The Man of Peel is back!

Welcome again dear readers!

We start this week with utterly amazing life changing world shattering news, the sort of thing that’s accompanied by screams of joy and more pyro than a Kiss gig. Am I exaggerating? Maybe…

First off, Pixar have confirmed they’re working on a sequel to The Incredibles. That’s right, the Parr family is coming back to screens. Now, they’ve also announced a third Cars film, but if that’s the price we have to pay, then I’ll gladly pay it. Now, while The Incredibles doesn’t need a sequel, that doesn’t mean I’m not absurdly excited to get one. Brad Bird has said numerous times he’d love to do another one, but it waiting for the right story. Could this mean they have found that?

The second piece of news? There’s going to be a Bananaman movie. Yes, Britain’s greatest superhero is getting his own movie! It’s still early days with the films website containing an orchestral version of the show theme (Which I’ve had stuck in my head ever since) and a hashtag, #peelthepower. I’m utterly incapable of being in any way objective or critical about this and I nearly screamed with joy when I first saw the news. The only sticking point for me is the cast, which hasn’t been announced yet. If it’s not the Goodies doing the voices, then it’s not Bananaman.

It’s like I’m 7 years old again…

Now, a quick word to the creative teams of both films, since I’m sure they’re reading this. I ask, nay, I demand, DON’T SCREW THIS UP. Cause if you do, there will be nowhere on this or any other Earth you can hide. I’ll chase you ’round the moons of Nibia and ’round the Antares Maelstrom and ’round Perdition’s flames before I give you up…

*Ahem*

OK, that was a bit over the top. I’m actually only likely to write a snarky blog post or two, but I wanted to properly convey my feelings on this. Yes, it’s a silly cartoon, but it’s a big part of my childhood and I’ve had enough of those stomped on in recent years.

In further movies news, a fifth Pirates film hasn’t been confirmed, Ghostbusters 3 is still set to start next year and the script for the next Tintin film has been finished. George RR Martin has been having discussions about a Game of Thrones movie, presumably as a wrap up of the series. The trend of turning 80s cartoons into movies has continued with the announcement of a Jem and the Holograms movie, complete with one of the worst press release lines I’ve ever heard. If you can make it through the line According to the producers, Jem is being reimagined “for a whole new generation with themes of being true to who you are in a multitasking, hyperlinked social media age” without wanting to smash your head against something, you’re better than I am. What is that even supposed to mean anyway? Role-players of a certain age will recognise Dark Dungeons, the infamous anti Dungeons and Dragons tract by Jack Chick. Well, a movie version is on the way and it has Chick’s approval. Do you think he realises they’ll be taking the piss?

It’ll soon be time to return to a galaxy far, far away, with shooting on Star Wars Episode 7 to begin in May. Little is known about the films, other than it’ll be set 30 years after Return of the Jedi and R2-D2 and C3PO will be returning. It’s expected that Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford are also returning, but how much screen time they’ll get is unknown.

Yeah, I can’t argue with that.

Meanwhile, Baron Administrator of Cloud City and professional cape wearer Lando Calrissian, or as he’s otherwise known, Billy Dee Williams, has been on the American Dancing with the Stars and while I don’t think much of his dancing, he is 76 years old. There’s also an interesting rumour that casting is underway for a Star Wars live action series and possible a mini-series. I’m waiting till I see something official before I start getting worked up.

Turning to all things Marvel and DC, we have a collection of all the Avengers: Age of Ultron material from the promo special Assembling the Universe, which was mostly concept art, as I assume you can wait a couple of weeks and restrain yourself from watching the first 10 minutes of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which also went to air. I couldn’t…) Marvel boss Kevin Feige has said they could start releasing more movies per years, which increases the chance of them finally making a female led movie. Do you really want to lose that title to DC? Speaking of DC, some enterprising snoops have a series of photos from the shooting of Gotham, with good looks at James Gordon and Oswald Cobblepot, AKA the Penguin. A promotional picture of actor Donal Logue as Detective Harvey Bullock has also been released, with the show’s logo and synopsis also revealed recently.

