*coughhackwheezesnort*

We’re down sick this week, so if this instalment is confused and incoherent, if we repeat ourselves, fly off on bizarre tangents, or sound like we’ve ingested a dozen bottles of cough syrup (OR MORE SO THAN NORMAL) then we can only apologize. Right, on with things!

First off, there’s a fantastic stop motion short of Optimus Prime battling Devastator, the Basic Rules for the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons have been released as a free PDF and a collection of five hundred fairy tales that had been locked away in an archive in Germany had been unearthed. Last for this bit, there’s some fan art. A young Muslim girl drew herself as various comic characters but with a twist – they’re all wearing hijabs. It’s a lovely concept, especially the Captain America and Hulk which are fantastic.

tee-choose-your-weapon-closeup

And may all your hits be Crits!

In what has to be a record for them, Fox have cancelled the ancient Egyptian intrigue show Hieroglyph before it even aired. The show had been given an order straight to series and had completed the first episode before the axe fell. Apparently the show “wasn’t creatively coming together the way executives had hoped,” which is an impressive bit of Buzzword Bullshit Bingo if you ask me. You ordered 13 episodes before making the pilot, shouldn’t you have worked out stuff like that beforehand?

Another teaser trailer for the next season of Doctor Who has appeared, with a familiar sounding voice in it. Another returning monster has been confirmed for the next season, along with word that Michelle Gomez will be playing a character called the Gatekeeper. We’re still waiting for who’s playing the Keymaster though. (Yes, we know we’re far from the only person to make that joke, but it had to be done.) Good news! Yahoo Screen has picked up Community for a sixth season! Dan Harmon is involved, and presumably the rest of the cast, though we don’t know if Donald Glover will return. We have six seasons, now we just need a movie! There’s talk that some male characters in the new Danger Mouse will now be female, Harmony Gold are Kickstarting a pilot for a new Robotech series and Seth Rogen has been teasing the adaption of Preacher he’s producing.

Bryan Fuller is developing American Gods for the Starz network, John Constantine won’t be smoking on TV, which has upset a few people. Hey, at least they didn’t make him an American, have Shia LeBouf as his sidekick and give him a magic shotgun eh? We also have details of a few other changes and Easter Eggs that have been seen in the show’s promotional material. Clive Barker’s Nightbreed is becoming a TV series, Devon Aoki and Peter Stormare are joining the cast of Arrow and Carol Kane will be playing Oswald Cobblepot’s mother in Gotham. Is it wrong I’ll be watching her hoping she sneaks the line “Have fun storming the castle” into the script? Adam West, Burt Ward and Julie Newmar will be appearing at Comic Con to preview the Batman 66 DVD set and the BBC has confirmed four new episodes of Sherlock.

adam_west_batman_by_spicemaster-d6k9wkj

TELL ME YOU WOULDN’T WATCH THAT FILM. YOU CAN’T, CAN YOU?

The first proper promotional picture from Batman V Superman has emerged and well… It’s a bit shit. I’ve read very little Superman over the years, but I’ve never seen him as Broody McBroodyPants, even in the 90’s when he wore a mullet. In order to distract from that, you can read Zack Snyder’s justification for just why there’s a V instead of Vs in the title. (If you want to hit yourself in the head with a brick after reading that, you aren’t alone) Furthermore, there’s talk that the studio hired Kevin Smith to write a fake script solely to leak, which would mean that all the rumours we’ve seen for the past few months are FALSE AND LIES. Why go to that extent? Or, if you’re going to do that, why not leak a version of the script that was going to be used for the Nicholas Cage film to really mess with people’s heads?

The viral marketing for Guardians of the Galaxy has produced this wonderful galactic travel site, Mark Ruffalo has denied a Planet Hulk movie and Colin Treverrow has given us another sneaky look at Jurassic World. A sequel to Enchanted is back on (Hey, better late than never) and Andy Serkis is working on both Avengers: Age of Ultron (Working with Mark Ruffalo) and Star Wars: Episode 7, which has added Billie Lourd, Carrie Fisher’s daughter, to it’s cast. Word is GI Joe 3 will be focused on Dwayne Johnson’s character Roadblock (Which is different from it’s ‘All Ninjas, all the time’ teaser poster), Bryan Singer has teased the opening of X:Men-Apocalypse and a movie version of video game series Thief is in development.

We would bring you another clip from Sharknado 2: The Second One but I haven’t been able to find a version of it that’s available in Australia, which means we’re both cursing region locked videos and very thankful for region locked videos. We do, however, have the first look at Sharktopus vs Pteracuda, which is, well, I’ll let a picture show my thousand words.

screen-shot-2014-04-14-at-7-41-49-pm

Enough said.

The trailer for Dracula Untold has Luke Evans brooding, a whole lot of CG stuff getting chucked about and Charles Dance sounding eerily like Benedict Cumberbatch, there’s men in kilts in the trailer for time travel drama Outlander and the look at To be Takei is well, fabulous. There’s a series of 3 short films bridging the gap between the recent Planet of the Apes films and we won’t be seeing a full trailer for The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies until October, but you can expect a teaser in a few weeks. No doubt they’re busy cramming even more Elf related bullshit into it, between all the pointless side quests, party splitting and other stuff that WASN’T IN THE BOOK OR LOTR APPENDICES. No I don’t like Elves, the pointy eared arrogant prats and no, n-case you hadn’t guessed and no, my identifying with the Dwarves isn’t cause I look more like one, it’s cause it’s A: meant to be the Dwarves movie and B: shit storytelling. I know you want to link to the Rings films, but there’s ways to do it that aren’t quite so well, shit. And don’t get me started on that dragged out, pointless drawn out 20 minutes of running around Erebor – I haven’t been so angry at an action scene since the factory chase in Attack of the Clones.

We leave you this week with a look at several short films made by Toby Froud, son of Wendy and Brian Froud who were part responsible for Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal. Nightmare fuel in foam and felt.

Quote of the Week:

[After surviving a gladiatorial fight, at which point they would have been free]

Miek: No hmpfing! The Red *kik* King to pardoning us now.

Hulk: Red King?

Miek: The EmperorHis planet. We just living here.

Hulk: He runs this stupid world?

Miek: As much as he grabbing anyway.

[The Hulk leaps at the Red King’s seat]

Hulk: Finally. Hulk knows who to smash.

Planet Hulk – Issue #92

Cheers,

Gavin

 

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