I’m Thor, but not complaining…

Welcome once again dear readers!

Once again, this week has seen me working on a gaming project. The blurb’s not quite done, but if I had to describe it, I’d say it’s V for Vendetta meets This is Spinal Tap. It’s planned for Sydcon 2014, so keep your eyes peeled, air guitars warmed up and earplugs handy!

The big news this week comes from Marvel Comics, with the announcement (On daytime talk show The View no less) that the new Thor is female. No, it’s not a gender change (Like the time he got turned into a frog), but a female character (As yet known) who’ll be deemed worthy to lift Mjolnir, Thor’s hammer and thus gain his power. It’s a worthy move, but not without some confusing aspects – Thor is a name, not a title that can be passed down. Still, it’s not the first time a female character has been able to lift the hammer, with even Jane Foster doing so in the past. Now, if they can transfer this idea to the Marvel Cinematic Universe when Chris Hemsworth decides to leave, that’d be kind of awesome. (I still want a Black Widow movie though) And, if you’ve got a problem with that, well…

You think you can take the Q-Unit? BRING IT!

Following on from that, Joe Quesada was on The Colbert Report this week to announce that the new Captain America is Sam Wilson, also known as hero The Falcon, with Colbert putting his hand up for the role, something that Marvel’s artists beat him to. Colbert has also recently been involved with Star Wars Force for Change, a group raising money for Unicef (And with the chance to win a role in Episode 7) by engaging in a nerd fight with Jon Stewart that has to be seen to be believed. In another piece of glorious super hero news, Adam West will be voicing himself in Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham.

The week’s strangest news is the former dictator of Panama, Manuel Noriega, is suing Activision over his appearance in Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, claiming that Activision used his likeness without permission. He joins a long list of people who’ve claimed their likeness was used without permission in games, with the likes of Gwen Stefani, Lindsay Lohan and even former US Army General David Petraeus. It must be something in the water – the North Korea government recent complained to the United Nations over the film The Interview, which stars James Franco and Seth Rogen as would be assassin’s tasked by the CIA with eliminating Kim Jong-Un. If you can’t take a bit of harmless fun about the leader of you country being assassinated, you’ve got a pretty thin skin – Cuba was laughing at the CIA’s attempts to bump off Castro for years!

In further bad news for the BBC, prints of the first 6 episodes of the new season of Doctor Who have leaked. As we’re busy trying to avoid spoilers, we aren’t linking to any news articles, so if you want it, you can find it yourselves – I’m not helping. It’s also been reported that BBC Worldwide have apologised to Steven Moffat and the production team, saying that those responsible for the leak have been ‘disciplined’. (Couldn’t they have just said Exterminated?) In better news, the first proper trailer for the next season has been released and is suitably awesome.

What she said.

Turning to the Avengers, we have the first look at Ultron and wow, he looks mighty good. There’s also some new pictures from filming, which leads me to ask the obvious question: why do they keep putting Scarlett Johansson in those weird back arching poses? None of the guys are in them, so why should they keep doing it to her? (It’s things like that that keep the Hawkeye Initiative in business.) Andy Serkis has denied he’s playing Thanos in the film, while we also have a confirmed date for both the release of Agents of SHIELD S1 on DVD and the start date of S2.

There’s been big changes to Constantine, with word that both Lucy Griffith’s character has been dropped, to be replaced by Angelia Celaya and that Constantine’s bisexuality won’t be an element. I’m not a huge reader of the comic so I can’t comment on how it will affect things, but this strikes me as something that will annoy people. Another piece of casting for Powers has been announced and there’s been more casting news for Daredevil, with Deborah Ann Woll (True Blood) to play Karen Page, Daredevil’s secretary and Peter Shinkoda (Falling Skies) in an unknown role.

We have some new teasers for Gotham and some very interesting news: there was some excitement when the pilot for the show featured a failing stand-up comedian, one of the possible origins of the Joker, as stated in The Killing Joke. The show’s producers came up with a novel way to thwart any speculation – there’ll be a candidate in every episode of the show. That’s a wonderful way to both increase the anticipation and screw with people’s heads to an epic degree, something I’m sure the Joker would support.

Decisions, decisions…

We finally have the first trailer for Big Hero 6, as well as the voice cast for the film, which looks like a hell of a lot of fun. I haven’t been that interested in an animated film since The Incredibles, which should say something. We also have the first trailers for the films Suburban Gothic, about suburban ghost hunters and Reconstruction of William Zero, about a man trying to reconstruct his memories after an accident. There’s also looks at the horror films Ouija and Annabelle, which is a spin off from The Conjuring.

There’s a clip from the animated film Batman: Assault on Arkham, which is set within the timeline of the Arkham video games and stars Kevin Conroy as Batman (Yay!) and there’s a short preview of a new Green Arrow short that’ll appear on DC Nation. It took us a while to find a version of the trailer for 12 Monkeys that wasn’t region locked, but it was worth the hunt. On the other hand, all the trailers for American Horror Story: Freakshow that I’ve found are either region locked or marked as private. Harrumph.

Christopher Walken will be playing Captain Hook in a live adaption of Peter Pan, Thomas Jane has been cast in SyFy’s new space opera The Expanse and the trend for reboots of 80’s cartoons has continued, with word that Super-Ted and Rainbow Brite will be returning. Jason Isaacs will be voicing The Inquisitor in Star Wars: Rebels and if anyone is surprised by this casting, please raise your hand. I mean, the man’s got a British accent, he’s in a Star Wars production and isn’t playing Obi-Wan Kenobi. Therefore, bad guy. That’s up there with George Lucas intending Count Dooku being evil to be a surprise –HE’S PLAYED BY CHRISTOPHER LEE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. *Ahem* Sorry about that. Furthermore, Marvel will be releasing all their vintage Star Wars comics to boot, while Seth Rogen has previewed the first song from Preacher.

Let’s face it, it doesn’t get much more awesome than that.

In a piece of rather odd news, MTV, the channel most known for bizarrely tanned drunken idiots, teenage mothers and NOT PLAYING MUSIC ANYMORE, has given the green light for a Shannara series, based on the book series by Terry Brooks. The first series will be 10 episodes long and adapt the second book in the series, The Elfstones of Shannara. Hey, best of luck to them.

The film Nothing Lasts Forever, starring Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd, has resurfaced. The film was shelved by MGM and never released on video, but has emerged on YouTube. There’s also the first teaser poster for the film Horns, staring Daniel Radcliffe as a man who grow’s a pair of horns from his head, a brochure from Jurassic World has leaked, two of the writers of X:Men: First Class and producer Roberto Orci have joined the Power Rangers movie and Universal are said to be trying to establish a series based around the classic monsters.

With Justice League: Throne of Atlantis confirmed as the next DC animated movie, we’ve a look at the action figure designs and the voice cast, which is a pretty impressive cast – Sam Witwer, Sean Astin and Nathan Fillion appear, among others. Guillermo Del Toro has said that Hellboy 3 isn’t likely to happen due to a lack of funding, some odd rumours have been emerging from the Fantastic Four reboot, namely that it might not have anything to do with the comics, or possibly not be based on any one story from the comics history. Before you start screaming though, it’s translated from the original Spanish using Google Translate, so it could be anything from the lyrics to Paranoid to the Gettysburg Address.

Well, there goes my heterosexuality… *swoons*

Joss Whedon has been drawing new Firefly and Buffy on his Twitter feed and Bioware have announced a poll about Mass Effect 4, so if you want your voice to be heard get to the website and fill the poll in! We leave you this week, with news that a new Dungeons and Dragons comics series has been announced, starring everyone’s favourite Ranger and Hamster combination, Minsc and Boo! To make the news even sweeter, it’ll be written by Jim Zub, the writer of Skullkickers, a comic you really should be reading.

