I saw her she was either in conversation or looked busy and I don’t want to interrupt. Besides, I have a bad record of interaction with geek celebs – I’m still embarrassed about the idiot I made of myself when I met Richard Biggs (Dr Franklin from Babylon 5).

Other costume ideas that have been suggested (Not all are mine, I’m just listing ones I’ve heard):
Two people in a pantomime horse outfit. They’d get tagged early, but then two part ZOMBIE HORSE.

Judges. I assume you know what sort I mean. Because why the drokk not?

Original Series Star Trek crew. Bonus points for using mobile phones like comunicaters, acting as if they’re an away team and ripping their shirts when they become zombies.
As the counterpoint – a group of Klingons, or, the crew of the NSEA Protecter. I can picture it now, as a comrade get’s tagged, one of the crew grabs them (striking a dramatic pose) and quietly whispers ‘By Grabthar’s Hammer, by the suns of Warven, you shall be avenged…’ and then is promptly swarmed by the other zombies. Fuckin’ zombies – no respect for good drama.

Kurt Russell. I’ve already called dibs on Snake Plissken, but given time I can beard up like John Ruth from The Hateful Eight. Or, if you need variety, expand that to John Carpenter movies. You still have Snake Plissken and Jack Burton, but with bonus Rowdy Roddy Piper!

Colonial Marines. Because who hasn’t held up a Nerf rifle and quoted Aliens?

I’d also love to see some more roleplay put into it. I get it, it’s been 5 hours or running, you’re cold and tense and can’t be arsed getting back into character, but that’s some of the best time to. Given the atmosphere of the game and the paranoia it encourages, there’s a solid framework for this, and that’s without going into the faction based racism. It seems disturbingly natural as within minutes other players move from fellow survivors to “They aren’t us? Fuck those guys.” It’s only late game when the zombies have multiplied drastically that any sort of human solidarity starts to emergere, and even then any alliances are tense. Mind you, the Reds moving away from the would-be evac point during the late game countdown seemed kinda odd, but given the cold I can’t really blame them for not thinking.

Now, looking to future loadout changes:
Given the success of the Hammershot and the beauty of the holsters we bought the plan is to go two pistol, possibly with a Slingfire rifle as backup. Outide of the sheer awesome of the western theme, the Hammershots can put enough darts in the air to (hopefully) give most zombies pause and are quick on the reload to boot. How time flies – I remember when the Maverick was the height of Nerf weapons technology…

As I posted previusly, the Slingfire is a fine weapon (I’m a sucker for lever action blasters, even the terrible ones BuzzBee did a few years ago with the shells), but it doesn’t fire fast enough, which has led me to the Rapid Strike. I’d talk about how accuracy is needed, but it’s a toy dart gun and you aren’t going to get it. Since you can’t really get that it’s down to varying amounts of spray and pray. Most blasters will put the dart roughly in front of the barrel at a decent speed, but it’s how quickly you can get that next dart out that really matters. As for spray and pray, it goes against everything I hold dear when playing laser tag (Where I’ve been described as a cold blooded sniper), but the Rapid Strike does put a lot of darts out there.  Normally I go by the Rule of Cool, but I figure next event is time to experiment.Besides, I have one of them (Thank you Kmart $15 sale!), so why not use the thing? As for the annoucement of the next event, well I have two words:

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(Looking back on this, I’m sure if you told 14 year old me I’d be doing this at 36, he’d have laughed. Oh, what a wonderful geek happy world we live in. ..)

Zedtown: Twin Cities

Roughly 600 humans began the latest Zedtown. 1 got evacuated at the end.

Yep. Around 600 started, and 1 made it out. True, there were a number more who survived (I believe around 100, though I could be wrong), but weren’t at the evacuation point at game end.  But still, 600 go in and 1 comes out. That’s one hell of a Thunderdome.

20160529_113815Woooooooo!

That was my third Zedtown, second as player and it was a joy to participate in. I continued my track record of A:not surviving and B: managing to hide from photographers, both of which I’d like to change in future. If I had to sum up how I felt, it would be with one word: ow. My legs ache, shoulders are sore and the fingers on my left hand were cramped from holding a trigger for several hours. Praise be to Deep Heat, the miracle substance! Mercifully the paranoia is fading, though we had someone run past us at the shops post game and we almost went for our blasters. That might have been awkward.

