Manimal: The Movie. Really?

We begin this week’s instalment with some unexpected news: Deadpool was arrested Friday morning on a Sydney train. Yes alright, it was actually a guy dressed as Deadpool trying to raise money for charity, but who the hell thinks getting on a peak hour train covered in weapons is a good idea? Well, apart from Deadpool…

In better news, JJ Abrams released another video promoting Star Wars: Force for Change, but all eyes were on what he was standing in front of – an X-Wing starfighter.  Naturally, the internet took to picking at it, querying if it was a Z-95 interceptor (The forerunner to the X-Wing), but it’s been officially confirmed. I might have started shaking with joy, pointed excitedly at the screen and babbled incoherently in shock at the sight of it, but who wouldn’t?

general_lee_x_wing__star_wars___dukes_of_hazzard__by_rabittooth-d4ye8xu And May the Force be with Y’all!

We also some new footage from Star Wars: Rebels – an extended version of the first trailer, one titled A Look Ahead, which is mostly new footage and features a couple of familiar faces along with a new clip that aired during the Comic Con panel. Pretty snazzy looking show, but I still miss Clone Wars. Marvel will be releasing a Princess Leia comic series and Mark Hamill (Who was at the UK premiere of Guardians) is currently sporting an awesome Jedi Master beard. Beards are good.

This weekend is San Diego Comic Con, which promises all manner of awesome goodies. Ben Affleck’s Bat-Cowl is on display and a new picture of him wearing it has been released. I can’t speak for the rest of the outfit, or his performance for that matter, but that’s a mighty Bat-Chin. Oberyn Martell has been busy pouring beers, there’s the first look at Tracey Island from the new series Thunderbirds are Go and in Verse-shattering news, the original cast of Firefly are reuniting for the online game, with Alan Tudyk voicing multiple roles and Michael Fairman playing Niska. Yes, we we’re doing the ‘Please don’t suck’ dance as you read this and No, you can’t have footage of it.

rlqiuzzmqa3ucluvthf5 Yes, that is George RR Martin.

Guillermo Del Toro has a presence, with the interactive game Pacific Rim: Jaeger Pilot and a display of props from his new film Crimson Peak,  Christopher Nolan and Matthew McConaughey showed a new trailer for Interstellar and jack Black popped up to show off the first footage from Goosebumps.

There’s a couple of Avengers: Age of Ultron concept posters, the first trailer for Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham is out and a never shot episode of Batman ’66 is to be adapted in the comic series. The episode itself was by writer and legendary cranky pants Harlan Ellison and is said to introduce Two-Face to the series, with rumours saying the producers wanted Clint Eastwood for the role back in the day. We also have the first look at the Blu-Ray box set of the TV show (Due for release in November) and it’s a thing of wonder and glory. And, it comes with  toy Bat-Mobile!

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If anyone has footage of that, I’ll make it worth your while…

There’s the first teaser for Halo: Nightfall, several new TV series have been announced, the cast and crew of Community have been talking about their resurrection (And giving away free Subway sandwiches) while Benedict Cumberbatch has been trolling people who ask him about Doctor Strange. *whew* All that? That’s just from the first day. Stay tuned next week for even more! Now, we get to all the other news that’s been released this week.

Marvel has announced the release dates for five unnamed films, which has speculators going nuts. It’s expected that one will be Doctor Strange, but all we know so far is that their plan is to release one sequel and one new film per year. (I’m hoping for Squirrel Girl myself) Marvel also announced a third mystery film, set to be released in the slot vacated by Amazing Spider-Man 3, which has been pushed back to 2018, with Sinister Six now set to be released in 2016. Note, despite some rumours, this doesn’t mean it’s a reboot, as some may have suggested, just the last Spidey film only made $700 million, which means of course it was a giant flop. I’ll never understand Hollywood.

It’s been confirmed that Arrow and the Justice League movie won’t be crossing over, though Arrow and The Flash have a crossover episode coming. Two new villains have also been announced for Flash, with Wentworth Miller playing Captain Cold, along with the character Plastique, though we don’t know who’s playing her. We also have the first look at Arrow’s Roy Harper in his new Arsenal costume and it looks good, but why all the laces?

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I enjoy the show, but really, that’s what I’m watching for.

Robert Downey Jr might be up for Iron Man 4, the first poster for Ant-Man has been revealed  and Simon Kinberg is trying to unravel story of the new Fantastic Four movie. Lucy Lawless has joined Agents of SHIELD in an unknown role, while Gotham has announced that Hugo Strange and Harvey Dent will both be appearing (Both roles are uncast at the time of writing) and Dwayne Johnson keeps dropping hints that he’s playing Shazam.