Quote of the Week:

Protagonist: Ah, I see you still have that… rodent. Dare I ask how you have kept it hidden from our captors?

Minsc: Don’t ask questions better left to aged sages. Boo is so quick and evasive and there is ever so much of Minsc to search, there is no hope of getting us apart!

Imoen: Eww, I… really don’t want to think about that too much.

Baldur’s Gate 2: Shadows of Amn

Cheers,

Gavin

I sold my soul for rock and roll

“Rock and roll ain’t no riddle man, to me it makes good, good sense”

Truer words have rarely been spoken.

I am, and probably always will be, more than a bit intense about things.

I don’t do casual very well. I was raised in an Anglican household, but left in my early teens. My only memory of church is the look on the face of a clown that was trying to involve me in the day’s games, a look I’d like to say was fear, but was more like “That little prat’s not going to want to do anything.” Religion never did much for me – if more people followed the basic message of ‘Don’t be a dick’ the world would be a much better place, but the higher aspects never interested me. What replaced that in my life was music.

I started slow – I was, and still am to a certain extent, a Dire Straits fan, though I’ve no recollection of how I first heard them. You may laugh (And you’d be entitled to), but I still regard Mark Knopfler’s guitar on Tunnel of Love as a thing of beauty. It was AC/DC that started the path I walk today, when I first heard Who Made Who, then got their Live album as a present later that year, an album that was something of a revelation for me. I stuck with that for a few years before branching out, with detours into Guns and Roses and Nirvana fandom, but there are three bands that stand above all: Iron Maiden (Who I’ve spoke of previously), Radio Birdman and the Ramones. You see, in case you missed the news, Tommy Ramone died recently, which means all 4 of the original line-up are no longer with us. Lymphatic cancer took Joey in 2001, a heroin overdose took Dee Dee, prostate cancer took Johnny in 2004 and now bile duct cancer has taken Tommy. Yes, we still have Marky, CJ and Richie (And Clem, though few talk about him), but all the originals have left us. Numerous end of an era clichés have been banded about, but as much as I hate them, they’re true.

Johnny, Tommy, Joey and Dee Dee

To say the Ramones mean a lot to me is an understatement, like calling invading Russia in a winter a bit of a cockup. I remember an interview with Pete Porker where he said he recalled something from a fanzine, that said “True love is when she means as much to you as the Ramones”, and I’ve basically felt that way since I heard them. From the first seconds of It’s Alive, I knew this was for me. 4 guys, 3 chords, 2 minutes and 1 surname. How can you possibly improve on that?

That band spoke to me in a way that nothing else has – when things were horrible, as they are for all teenagers, the Ramones were there. It was a great purging of emotions, taking all that I felt was shitty in my life and venting that in a blast of audio rage. I can’t claim to have had a shitty childhood (If I could I’d nominate my mother for a well-deserved sainthood), but what teenager doesn’t feel like that at one point or another? You have to have an outlet, and since I wasn’t interested in booze, drugs or God (As almost everyone else I went to high school was), music fitted that quite nicely.

I never got to see them live, the closest I came to that was seeing Marky Ramone in spoken word mode, followed by him drumming with the Spazzys, which was a great show (The story of having to watch Rock and Roll High School to remember making it was a highlight, followed by the random outburst of swearing at a chunk of the audience) It’s not much, but I can say I was in the same room as a Ramone and that’s enough. Hell, during a farewell at my last job I damn near wept when the staff band played Blitzkrieg Bop. Couldn’t help it. Same as when the Dictators played it when they toured in 2003. Couldn’t help it then either.

Live at CBGB’s

I’m too wrapped up in them to try and explain the appeal without you listening to them. I could try, but it’ll be a lot easier if you just go out and buy the first four albums (Ramones, Leave Home, Rocket to Russia, Road to Ruin) and It’s Alive and put them on. It won’t cost you much and will take you less than half a day to listen to, but your life will be all the better for it.

I could (and probably will at some point) go on about some of the other artists who’s work I adore: Radio Birdman’s Radios Appear (Which I listened to for a fortnight straight when I first got it) Sonic’s Rendezvous Band’s City Slang, a song as glorious as the lyrics are changeable or Warren Zevon’s tales of addiction, perfectly coiffed werewolves and headless Thompson gunners. There’s Dub War (and later Skindred’s) ability to take almost every musical genre there is, chuck them in a blender and have music emerge, the about to collapse drug fuelled clatter of the New York Dolls, the effortless brilliance of the Sunnyboys (Who’s Alone With You is up there with Alice Cooper’s I’m Eighteen for best teen angst song ever recorded) or everything about Motorhead, but I’ll spare you. This time…

I guess what I struggle to understand the most is how people aren’t as moved by music as I am. Yeah, I accept that everyone has different taste (the fools), but how you can you not be moved by it? Can you listen to Creeping Death and not want to scream DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE at the top of your lungs? Does Battle Hymn not want to make you act like Conan the Barbarian (or join a gym)? Can you listen to Tony Iommi’s guitar on Heaven and Hell and not want to weep with joy? Cause if music doesn’t affect you like that, well, you have both my everlasting sympathy and pity. That’s what it does for me and I can’t imagine my life without it.

I suppose I should finish this up, so I’ll leave you with this message: LEMMY IS GOD.

END OF STORY

Lasers to left of them, lasers to right of them, lasers infront of them…

A few thoughts before we begin…

Laser Tag is a lot of fun, though that can depend upon your attitude to small children. Organising a Zerg rush of small children is a useful thing, as others I was playing with demonstrated, whereas I tend to have the knack for attracting people who are just below my sightline and while not the most accurate shots, spray enough laser fire around that I’ll get shot just as I’ve seen them. It’s a bizarre mix of scary precision and the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy and it’s my hope it can be harnessed for Good instead of Evil. Anyhow, let’s begin…

Are you one of those people who constantly worry about George RR Martin dying before he finishes A Song of Ice and Fire? Do you feel the need to mention that in the comments of every article you read about the series, or every time people mention it? If you are, then George RR Martin has two words for you, those being simply ‘Fuck You.’ Martin feels justifiably offended by the questioning and really, who can blame him? Wanting more Ice and Fire is fine, but there’s a way to express that without coming across as a jerk.

And please remember, George RR Martin is NOT YOUR BITCH.

There’s been big drama at the BBC this week, with the leaking of 5 Doctor Who scripts from the Miami office. We aren’t going to give this any more publicity or give away any details, unlike the (so-called) newspaper The Scottish Sun*cough*scum*cough*. We also have the first image from the premiere episode, which doesn’t give away a lot, mercifully.

SyFy have announced a pilot for The Magicians, based on the novel series by Lev Grossman, Warners schedule for San Diego Comic Con would seem to hint at something related to the Young Justice animated series and Bernard Cornwell’s series The Last Kingdom is getting a television adaption. Frozen has continued is conquest of ALL THE THINGS, with Once Upon a Time casting Queen Elsa while both Firestorm and The Atom will be appearing in Arrow, the third season of which has started shooting. Orphan Black has been renewed for a third season, the Guardians of the Galaxy are set to appear on Ultimate Spider-Man and both a 7^th season of Community and a movie are possible. #SevenSeasonsandaMovie doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, but I’ll take what I can get.

Big news about the game Alien: Isolation – 2 DLC missions have been announced where you’ll be able to play as the crew of the Nostromo from the original film. Several of the original cast will also be voicing their characters, including Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerrit and Yaphet Kotto. The two missions were originally planned to be pre-order only, but will now be released available for all, thanks to the public reaction to the announcement.