It could be a case of out with the old and in with the old for X:Men: Days of Future Past, with word that Halle Berry might have been cut from the film, but another original mutant is getting a cameo. Berry’s part in the film was said to be small, but it seems the closer we get the longer the Deleted Scenes section on the DVD will be. Release dates have been announced for a collection of genre films, including Wolverine 2 (Which James Mangold will be directing after X:Men: Apocalypse, which we’ve heard will be set in the 1980’s), a mystery Marvel film and a sequel to the Fantastic Four reboot, the first film of which hasn’t started shooting yet. Said film might also be in some trouble if rumours are to be believed, which are that Fox wants a new script, director and cast. They’ve been hotly denied by the studio, but no smoke without fire eh?

The last person not to heat Hugh Jackman’s bath water hasn’t been seen since.

Leaving the big screen we turn out attention to the idiot box, with word that the fourth season of American Horror Story will be set in a carnival, the TV adaption of comic series Powers is moving to the Play Station on demand service and Patton Oswalt will be appearing in Agents of SHIELD, where he’ll be playing a former Howling Commando.

Another classic series monster may be returning to Doctor Who, the push to get the show an official Lego set has continued and Seventh Doctor Sylvester McCoy will be guest starring in Inspector Chronicles, joining, among others, Robert Picardo, Chase Masterson and Mayim Bialik. The web show is based on Inspector Spacetime, the Doctor Who parody from the show Community. Instead of a second season, the series is asking for donations to fund a feature film, to be titled (Deep breath here) The Inspector Chronicles: Untitled Motion Picture About A Space Traveler Who Can Also Travel Through Time. Bit of a mouthful that…

We have what is apparently the final trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2, which should mean there’s at least 10 seconds of the film that hasn’t been in a trailer at this point. We also have trailers for The Maze Runner, which if I was to be overly catty would say was a Hunger Games knock off, but with a twist – it stars a boy!, and new trailers for Malificent and the Godzilla reboot.

The world of Warhammer 40,000 is coming to mobile games, with a video game starring Inquisitor Gregor Eisenhorn and based on the novel Xenos, while Jane Badler (Best known for eating a rat in V) will be co-starring in Night Terrace, the audio series from the people behind the Doctor Who podcast Splendid Chaps.

Nobody expects the Imperial Inquisition!

We end this week with a very strange piece of news: an edited, family friendly version of The Walking Dead will be airing on a Fox Channel in the US. Going by stereotypical US conservatism, that should mean each episode is about 30 seconds long, including commercials. A family friendly Walking Dead, that’s like Danger Mouse without puns, or heavy metal music without Satan – it exists yes, but there’s not really much point to it is there?

Quote of the Week:

Ace: What’s down there?

Warmsly: Don’t ask me. I’ve only been excavating this site for ten years.

Doctor: With any luck, a tunnel.

Ace: A dark mysterious one?

Doctor: Probably.

Ace: Leading to unknown dangers?

Doctor: Indubitably.

Ace: Oh, wicked.

Doctor Who – Battlefield

Cheers,

Gavin

Spaceships? Really? Wow, that takes me back…

Welcome back readers!

There’s been some surprising events in nerddom the last week or so, so I’m going to tell you all about it! You remember, the reason why I actually set this blog up. Surely you haven’t forgotten?

We start this week with something thought impossible – SyFy USA are apparently making space opera again! Yes, they’ve been promising that since the 2009 rebranding to SyFy (I still can’t type that without feeling unclean), but they’re giving it another go. The first show announced is the mini-series Ascension, about a murder on a colony ship that left Earth during the Cold War and which was described as ‘part Battlestar, part Downtown Abbey’, which is a description that made me want to vomit a little. They’ve also announced there’ll be less of their infamous B-movies and they want to make more mini-series, both things I support and which almost make’s up for them cancelling Being Human. Now, if they could only cut back on the ghost hunting shows…

Less of this will be lovely.

The Big Bang Theory has been renewed for three more seasons, which I’m sure will make some people happy. I am not one of those people. We have a good look at the new costume for the Arrow spin off The Flash and some on-set footage from the pilot. For those who missed it, John Wesley Shipp (Who played the Flash in the 1990’s series) will also be appearing in the show, though whether it’s a recurring role is as yet -unknown. The real question is whether you could get Mark Hamill to reprise his role as the Trickster…

We have a list of actors said to be in line for the main part in Star Wars Episode 7 and Dave Filoni released the last batch of concept art from The Clone Wars, whose cancellation continues to annoy me. Marvel have been having meetings with Lucasfilm, presumably about the having taking over the comics license while Ron Moore has said he lost arguments to George Lucas during the initial planning of the live action Star Wars series. If you’re going to lose an argument about Star Wars to some one, Lucas isn’t a bad person to lose to, unless that argument concerns Midichlorians or Gungans.