More pictures from Mad Max: Fury Road have emerged, a new adaption of the Arabian Nights tales is on the way and I for one am hoping that this version will have some actual Arabians in it! (Prince of Persia, I’m looking at you…) The long awaited film of Uncharted will be released in June 2016, with it set to start filming early next year. We’ve the first poster for The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies, the fifth Pirates film is set to be released in July 2017, the first picture from ‘video gamers must save the world’ film Pixels has been released, with Peter Dinklage’s mullet the star. Hopefully it’ll be fun, but as it contains Adam Sandler, I won’t be seeing it.

Uncharted-2-wallpaperJust cast Nathan Fillion or Joe Flanigan, please?

In big TV news, Microsoft closed Xbox Entertainment, which means projects such as the planned reboot of Blake’s 7 are now cancelled. That could be a good thing though – there’s a few shows that should never be rebooted (Red Dwarf, Babylon 5) and Blake’s is one of them. Sadly this also means the planned Deadlands series is gone – I was really looking forward to that. Moving on, Orphan Black is getting a tie-on comic series, Anthony Hopkins has signed on to HBO’s Westworld, and the 200th episode of Supernatural will be a musical. Joseph Fiennes will be playing the title role in Nostradamus, there’s some casting news for the upcoming SyFy series Killjoys and fear not fans, Legend of Korra hasn’t been cancelled, it’s just moving online. It’s expected more news will be released at Comic Con – watch this space!

From the ‘You’re joking, right?’ department comes word that Will Ferrel will be producing a film version of Manimal, the short lived early 80’s show about a man who fights crime using the power to transform into different animals. It’s hopefully third time lucky for Painkiller Jane, with another attempt at bringing the character to the screen, following a TV movie and a short-lived SyFy series, Roberto Orci has told Power Rangers fans not to worry  and that he won’t ruin their franchise. There’s the first look at Neil Blomkamp‘s next film, Chappie, Vin Diesel has confirmed both a third XXX film and the long awaited Kojak movie and in really bad news, Tremors is getting a reboot.

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Almost every time I’ve worn a kilt, someone has tried that.

Neil Gaiman’s Fragile Things is becoming an off Broadway play, there’s the first look at Elsa in Once Upon a Time and Chris Carter has been talking with Fox about a reboot of The X Files. A new promo picture for Doctor Who has been released and it’s both spoilery and paying homage to a famous moment in the classic series, Steven Moffat still wants Peter Jackson to direct an episode of the show and we have details of the limited edition 50th Anniversary box set. In other news, Peter Capaldi’s first adventure will be getting a limited cinema release, though at the time of writing we’ve no idea about Australian screenings.

There’s trailers for the comedy Space Station 76 and documentary The Death of Superman Lives, a brief promo teaser for Guardians of the Galaxy, which has a brief glimpse of Thanos’ throne and Nebula (Karen Gillan) speaking and a new teaser for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which leads me to wonder why is it always hip hop? Can we not have one movie that shows the heroes rocking out to something with guitars? Just once, I’d love to see a fight kick off and something like Toxic Waltz or 2 Minutes to Midnight start up. Is that too much to ask? There’s plenty of geeky metal bands (Blind Guardian wrote an album based around The Silmarillion for crying out loud), so we can’t we metal fans get a bit more love?

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I’m not saying replace Howard Shore, but now that you mention it…

We end this week with the next salvo in the eternal war between Britain and France, with a British inventor building what can best be termed a giant fart machine (AKA a valveless engine), to be set up the cliffs of Dover. The machine itself will be disguised inside a giant pair of trousers and aimed at France.  Apparently, it’s a test to see if it can be heard over the channel, given the stories that First World War artillery fire could be heard from that distance. Or that it’s an incredibly elaborate way of saying that farts are funny, which is the more likely theory.

Quote of the Week:

Felicity: What were you thinking?

Oliver: What?

Felicity: Over 64 million woman over the age of consent in Russia and you sleep with her.

Oliver: So we’re not doing the “What happens in Russia stays in Russia?”

Felicity: We’re still in Russia.

Arrow – Keep your Enemies Closer

Cheers,

Gavin

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GABBA GABBA HEY!

Some have asked after reading my recent piece on the Ramones for more on just why this band means so much to me. Well, be careful what you wish for.

Firstly, I stand by my original recommendation, which is go out, buy the first 4 albums (Ramones, Leave Home, Rocket to Russia, Road to Ruin) and It’s Alive, then take them home and listen to them, preferably at a police attracting volume. But, since you require more than that before committing your hard earned monies (Sensible in this day and age), then HEY! HO! LET’S GO!

To begin, consider the opening lyrics to Rockaway Beach, from the album Rocket to Russia:

Chewing out a rhythm on my bubblegum.

The sun is out and I want some.

It’s not hard, not far to reach,

We can hitch a ride to Rockaway Beach.

