FANTASTIC!

How am I? Well, my left shoulders rather sore after some time bowling in the nets at a local park to Godson, Age 11 on Sunday. it was the first time I’d picked up a cricket ball in at least 25 years and I was never very good at it to begin with. The main issue on the day however, was on the rare occasions when I actually managed to hit the stumps, was resisting the urge to loudly yell “Got him yes, piss off you’re out!” in the manner of the 12th Man… Anyhow, that’s enough about me for now, there’s something far more important to announce!

In these troubled times, in the days of fire and plague that make us wish for the carefree innocent times of 2016, we need things that’ll get us through the day. Minor distractions, upcoming events that as of yet haven’t been cancelled and the tiny bits of good news, things that we can latch on to that give us hope that’ll it’ll get better some day. We may not know when this crisis will end, but there are good things out there in this hellish, perpetually indoor existence. The wonderful, sometimes unexpected things that bring joy, delight and can even make us forget, if only for a little while, that Tony Abbott was once Prime Minister.

*drum roll that soon becomes a rhythm of 4.*

CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON IS DOING BIG FINISH AUDIOS! I REPEAT, CHRISTOPHER ECCELSTON IS DOING BIG FINISH AUDIOS!

It’s now been near 15 years since his time as the Doctor and to say the news is welcome to me is something of an understatement. Details are still being kept quiet, but we do know that 12 stories over 4 box sets are incoming, with Volume 1 to be released in May 2021. Yes, that seems like a long wait, but Big Finish also recently announced a new companion for the Fourth Doctor, with that series premiering in 2024! Never let it be said that Big Finish don’t plan ahead…

The stories about Eccelston’s time in the role and his leaving after one season were few and mostly centered on conflicts with the production team. He’s spoken recently about the issues he was going through at the time and it gave a lot of nuance to his performance. And that’s not mentioning the stigma and courage it takes to speak up about mental health issues. There was a long stretch when he seemingly refused to do anything with the show, but in recent years has been attending conventions and I’ve seen some lovely video of him greeting other Doctors. I’m incredibly happy for the news and it’s my fervent hope that he’s in a better head space than he was during his time as the Doctor. I want him to be well, as I do everyone in my life. I don’t think that’s too much to ask the universe.

Right, now that’s that out of the way, let’s get back to RPG’s. Work on Crimson Skies has continued, with me unable to get the idea out of my head. I think it’s a positive step in my headspace that I’m even considering sitting behind the GM screen regularly again. After I ended my last campaign I told myself that with the right idea I’d give it another crack, and that I’d learn from previous mistakes. I’m still going to get nervous, and have doubts, because that’s what I do. But I think I can do better. I’ve still been unable to come up with an arc yet, but my wonderful and talented wife assures me that the player characters background she can come up with something. I believe her.

There’s a rule from the upcoming Troubleshooters RPG that I’m planning to adapt, and that’s the plot hook. As part of Session 0, I want to players to meet up (Virtually of course), generate characters and a shared background, while I answer questions. I also want to hear about 2 people from their characters lives*. I don’t need them fully written up with stats etc, just a name, a brief description and how they know the character. And the plan is to mine that information for all it’s worth, adding them to story hooks, putting them in danger and having them go missing and need to be rescued. You know, things I haven’t done in previous campaigns. It feels like I’m taking a positive step forward with this. Now, to find people who want to play…

More to follow. Be seeing you.

* Yes, Shadowrun does something along those lines as well. But I’m not touching that overly complex and stat heavy system with a 10 ft pole.

Good news everyone!

good news

Last Thursday (at the time of writing) was my 10th wedding anniversary. I’m very pleased by it. It’s hard to believe it’s been 10 years, but that’s the progress of time. It’s been wonderful and I’m very much looking forward to the next 10 years. Furthermore, my therapist thinks I’m in a good enough place that we can drop back to bi-monthly sessions. I’m hoping this continues. I know the brain has it’s regular ups and downs, but if I can keeps the ups and the downs aren’t so low, I’ll be happy. In other good news: my Minbari freeform was accepted for Phenomenon! I’m both very happy about this and more than a tad nervous. Shocking I know, but I get nervous about things I care about, and I care deeply about both the Babylon 5 universe* and my convention games. Yes, the idea is something, but I want to see what the players will do with it, how they react. That’s one of the things I love most about cons, seeing where different groups of players go in a session.