Family reunions can be awkward at the best of times…

Kevin Smith has denied the rumour he wrote a fake Batman vs Superman script and talked about his visit to the set of Episode 7, while his plans to make Clerks 3 have hit a wall, with the Weinstein company not wanting to fund it. In better news, there’s a poster for his next film, Tusk. Speaking of Episode 7, it’s shut down for two weeks, apparently because of Harrison Ford’s recent injury and added two new cast members, while there’s a look at Agent Kallus, the latest Imperial agent in Star Wars Rebels, who if nothing else, has an amazing set of sideburns.

We managed to find a trailer for Sharknado 2: The Second One and it’s either A: the perfect B-movie or B: the sign to drop the bomb and start over. The new trailer for The Zero Theorem is exactly what you’d expect from a Terry Gilliam film, while the first one for Exodus: Gods and Kings all but screams Ridley Scott. (Which is useful, as it’s a Ridley Scott film.) There’s another teaser for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, an extended trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy, which managed to make me even more excited about it and the first look at season 2 of Sleepy Hollow. A trailer’s been released for the 30^th anniversary re-release of Ghostbusters, though we’re only heard of screenings in the US and UK and a trailer has emerged for the straight to DVD film based the PS3 game Heavenly Sword, starring most of the game’s cast (Alfred Molina replaces Andy Serkis).

Mike Mignola is writing the series Hellboy: The Lost Years and JK Rowling has released a new Harry Potter story, starring Harry as an adult. Two more writers have been hired on for Ant-Man, Mark Ruffalo has been promising more ‘science bros scenes’ in Avengers: Age of Ultron while Gal Gadot hasn’t shot any scenes as Wonder Woman for Dawn of Justice yet.

Quote possibly the two greatest comics pages ever

Rumour has it Mark `Wahlberg in in line to play Steve Austin in the Six Million Dollar Man, Guillermo Del Toro reckons he can make At the Mountains of Madness as a PG-13 (The rough equivalent to our M rating) and he’s also mentioned he wants to make a small black and white film before Pacific Rim 2. And that’s without mentioning the animated series he has planned. There is a guy who does not like free time…

Stan Lee put his angry old man pants on the day he was ranting about movie credits being too long (If I know there’s something at the end it means I have more time to run to the toilet and back), The Conjuring is getting a spin off, Chris Columbous has joined the Gremlins reboot and Gus Van Sant could be directing the live action Death Note movie. Bryan Singer’s developing a movie adaption of the book series Age of Heroes, Roberto Orci suddenly isn’t confirmed to be directing Star Trek 3 anymore and we have what would appear to be the first look at the dinosaurs of Jurassic World.

The week’s collection of random stuff includes a Star Wars fan film made by American football players at Georgia University, McFarlane Toys are making Walking Dead Lego sets (Well, not quite Lego but close), scientists have created a tractor beam using water and there’s a gallery of artwork from Ralph McQuarrie and Syd Mead for a remake of Forbidden Planet that Irvin Kirshner was trying to get off the ground in the 90’s.

Badumtssh!

We leave you with the strangest thing I’ve seen this week – what’s said to be a Japanese Doctor Who parody from the 70’s found on an old VHS. (Yes, I know it was actually made by a British film student – CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME WITH MY DELUSIONS?)

Quote of the Week:

(Hellboy has caught Abe listening to a CD of love songs)

Hellboy: You’re in love. Have a beer.

Abe Sapien: Oh, my body’s a temple.

Hellboy: Well, now it’s an amusement park.

Abe Sapien: No, no, no. The glandular balance of–

Hellboy: Just shut up and drink it, would you?

Abe Sapien: [sighs and takes the beer]

Hellboy: What track?

Abe Sapien: Eight.

Hellboy: “Can’t… Smile… Without You.”

Abe Sapien: I know.

Hellboy: Yep, I’m gonna need a beer, too.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Cheers,

Gavin

coughhackwheezesnort

We’re down sick this week, so if this instalment is confused and incoherent, if we repeat ourselves, fly off on bizarre tangents, or sound like we’ve ingested a dozen bottles of cough syrup (OR MORE SO THAN NORMAL) then we can only apologize. Right, on with things!

First off, there’s a fantastic stop motion short of Optimus Prime battling Devastator, the Basic Rules for the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons have been released as a free PDF and a collection of five hundred fairy tales that had been locked away in an archive in Germany had been unearthed. Last for this bit, there’s some fan art. A young Muslim girl drew herself as various comic characters but with a twist – they’re all wearing hijabs. It’s a lovely concept, especially the Captain America and Hulk which are fantastic.

And may all your hits be Crits!

In what has to be a record for them, Fox have cancelled the ancient Egyptian intrigue show Hieroglyph before it even aired. The show had been given an order straight to series and had completed the first episode before the axe fell. Apparently the show “wasn’t creatively coming together the way executives had hoped,” which is an impressive bit of Buzzword Bullshit Bingo if you ask me. You ordered 13 episodes before making the pilot, shouldn’t you have worked out stuff like that beforehand?

Another teaser trailer for the next season of Doctor Who has appeared, with a familiar sounding voice in it. Another returning monster has been confirmed for the next season, along with word that Michelle Gomez will be playing a character called the Gatekeeper. We’re still waiting for who’s playing the Keymaster though. (Yes, we know we’re far from the only person to make that joke, but it had to be done.) Good news! Yahoo Screen has picked up Community for a sixth season! Dan Harmon is involved, and presumably the rest of the cast, though we don’t know if Donald Glover will return. We have six seasons, now we just need a movie! There’s talk that some male characters in the new Danger Mouse will now be female, Harmony Gold are Kickstarting a pilot for a new Robotech series and Seth Rogen has been teasing the adaption of Preacher he’s producing.

Bryan Fuller is developing American Gods for the Starz network, John Constantine won’t be smoking on TV, which has upset a few people. Hey, at least they didn’t make him an American, have Shia LeBouf as his sidekick and give him a magic shotgun eh? We also have details of a few other changes and Easter Eggs that have been seen in the show’s promotional material. Clive Barker’s Nightbreed is becoming a TV series, Devon Aoki and Peter Stormare are joining the cast of Arrow and Carol Kane will be playing Oswald Cobblepot’s mother in Gotham. Is it wrong I’ll be watching her hoping she sneaks the line “Have fun storming the castle” into the script? Adam West, Burt Ward and Julie Newmar will be appearing at Comic Con to preview the Batman 66 DVD set and the BBC has confirmed four new episodes of Sherlock.

TELL ME YOU WOULDN’T WATCH THAT FILM. YOU CAN’T, CAN YOU?

The first proper promotional picture from Batman V Superman has emerged and well… It’s a bit shit. I’ve read very little Superman over the years, but I’ve never seen him as Broody McBroodyPants, even in the 90’s when he wore a mullet. In order to distract from that, you can read Zack Snyder’s justification for just why there’s a V instead of Vs in the title. (If you want to hit yourself in the head with a brick after reading that, you aren’t alone) Furthermore, there’s talk that the studio hired Kevin Smith to write a fake script solely to leak, which would mean that all the rumours we’ve seen for the past few months are FALSE AND LIES. Why go to that extent? Or, if you’re going to do that, why not leak a version of the script that was going to be used for the Nicholas Cage film to really mess with people’s heads?

The viral marketing for Guardians of the Galaxy has produced this wonderful galactic travel site, Mark Ruffalo has denied a Planet Hulk movie and Colin Treverrow has given us another sneaky look at Jurassic World. A sequel to Enchanted is back on (Hey, better late than never) and Andy Serkis is working on both Avengers: Age of Ultron (Working with Mark Ruffalo) and Star Wars: Episode 7, which has added Billie Lourd, Carrie Fisher’s daughter, to it’s cast. Word is GI Joe 3 will be focused on Dwayne Johnson’s character Roadblock (Which is different from it’s ‘All Ninjas, all the time’ teaser poster), Bryan Singer has teased the opening of X:Men-Apocalypse and a movie version of video game series Thief is in development.