What, you mean you aren’t already sold? Tough crowd you are…

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Let’s look at the music then. It’s simple 3 chord rock, with little more than guitars, bass, drums and vocals, played at a speed that may sound tame today, in an era that contains Slayer, but in the mid 70’s was faster than light. Why is this so special? Consider the state of ‘popular’ music. Pro Tools, Auto Tune, an ocean of manufactured pop acts and bands that only exist in the studio (You want to call yourself a musician, you play live) and all those goddamned TV talent shows, stuffed full of people singing the same shitty pop songs and deluded into the belief that they’ll be ‘stars’ for longer than 5 seconds. Yeah, I’m sure they’re lovely people, but I don’t care. It’s that instant stardom mentality that’s destroying music as far as I’m concerned. Anyhow, back to my point. There’s something refreshing about a song that’s nothing more than 3 chords and verse, chorus, verse. Solo’s? Fuck that. Extended instrumental passages? Go away. Virtuosic playing? You must be joking. It’s liberating, inspiring and all those other bullshit motivational words. You didn’t have to sit in your bedroom for fifteen years practising, all you needed was 3 chords and the guts to get onstage and that’s something that’s needed, badly.

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It’s no bullshit music, all killer, no filler and even if there’s a song you don’t like, at the speed they play it’s over before you know it. It’s wasn’t any one person, but a mix of all four of them that made the band what it was. Combine Johnny’s ferocious down strumming (Which was basically all he knew how to do on the guitar), Tommy’s rudimentary drumming (He was set to manage the band, until their lack of suitable drummers put him behind the kit), Dee Dee’s autobiographical song writing (53rd and 3rd wasn’t just a song…) and Joey’s amazing voice (It should be the dictionary definition of teen angst) and everything just worked, like a musical Frankenstein’s monster, or Voltron.

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And they wrote about everything. There were songs about teenage boredom, cretins, loneliness, axe murderers, bizarre family, shock treatment, drugs, violence and other subjects that make for great pop songs. And love. Oh, were there ever love songs… From ‘I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend’ (Fun Fact: that played at my wedding) to ‘She’s a Sensation’, ‘She’s the One’, ‘Oh Oh, I Love Her So’ and ‘I Just Want to Have Something to Do’, which contains possibly the most perfect opening lines in anything*:

Hanging out on Second Avenue,

Eating Chicken Vindaloo.

I just want to be with you,

I just want to have something to do.

But if you really want to know just why I love this band so much, go and listen to Blitzkrieg Bop. That’ll explain it better in 2 minutes than I could given a million years.

*Yes, even Neuromancer.

I’m Thor, but not complaining…

Welcome once again dear readers!

Once again, this week has seen me working on a gaming project. The blurb’s not quite done, but if I had to describe it, I’d say it’s V for Vendetta meets This is Spinal Tap. It’s planned for Sydcon 2014, so keep your eyes peeled, air guitars warmed up and earplugs handy!

The big news this week comes from Marvel Comics, with the announcement (On daytime talk show The View no less) that the new Thor is female. No, it’s not a gender change (Like the time he got turned into a frog), but a female character (As yet known) who’ll be deemed worthy to lift Mjolnir, Thor’s hammer and thus gain his power. It’s a worthy move, but not without some confusing aspects – Thor is a name, not a title that can be passed down. Still, it’s not the first time a female character has been able to lift the hammer, with even Jane Foster doing so in the past. Now, if they can transfer this idea to the Marvel Cinematic Universe when Chris Hemsworth decides to leave, that’d be kind of awesome. (I still want a Black Widow movie though) And, if you’ve got a problem with that, well…

ixa4naow7rbncewyumm7 You think you can take the Q-Unit? BRING IT!

Following on from that, Joe Quesada was on The Colbert Report this week to announce that the new Captain America is Sam Wilson, also known as hero The Falcon, with Colbert putting his hand up for the role, something that Marvel’s artists beat him to. Colbert has also recently been involved with  Star Wars Force for Change, a group raising money for Unicef (And with the chance to win a role in Episode 7) by engaging in a nerd fight with Jon Stewart that has to be seen to be believed. In another piece of glorious super hero news, Adam West will be voicing himself in Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham.

The week’s strangest news is the former dictator of Panama, Manuel Noriega, is suing Activision over his appearance in Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, claiming that Activision used his likeness without permission.  He joins a long list of people who’ve claimed their likeness was used without permission in games, with the likes of Gwen Stefani, Lindsay Lohan and even former US Army General David Petraeus. It must be something in the water – the North Korea government recent complained to the United Nations over the film The Interview, which stars James Franco and Seth Rogen as would be assassin’s tasked by the CIA with eliminating Kim Jong-Un. If you can’t take a bit of harmless fun about the leader of you country being assassinated, you’ve got a pretty thin skin – Cuba was laughing at the CIA’s attempts to bump off Castro for years!