You know it does explain an awful lot…

Adrian Pasdar will be appearing on Agents of SHIELD, playing Glenn Talbot, who’s day job in the comics was trying to find the Hulk (And you thought you had bad days…) and the first picture from the Constantine series gives me hope. Really, just add a cigarette and you could have John Constantine. We also have a list of the people who could be directing Doctor Strange and some possible details on the Agent Carter series. The idea of short seasons with a self contained arc really appeals to me, but that could be the British television I grew up on.

There’s a list of candidates to play Victor Von Doom in the Fantastic Four reboot, which didn’t cause as much of a fuss as the casting of the Four themselves did. So, Johnny Storm’s being played by a black guy and a skinny Englishman is The Thing? Well, it can’t be as big a piece of miscasting as Jessica Alba as Sue Storm, so that’s something. And look on the bright side, it could cause another hilarious kerfuffle like when Idris Elba was cast as Heimdall in Thor. It’s probably a sign of something wrong with me, but I find racists screaming about how they’re being oppressed as beautiful a sound as a purring cat or the hum of a lightsaber.

Or they could just release this one…

In further conservative wackiness, a pair of right wing radio hosts in the US have slammed Frozen, accusing it of pushing, and I quote, a homosexual agenda and a pro-bestiality message. Sure, they haven’t actually seen the film yet, but why let a little thing like that stop them?

Chris Evans will be seeing out his 6 film contract to play Captain America (While Sebastian Stan has a 9 film contract, only equalled by Samuel L Jackson), we’ve a new clip from The Winter Soldier and a look at the Falcon, played by Anthony Mackie. The Russo brothers will be directing Captain America 3, which was due to be released the same day as Batman vs Superman, which was subsequently moved up a week. Your move Marvel, your move…

A pair of new recurring characters have been announced for the next season of Doctor Who. Firstly, there’s the mysterious Ms Delphox, played by Keeley Hawes (Ashes to Ashes) and Danny Pink, who works at Coal Hill School where Clara teaches, a school that long term Who nerds should recognise … (Is anyone taking bets on Ms Delphox being the Rani yet?) Meanwhile, 7^th Doctor Sylvester McCoy has let slip that a certain character is set to return this year, which if the rumoured casting is true makes me very, very happy.

You can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies.

JK Simmons (Better known as J Jonah Jameson in the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man movies) has joined the cast of Terminator: Genesis and Something Wicked this Way Comes (Based off the Ray Bradbury story) is being remade. The wonderful people behind the Doctor Who podcast Splendid Chaps are working on a new audio series Night Terrace, about a house travelling through time and space, which will star Jackie Woodburn from Neighbours. The team have launched a Kickstarter and are, at the time of writing, almost halfway funded.

Helena Bonham Carter will be returning for the Alice in Wonderland sequel and Rooney Mara (The American version of Girl in the Dragon Tattoo) will be playing Tiger Liley in Pan, the prequel to Peter Pan that has Hugh Jackman as Blackbeard. Abruptly switching topics to the ‘things I really wish we didn’t need’ section, the folks at Oni Press have come up with a series of convention harassment penalty cards. Because, sadly, kicking people in the junk is against convention rules.

We end this week with something mighty strange, yes even stranger than the Game of Thrones rap album. (Which, in it’s defence, is free) It’s a pair of cakes, which may not sound strange, but the first one is Dark Crystal themed and the second a cake version of the split face monster from John Carpenter’s The Thing. If someone presented me with a cake like that, I wouldn’t be getting ready to cut it, I’d be too busy RUNNING SCREAMING LIKE ALL SENSIBLE PEOPLE.

Quote of the Week:

Anakin Skywalker: I hitched a ride on a cargo freighter.

Padmé Amidala: What happened to your military transport?

Anakin Skywalker: Eh… it blew up.

The Clone Wars – Senate Spy

Trailers, trailers, trailers!

Bit of a change in the format this week, as instead of a general news update, we’re taking a more in-depth look at some of the trailers released in the last couple of weeks.