We would bring you another clip from Sharknado 2: The Second One but I haven’t been able to find a version of it that’s available in Australia, which means we’re both cursing region locked videos and very thankful for region locked videos. We do, however, have the first look at Sharktopus vs Pteracuda, which is, well, I’ll let a picture show my thousand words.

Enough said.

The trailer for Dracula Untold has Luke Evans brooding, a whole lot of CG stuff getting chucked about and Charles Dance sounding eerily like Benedict Cumberbatch, there’s men in kilts in the trailer for time travel drama Outlander and the look at To be Takei is well, fabulous. There’s a series of 3 short films bridging the gap between the recent Planet of the Apes films and we won’t be seeing a full trailer for The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies until October, but you can expect a teaser in a few weeks. No doubt they’re busy cramming even more Elf related bullshit into it, between all the pointless side quests, party splitting and other stuff that WASN’T IN THE BOOK OR LOTR APPENDICES. No I don’t like Elves, the pointy eared arrogant prats and no, n-case you hadn’t guessed and no, my identifying with the Dwarves isn’t cause I look more like one, it’s cause it’s A: meant to be the Dwarves movie and B: shit storytelling. I know you want to link to the Rings films, but there’s ways to do it that aren’t quite so well, shit. And don’t get me started on that dragged out, pointless drawn out 20 minutes of running around Erebor – I haven’t been so angry at an action scene since the factory chase in Attack of the Clones.

We leave you this week with a look at several short films made by Toby Froud, son of Wendy and Brian Froud who were part responsible for Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal. Nightmare fuel in foam and felt.

Quote of the Week:

[After surviving a gladiatorial fight, at which point they would have been free]

Miek: No hmpfing! The Red *kik* King to pardoning us now.

Hulk: Red King?

Miek: The Emperor. His planet. We just living here.

Hulk: He runs this stupid world?

Miek: As much as he grabbing anyway.

[The Hulk leaps at the Red King’s seat]

Hulk: Finally. Hulk knows who to smash.

Planet Hulk – Issue #92

Cheers,

Gavin

Sequel? A sequel you say?

Yes, we’re late again. We’ve been working on a Deadlands freeform, played our first game of Nuclear War (Which was, if you’ll pardon the pun, a blast) and doing the gardening. Yep, it’s been another action packed week in my life…

It’s been a week filled with sequels and reboots, which we shall now take you through. MGM is continuing in it’s impossible quest to remake War Games, there’s the first pictures from the updated series Danger Mouse and Thunderbirds are Go along with a teaser poster for GI Joe 3, a film that’s nowhere near production. (If you ask me they should just call it GI JOE: NINJAS NINJAS NINJAS and be done with it) Dean Devlin has confirmed the new Stargate film will be a reboot, Shane Black is writing the new Predator film, though he’s busily insisting it’s a sequel not remake and according to sources the next Terminator film will be called just that. Meanwhile, in a piece of very unexpected but very, very good news, Guillermo Del Toro has announced that Pacific Rim 2 is coming! If you aren’t excited by the prospect of more kaiju vs mecha action, then you might not have a soul. (I’m still holding out for Hellboy 3 though)

At least it wasn’t called ‘Strewth’ or ‘Crikey!’

The first teaser for the new series of Doctor Who is out and I’m kind of surprised – it’s about 2 months till the show airs and we’ve gotten a 16 second teaser and a few leaked photos. Shouldn’t the publicity machine have kicked off by now? Rumour has it the first episode will be feature length, whatever that means, which is something to look forward to, but as to what’s happening we have no clue. This is good, because it means I’m not spoilt about what monsters are showing up, but it’s bad, because I’m not spoilt about what monsters are showing up and thus aren’t squealing with joy about seeing [INSERT CLASSIC MONSTER] for the first time in many years. In other Who news, actress Siobhan Redmond will be playing The Rani in an upcoming Big Finish story, taking over the role from the late Kate O’Mara.

It’s been confirmed that Hulu won’t be bringing Community back, there’s some casting news for the Wachowski’s new series sense8 and Elden Henson will be playing Foggy Nelson in Daredevil. Rosario Dawson has also been cast, though we’ve no idea who she’s playing. The first look at SyFy’s new series 12 Monkeys has escaped, as has a look at the new series of Danger 5, the utterly and gloriously bonkers series that takes World War 2, filters it through badly dubbed 60’s action movies, adds giant robots, mind controlled dinosaurs and all manner of craziness and then turns it up to 11.THOUSAND.

“And for the love of God, DAMN WELL KILL HITLER!”

We’ve a Japanese language version of the trailer for Lupin III, a live action version of the popular manga series that’s had several animated films based on it. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, then go rent/buy/borrow a film called The Castle of Cagliostro NOW. What do you mean the shops aren’t open? GET GOING. I’ll wait. *taps foot* Back now? See, glorious isn’t it? I haven’t seen anything about an English language release, but hopefully there’ll be one at some point. Because I am NOT learning Japanese.

The promo for the BBC America series Intruders (Starring John ‘Life on Mars’ Simm) is mighty creepy, the teenage girl becomes a zombie film Life after Beth looks promising, as does the teaser for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay. The new trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the other hand… Ninjitsu is based on stealth, blending into the environment and not letting people know you’re there. So, how the hell are you supposed to do that when you’re 7 feet tall and built like a brick shithouse? Mind you, I did like the Batman voice joke, so it’s not Revenge of the Fallen bad, but I’m still keeping my expectations low.

Ben Kingsley will voice Bagheera in the live action version of The Jungle Book, Ridley Scott’s next film will be The Martian and is set to star Matt Damon, while the cutest thing we’ve seen this week is the picture of the Episode 7 table read done in Lego. Seriously, there’s not much Lego can’t make better. There’s some things it doesn’t need to make better (Like Big Trouble in Little China or Flash Gordon for example), but I’m sure it could still improve them.

See – told you it was awesome!

Bob Orci has said that Star Trek 3 will return to deep space (Hoo-freakin-ray!), actor Scott McNairy has been cast in an unspecified role in Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Thingamajig and the fifth Pirates film is set to film next year. (Presumably it’ll take that long to transport all the dump trucks filled with money to unload on the front lawn of Johnny Depp’s private island) A movie based on the Monstrumologist book series is on the way and a Blu-Ray set of Star Trek Into Darkness with all the extras collected together (Rather than being spread over multiple store exclusive releases) is finally coming. The only catch is you’ll have to buy the first film again as part of the set, though there’s talk of a refund program being set up. I swear, there’s a special hell waiting for people who release sets like that. A special hell…

Daniel Radcliffe has said he wants to play Robin to Ben Affleck’s Batman, the first pictures from Mad Max: Fury Road are out, as are the first pictures from Suburban Gothic, which has been described as a ‘suburban Scooby Doo.’ It’s a terrible description, but the film does have Kat Dennings and Jeffery Combs, so it (hopefully) will be better than that. The new Fantastic Four movie will apparently have a ‘found footage’ feel to it, Marvel head honcho Kevin Feige has given an update on Ant-Man and Doctor Strange and it’s been confirmed that Nathan Fillion has a tiny cameo in Guardians of the Galaxy. Shiny!

Just when I think I couldn’t have any more of a man crush…

We leave this week with a look at the 60’s Fantastic Four series that never existed (Burgess Meredith as the Mole Man – who do I have to kill the visit the alternate universe where that exists?) and the news that a scientist was ejected from a recent concert of classical music for trying to crowd surf to Handel’s Messiah.