In further bad news for the BBC, prints of the first 6 episodes of the new season of Doctor Who have leaked. As we’re busy trying to avoid spoilers, we aren’t linking to any news articles, so if you want it, you can find it yourselves – I’m not helping. It’s also been reported that BBC Worldwide have apologised to Steven Moffat and the production team, saying that those responsible for the leak have been ‘disciplined’. (Couldn’t they have just said Exterminated?) In better news, the first proper trailer for the next season has been released and is suitably awesome.

No_Spoilers What she said.

Turning to the Avengers, we have the first look at Ultron and wow, he looks mighty good. There’s also some new pictures from filming, which leads me to ask the obvious question: why do they keep putting Scarlett Johansson in those weird back arching poses? None of the guys are in them, so why should they keep doing it to her? (It’s things like that that keep the Hawkeye Initiative in business.) Andy Serkis has denied he’s playing Thanos in the film, while we also have a confirmed date for both the release of Agents of SHIELD S1 on DVD and the start date of S2.

There’s been big changes to Constantine, with word that both Lucy Griffith’s character has been dropped, to be replaced by Angelia Celaya and that Constantine’s bisexuality won’t be an element. I’m not a huge reader of the comic so I can’t comment on how it will affect things, but this strikes me as something that will annoy people. Another piece of casting for Powers has been announced and there’s been more casting news for Daredevil, with Deborah Ann Woll (True Blood) to play Karen Page, Daredevil’s secretary and Peter Shinkoda (Falling Skies) in an unknown role.

We have some new teasers for Gotham and some very interesting news: there was some excitement when the pilot for the show featured a failing stand-up comedian, one of the possible origins of the Joker, as stated in The Killing Joke. The show’s producers came up with a novel way to thwart any speculation – there’ll be a candidate in every episode of the show. That’s a wonderful way to both increase the anticipation and screw with people’s heads to an epic degree, something I’m sure the Joker would support.

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Decisions, decisions…

We finally have the first trailer for Big Hero 6, as well as the voice cast for the film, which looks like a hell of a lot of fun. I haven’t been that interested in an animated film since The Incredibles, which should say something. We also have the first trailers for the films Suburban Gothic, about suburban ghost hunters and Reconstruction of William Zero, about a man trying to reconstruct his memories after an accident. There’s also looks at the horror films Ouija and Annabelle, which is a spin off from The Conjuring.

There’s a clip from the animated film Batman: Assault on Arkham, which is set within the timeline of the Arkham video games and stars Kevin Conroy as Batman (Yay!) and there’s a short preview of a  new Green Arrow short that’ll appear on DC Nation. It took us a while to find a version of the trailer for 12 Monkeys that wasn’t region locked, but it was worth the hunt. On the other hand, all the trailers for American Horror Story: Freakshow that I’ve found are either region locked or marked as private. Harrumph.

Christopher Walken will be playing Captain Hook in a live adaption of Peter Pan, Thomas Jane has been cast in SyFy’s new space opera The Expanse and the trend for reboots of 80’s cartoons has continued, with word that Super-Ted and Rainbow Brite will be returning. Jason Isaacs will be voicing The Inquisitor in Star Wars: Rebels and if anyone is surprised by this casting, please raise your hand. I mean, the man’s got a British accent, he’s in a Star Wars production and isn’t playing Obi-Wan Kenobi. Therefore, bad guy. That’s up there with George Lucas intending Count Dooku being evil to be a surprise –HE’S PLAYED BY CHRISTOPHER LEE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. *Ahem* Sorry about that. Furthermore, Marvel will be releasing all their vintage Star Wars comics to boot, while Seth Rogen has previewed the first song from Preacher.

36296537 Let’s face it, it doesn’t get much more awesome than that.

In a piece of rather odd news, MTV, the channel most known for bizarrely tanned drunken idiots, teenage mothers and NOT PLAYING MUSIC ANYMORE, has given the green light for a Shannara series, based on the book series by Terry Brooks. The first series will be 10 episodes long and adapt the second book in the series, The Elfstones of Shannara. Hey, best of luck to them.

The film Nothing Lasts Forever, starring Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd, has resurfaced. The film was shelved by MGM and never released on video, but has emerged on YouTube. There’s also the first teaser poster for the film Horns, staring Daniel Radcliffe as a man who grow’s a pair of horns from his head, a brochure from Jurassic World has leaked, two of the writers of X:Men: First Class and producer Roberto Orci have joined the Power Rangers movie and Universal are said to be trying to establish a series based around the classic monsters.