The Cons:
The cold. Nothing the orgs can do about that, but I was damn glad for the Driza-Bone I had on.

The line. Look, the queue at set up is part of the experience, but having clearer signage as to which line is for what faction would have been useful. We almost made it to the front of one line only to find that we were in the wrong faction’s line…

The Pros:

Really, everything else. The NPC’s were fantastic, the mods helpful and polite and any issues we had were dealt with promptly. Sure, there were technical issues with a couple of things and the game did start late, but those are minor quibbles.

The level of costuming was it’s usual high standard. There was one group clad in bright primary colours and tuts, Mario and Luigi, some nuns, one group in doctor’s scrubs and a seemingly endless variety of tactical gear, slings and combat webbing. My group? We were the squad ‘Those with Guns’, dressing old west style.

13254891_10153782092346461_667116875512524000_o“There’s two kinds of people in the world my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig.”

When the game began paranoia kicked in incredibly quickly. There was talk of a corridor near Gold Base that held a zombie spawn point with an improved zombie said to be guarding it. There wasn’t as much paranoia over hidden zombies as I remember from the previous event, at least that I saw, mostly cause my group hadn’t ticked the OZ box.

We spent some time foraging for fuel coasters and dodging zombies, the numbers of which were still under 100. Early on the survivors far outnumbered the zombies, but that doesn’t help things much. Panic and nerves are high, especially with Original Zombies (Or OZ’s) hidden away in each faction. We ran from Alpha Zombies (We didn’t know they could be killed at the time) and ended up taking ‘sticky eggs’ (Ping Pong balls covered in something I think was lube) over to the shop, which was roughly 2/3rd’s of the map away. It was during that quest that the first of my squad was lost, and I was separated from the second. Much travelling, some running and wracked nerves managed to bring my egg to the shop to claim my reward, that being a disgusted shopkeeper giving me a coin to take the egg away.

Shop Assistant 2

The shopkeeper’s ‘assistant.’ Never did find out if they managed to open the safe.

 

We trekked from one side of the map to the other, escorting an NPC with a flashy whirly device, said to be able to turn the territory into an evac point. The members of Red Faction seemingly let us have it, possibly in the name of human solidarity. They outnumbered us, and we had zombies at our backs, but the flashly whirly device was kept safe through it’s countdown and the point was ours.

We got told to hold that point (While the rest of the group fought their way back to gold base), so we spent the next hour on the edge of the clearing watching lights moving through the trees, dealing quietly with any zombies who were nearby and trying not to freeze. The later it got, the louder the chants of “HORDE!” became and the more we tried to sink into the earth, both so as not to get spotted but also because it might have been warmer there. As the time ticked down, we decided to blast our way into the safe zone and ran for it. I’ll admit, I might have been tagged as I was leaping into the zone – I can only apologise and blame adrenaline.

zedtown-twin-cities-mapThe map itself.

We’d made it to the safe zone and evac, or so we thought… Given the number of zombies the safe zone was decaying and the clock was ticking. After a countdown, the zombies charged and it was all over. Well, except for 1 lucky sod, who had hidden away under all our corpses. Nicely done sir!

For Next Game:

Carry more snacks with me. I was starving and cramping up by the end. It’s not often I say I’d have killed for a Mars Bar, but I was close by the end.

A torch, preferably gaffa taped to the barrel of my main blaster. I hadn’t expected it to get quite so dark as it did, though we were up around the top of the map away from buildings and light sources. This didn’t help much when car headlights from the nearby street kept seeming like torchlight.

A different loadout. The Slingfire’s a fine weapon, but it fires a bit too slow and the reload is cumbersome. We’re torn between twin pistols (Hammershots most likely), or a full auto rifle (Most likely the Rapid Strike). At the very least something pump action, maybe one of the Rebelle Crossbows.

Night Vision Goggles. I kid, mostly. At the very least, a set of binoculars or scope would have come in handy.