Quote of the Week:

Gottlieb: This is all wrong! There should be three Kaijus coming through, not two!

Dr. Newton Geiszler: There should be three and there’s two? I’m sorry, it hurts to be wrong, don’t it, Hermann?

Gottlieb: I am not wrong, but there is something here we don’t understand.

Dr. Newton Geiszler: Okay. Hermann, we can hopefully argue about any mistakes you made in your your predictive model in the future. But in the meantime, the neural interfaces are way off the charts! If you want to help, help with that.

Gottlieb: Newton, I am not wrong. There is only one way to make sure… and that is to do this… together. I’ll go with you. That’s what the Jaeger pilots do, share the neural load.

Dr. Newton Geiszler: You’re serious? You – You would do that for me? Or would do that with me?

Gottlieb: Well, with worldwide destruction a certain alternative… Do I really have a choice?

Dr. Newton Geiszler: Then say it with me, my man: “We’re gonna own this bad boy!”

Gottlieb: By Jove, we are going to own this thing for sure!

Pacific Rim

Cheers,

Gavin

He’s the ace! He’s amazing!

There’s no time for intros this week, no news from what I’ve been doing and no bad jokes. It’s STRAIGHT TO THE NEWS this week. Because something amazing was announced, something that can restore my faith in humanity, or, quite possibly destroy it. What has happened? The return of the world’s greatest secret agent, that’s what! Why is this mysterious figure? James Bond? Nope. Ethan Hunt? Oh please. Jason Bourne? Pish-tosh pa-shaw!

He’s fantastic, he’s amazing and wherever there is danger he’ll be there. That’s right, the one and only Danger Mouse is returning!

The legendary crime fighter and his sidekick Penfold are returning to the screen, with the announcement of 52 11 minute episodes to air next year. There’s no word on the voice cast, but Stephen Fry is the bookies favourite. (You know, David Jason is still around and working.) Wait a second, people can bet on this? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? Right, back on topic… As happy as this news has made me, and that is incredibly happy, the news that the show will be updated, with the post office box headquarters and even DM’s eye-patch (Which the Guardian called an i-patch) kitted out with all sorts of new technology makes me very nervous. So long as they keep a minimum amount of awful puns and fourth wall breaking in the show, I’ll be happy. It’s more Danger Mouse and that cannot be a bad thing.

Take this, add the Goodies and the Young Ones and you’ve got my sense of humour.

We’ve a UK trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy, what is apparently the final one for Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and a fresh teaser for Gotham which looks at the villains of the show. There’s also a trailer for the documentary Video Games: The Movie, which, surprise surprise, looks at the history of video games. Yes, Zach Braff is the executive producer, but don’t hold that against them – Wil Wheaton is involved and Sean Astin is narrating.

Early details about the villains of Ant-Man have emerged, Mark Ruffalo has said that a Hulk movie might be back on and Scott Derrickson (Who’s writing Doctor Strange), will be writing the Outer Limits film. Paul WS Anderson has said the next Resident Evil film will be the last (Hands up if you believe that? No. Didn’t think so) and a reboot of Scooby Doo is in the works. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

I’ve not been able to find confirmation for the rumour that Jason Momoa will be playing Aquaman in Batman vs Superman (And Momoa has denied it when asked), but it sure sounds good. Sources say it’ll be a small appearance leading into a larger role in Justice League, which sounds oddly plausible. I think it’s a pretty good choice, but my favourite version of the character is still the one from The Brave and the Bold. Mind you, if they cast Momoa to play it in that direction, that would be amazing. Reports also state that a Batman solo film is set for 2019, but given DC’s scheduling and ability (Or lack of…) to make films that aren’t about Batman or Superman, who the hell knows what’ll happen?

Go on, call him useless. I dare you.

Seth Green is joining the voice cast of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon, replacing Jason Biggs as the voice of Leonardo, rumours are spreading about a returning villain in the next series of Doctor Who and wonderfully, there’s to be a sequel to Peter Davison’s anniversary celebration The Five Doctors… ish. It was confirmed by Eighth Doctor Paul McGann, who cryptically said as it involved multiple Time Lords, it could be filming next week, the distant future of 1822 for all we know!

Turning to gaming news now, a new edition of horror RPG Chill has been announced, the X-Wing miniatures game will soon have Dash Rendar’s Outrider and the VT-49 Decimator gunship available and there’s pictures of an Aliens board game based on a never released cartoon series. If you’ve ever wondered what the monsters in Dungeons and Dragons games do for recreation, then the web-series Cubicles and Careers should answer that.

Looking at sequels, we have the first tiny tease of the dinosaurs of Jurassic World, Ron Perlman still wants to make Hellboy 3 and no, Max Landis isn’t involved in Ghostbusters 3, but he had a cracking idea for it. Also, release dates for the next Transformers, Star Trek and GI-Joe films have been announced. There’s no word if Michael Bay will be directing Transformers 5, as he previously said he was finished after directing Dark of the Moon, but wound up directed Age of Extinction, which it’s been confirmed will be an arse numbing and bladder expanding 166 minutes long.

Kittens make everything better. Though you’d need a lot to fix Transformers 2.

We haven’t had any Star Wars news, outside of reports about how injured Harrison Ford was on set, and the announcement of the documentary The People vs George Lucas 2. It’ll look at the sale of Lucasfilm to Disney and is set to be released around the time of Episode 7. There’s a picture of Gendy Tartakovsky’s Popeye, Will Smith’s loss is Jared Leto’s gain, with Leto taking the lead in Brilliance after Smith dropped out and the Shredder’s armour from the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film looks suitably Michael Bay. By which we ,mean utterly impractical and incredibly over the top. I have an immense amount of sympathy for the poor stunt people who had to fear and fight in that get-up.

Heroes Reborn has signed up it’s first original cast member, with Jack Coleman reprising the role of the guy in the glasses. Yes, I’m sure he had an actual name, but that would have meant paying attention to the show, so yeah…. Moving on, the last episode of Game of Thrones series 4 has broken it’s own record for most pirated show, there’s casting news for the SyFy series Z-Nation and the next season of Ultimate Spider-Man will have ALL THE SPIDER-MEN. Yes, including Miles Morales and Spider-Ham.

There’s a beautiful Viking-esque rendition of Toothless from How to Train your Dragon, a movie adaption of video game Dead Rising is being planned, as is a movie of James Wan’s comic series Malignant Man. There’s apparently trouble on the film adaption of Into the Woods with songs being cut, Alan Ball is working on a True Blood musical and Quentin Tarantino is working on a comic series where Django meets Zorro.

WARNING: CUTENESS OVERLOAD.

We leave you this week with news that the Tomb of Dracula may have been found, fencer Guy Windsor has been analysing the fencing references in The Princess Bride and a man wearing a suit covered with Mentos falling into a tub of Diet Coke. Science is wonderful isn’t it?

Quote of the Week:

Danger Mouse: [Looking at sign on door that reads C.H.M.F.F.G.] Look, Penfold… look what it says on that door.

Penfold: Oh, yes…”Chi-muff-guh”.

DM: “Chi-mu–” No, Penfold, it stands for ‘Car Holding Magnetic Force Field Generator’.

Penfold: ‘Cor…how’d you figure that?

DM: Mm. [confidentially] I read the script.

Penfold: Ooh, naughty Danger Mouse!

Danger Mouse – Journey to the Earth’s Cor!

Cheers,

Gavin

DC, are you serious?

Yes, yes again we’re late. Well, there’s been a lot on OK?