With Justice League: Throne of Atlantis confirmed as the next DC animated movie, we’ve a look at the action figure designs and the voice cast, which is a pretty impressive cast – Sam Witwer, Sean Astin and Nathan Fillion appear, among others. Guillermo Del Toro has said that Hellboy 3 isn’t likely to happen  due to a lack of funding, some odd rumours have been emerging from the Fantastic Four reboot, namely that it might not have anything to do with the comics, or possibly not be based on any one story from the comics history. Before you start screaming though, it’s translated from the original Spanish using Google Translate, so it could be anything from the lyrics to Paranoid to the Gettysburg Address.

nathanfillionfireflypanelcomiccon-nsaraj6w01x Well, there goes my heterosexuality… *swoons*

Joss Whedon has been drawing new Firefly and Buffy on his Twitter feed and Bioware have announced a poll about Mass Effect 4, so if you want your voice to be heard get to the website and fill the poll in! We leave you this week, with news that a new Dungeons and Dragons comics series has been announced, starring everyone’s favourite Ranger and Hamster combination, Minsc and Boo! To make the news even sweeter, it’ll be written by Jim Zub, the writer of Skullkickers, a comic you really should be reading.

Quote of the Week:

Protagonist: Ah, I see you still have that… rodent. Dare I ask how you have kept it hidden from our captors?

Minsc: Don’t ask questions better left to aged sages. Boo is so quick and evasive and there is ever so much of Minsc to search, there is no hope of getting us apart!

Imoen: Eww, I… really don’t want to think about that too much.

Baldur’s Gate 2: Shadows of Amn

Cheers,

Gavin

I sold my soul for rock and roll

“Rock and roll ain’t no riddle man, to me it makes good, good sense”

Truer words have rarely been spoken.

I am, and probably always will be, more than a bit intense about things.

I don’t do casual very well. I was raised in an Anglican household, but left in my early teens. My only memory of church is the look on the face of a clown that was trying to involve me in the day’s games, a look I’d like to say was fear, but was more like “That little prat’s not going to want to do anything.” Religion never did much for me – if more people followed the basic message of ‘Don’t be a dick’ the world would be a much better place, but the higher aspects never interested me. What replaced that in my life was music.

I started slow – I was, and still am to a certain extent, a Dire Straits fan, though I’ve no recollection of how I first heard them. You may laugh (And you’d be entitled to), but I still regard Mark Knopfler’s guitar on Tunnel of Love as a thing of beauty. It was AC/DC that started the path I walk today, when I first heard Who Made Who, then got their Live album as a present later that year, an album that was something of a revelation for me. I stuck with that for a few years before branching out, with detours into Guns and Roses and Nirvana fandom, but there are three bands that stand above all: Iron Maiden (Who I’ve spoke of previously), Radio Birdman and the Ramones. You see, in case you missed the news, Tommy Ramone died recently, which means all 4 of the original line-up are no longer with us. Lymphatic cancer took Joey in 2001, a heroin overdose took Dee Dee, prostate cancer took Johnny in 2004 and now bile duct cancer has taken Tommy. Yes, we still have Marky, CJ and Richie (And Clem, though few talk about him), but all the originals have left us. Numerous end of an era clichés have been banded about, but as much as I hate them, they’re true.

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Johnny,  Tommy, Joey and Dee Dee

To say the Ramones mean a lot to me is an understatement, like calling invading Russia in a winter a bit of a cockup. I remember an interview with Pete Porker where he said he recalled something from a fanzine, that said “True love is when she means as much to you as the Ramones”, and I’ve basically felt that way since I heard them. From the first seconds of It’s Alive, I knew this was for me. 4 guys, 3 chords, 2 minutes and 1 surname. How can you possibly improve on that?

That band spoke to me in a way that nothing else has – when things were horrible, as they are for all teenagers, the Ramones were there. It was a great purging of emotions, taking all that I felt was shitty in my life and venting that in a blast of audio rage. I can’t claim to have had a shitty childhood (If I could I’d nominate my mother for a well-deserved sainthood), but what teenager doesn’t feel like that at one point or another? You have to have an outlet, and since I wasn’t interested in booze, drugs or God (As almost everyone else I went to high school was), music fitted that quite nicely.

I never got to see them live, the closest I came to that was seeing Marky Ramone in spoken word mode, followed by him drumming with the Spazzys, which was a great show (The story of having to watch Rock and Roll High School to remember making it was a highlight, followed by the random outburst of swearing at a chunk of the audience) It’s not much, but I can say I was in the same room as a Ramone and that’s enough. Hell, during a farewell at my last job I damn near wept when the staff band played Blitzkrieg Bop. Couldn’t help it. Same as when the Dictators played it when they toured in 2003. Couldn’t help it then either.