Radios. Sure, they don’t fit the old west theme, but they could have been useful when we got seperated.

Costuming: More comfortable shoes for one thing. We’re looking at coming as Templars, from the roleplaying game Deadlands: Hell on Earth for the next event, both to keep the post apocalyptic theme going and to stand out again.

Time to go apply more Deep Heat. Ow…

A Fistful of Nerf Darts

So Zedtown is a few days (At the time of writing) anticipation is high, though their social media currently seems flooded by people making “Is my blaster OK” jokes after this post.

Loosely inspited by the group at UK game Zombie LARP who turned up as Morris Dancers, a housemate and I were kicking around costume ideas. The standard approach of tactical gear was out, as there’s plenty of other groups doing that.Labcoat clad corporate scientists was an idea, but we settled on dressing old west, mostly due to a shared love of the works of Clint Eastwood and Sergio Leone. A drizabone thanks to Ebay and a holster from Artisan Leather Crafts and I’m ready to go.

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It took a while to narrow down that idea though – some of the others on the list are as follows:
Archers – everyone use Nerf bows or crossbows and cosplays as famous archers. One of my housemates has claimed Green Arrow and I’ve called dibs on Hawkeye. Hey, I like purple.

Hawkeye_Arrow_Stance

Arnold – Schwarzenegger characters, complete with either abs drawn on in texta or foam mucles suits. I’d expect a large number of T-800’s but me? Dutch Schaefer. Because zombies bleed, and if it bleeds, we can kill it. 🙂 Hopefully I’d also be able to make to when the escape chopper arrives… Normally I’d go as Conan (I’m about as close to REH’s Conan as Schwarzenegger was, though I’ ll defend the first movie till the cows come home), but since melee combat is banned by the system*, there’s not much point.

keep-calm-cause-if-it-bleeds-we-can-kill-it
There was an afterthought to that one, of going as 80’s action movie characters or the Expendables, but that’s more military than I prefer. I’ve got nothing against the guys who wear tac gear and carry around more foam (darts) than a mattress factory, but that style of play isn’t for me. Still, going as John McClane with a dart blaster taped to my back isn’t a bad idea.

Flash Gordon –  Given how often ‘I love you’ in my house is followed by “But we only have 14 hours to save the Earth!” this seems  a natural idea. My wife is very enthusiastic, more so to see me dressed as Prince Vultan than to play. I’ve already got the beard, though I’ll need to carry a loud hailer to come close to matching BRIAN BLESSED for volume. And we’d need someone called Gordon to frequently check in on. Granted, running in that kit wouldn’t exactly be practical, but that get’s you Zombie Vultan.

brianblessed-flashgordon

3 days to go. I should probably watch Commando and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly again in preperation…

*I’m fine with that by the way. As much as I’ve love to bring a longsword along with me, it’s nor worth the risk. 500+ excitable people, few of which would have any sort of training and that’s more potential for injuries than I’d be OK with. Besides, spending the game in a block of pikemen and musketeers would just be dull. Efficient, but dull.

Iron Maiden? Excellent!

Iron Maiden – – Qudos Bank Arena, 06/05/16

An Iron Maiden concert is a special thing, like a gathering of the clans. Young, old, male, female, it matters not – all are here to worship at the altar of Maiden. There’s a wonderful atmosphere in the air, a lot of love in the venue that those unfamiliar with a heavy metal crowd might not expect.

wvM7AQa

The train journey there had a fascinating conversation with a very drunk Chilean man (Also on his way to the show), with such revelations that his first STD was from an Aussie girl (Chlamydia to be exact), that he’s on the lookout for a German girl (Or someone from that general part of the world – he doesn’t discriminate) and how when Chile conquers Australia and appoints him overlord he’ll rollback the lockout laws and make polygamy legal. So, all hail our very drunk Chilean would-be overlord?