Getting confirmation also gives me a deadline (Which I work far better with) and means there’s (hopefully) people who want to decide the destiny of the Minbari people a thousand years before the timeline of the TV show. Well, I hope. B5 isn’t that niche, but it’s far from massively prominent these days. Writing it so people who don’t know the show can still play will be tricky, but the plan is to write-up a background sheet to bring any newbies up to speed beforehand. If I had my way, I’d get them to go out and watch the show, but that’s a bit too much of an ask.

So, now I have to actually write the thing. That’s where a lot of my ideas fall down Bit nervous, but the hamsters are starting to run round the wheel a little faster than before. I spent a good chunk of last night going through the B5 Encyclopedia (A gift from my darling wife that sparked this idea off, so you should thank her really) and while it’s fascinating stuff (As we know, I’m a sucker for background detail), there’s not a lot there. I mean there is, but not compared to say, Wookiepedia. On the bright side, this means I get to make it up and not worry about conflicting with anything. On the bad side, it means I get asked questions like “Did Valen fuck?”**

The brain has also been working on Troubleshooters ideas. That’s a lesser priority, given that it’s not for an upcoming convention, and I’m not even thinking of running it till we can see other people again. Yes, technically we can, but I’m not even thinking of doing that yet. Either way, globe trotting adventure that can be set in a 1970’s BBC studio is bubbling away in the background.

Be seeing you…

*How much you say? There was a reading from it at my wedding. *drops mic*
** Spoilers…

Dice over Discord

So, what have I, and my brain, been doing since last I wrote? Not much. Work. Bought a new pair of headphones and the S26 Doctor Who set. 3 versions of Battlefield to watch, a new cut of The Curse of Fenric and an enormous pile of supplemental material (Scripts and production paperwork!) to make my way through! I don’t know why I adore making of material so much, but it certainly brings joy and then some. Tracey and I watched Detective Pikachu tonight and while it was enjoyable, I can’t help but wonder how Bill Nighy got involved (Outside of the obvious fact that the man has bills to pay), and I suspect I’d get a lot more of the jokes and background details if I knew anything about Pokemon.

Thanks to a subscriber deal I also picked up the PDF of the John Carter of Mars RPG for free, and it’s very, very pretty. I haven’t had time to delve into it yet beyonf the opening pages, but upon hearing about it my wife all but demanded to play a Thark, as in her words “I want green babies!” For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, just imagine the following picture tinier and cuter:
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I don’t know if I’ll ever run it, despite my wife’s “You buy it, you run it” policy. I need to dig into it more beforehand to see if I can think of adventure ideas. I know comparatively little about the setting, mostly what the film gave us, the glorious beautifully designed mess that it is. I wasn’t a fan of the prologue, feeling it took too long to get us to Mars, but oh, once it did… Making Dejah Thoris more than a damsel in distress was a sensible decision and getting to see/hear the likes of Willem Defoe and James Purefoy chewing scenery as only they can is a delight. Plus a mini Rome reunion with Ciaran Hinds!

Staying on gaming, I ran Destination Mongo, my Flash Gordon adventure, for some friends over Discord yesterday. While fun was had, or certainly seemed to, I’m still not fully sold on voice chat gaming. I was hoping for video, but my tiny laptop couldn’t hack it sadly. It’s not that it’s bad, and I certainly feel I could have been a better GM, but it really makes me miss the communal feeling of a group around a table. Yes, it meant that friends from far away could join in the fun and that’s wonderful, but only hearing people’s voices means I miss a lot of visual cues. Also, they can’t see it when I’m distracted writing down funny lines from them, some of which are below.

“Everybody follow me! After you…”
“Did you learn cooking in the Jackie Chan kitchen?”
“Stop talking and hit something!”
“I will happily let you use that skill for violence.”

I’ll certainly do more of it, if only in the hope of getting better, but also to scratch the itch. If this is all the gaming I’m going to be doing for the forseeable future, then I’d like to get better at it. We had one of our regular games last week with 1 player on video, and it helped an immense amount in focus and reactions. I’m trying not to worry about when lockdown ends and take it day by day, but there are times when the uncertainty does weigh heavy on me.