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Live at CBGB’s

I’m too wrapped up in them to try and explain the appeal without you listening to them. I could try, but it’ll be a lot easier if you just go out and buy the first four albums (Ramones, Leave Home, Rocket to Russia, Road to Ruin) and It’s Alive and put them on. It won’t cost you much and will take you less than half a day to listen to, but your life will be all the better for it.

I could (and probably will at some point) go on about some of the other artists who’s work I adore: Radio Birdman’s Radios Appear (Which I listened to for a fortnight straight when I first got it) Sonic’s Rendezvous Band’s City Slang, a song as glorious as the lyrics are changeable or Warren Zevon’s tales of addiction, perfectly coiffed werewolves and headless Thompson gunners. There’s Dub War (and later Skindred’s) ability to take almost every musical genre there is, chuck them in a blender and have music emerge, the about to collapse drug fuelled clatter of the New York Dolls, the effortless brilliance of the Sunnyboys (Who’s Alone With You is up there with Alice Cooper’s I’m Eighteen for best teen angst song ever recorded) or everything about Motorhead, but I’ll spare you. This time…

I guess what I struggle to understand the most is how people aren’t as moved by music as I am. Yeah, I accept that everyone has different taste (the fools), but how you can you not be moved by it? Can you listen to Creeping Death and not want to scream DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE at the top of your lungs? Does Battle Hymn not want to make you act like Conan the Barbarian (or join a gym)? Can you listen to Tony Iommi’s guitar on Heaven and Hell and not want to weep with joy? Cause if music doesn’t affect you like that, well, you have both my everlasting sympathy and pity. That’s what it does for me and I can’t imagine my life without it.

I  suppose I should finish this up, so I’ll leave you with this message: LEMMY IS GOD.

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END OF STORY

Lasers to left of them, lasers to right of them, lasers infront of them…

A few thoughts before we begin…

Laser Tag is a lot of fun, though that can depend upon your attitude to small children. Organising a Zerg rush of small children is a useful thing, as others I was playing with demonstrated, whereas I tend to have the knack for attracting people who are just below my sightline and while not the most accurate shots, spray enough laser fire around that I’ll get shot just as I’ve seen them. It’s a bizarre mix of scary precision and the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy and it’s my hope it can be harnessed for Good instead of Evil. Anyhow, let’s begin…

Are you one of those people who constantly worry about George RR Martin dying before he finishes A Song of Ice and Fire? Do you feel the need to mention that in the comments of every article you read about the series, or every time people mention it? If you are, then George RR Martin has two words for you, those being simply ‘Fuck You.’ Martin feels justifiably offended by the questioning and really, who can blame him? Wanting more Ice and Fire is fine, but there’s a way to express that without coming across as a jerk.

Screen-Shot-2014-07-09-at-10.16.53-AMAnd please remember, George RR Martin is NOT YOUR BITCH.

There’s been big drama at the BBC this week, with the leaking of 5 Doctor Who scripts from the Miami office. We aren’t going to give this any more publicity or give away any details, unlike the (so-called) newspaper The Scottish Sun*cough*scum*cough*. We also have the first image from the premiere episode, which doesn’t give away a lot, mercifully.

SyFy have announced a pilot for The Magicians, based on the novel series by Lev Grossman, Warners schedule for San Diego Comic Con would seem to hint at something related to the Young Justice animated series and Bernard Cornwell’s series The Last Kingdom is getting a television adaption. Frozen has continued is conquest of ALL THE THINGS, with Once Upon a Time casting Queen Elsa while both Firestorm and The Atom will be appearing in Arrow, the third season of which has started shooting. Orphan Black has been renewed for a third season, the Guardians of the Galaxy are set to appear on Ultimate Spider-Man and both a 7th season of Community and a movie are possible. #SevenSeasonsandaMovie doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, but I’ll take what I can get.

Big news about the game Alien: Isolation – 2 DLC missions have been announced where you’ll be able to play as the crew of the Nostromo from the original film. Several of the original cast will also be voicing their characters, including Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerrit and Yaphet Kotto. The two missions were originally planned to be pre-order only, but will now be released available for all, thanks to the public reaction to the announcement.

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Family reunions can be awkward at the best of times…

Kevin Smith has denied the rumour he wrote a fake Batman vs Superman script and talked about his visit to the set of Episode 7, while his plans to make Clerks 3 have hit a wall, with the Weinstein company not wanting to fund it. In better news, there’s a poster for his next film, Tusk. Speaking of Episode 7, it’s shut down for two weeks, apparently because of Harrison Ford’s recent injury and added two new cast members, while there’s a look at Agent Kallus, the latest Imperial agent in Star Wars Rebels, who if nothing else, has an amazing set of sideburns.