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I don’t catch much of support band The Raven Age (Having been stuck in the slowest moving drinks queue EVER), but what I do has me wanting more. Let this be a lesson – SUPPORT YOUR OPENING BANDS PEOPLE. Or at least be more cheerful than the miserable sod next to me, who barely cracked a smile through the show. That ranks up there when I saw Metallica and the person on my right sat down and barely moved during The Four Horsemen.* The more I think on that I’m not sure he wasn’t dead…

The change-over begins, with regular chants of “Maiden!”*clapclapclap* echoing through the room. It’s the strains of UFO’s Doctor Doctor that get’s people really moving as that’s the signal the show’s about to start. After an intro video which had a giant Eddie (The bands mascot) hurling their plane (Ed Force One) into the sky, the show begins…

Steve Harris’ right hand is the most metal thing ever. More metal than a T-800, Robocop and a legion of Cybermen put together. Let’s face it, his little finger is more metal than Mjolnir. Dave Murray, always dependable, grinning away as his fingers fly over the fretboard. Adrian Smith, the epitome of understated cool – how he carry’s off that ensemble I’ll never know, but it’s his look and he rocks it mightily. Janick Gers doesn’t seem to have aged since 1991 (He certainly hasn’t updated his stage clothes), hurling himself about the stage at all speed, flinging his guitar around and regularly soloing with one foot up on the speakers at a near 90 degree angle. Nicko McBrain is his regular octopus like self behind the drums, complete with customary Sooty doll sitting above his bass drum. How he works his way around the kit I’ll never understand, to say nothing of the giant gong behind him. And then there’s Bruce. Hearing Bruce Dickinson in full flight is a special thing to behold. While yes, age (And a recent throat cancer scare) mean his voice isn’t quite the almighty air-raid siren it once was, it’s hardly missed a beat. We get jokes about the youth of parts of the audience, the story of how it was an Australian who shot down the Red Baron and an emotional speech thanking us and reminding us that no matter the colour, gender or religion, all are welcome at a Maiden show.

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Opener If Eternity Should Fail has lyrics that have been begging me to write a game based around them** since I first heard it, Speed of Light is catchier than a cold and while you could probably shave 3-5 minutes of instrumental from The Red and the Black that would mean denying the audience more chances to go “Woah-oh!” and Steve Harris time to do his trademark one foot on the monitors machine gunning the audience pose. Deny them that? I’d rather die. Seeing the backdrop for The Trooper is alone enough to have me grinning from ear to ear and air guitaring as if my life depended on it. Having that followed by Powerslave? *head explodes* The Book of Souls (The title track from the storming new album) gives us an appearance from a giant Mayan themed Eddie who cavorts around the stage before Dickinson gleefully rips his heart out. The set ends with the traditional blast through Iron Maiden, with a giant inflatable Eddie head looming over the band.  There’s cheering, pyro and picks and sticks being thrown into the crowd, before the agonizingly long wait for the encore.

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Darkness. Red lights. A backdrop that looks like flame. Is that a giant inflatable horned demon I see before me? It is! Which can only mean one thing… Woe to you, O Earth and Sea…”  Yep, it’s The Number of the Beast, the song that hooked me on the band *COUGH* years ago. I squeal with joy more than a little. An emotional Dickinson introduces Blood Brothers, speaking about how regardless of difference, we’re all welcome here and we end with Wasted Years, sounding as glorious as ever. More cheers and a sudden realization that it’s going to take a long time to get back to where we’re staying. Stupid reality.

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As roughly 13,000 people exit the venue to the strains of ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’, there’s one thing I know with no doubt in my mind: Iron Maiden never fail to put on a fantastic show and we’re bloody lucky to have them. Hallowed be Thy Name indeed.

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SET LIST:

If Eternity Should Fail

Speed of Light

Children of the Damned

Tears of a Clown

The Red and the Black

The Trooper

Powerslave

Death or Glory

The Book of Souls

Hallowed by Thy Name

Fear of the Dark

Iron Maiden

ENCORE:

Number of the Beast

Blood Brothers

Wasted Years

*Sure, it’s not Creeping Death, but how can you not get up and rock out to it?