To end on another emotional note, it was the 9th anniversary of the death of Elisabeth Sladen last week, and a tribute was put online. Written by former Who producer Russell T Davies, it’s a wonderful tribute to both Sladen the actor and Sarah Jane the character. And yes, I couldn’t help but hope for a few words from Tom Baker or Jodie Whittaker, but my head-canon (along with a lot of Twitter) is that given the Doctor is referred to as he throughout, that no-one noticed the 13th Doctor up the back.

You will cry. I certainly did.

Sleep beckons. Be seeing you.

Another update

So, update time.

I have a floor ticket for Iron Maiden’s Sydney show next year. *throws horns* I’m so damn excited about this it’s not funny. I’ve waxed lyrical many a time about my love for that band and will no doubt do so again, and to be in the pit on this tour, possibly the most over the top one they’ve done stage wise, promises to be a night I’ll never forget.

The lineup for Download next year was also announced, and there’s enough bands I dig to get me there. I’m still waiting for the second run of announcements before buying a ticket and hoping for sideshows. I’d love to see The Hu in a smaller venue, as they’re metal as fuck, but not the thrashing kind, whereas seeing Testament a few years back in a tiny venue nearly melted my face off with awesome. Don’t get me wrong, they were fantastic at Soundwave, but being that close as they roared through Dark Roots of Earth was fucking amazing. In other shows, Ross the Boss is this Saturday night and Halestorm hit town in a couple of weeks. The Iron Maidens are also back next year, which should prime the pump nicely for the real thing soon after. I’ve had issues with tribute/cover bands in the past, but seeing how much joy they take in playing those songs, I get swept up in it all. Also, they’re really fucking good at it.

In other good news, Niece, Age 11 is DMing a game of her own. She’s been excitedly talking to me about what’s happening in her game, and about talking D&D near her non-nerd friends and their confused reactions. I’m so freaking proud of her. She only has one set of dice, and I had to laugh and say “Oh my sweet summer child, we’ll fix that.” I’ve tried to pass down what GM wisdom I’ve learned from my years at the table, but I don’t need to say much – the kid has her head on straight to a degree that’s scary. Sure, I’ve still given advice and asked questions about her approach, but there’s been moments where I’ve had to stop her and go ‘Save some awesome for the rest of us alright?’ I’m hoping to get her to a con at some point soon, or run for her one of my old games. The next generation is on the way, and I couldn’t be happier.

Sword continues to be a blast. We’re doing quarterstaff and shaska (Cossack cavalry sabre) this term and I’m really enjoying both. And yes, every time I pick up a quarterstaff I get a certain cartoon in my head… Then there’s a problem in not being able to settle down to study one weapon/historical text, when there’s so many I’d love to learn. I haven’t done any sword and shield/buckler, staff has me wanting to do more spear/polearm and how could I say possibly no to learning the cutlass? Well, it’s less a problem and more an issue with too many weapons and not enough time. Where’s a TARDIS when you need it?

Brain however has been rather wonky. There was a massive crash following Pheno. I’d expected it, but not quite to that degree. Conventions can take it out of you, there’s the lack of sleep, nerves and as much fun as GMing is, it’s a lot of work. There’s the panic and tension leading up to the con, the adrenaline and chaos of when it’s happening, and then it’s over and what the fuck do I do now? I’ve been trying to write more concerning the brain goblins and the general weird in my head, but that’s not ready for public consumption. Therapy continues to unpick things, in addition to what rattles around in my head on a regular basis. I’d love to be able to publicly talk, but I’m not comfortable sharing around some of this yet. Working out how I’m dealing with it seems paramount before going public. On the bright side, I’m already planning for next year’s Pheno – a freeform this time.

Speaking of planning ahead, I’m hoping to attend Blackpowder and Bloodlines, a weekend LARP in Victoria next year.It’s a while since I’ve been to a weekender, let alone so lethal seeming a system. I’m a big fan of perma death in LARP – I don’t want it to be easy, but I like knowing the threat of death is there. There’s tentative plans to group up with a couple of others, without which I may not attend. I’d rather have someone I know there, outside of IC links. Getting to make so many IC connections and backstory at pax Europa spoiled me, and I’d love to try to recreate that sort of thing.