We managed to find a trailer for Sharknado 2: The Second One and it’s either A: the perfect B-movie or B: the sign to drop the bomb and start over. The new trailer for The Zero Theorem is exactly what you’d expect from a Terry Gilliam film, while the first one for Exodus: Gods and Kings all but screams Ridley Scott. (Which is useful, as it’s a Ridley Scott film.) There’s another teaser for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, an extended trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy, which managed to make me even more excited about it and the first look at season 2 of Sleepy Hollow. A trailer’s been released for the 30th anniversary re-release of Ghostbusters, though we’re only heard of screenings in the US and UK and a trailer has emerged for the straight to DVD film based the PS3 game Heavenly Sword, starring most of the game’s cast (Alfred Molina replaces Andy Serkis).

Mike Mignola is writing the series Hellboy: The Lost Years and JK Rowling has released a new Harry Potter story, starring Harry as an adult. Two more writers have been hired on for Ant-Man, Mark Ruffalo has been promising more ‘science bros scenes’ in Avengers: Age of Ultron while Gal Gadot hasn’t shot any scenes as Wonder Woman for Dawn of Justice yet. tumblr_lxwx44WKsD1qagpnjo1_1280

Quote possibly the two greatest comics pages ever

Rumour has it Mark `Wahlberg in in line to play Steve Austin in the Six Million Dollar Man, Guillermo Del Toro reckons he can make At the Mountains of Madness as a PG-13 (The rough equivalent to our M rating) and he’s also mentioned he wants to make a small black and white film before Pacific Rim 2. And that’s without mentioning the animated series he has planned. There is a guy who does not like free time…

Stan Lee put his angry old man pants on the day he was ranting about movie credits being too long (If I know there’s something at the end it means I have more time to run to the toilet and back), The Conjuring is getting a spin off, Chris Columbous has joined the Gremlins reboot and Gus Van Sant could be directing the live action Death Note movie. Bryan Singer’s developing a movie adaption of the book series Age of Heroes, Roberto Orci suddenly isn’t confirmed to be directing Star Trek 3 anymore and we have what would appear to be the first look at the dinosaurs of Jurassic World.

The week’s collection of random stuff includes a Star Wars fan film made by American football players at Georgia University, McFarlane  Toys are making Walking Dead Lego sets  (Well, not quite Lego but close), scientists have created a tractor beam using water and there’s a gallery of artwork from Ralph McQuarrie and Syd Mead for a remake of Forbidden Planet that Irvin Kirshner was trying to get off the ground in the 90’s.

li0841 Badumtssh!

We leave you with the strangest thing I’ve seen this week – what’s said to be a Japanese Doctor Who parody from the 70’s found on an old VHS. (Yes, I know it was actually made by a British film student – CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME WITH MY DELUSIONS?)

Quote of the Week:

(Hellboy has caught Abe listening to a CD of love songs)

Hellboy: You’re in love. Have a beer.

Abe Sapien: Oh, my body’s a temple.

Hellboy: Well, now it’s an amusement park.

Abe Sapien: No, no, no. The glandular balance of–

Hellboy: Just shut up and drink it, would you?

Abe Sapien: [sighs and takes the beer]

Hellboy: What track?

Abe Sapien: Eight.

Hellboy: “Can’t… Smile… Without You.”

Abe Sapien: I know.

Hellboy: Yep, I’m gonna need a beer, too.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Cheers,

Gavin

*coughhackwheezesnort*

We’re down sick this week, so if this instalment is confused and incoherent, if we repeat ourselves, fly off on bizarre tangents, or sound like we’ve ingested a dozen bottles of cough syrup (OR MORE SO THAN NORMAL) then we can only apologize. Right, on with things!

First off, there’s a fantastic stop motion short of Optimus Prime battling Devastator, the Basic Rules for the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons have been released as a free PDF and a collection of five hundred fairy tales that had been locked away in an archive in Germany had been unearthed. Last for this bit, there’s some fan art. A young Muslim girl drew herself as various comic characters but with a twist – they’re all wearing hijabs. It’s a lovely concept, especially the Captain America and Hulk which are fantastic.

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And may all your hits be Crits!

In what has to be a record for them, Fox have cancelled the ancient Egyptian intrigue show Hieroglyph before it even aired. The show had been given an order straight to series and had completed the first episode before the axe fell. Apparently the show “wasn’t creatively coming together the way executives had hoped,” which is an impressive bit of Buzzword Bullshit Bingo if you ask me. You ordered 13 episodes before making the pilot, shouldn’t you have worked out stuff like that beforehand?