I spent the long weekend gaming at Phenomenon in Canberra, continue to lose games of Lords of Waterdeep and recently spent some time teaching a 4 year old girl to throw knives. In my defence, they were LARP safe foam knives and her parents have already taught her the proper to kill a zombie. (Double Tap of course!) Moving on…

The most glorious thing I’ve seen recently is a tough choice between the Aurora Borealis seen over Minnesota, an Uruk Hai doing the grocery shopping or Mark Hamill having a conversation between Luke Skywalker and The Joker. It’s short, but oh so sweet. For those in even more need of distractions from the real world (So you’ve been following Australian politics as well?), there’s a jazz version of the Game of Thrones theme, which is as amazing as the Duck Tales theme done by Saturday Morning Slow Jams. Takes me back to first seeing The Moods do the Cantina Band song it does…

Good news everyone! Disney have reversed course and will be rolling out Princess Leia merchandise. Now, if said merchandise can not focus on the metal bikini, that’d be great. Leia’s one of the leading figures of the Rebellion, a take’s no shit from Darth Vader, self rescuing figure of awesome, and I for one would be very happy if those aspects of her character were recognised more. In more news from the ’About Fucking Time’ department, Episode 7 recently announced a pair of new female roles, adding Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years a Slave) and Gwendoline Christie (Game of Thrones) to the film, but frustratingly we still have no idea who’ll they’ll be playing. I don’t care about on-set pictures, I just want to know who’s playing who! There’s also talk that Simon Pegg will be appearing, but that seems to be a standard rumour for every geek project these days.

It’s been confirmed that Josh Trank is directing a second Star Wars spin off movie. It’ll be Trank’s second film in that universe, with a short he made in college in 2007, called Stabbing at Leia’s. A few early details for the now cancelled series Star Wars: Underworld have surfaced, including when Han and Chewie first met and when Lando lost the Falcon to Han, Lawrence Kasdan is reportedly writing a Boba Fett movie, while JJ Abrams’s response to a recent glut of leaked photos was kinda cute.

A boy and his Wookiee

Following on from the news that Peyton Reed will be directing Ant-Man, with Marvel releasing a synopsis for the film, Vincent D’Onofrio has been cast as the Kingpin in Daredevil and while in more surprising news, Scott Derrickson (Sinister) will be directing Doctor Strange. Unsurprisingly, Tom Hardy and Benedict Cumberbatch have been linked to the title role. What is said to be the DC movie schedule from here to 2018 has leaked and if true, it’s pretty bizarre. Shazam and Sandman movies before Wonder Woman? I’m not saying they aren’t worthy of a movie, but surely the chance to one-up Marvel by delivering a female led movie first is something worth doing?

Jupiter Ascending has been pushed back to early 2015, some spiffy new posters for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have emerged and Guillermo Del Toro has had to pass on directing a live action Beauty and the Beast film, owing to the several million other projects he’s working on. Dan Harmon still has hope we’ll see more Community, HBO has explained why they aren’t making American Gods, while one of the writers of Game of Thrones is working on the Magic: The Gathering script.

There’s a collection of video game trailers from the E3 convention, including gameplay footage from Batman: Arkham Knight and looks at Dragon Age 3, Assassin’s Creed: Unity and Star Wars: Battlefront. There’s been some controversy about Assassin’s, mainly it’s lack of female characters and the outrageously shitty excuses concerning the lack of said characters in the game. Ubisoft have tried to explain, but those comments (As well as those talking about Far Cry 4) have only dug deeper into the hole. I’m no programmer, but I don’t buy the excuse that adding female characters would have doubled the workload. There’s 10 studios working on this thing and you can’t add something representing half of the world’s population and thus increasing the chances of selling more copies of your game? On the bright side, they’re said to be fixing the eavesdropping missions, which are my least favourite thing about the games.

As usual, John Kovalic say’s it better than I can.

The first trailer for the documentary Turtle Power, looking at the history of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and is set to be released several days after the new movie and may prove to be an antidote for it. I don’t hold a huge attachment to the franchise, but it was a large part of my life for a couple of years, so I’m curious to see how the new film holds up. We also have another trailer for Sin City: A Dame to Kill For and the first looks at the spin off Penguins of Madagascar, which is really all I wanted from the Madagascar films themselves and Birdman, starring Michael Keaton as a washed up actor who used to play a superhero. Strange isn’t the word, but it certainly looks interesting.

Turning to the idiot box, there’s teasers for Constantine, the first good look at Dominion (Which looks terrible, but has Anthony Stewart Head) and Sharknado 2: The Second One manages to look even dumber than the first. On the bright side, the film is sponsoring shark conservation research, so some good will come of it. There’s also the first look at the Star Trek fan project Axanar, documenting the Four Year war between the Klingon Empire and the Federation. Now, this is no mere fan project – they’ve managed to enlist the likes of Tony Todd, JG Hertzler, Kate Vernon and Richard Hatch in the cast. It’s weird hearing Tony Todd’s voice and not seeing him in Klingon makeup though…

We leave this week with a celebration of glorious pastime of my youth, with the first Fighting Fantasy Convention set to take place in London in September. If you’re like me, you’ll have many happy memories of flipping back and forth through the books, then finding you died, cursing in frustration and hoping you didn’t lose your place so you could try the other options!

Quote of the Week:

Joker: Dear friends, today is the day the clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream: the dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that! Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face, or an exploding whoopee cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed (starts getting angry) by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly, insignificant goniff who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him! This mound of diseased hyena filth who’s not fit to lick the dirt from my spats! (suddenly cheerful again) But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It’s time to look ahead, to a future filled with smiles. And I’ll be smiling again, just as soon as we take that man there and slap him in that box there, and roll it into that vat of acid there! (the hoodlums place Sid into the coffin, and Harley Quinn plays “Amazing Grace” on the kazoo as the coffin starts moving into the acid vat)

Sid: (as his coffin rolls off) No! No! I never meant to do it! Help! This isn’t funny anymore! Would it help if I said I’m sorry? I’m really, really, really, really, really sorry!

Joker: (After Harley finishes her kazoo solo) Well, that was fun! Who’s for Chinese?

Batman The Animated Series: The Day the Clown Cried

Cheers,

Gavin

Musing on a life changing event, aka IRON MAIDEN air guitars

Everyone has that sort of event – you meet someone, read something or hear something that utterly changes your worldview from that moment on. I’ve had more than a few of them in my time. My list includes such things as It’s Alive by the Ramones, Return of the Jedi, and even The Da Vinci Code. (My wife and I were set up by mutual friends at a showing, I didn’t go see it of my own free will. I’m mad, but I’m not crazy) I won’t be talking about those though. This one was sparked by a book, but not any old book mind you. The Book of Revelations, chapter and verse 13:18 to be precise…

Woe to you, O Earth and Sea

For the Devil sends the Beast with wrath

Because he knows the time is short

Let him who hath understanding reckon the Number of the Beast

For it is a human number

It’s number is Six Hundred and Sixty Six…

If I close my eyes I can still see it – I was in my early teens, though I don’t remember what year exactly. A family holiday is taking place, but this is all I remember, outside of the horrors of the walk to the outside toilet. It’s near midnight, an almost perfect time for metal, my headphones are plugged into my Walkman and Three Hours of Power (Triple J’s heavy metal show) is on. All that’s lacking is a thunderstorm, lightning strike or Viking invasion to make it more metal and even then, I’m not sure I would have noticed. I don’t remember what played before or after, just the song that would change my life forever more.

The intro had my curiosity, all doom and devils and a Vincent Price soundalike, then Bruce Dickinson whispering of horrific dreams and evil faces and then it hit my ears. THAT BIG SCREAM. It was the sort of scream that echoes down the ages, a primal scream of rage and frustration, said to have been borne of several hours in the studio repeating the first four lines of the song. The sort of scream that doesn’t just put hair on your chest, it puts hair EVERYWHERE. Pure audio testosterone. Within those few brief seconds I knew, with all certainty in my barely formed teenage mind that I was hooked and I have been ever since.