And that’s it for the moment. Be well, and be seeing you…

Bit of an update

Hey kids,

Been a while. Things should be exciting, but I’m more fragile at the moment. I should be writing for Pheno and preparing for Pax Europa (along with a couple of other unnamed projects), and I’m trying to, but focus is difficult.

What I am, however, is the following:
Diagnosed with depression.
Seeing a psychologist and therapist.
Started on anti-depressants.

It’s early days, but it’s promising so far. I’m not pretending it’ll all be fixed soon, that would be ridiculous. And yeah, I should have started years back, but better late than never eh?

How serious is it? How the fuck should I know, and why should I care? It’s a mental illness, not a fucking game of Top Trumps. I’m sure there are people dealing with worse, and my heart goes out to them. I’m not trying to rank myself against them, nor should I. I have my brain goblins, and they are mine, the last thing I’d want to do is to get in some sort of who’s more unstable pissing contest. Also, I’d lose and lose badly. I still have enough perspective to know in the grand scheme of things what I’m dealing with is low on the scale of things. That could be my inferiority complex not wanting to make a fuss, but I think that’s a point when I want to listen to it. (My wife will likely disagree with this, but she always disagrees with that complex of mine.) I guess what I’m trying to say I’m not matching my issues, such as they are, against anyone else’s.

Talking is good. It’s also terrifying at times, but feels good to get it out to a neutral observer who’s solely there to listen and help. Sure, catch me at the right moment and I’ll unload my troubles to almost anyone (I’m chatty that way), but this is a situation in which that’s expected. Which is nice. Both psych and therapist have been lovely, welcoming and wanting to help. I walked away from them feeling exhausted, but good. A bit lighter, and not in the way my wife complains about*.

The brain is still up and down, like always. I’m not sure I’ll ever be rid of that. And it’s early bloody days. But yeah. If you’re in strife, and trying to deal with something, then reach out to someone. I can’t promise it’ll be easy, or that things will get better overnight, but please try. Shit, drop me a comment here and get in touch. I’ve been told by numerous people who aren’t my wife I’m a good listener. One person has even described me as a calm and reassuring presence, which is one of the nicest things said about me in a long time.

I’d leave you with a song, but the first thing that comes to mind is my realization Sunday night that finding that Niece, Age 11 hadn’t heard Metallica’s Creeping Death meant I shouldn’t play her a live version, because my in-law’s house is not the place to start yelling “DIE, MOTHERFUCKER DIE!” at the top of my lungs. I did, however, tunelessly warble the opening stanza of Rockaway Beach by the Ramones to her, one of the greatest songs ever written and I will fight with (LARP) knives with any who disagree. So I’ll leave you with that.

Love youse all.

* My recent weight loss and slight gain of muscle was certainly not appreciated at first, and is only now grudgingly being accepted.

Black Panther. (Spoiler free)

So, Black Panther. Bloody fantastic. I’m keen to see it again, not just so I won’t be badly needing to pee during the second half, and to try to pick up on some of the dialogue I missed. (I’m a suburban white guy from the North Shore of Sydney – there were words here and there I didn’t catch) I can understand how that’s been as lauded as it is, how it’s inspired so many people. The fact they made an origin story that also wasn’t one was even more impressive. As said previously, I’m a white kid who’s never been oppressed in his life* so my laughter at a white character being addressed as ‘coloniser’ also contained more than a little bit of awkwardness, like a good round of Cards Against Humanity.

I’m keeping things vague to avoid spoilers, so here’s what I can say. Wakanda is bloody gorgeous and the costuming and design teams deserve all the awards they can get. I remain incredibly happy this wasn’t the film they screwed up (Because sooner or later one’s going to be terrible, and not on an Iron Man 2 or Thor: The Dark World scale). I believe a sequel has been all but confirmed already, and I’m already waiting impatiently for it. It’s tricky – I want to see more of this group of heroes, but post Infinity War I’d like to see others get the limelight.

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And I want that sleeveless outer robe in my wardrobe, please.