** In particular the chorus:
Reef in a sail at the edge of the world, if eternity should fail.

Waiting in line for the ending of time, if eternity should fail
I’m thinking something in the Doctor Who universe, possibly based around the Time War. But it’s not like I’m not already booked up running games til 2019, or so my wife (correctly) claims…

Civil War: A Review

First off, the film continues the recent trend of me seeing movies and wanting to buy half the wardrobe. Specifically, one of Cap’s jackets and a coat that T’Challa wears. (Not in that fabric, but style.) Clearly that’s a market that needs to be tapped – instead of ushers we need tailors standing outside cinemas asking patrons what clothing they wanted and their measurements. (For the record I’d also love Star Lord’s coat/jacket thing, all of Han Solo’s jackets and the red coat that Thor wears during the party scene in Ultron.) Now that we’re done with the hard hitting insightful criticism you were expecting, let’s look at the film itself!

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In short: woah. Hell of a film. Probably the best they’ve done so far – overall I still prefer Iron Man and Avengers, but the idea of a romantic comedy starring the Vision we came up with on the ride home may top that. Tell me you don’t want to see the Vision take a cooking course!

Marvel managed to build on plot threads from Winter Soldier and Age of Ultron (Which I still feel should have been called Fortnight of Ultron), give all of the major characters enough spotlight time (Including the newbies, who were done wonderfully) and drop enough hints at future plot and Easter Eggs that I didn’t want the film to end. It also left plenty of future threads dangling (Though not quite as many unanswered questions as The Force Awakens left me with) – there was no ‘everything wrapped up neatly’ end and I really liked that. There’s the political and spy intrigue of Soldier, enough quipping to fill 3 more Iron Man films and enough kaboom to maybe keep Zack Snyder happy, but more than that, it’s fun. It’s the major advantage Marvel films have over DC (BvS:DoJ I’m looking at you…) and I continue to love it.

It’s not a strict adaption of the Civil War plot, but that’s a good thing – I’m not sure the MCU’s Tony Stark would clone Thor, for which we should be grateful, though the aftermath of that mess would be fun to watch. There’s no easy answers to the conlfict between characters either – both side’s make their case and both can be seen to be in the right, which is what I’d hoped for. Just having them fight for no good reason is dull, but people convinced of the rightness of their cause, that’s something else. Stark has his paranoia and guilt while Cap is well, Cap.

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While I’m of the opinion that this version of the MCU should wrap up after Infinity War Pt 2, and switch to smaller scale stuff for a while before a reboot – progects like the Thunderbolts, the Runaways or just more Netflix series etc, if the films keep being this good, I don’t want them to stop. (A Punisher spin-off got announced today, which I can’t say I’m thrilled by. Yeah, they did the character really well, but I’d vastly prefer The Further Adventures of Foggy and Stick.) Mind you, their response to accusations of whitewashing in Doctor Strange didn’t do so well, but that’s a rock and a hard place situation. Either you’re accused of perpetuating the ‘You’re Asian so must know Kung-Fu’ cliché or of casting white people as Asian characters. Still, claiming the Ancient One is Celtic was a pretty terrible move, though not as terrible as Zack Snyder’s glee at murdering Jimmy Olsen.

So, bring on Doctor Strange and hurry the hell up with Black Panther.

PS: And yes, I’m still miffed at Ultron not using the ‘Ultron, we would have words with thee’ exchange.

PPS: Also, there’s 2 post film scenes – at the start and end of the credits. Worth staying for.

Men in tights punch each other.

So, Batman vs Superman. There be spoilers, so turn away if you’ve not seen.

Not bad, but not fantastic. DC films seem to be slowly improving, so give it a few years and we might get a really good one. I’m hoping that’ll either be Wonder Woman (So we can have more female led super hero movies) or Aquaman (So someone can dub it over with Brave and the Bold Aquaman). Actually, can we put together a Kickstarter for that? I want to see/hear that almost as much as hearing Darth Vader saying “Hold my beer and watch this” or a children’s choir singing Slayer’s Angel of Death.