It’s not just Dickinson’s scream though – Clive Burr’s jazzy drumming, the interplay between Dave Murray and Adrian Smith on guitar and Steve Harris’s bass work (That man’s right hand has to be a machine – it’s the only thing that can explain his bass work) just meld together into something magical. Seeing them live in 2008 was one of the most amazing nights of my life – seeing grizzled mullet wearing men as excited as teen girls outside a Beiber gig is not something you forget in a hurry, let alone a women dressed for an elegant garden party descending into the pit and emerging post show drenched in sweat and beaming. I can’t properly explain the appeal – I could talk for hours about the quality of the song writing, the at times inhumanly skilled musicianship (Watch Steve Harris’s right hand during Run to the Hills), or the sheer joy that the band have for what they’re playing and that they continue to do so. It’s a glorious and magnificent noise that I love with all my heart and I thank the universe daily that I was exposed to it.

So yeah, Costa Zoulio, you have my lifelong thanks. Without that moment my life would be a lot less metal and all the poorer for it. *throws horns*

Let’s do the Time Lord again!

We’re on time this week! Bizarrely…

I’m torn between Slayer’s Raining Blood, played on the banjo, and James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender doing impressions of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen for the greatest thing I’ve seen this week. MacAvoy might win it, solely for the freak out when Stewart asks him to say ‘Space…’

We start this week kind of angry again. I know, I know, what a surprise… Why? I was just getting to that… Film scholar Natalie Wrayford was curious as to the lack of Princess Leia themed merchandise at Disney stores, and got a pretty brutal response to her enquiry. Granted, Disney hasn’t had the license for that long and are no doubt ramping up for Episode 7, but you’d expect them to do better than this. Maybe they haven’t learnt from the recent shortages of Frozen merchandise, or were stuck trying to think of something other than the gold bikini. The outrage has resulted in a Twitter campaign based around the hashtag #WeWantLeia and hopefully will result in some good news, or at least some Leia action figures that aren’t her in the metal bikini. Mind you, we’re also still waiting for JJ Abrams to announce the mystery new female character in Episode 7 – how many Bothan’s have to die for that information? Meanwhile, Leia herself, Carrie Fisher, has spoken about wanting to get the character right, while at a recent convention, also saying she wanted the famous hair buns to return, but in grey.

Help us Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope!

Sydney is joining Melbourne and Brisbane in getting it’s first gamer bar! Spawn Point, located in Clarence St in the CBD, is set to open in August and will feature a mix of new and classic consoles available for play. There’s no word if tabletop gaming will be encouraged, but that would be awesome. In further gaming news, Lego Batman 3 has been announced, with a first trailer being released. There’s also trailers for The Strain, Earth to Echo and The Book of Life (Produced by Guillermo Del Toro) while in an unexpected bonus, there’s the first American trailer for Snowpiercer, which is getting a US release with the 25 minutes that Harvey Weinstein wanted to cut left intact. Hooray for small victories!

Remember the High Elf who attacked a car while on LSD? Well, he gave an interview this week and he’s a very special kind of crazy. Why is it when role-players make the news they always talk to the crazy ones? Couldn’t you just be a regular kind of weird? Like the guy who trimmed his hedge into a Dragon or the academic who claims that Britain has an underground network of 15,000 vampires? (And yes, he claimed role players were among them) There’s also been news about the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons – you’ll be able to get a free PDF of the rules, known as Basic D&D. It’ll contain rules for character levels 1 to 20 and have the Cleric, Fighter, Rogue and Wizard classes, with Dwarf, Elf, Halfling and Human as racial options. At launch it will have the basic, but with the release of the Player’s Handbook in August the PDF will expand to include monsters, magic items and all the rules needed to run the game.

Come on, Papa needs a new Sword of Wounding!

A reboot of the Stargate movie series has been announced, with both Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin working on the project. There’s no word if any of the TV series (SG-1, Atlantis and Universe) will factor into it, but I’m expecting they won’t. Emmerich is currently busy with Independence Day 2, which is being rewritten at the moment. Turning to sequels I actually want to see, Taylor Kitsch has been talking about the John Carter sequel we never got and it’s kind of heartbreaking. For all the flaws that film has, it still deserved a larger audience, or, to be slightly crazy, an audience that gave it a chance in the first place. No, it’s not perfect, and there’s parts that fall over quite badly, but it’s a far better film than the promos made it look like.

A sequel to World War Z is being written, Alfonso Cuaran has said he has no idea no idea about either The Shining prequel or the Harry Potter spin-off he was said to be directing and the first teaser poster for Bananaman has been released. We still have no idea who’s actually involved with it (The Goodies better be in there somewhere!), but it’s a spiffy poster. Kevin Smith has been claiming that Dawn of Justice is the lead in to a 5-6 movie Justice League series and we have the first on-set photos from the Terminator reboot.

Rumour has it the BBC were considering cancelling Doctor Who after David Tennant left and singer/songwriter Foxes will be appearing in the next season (No, I’ve never heard of her either) while a group of fans with a lot of spare time and talent have created the Doctor singing the Time Warp. I’m honestly surprised it’s taken this long for someone to do that…

Good to know what our parliamentarians are getting paid to argue about.

A casting sheet for the next season of Game of Thrones has been leaked and as it’s mostly Dornish characters, it means my hope of seeing Damphair on screen is even more forlorn. I have no idea why a discount travel website would do this, but cheapflights.com.au featured a Dothraki for Beginners guide. Marvel has cast Daredevil for the Netflix series and John Wesley Shipp (Who played the Flash in the 90’s series) will have a recurring role in the new series. Online service Hulu is in talks to being back Community and Halle Berry’s ‘Rosemary’s Baby in Spaaaaace!’ series Extant will premiere on Amazon Prime.

We end this week with word that two of the most overblown spectacles in recent history are joining forces – there’s to be an Avatar themed Cirque du Soleil show. I remember when James Cameron made movies…

Quote of the Week:

[The Doctor is cornered by four Angel Hosts in the kitchen.]

The Doctor: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Security protocol one! Do you hear me? One! One-ah! [The Hosts pause their attack.] OK. That gives me three questions. Three questions to save my life, am I right?

Host: Information: Correct.

The Doctor: No, that wasn’t one of them! I didn’t mean it! That’s not fair! Can I start again?

Host: Information: No.

The Doctor: No! No, no, no, no! That wasn’t a question either! Blimey… One question left. One question. All right. So. You’ve been given orders to kill the survivors but survivors; therefore, must be passengers or staff. But not me. I’m not a passenger, I’m not staff. Go ahead, scan me. [The Hosts do so.] You must have bio-records. No such person on board. I don’t exist. Therefore, you can’t kill me. Therefore, I’m a stowaway; and stowaways should be arrested and taken to the nearest figure of authority. And I reckon… the nearest figure of authority… is on deck 31. Final question. Am I right?

Host: Information: Correct.

The Doctor: Brilliant. Take me to your leader. I’ve always wanted to say that!

Doctor Who – Voyage of the Damned

Cheers,

Gavin

The difference, old chum, is I’m not wearing hockey pads.

We’re late, again, as I’m sure you guessed. What’s the reason for this? Well, there was a medieval fair (I bought a drinking horn from the people who made my wife and I’s wedding rings), my 4^th wedding anniversary and a few other excuses I could cite, but mostly, the blame can be laid at the feet of Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag. Those who have played it will understand, those who won’t just understand yet how awesome it is to be an assassin AND a pirate.