First cab off the rank, Transformers: Age of Extinction. Now, despite all evidence to the contrary (AKA, his entire career), I believe Michael Bay could make a good movie. It’s unlikely I grant you, but I’ve long been a sucker for a lost cause. Judging from what I’ve seen, this won’t be it. The trailer gives us a good dose of the Bay trademarks – shaky camera work so as to almost make you vomit, explosions masquerading as plot development, quick cuts so as to make what’s happening nearly incomprehensible and a base level of “AMERICA FUCKYEAH!” well above the recommended healthy level. Mercifully, we’re spared Shia LeBeouf in this one, who’s currently busy having a public meltdown. Seriously, I hope the guy is either A: Trying a Joquain Phoenix-esque fake out, or B: get’s help. Moving on…

What we think happened: after the events of Chicago in Dark of the Moon (Which I still don’t fully understand, as I was fast forwarding between the parts with giant robots – it made for a far better, though more confusing film) public sentiment has turned against the Transformers, leading to the US military they once worked with to hunt them down. Mark Wahlberg unwittingly buys a deactivated and shot up Optimus Prime (Now back in his old-school truck cab mode), which results in the Men in Black coming to take him. There follows explosions, screaming and a ‘Don’t mess with Texas’ reference.

Seriously, how hard is this to screw up?

There’s one word for what I’m hoping to see in the franchise and we finally get it: Dinobots. Mind you, out of the 5, we get a brief shot of Grimlock in T-Rex mode and what appears to be Swoop. I saw appears to be, because Swoop was a Pteranadon, not a Hydra/Insert two headed winged beast I’ve forgotten the name of. Congratulations Michael Bay, you’ve screwed up again. You’ve taken an idea as pure and elemental as giant robot dinosaurs and managed to make me angry about it. Congratufuckinglations.

Next up, the Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller helmed Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, the long in development sequel/prequel to the 2005 film. Has it really been that long? Well, Rodriquez was busy announcing projects that were never made while Miller was writing Holy Terror, a graphic novel that began life as ‘Batman beats up Al-Qaeda,’ so some delays were inevitable.

If you’ve seen the first film, you know what to expect. If you didn’t, I’ll sum it up for you: sex, more sex, a little violence, and some sex, with a hard boiled narration stuck over the top. If you enjoyed the first, the second should have more of the same. Eva Green as the dame of the title is a good choice, she’s a fine actress and should be able to chew the scenery with the rest of the cast. Most of the cast from the first film are returning, with Bruce Willis and Mickey Rourke the most prominent. (Yes, they died in the first film, but the timeline of the stories jumps around.) All in all, it’s exactly what I’d expected.

Oh Frank Miller, PLEASE CHANGE. Please?

Briefly turning to games, the trailer for the latest Batman game, Batman: Arkham Knight, has leaked. I have to wonder, with the way that Gotham is presented in the games, is anyone but Batman and criminals left? I get that it’s a terrible place, but it comes across as more war zone less crime riddled city. Either way, it looks like we’ll get the chance to drive the Batmobile, which means there’s a chance that someone will mod the Adam West Batmobile into the game, which will be GLORIOUS.

Then we have the latest trailer for Godzilla and after watching that, we’re contractually obligated to say the following: History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man… Bryan Cranston is shouting, Ken Watanabe is doing that thing he does with his voice that makes me want to listen to him read a phonebook and the Big G (No, not Galactus) is a figure of fear and terror again. It’s sure looking like the Godzilla film we hoped for in 1998, but didn’t get.

Moving on, we have the latest preview for Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which is almost 3 minutes from the film’s opening sequence and some new footage. It’s nothing major, but I love the banter between Cap and the Black Widow – it’s running at an almost Joss Whedon level. Oh, and $5 say’s the big SHIELD eagle in the foyer won’t survive till the end.

Lastly, we have the first trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy, which is well, different. A rag tag group of misfits (Who comprise a human everyone thinks is mad, a green skinned woman and heavily muscled man and the duo of a talking raccoon and his best friend who’s a tree) out to save the galaxy from… something? I’m in. It does seem to be pitched more as a comedy than previous Marvel films, but I’d say it’s about time. It’s also about time for a female led superhero movie (Yes, you can mention Catwoman or Elektra, but I want a good female led movie), but that’s a rant for another time. I can’t say I’m a fan of Bradley Cooper as Rocket Raccoon (There’s a preview of his voice here) but Vin Diesel as Groot is a fantastic idea. (Especially if it’s anything like his last voice acting gig…) Oh and yes, the bald woman with the knives? Yes, that is Karen Gillan.