Another teaser trailer for the next season of Doctor Who has appeared, with a familiar sounding voice in it. Another returning monster has been confirmed for the next season, along with word that Michelle Gomez will be playing a character called the Gatekeeper. We’re still waiting for who’s playing the Keymaster though. (Yes, we know we’re far from the only person to make that joke, but it had to be done.) Good news! Yahoo Screen has picked up Community for a sixth season! Dan Harmon is involved, and presumably the rest of the cast, though we don’t know if Donald Glover will return. We have six seasons, now we just need a movie! There’s talk that some male characters in the new Danger Mouse will now be female, Harmony Gold are Kickstarting a pilot for a new Robotech series and Seth Rogen has been teasing the adaption of Preacher he’s producing.

Bryan Fuller is developing American Gods for the Starz network, John Constantine won’t be smoking on TV, which has upset a few people. Hey, at least they didn’t make him an American, have Shia LeBouf as his sidekick and give him a magic shotgun eh? We also have details of a few other changes and Easter Eggs that have been seen in the show’s promotional material. Clive Barker’s Nightbreed is becoming a TV series, Devon Aoki and Peter Stormare are joining the cast of Arrow and Carol Kane will be playing Oswald Cobblepot’s mother in Gotham. Is it wrong I’ll be watching her hoping she sneaks the line “Have fun storming the castle” into the script? Adam West, Burt Ward and Julie Newmar will be appearing at Comic Con to preview the Batman 66 DVD set and the BBC has confirmed four new episodes of Sherlock.

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TELL ME YOU WOULDN’T WATCH THAT FILM. YOU CAN’T, CAN YOU?

The first proper promotional picture from Batman V Superman has emerged and well… It’s a bit shit. I’ve read very little Superman over the years, but I’ve never seen him as Broody McBroodyPants, even in the 90’s when he wore a mullet. In order to distract from that, you can read Zack Snyder’s justification for just why there’s a V instead of Vs in the title. (If you want to hit yourself in the head with a brick after reading that, you aren’t alone) Furthermore, there’s talk that the studio hired Kevin Smith to write a fake script solely to leak, which would mean that all the rumours we’ve seen for the past few months are FALSE AND LIES. Why go to that extent? Or, if you’re going to do that, why not leak a version of the script that was going to be used for the Nicholas Cage film to really mess with people’s heads?

The viral marketing for Guardians of the Galaxy has produced this wonderful galactic travel site, Mark Ruffalo has denied a Planet Hulk movie and Colin Treverrow has given us another sneaky look at Jurassic World. A sequel to Enchanted is back on (Hey, better late than never) and Andy Serkis is working on both Avengers: Age of Ultron (Working with Mark Ruffalo) and Star Wars: Episode 7, which has added Billie Lourd, Carrie Fisher’s daughter, to it’s cast. Word is GI Joe 3 will be focused on Dwayne Johnson’s character Roadblock (Which is different from it’s ‘All Ninjas, all the time’ teaser poster), Bryan Singer has teased the opening of X:Men-Apocalypse and a movie version of video game series Thief is in development.

We would bring you another clip from Sharknado 2: The Second One but I haven’t been able to find a version of it that’s available in Australia, which means we’re both cursing region locked videos and very thankful for region locked videos. We do, however, have the first look at Sharktopus vs Pteracuda, which is, well, I’ll let a picture show my thousand words.

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Enough said.

The trailer for Dracula Untold has Luke Evans brooding, a whole lot of CG stuff getting chucked about and Charles Dance sounding eerily like Benedict Cumberbatch, there’s men in kilts in the trailer for time travel drama Outlander and the look at To be Takei is well, fabulous. There’s a series of 3 short films bridging the gap between the recent Planet of the Apes films and we won’t be seeing a full trailer for The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies until October, but you can expect a teaser in a few weeks. No doubt they’re busy cramming even more Elf related bullshit into it, between all the pointless side quests, party splitting and other stuff that WASN’T IN THE BOOK OR LOTR APPENDICES. No I don’t like Elves, the pointy eared arrogant prats and no, n-case you hadn’t guessed and no, my identifying with the Dwarves isn’t cause I look more like one, it’s cause it’s A: meant to be the Dwarves movie and B: shit storytelling. I know you want to link to the Rings films, but there’s ways to do it that aren’t quite so well, shit. And don’t get me started on that dragged out, pointless drawn out 20 minutes of running around Erebor – I haven’t been so angry at an action scene since the factory chase in Attack of the Clones.

We leave you this week with a look at several short films made by Toby Froud, son of Wendy and Brian Froud who were part responsible for Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal. Nightmare fuel in foam and felt.

Quote of the Week:

[After surviving a gladiatorial fight, at which point they would have been free]

Miek: No hmpfing! The Red *kik* King to pardoning us now.

Hulk: Red King?

Miek: The EmperorHis planet. We just living here.

Hulk: He runs this stupid world?

Miek: As much as he grabbing anyway.

[The Hulk leaps at the Red King’s seat]

Hulk: Finally. Hulk knows who to smash.

Planet Hulk – Issue #92

Cheers,

Gavin