Yes, yes they are. And my wife is even cooler.

Writer/Producer David Goyer has been in the news a lot, after making some rather unkind comments about Martian Manhunter and She-Hulk in a now deleted podcast. We won’t repeat any of them (You can find them at the link), but suffice to say they caused something of a shitstorm, with a universally negative reaction. Even Stan Lee has given his two cents on the matter, with two of the better looks at the situation coming from blogger Steve Darlington and FILM CRIT HULK. As far as I know Goyer hasn’t commented, but podcast host Craig Mazin has and as apologies go, I’ve seen better ones from 6 year olds. Let’s move on shall we?

To cleanse the palate from that, the first teaser trailer for the new season of Doctor Who has landed, with the show set to air in August. Karl Urban has called for a Kickstarter to fund a Dredd sequel, we’ve seen the first trailer for TV show The Quest, which is Survivor meets Dungeons and Dragons (And looks a lot less insulting than King of the Nerds) and the next Superman film now has an official title: Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. Meh. Could be better, could be worse.

It was announced earlier today that Gareth Edwards will be directing the first Star Wars spin-off movie. It’s not known who or what the film will be about, but the list of upcoming projects that was leaked this week, if true, says we’re getting a Boba Fett film. (Edwards is going to be a busy boy, what with two Godzilla sequels on the way) JJ Abrams shot a message from the set, promoting a new charity venture, Force for Change, and announcing a competition to win an appearance in the movie. Watching the creature walk past made my heart skip a beat – practical effects and puppets, be still my beating heart… There’s also been reports of Chewbacca and Stormtroopers filming in Iceland, though to counter that, the game Attack Squadrons (said to be almost finished) has been cancelled. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for another good Star Wars flight game?

The highlight of my teenage years.

Trailer wise, there’s been an ‘international trailer’ for Transformers: Age of Extinction, along with 3 new TV spots. There’s also a second trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy and a third for Jupiter Ascending, which has a long way to go to match Amazing Spider-Man 2’s record. We would bring you the teaser for Big Hero 6, but a pox on trailers for trailers. Ahem. There’s the first looks at Kingsman: The Secret Service, which has the classic street thug recruited by MI6 routine, but with Colin Firth, teasers for upcoming SyFy shows Ascension and Dominion and the first trailer at Dark Dungeons, the adaption of the legendary anti Dungeons and Dragons tract by Jack Chick. ARE YOU READY TO RPG?

One of the most controversial games of the 90’s, Night Trap, may be returning, and yeah… Halo 5 and Far Cry 4 have been announced and we’ll be getting a new Rockstar game before March 2015, though what it will be is still a mystery. I’m hoping for a sequel to Red Dead Redemption myself, but I love a good western. We also have a new trailer for Arkham Knight, which has the return of Kevin Conroy (Batman: The Animated Series) as the voice of Batman, after he sat out Arkham: Origins. I’ve said it before and will say it again – if someone doesn’t mod the Adam West Batmobile in this, I’m going to be very disappointed. Because a world where Kevin Conroy’s Bat-Voice say’s ‘Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed’ is a vastly better world to the one in which we live and to argue otherwise is somewhere on the scale of MONUMENTALLY STUPID between invading Russia in winter and paying to watch Adam Sandler movies.

We have more information on the release of the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons! There’ll be a starter box set (With pre-gen PC’s, dice and an adventure) available mid-July, with the release of the three core books (Players Handbook, Monster Manual and Dungeon Masters Handbook) released between August and November, in an effort to reduce errors. They’ll be complimented by a pair of adventures, Horde of the Dragon Queen and Rise of Tiamat, where players will be pitted against Tiamat, one of the most legendary foes in the history of the game. Surprisingly, it’s not all from Wizards of the Coast – the miniatures line has been licensed to Wiz Kids, makers of Mage Knight and Hero Clix, while the adventures to be released alongside the core books were created by Kobold Press.

Everything’s better with Dio. EVERYTHING.

Bad news everybody! Edgar Wright has left Ant-Man, with the dreaded artistic differences being cited as the reason. A new director is yet to be announced and best of luck to them – they’ll need it. There’s been no comment from Marvel, while Wright issued a now deleted Tweet, but Guardians director James Gunn has written about the split, while Joss Whedon hoisted a Cornetto in support, a gesture reminiscent of the famous Mexico City 68 salute. Furthermore, it’s been announced that Drew Goddard has left the Netflix Daredevil series, with Steven S De Knight announced as the new showrunner.

It’s been confirmed that Agent Carter will be 8 episodes long (Or at least it’s first season will be), which is a very good thing and has made me very happy – the American system of as many episodes as possible really annoys me. There’s some pictures of Hawkeye’s new costume in Avengers: Age of Ultron, Hugh Jackman wants Wolverine to join the Avengers, seemingly just so he can fight the Hulk and actress Eden Sher had a meeting with Marvel, which has to mean she’s playing Ms Marvel, right?

Now, I have very little to back this up with, but apparently a pilot is being written for a Locke Lamora TV series. (Based on the books by Scott Lynch) If this happens I’ll be a very, very happy man. For those who’ve not read the books, they’re a fantasy series about a group of thieves called the Gentleman Bastards and are FUCKING AWESOME. No, you don’t get anymore – go read the first book (The Lies of Locke Lamora) and tell me that wouldn’t make a great series. Former Walking Dead showrunner Glen Mazzara is working on a TV version of The Omen, Robert Downey Jr has bought the rights to an episode of Charlie Brooker’s series Black Mirror and the comic series V-Wars (From IDW Publishing) is being adapted for TV. Turning to the web, the sci fi comedy Space Happens is seeking funding and Chris Hardwick’s All Star Celebrity Bowling is coming to AMC!

Are you interested yet?

The first picture of Gal Gadot as Diana Prince in Batman vs Superman has leaked and Kevin Smith won’t shut up about Ben Affleck’s Batsuit. We’ve seen the first poster for Minions (The Despicable Me spin off), Molly Ringwald and Juliette Lewis have joined Jem and the Holograms and Gobber (Craig Ferguson) will be coming out in How to Train Your Dragon 2. If any of you feel the need to scream ‘But think of the children’, blame Craig Ferguson – it was his ad-lib. Oh, and LIGHTEN UP. Alfonso Cuaran is line to direct both the first Fantastic Beasts film (The Harry Potter spin off) and a prequel to The Shining, a sequel to the Lego Movie is in the works, as is a two movie version of Stephen King’s It.

We end this week with some fantastic cosplay – a street performer dressed as a transforming Bumblebee and the magnificence that is Baby Predator, which is something between utterly adorable and pants wettingly terrifying. Either way, it’s deserving of applause.

Quote of the Week:

“… It’s perfect! Locke would appreciate it.”

“Bug,” Calo said, “Locke is our brother and our love for him knows no bounds. But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are ‘Locke would appreciate it.'”

“Rivalled only by ‘Locke taught me a new trick,'” added Galo.

“The only person who gets away with Locke Lamora games …”

“… is Locke …”

“… because we think the gods are saving him up for a really big death. Something with knives and hot irons …”

“… and fifty thousand cheering spectators.”

Scott Lynch – The Lies of Locke Lamora

Cheers,

Gavin

shoutybeardything

Author Archives: shoutybeardything

I’m Thor, but not complaining…

I sold my soul for rock and roll

Lasers to left of them, lasers to right of them, lasers infront of them…

coughhackwheezesnort

Sequel? A sequel you say?

He’s the ace! He’s amazing!

DC, are you serious?

Musing on a life changing event, aka IRON MAIDEN air guitars

Let’s do the Time Lord again!

The difference, old chum, is I’m not wearing hockey pads.