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So, the film. Batman and Superman punch each other and occasionally scowl, Lex Luthor chews the scenery, a metric shit-ton of property is destroyed and they clumsily hint towards the Justice League, all while trying to cram in as many nods to The Death of Superman and The Dark Knight Returns as they can. Wonder Woman’s the best part of it, though Jeremy Iron’s as Alfred is a close second. The next most prominent cast member would have to be explosions which get more screen time than some cast in the opening credits, almost as if Snyder was screaming at the world “SEE MARVEL, WE CAN CAUSE MORE PROPERTY DAMAGE THAN YOU CAN WITH LESS CHARACTERS!” Lois Lane get’s little to do (I’m guessing there’s some deleted scenes that expand that), Perry White shouts and that’s about it. The cast do what they can with what little they have, though I’d forgotten that Lois and Clark were dating at the end of Man of Steel, which made him walking into her apartment while she’s in the bath more than a bit creepy at first. After that, it was just gratuitous and un-needed, much like most of Bruce Wayne’s flashbacks/nightmares. And yes, we saw the Wayne’s die. Again. It was well done and relatively short, though I might have been distracted by the cinema they were leaving having posters for The Mark of Zorro and Excalibur, a line from which could probably sum the film up quite well. “A dream to some… A NIGHTMARE TO OTHERS!”

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I have no idea what comic this is from, but couldn’t resist using it.

Music’s great – the uplifting theme they have for Superman is fantastic and Wonder Woman’s theme is superb.It’s almost a shame that Hans Zimmer has said this will be his final superhero movie, as he did a really great job. The little hints foreshadowing the Justice League are shoe-horned in there and not well. They’re nice to see and all, but pretty damn lacking when compared to Marvel’s end credits teases. (And no, either there’s no post credit scene or it’s part way through and I missed it when I was in the loo)

I guess my main problem with it is the tone. I want my Batman to work at night and Superman during the day – it seems almost insulting to have the most sunlight in a Superman film to be at his funeral. Affleck makes for a good Batman, though at times I could have used subtitles – between the accent, the noise of the film and the voice modulation it’s hard to tell what he’s saying at times. He’s also a violent jerk who seems to have forgotten about the whole ‘no killing people’ thing, though to be fair that’s happened before. I’ve just had my fill of Frank Miller’s Batman, I want the next one to be more Brave and the Bold or Adam West. I’d happily settle for Michael Keaton, who I think did a really good job of showing just how bugfuck nuts Bruce Wayne is. It’s all moot though, as we have Kevin Conroy, praise be his Bat-Voice.

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My ideal Superman? Well, Cavill could probably do the job given a better script, so that’s still a mix of Christopher Reeves Superman and Brandon Routh’s Clark Kent.There’s rare moments that hint just how good he could be, but it’s been lost amid the brooding and explosions. *sigh* Running a bit low on things to say, so I’ll sum up. It’s about as well done as I was expecting given the trailers (Why blow the surprise of Doomsday?), though you could have cut 20 minutes of montages, explosions and brooding and made for a better movie. But really, if you’re going to pit Batman and Superman against each other, we already have this: .

What could top that?

Many Bothans died, to bring us this trailer.

So, the Rogue One trailer. Leaving aside my burning hatred for teasers for trailers, or two minute trailers with 25 seconds of that taken up by rating info and stuff for other videos on the channel, it looks pretty damn good.

HELL YES MON MOTHMA – SUCK IT MRA’S AND SUCK IT HARD.
A female lead with a good amount of non-white people in the main cast, nice to see.
It’ll be slightly odd to have a definitive story of how the Death Star plans were stolen, given how many different stories and versions of it in the old EU.
Very little spoilery material, even better. One of the things I enjoyed the most about The Force Awakens was how little I knew going into it, a refreshing feeling in this day and age of leaks and endless teaser clips.
Seeing Yavin Base and T-65B X-Wings again – *swoon*
I’m sure the 501st are already going nuts over Ben Mendlheson’s outfit, whic is fair as that’s a rocking cape. That cape rocks so much I’m pretty sure Lando is jealous.
No Bothans though. Boooo. Also, would a nod to Kyle Katarn kill you? (Yes, I know the Bothans helped steal the plans to the second Death Star, but still. Seeing one on screen would be nice, at some point. Damn human-centric movies.)
Could have done without the nostalgia piano at the end, but I understand that’s the hip thing at the moment. Damn kids.
Part of me does think it’s going a bit dark, or at least Star Wars dark, but we’ve had that and it worked out OK, so yeah. Besides, I’m cool with them experimenting

Roll on December.