Come along Pond.

So what does all this mean? It means I’m going to be spending a lot of time in cinema’s this year and hopefully not coming out of them screaming in nerdrage. Your thoughts readers?

SOUNDWAVE 2014 – AN UNBIASED LOOK BACK

And so it was that I journeyed to Perth for the final Soundwave festival of 2014 and possibly the final Soundwave in Perth ever. Here follows a review of sorts of the day.

First off, heavy metal fans are lovely. Seriously, they may not look it, but I’ve not met a friendlier bunch. Happy to spend time in food queues chatting, several were very complimentary towards my kilt and I wasn’t the only one wearing one! Sadly I didn’t think to get a photo with him, nor of the woman with the Game of Thrones/Ramones mash-up shirt. One bone to pick though, many attendees seemed to think that taking rubbish to bins was as exhausting as climbing Everest, given the vast amounts of garbage strewn about the venue. Whoever was set up to clean the venue afterwards, you have my sympathies and respect. You deserved to be paid far more than whatever you got.

Secondly, as comfortable as a kilt is, a sporran isn’t exactly made for moshing. It holds a wallet and keys securely, but it’s about crotch height and bounces about a bit, so yeah… Not painful, but definitely noticeable. That and the tassels on mine sounded like a bad horse trotting sound effect. It was like doing a radio play, but instead of a pair of coconut halves all they had was a Scotsman. Moving on…

The writer post show.

There was also one mother of a line to get in, which stretched for at least a kilometre around the venue. So, while it took almost half an hour to get in, I did get to hear snippets of Amon Amarth and the Porkers’ sets while slowly winding my way around the block. After an amusing moment when security started to ask to check my pockets and discovered I didn’t have any, I headed straight for the Porkers. Sadly (or thankfully) they were minus their infamous mascot the Porkman, best known for drenching himself in VB and going crowd surfing. Still, for first cab off the rank (A bloody horrible position for any band to be in), they did well.

Fun Fact: I touched the Porkman once during a crowd surf many years ago. I washed my hand.

They were just as I remember them, playing songs about beer, psychotic girlfriends, beer, going out and drinking and beer. There may also have been a song about beer… Full points for keeping the crowd going, given though, as singer Pete Porker mock complained, most of them were waiting for the following band. They ended with an announcement that as their festival was over, they’d be sidestage if anyone wanted to sell them drugs. C’mon guys, it wasn’t even noon.

Then it was time for more water before Nancy Vandal, who were as gloriously stupid as I remember. Highlights included the debut of the bonerphone, a combination dildo and musical instrument and singer Fox Trotsky’s observation that “Every time I yell thankyou the audience feels it needs to clap, good work.” The set featured such NV ‘classics’ as There’s no I in Rock, Piss on my Weetbix (Introduced as ‘another of their food songs’), Frenzal Rhomb were better when Ben was in the band, Death Metal Song (aka SATAN IS TOPS!) and When I Squeeze my Nose I sound like Axl Rose, which prompted Trotsky to bring out some ”stadium rock pyrotechnics straight from Paul Stanley’s collection”, which turned out to be 3 sparklers duct taped to his guitar and which proved almost impossible to light. They ended with ‘Move Over Satan’ and brought a much needed sense of humour to the day.

Stadium rock silliness at it’s finest

After a bit of wandering through the merch stands (Which had not a single Skindred shirt to be found, a point I’ll come to), it was time for Testament, who didn’t disappoint at all. Chuck Billy’s roaring announced their arrival and the band was in fine form. It doesn’t get much better than seeing Into the Pit live, does it? Their set culminated with Billy urging the crowd into a Wall of Death, which is basically splitting the audience down the middle and having them smash into at each other full speed, like two very hairy phalanxes. I have this little thing called ‘low tolerance for pain’, so I was happy to escape it. Even more so, when waiting in the food queue afterwards I was told a guy had fallen out of it and immediately vomited. Charming.