The fight choreo camera work wasn’t to my tastes, bit too much juggly cam in places, but not too much – like they accidentally added a pinch of Michael Bay to the recipe. Don’t get me wrong, it fits with the story they and each character has their own style, but it’s occasionally tricky to work out what’s going on. Still, many points to the stunt team and fight arrangers – the last 20 years have seen some amazing advances in those fields. It wasn’t till Fellowship of the Ring that I saw fight work where each culture felt different to each other, but I’ll stop now otherwise I’ll just keep talking about swords till the cows come home.

And now I guess my thoughts must turn to Infinity War. To prepare myself for the scale of the thing, to enter in the almost certain knowledge that characters I’ve been watching for almost a decade may well perish. To hope the CG on Thanos has improved from the trailer. To once again hear Alan Silvestri’s Avengers theme and feel the effect it has on me, that being wanting to stand on a mountaintop posing like I’m in a Frank Frazetta painting. Seriously, listen to this – the pertinent part starts about 2:25 in, but the whole thing is worth listening to for the buildup. How does that crescendo not stir the blood, to make your hands itch for an absurdly over sized weapon and your body almost involuntarily pose like you’re on the cover of a Manowar album?

OTHER BANDS PLAY. MANOWAR KILL.

But look, no matter how much I may speculate, try to guess plot details and look forward to the film, my brain keeps coming back to one thing, and one thing alone.

Chris Evans with a beard. Daaaaammmmnnnn.

I’d always thought he was a bit too pretty for my tastes (The only permanent residents in my man crush list are Liam Neeson** and Nathan Fillion), but I guess I’ve a new addition. I might be starting to understand what my wife felt at that first image of Chris Hemsworth, shirt all damp, arms straining to lift Mjolnir. Ahem. I think I’ve said enough for the time being.

Avengers-Infinity-War-Captain-America-Leads-the-Charge
Just keep running towards me, it’s OK…

Be seeing you…

*Not being allowed to see Masters of the Universe at age 7 doesn’t count. Besides, the films far, far funnier watching as an adult.
**The bit in Rob Roy when he comes out of the lake and wraps his kilt around his waist just in time, I don’t care what side your bread’s buttered on – WOOF.

So. The Last Jedi.

NOTE: I’ve tried to keep it as spoiler free as possible, but you’ve been warned.

I laughed.
I cried.
Grins that split my face wide open, and sorrow that shook me to my core.
There were moments that made my heart skip, and threatened to drown it in despair.
Well paced, and yet seeming 20 minutes too long. Though I’m not sure if that’s me or my bladder talking.
An endless string of peril, worthy of Flash Gordon, where there’s barely time to breathe before danger rears it’s ugly head again.
More questions asked, and precious few answered. Speculation, confirmation and deliberation.
It’s trying to escape the shadow of Empire, and doesn’t quite manage it, but still stands on it’s own.
New characters appear and vanish, with barely a beat skipped.
I don’t know how to feel about it. There wasn’t the elation of New Hope, or the “What the fuck have I just seen?”of Attack of the Clones. I badly want to take Niece, Age 9 and Godson, Age 8, but I’m also dreading the questions I get.

I’m not sure. I’ll need to see it again, maybe more than once to properly state how I feel. Rest assured, when my wife and I get to see it together, I’ll still be as excited.

Malcolm. sigh

So, when asked about the late, great, Malcolm Young this week, our (current) Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull was unable to name a single AC/DC song. I, like a lot of the Australian part of the internet, got very angry and mocking about this. Given a few days to think about it, I’ve calmed down somewhat, but felt like writing something to properly enunciate my feelings on the matter.

It could be said to be some vestige of my working class eat the rich nature showing through, but it felt… insulting. It’s probably just a PM more into Mahler than Motorhead, or him simply being badly briefed by an advisor, but it feels more, like something resembling disrespect. You claim to represent Australia, but yet can’t name a song from one of our biggest exports? A near institution in this country, a story of working class migrant kids made good (Potentially not popular in the current climate). They’ve been around for more than 40 years, and while you could say they’ve been making the same album every few years, it’s a good one. 🙂

I’m Marxist and proud – Groucho that is!