Alex Skolnick and Chuck Billy trading riffs

The break between the bands was spent in the food queue, then it was time for GWAR, whose set was interrupted by the arrival of PM Tony Abbott demanding it be shut down. I don’t know how many in the crowd got singer Oderus Unrungus’ roar of ‘You’re nothing without Costello’ before Abbott was decapitated, but I did. Sadly I was well up the back and really, without being able to see them there’s not much point of seeing them live, which also meant I missed them mutilate Queen Elizabeth. They hadn’t run out of stage blood though, drenching the first several rows, which made it very obvious those who’d been in the crowd and I’m sure caused a lot of confusion for the first aid crew.

More wandering resulted in catching the last chunk of Filter’s set and I was lucky enough to hear all 3 of their songs that I know (Trip like I Do, Take a Picture and Hey Man, Nice Shot). So, yay me! I also hadn’t planned on catching the last chunk of Pennywise, but what I did get was a few songs and a meandering discussion of some cops the band they been drinking with (And who apparently do cocaine, though that was quickly denied).The older I get the funnier I find ‘society is trying to bring us down’ songs, but I can’t deny the emotion behind Bro Hymn, dedicated to several late friends of the band.

I was feeling kind of rubbish at this point, which could be been the heat, or the thing I’d eaten that sort of resembled a hot dog. Skindred fixed all that, with an explosive and downright awesome set. Hitting the stage to a funked up Imperial March, they proceeded be the band of the day. Singer Benji Webbe, of the ever changing sunglasses, was in fine form encouraging, nay DEMANDING, that the crowd get up and dance. Yes, at times it was more abusive than encouraging (He really didn’t like the left section of the audience), but it got a response, so who am I to argue? We also got a plea to support live music and buy a t-shirt, which I would have done had any been available. Their set ended with the now traditional ‘Newport Helicopter’, which had everyone in the crowd removing a piece of clothing and swinging it about like loons. Oh, and there was a cheeky burst of Carly Simon’s Nobody Does it Better as they left the stage. Gotta love a healthy ego.

Benji says jump, YOU JUMP.

Rocket from the Crypt were next door and while I hadn’t planned on watching them, I’m a sucker for a band in matching stage gear. They did their thing with class, their singer remarking that “It’s an honour to play so close to the toilets” and that he didn’t know any of the other guys names, as they’d answered his Craiglist ad. Good fun.

The it was time for the mass exodus to see Rob Zombie, who’s stage was decorated with massive posters of vintage horror films, a huge King Kong looming over it. A hint Rob: don’t start bitching that your hotel room was bigger than the stage space after your first song. A couple more songs of his and that was it for me, as I wanted to beat the crowds leaving. Yes, I’m old and have a low tolerance for crowds of drunks.

In round up, I present the following:

Was it a good day? Hell yes.

Should I get a better camera? Most certainly.

Do I still prefer smaller gigs? Very much so.

Would I recommend it? Yep, it was a great experience. I’m not in a rush to go back, but I still had a lot of fun.

An open letter to the Bugle podcast

(The following is a transcript of an email sent to The Bugle podcast)

Hello Andy, Chris and John (In alphabetical order),

I write to you on behalf of all Australia in a time of desperate need. You see, we need your help, much like Princess Leia needed the help of Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars. Yes, I know we’ve had our differences, what with our stealing Tom and certain diplomatic incidents, but I’m prepared to put all that behind us if you can help us.

You see, our current Prime Minister, Tony Abbott (The man who described the Syrian conflict as baddies vs baddies) has been something of a grade-A arsehole. His recent statements have included saying he wouldn’t support the creation of new national parks, claiming the national broadcaster wasn’t on Australia’s side, trying to discredit asylum seekers and threatened to deport them if they spit, swear or irritate people and claiming that women have smashed the glass ceiling in this country, despite having just one woman in his cabinet. As you can imagine, we’re in serious need of some serious satire, satire of the quality that only your find podcast can provide.

Now, thrash metal band Gwar have been decapitating Abbott on stage during their recent tour, but that’s not enough. Therefore, I beg that you satirise the living shit out of our Prime Minister to the best of your considerable abilities. If you can do this, then I, and all Australian Buglers (By which I mean all Australians past, present and future) will be forever in your debt. This is our most desperate hour. Help us John and Andy, you’re our only hope.

Thank you,

Gavin.