For all his man of the people, leather jacket on Q&A, ‘Look I ride trains like regular mortals’ image, I can’t imagine Turnbull breaking out the air guitar to the opening of Riff Raff, or getting romantic to the Barry White eat your heart out groove of Let Me Put My Love Into You and that’s possibly a good thing. I think far too much gets put into the ‘I want a PM I can have a beer with’ school of thought and that’s not what I want in a PM. I’m happy with that in a local minister (I’d be happy with anyone with a less punchable face than my current state representative – JUST LOOK AT HIM), but I want a PM who’s studied, calm in a crisis and is busy trying to get Australia to a better place rather than getting shit-faced with Stevo down at the local. Also, a less terrible immigration policy would be fucking lovely. Can you hear me Peter Dutton you heartless cunt?

Ahem. Back to Acca Dacca. First hearing that band was a watershed moment in my life – I was listening to music by that stage and had developed a taste for guitars (I maintain a great love of the opening riff of Dire Straits Money for Nothing, something for which I feel exactly zero shame), but this was something else. I can still remember the feeling of excitement at hearing them play that first song- Who Made Who to be exact, at that riff and the wonders it evoked. I had no conception that music like this even existed. It stirred something in my tiny and barely formed mind, much like my first sight of Robin Wright in The Princess Bride around the same time, that said “This thing, you like this. You’re too young to fully understand why, and that’s OK, but you won’t forget this.” And I haven’t.

You see, rock and roll means something to me. As in, it’s one of the things that get’s me up in the morning, something that courses through my veins like wildfire and reminds me that I’m alive. If not for it, I may well not be here. I know I certainly wouldn’t be the person I am if not for it. Asking am I into rock and roll is like asking is the Pope Catholic? The answer to both is ‘Yes’, but it doesn’t quite get across the seriousness of the devotion. Some find inner peace in the smile of a child, the beauty of a mountain landscape, or a wonderful piece of wordplay. Me? I find what comes closest to inner peace when Dave Murray, Adrian Smith and Janick Gers are plugged into a wall of Marshall stacks.

Musics power to inspire, shatter and move continues to amaze me – if you can listen to the Sunnyboys Alone With You and not have your heart break every time, well you’re stronger than I am. If I only give one thing to any children of mine, I’d want it to be a love of music. I like to think I could deal with a sporty child, one who looked upon my love of Doctor Who with scorn and who didn’t know when to reverse the polarity*, but if they didn’t appreciate the beauty of a well timed power chord at air raid siren volume, well, you know the old joke about spending your kids inheritances…

Malcolm Young – 1953 – 2017. Rock in Peace.

* WHENEVER YOU DAMN WELL CAN.

Decent into the Maelstrom

The shadow of Radio Birdman looms large over my music collection. Whilst my first great love was, and still is to an extent, heavy metal, the high powered Detroit influenced rock and roll they play had a massive influence on me. It was about 2 minutes into the first song I heard of theirs when I knew I was hooked and it’s a passion that still burns brightly, almost *cough* years on. So when I heard a documentary on the band was incoming, I was a little nervous. Would it be like End of the Century, that showed the Ramones as artistically gifted but miserable gits, or more like Gimme Danger, which was a very well made but somewhat toothless love letter to the Stooges?

Rest easy – they’ve done themselves proud. As director Jonathan Sequeira commented at the Q&A tonight (attended by band members Pip Hoyle and Deniz Tek), they cut out anyone talking about the music, and just let it play. Wise move that. I could rhapsodise about the quality of the performances for hours, and will do if you’re unlucky enough to ask me about it in the flesh, but you don’t need that – just listen to the music. The opening drums of Descent into the Maelstrom still thunder away, What Gives rips away like a chainsaw and the opening of Do the Pop can blast roofs off, as I can testify to the last time I saw the band, at the Gaelic in Sydney. They walked on stage, singer Rob Younger mumbled a hello or two, then screamed “12341234!” and everything exploded. And that was the opening number.

It’s a well made tale, with a god mix of new and vintage footage and pictures, with any gaps illustrated by bassist Warwick Gilbert. What get’s the most respect from me is that everyone is allowed to tell their story – it’s real warts and all stuff. Nothing’s off the table as regards inter band feuds and bitterness, a welcome contrast to some band docos I’ve seen in the past. Guitarist Chris Masuak reading his termination email and drummer Ron Keeley recalling his sacking hit hard and rightly so. But at the same time, it’s balanced by frequent hilarity, such as the story of a certain person on the Big Day Out 96 who needed a doctor, or the story of the live brain surgery gig, prompting Younger to quip to the effect of ‘If you can clear a room of fans you must be doing something right.’

What really shines through is the sense of just how much they loved their music, and the fierce determination to do their own thing, in the face of a music industry that despised them (Tek was once accused of facist sympathies by Red Symons, something that’s only gotten funnier given a recent radio interview of Symons.), and in doing so helped create a scene that exists to this day, influencing dozens, if not hundreds of bands worldwide. They’re Radio Birdman, and long may they rock. If you can see it in cinemas, then do so, it sounds amazing. If you can’t, then no matter where you are play it loud. Such amazing music deserves nothing less. Book em Danno, 5 out of 5.

(I do have one small regret, and that’s not working up the guts to ask what the hell Man with Golden Helmet is about – it’s been more years than I care to think about and I still can’t make head nor tail of the lyrics. Great piano work though.)

But do Dead Men Make More Sequels?

So, a fifth Pirates of the Carribbean film. Once again the Disney company have dragged a hungover Johnny Depp out of bed, dressed and put him on set and let him loose. Is it worth it?

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Well, sort of… They did keep that lovely main theme, so that’s something. It tries, it really tries to recapture the sense of adventure that made the original film so much fun, and manages some wonderful moments, but doesn’t quite get over the line. Given the time between films 4 and 5 and the well documented issues during shooting (Barnaby…) that’s not really a surprise.

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For starters, we don’t get enough time with the new leads to really care about them, what with one of them being a cut rate Orlando Bloom and the other constantly being chased for witchcraft (In character that is), an element which seemed somewhat out of place for the time period. It reminded me a little of the way science and faith were treated in Jon Pertwee era Doctor Who, but that’s a discussion for another time. I guess some setup to the Carribbean witch trials would have been nice to help set the scene, but that might have meant cutting Depp, and I’m guessing they don’t want to anger their golden goose by limiting his screen time. (Me? I’d have cut it and blamed the Australian Government)

politics

Mercifully it’s closer to 2 hours in length than 3, which is a welcome relief given how numb my arse was getting halfway through the third film. I’d comment on the fourth, but I genuinely don’t remember enough about it to comment. As for the rest of the cast, a mostly CG Javier Bardem does a fine job (I kept thinking of him as his character from Skyfall), chewing at as much scenery as he can get his hands on, which isn’t much after Depp and Geoffrey Rush are done with it. On the bright side, there’s a small appearance from [NOT REALLY A SPOILER BUT I’M STILL KEEPING IT SECRET SQUIRREL] and one of the villains turned out to be [LOUD SQUEAL OF JOY FROM MY WIFE], which was lovely as I didn’t know they were in the film at all.

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Maybe there were a lot of deleted scenes, or maybe they tried from the outset to make the film shorter,* the stories that came from set don’t make it sound like a functional production. How much of that is down to Depp (Or his dogs) I’m not sure and am trying not to guess at, but I’m pretty sure there’s a far better film lurking in there. (I’m an optimist that way) It could be we’re blase about the supernatural elements, as opposed to the surprise they were in the first film, but the seeming need to go bigger and bigger with each film just hasn’t paid off. For an example; there’s a fight scene near the end that should be amazing (I can see how I’d run it in an RPG), but it swiftly become’s little more than Depp jumping around on a green screen, and while that’s not wholly unwelcome, it get’s old.

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Also, in barely related news, for a film that seems to be trying to wrap up the series, the after credits scene annoyingly hints at further films, and is in no way up to the Marvel standard. Maybe it’s finally time to sink the franchise down to Davey Jones?

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I give it 3 raised cutlasses out of 5.

PS: I also discovered I know someone who doesn’t know who Errol Flynn is. A double bill of Captain Blood and The Adventures of Robin Hood is in her future. 🙂

*An approach Peter Jackson could do well to remember.