You know where you are? You’re in the dungeon baby!

Se, between writing for An Age Undreamed Of (The working title for the Conan game), work, my Star Wars game (Which I’ve been taking notes for and will update you on) and a few vists from the Black Dog, I’ve been a bit pre-occupied. Naturally, when I’m trying to write something, brain will try to write something else.So, having seen the card game Welcome to the Dungeon a few weeks ago, brain immediately thought of the Guns and Rose’s song followed by “That’s a good idea for a con one-shot.” Over the next few hours it evolved into a game show esque concept and I mentally filed the idea away. Bad move. It stuck. So, in order to get it out of my system, here’s a rough edit of the opening credits of Welcome to the Dungeon!

[OPENING ECHO PEDAL GUITAR BIT OF SONG] Camera swoops down through a huge mountain range, taking us to the entrance to DUNGEON STADIUM, a massive pair of bronze and iron doors in the side of the mountain. They open and the camera enters, revealing the stadium, a massive complex filled with traps and monsters flanked by rows of audience members cheering wildly and waving giant foam weapons excitedly.

[VOCALS KICK IN]
Welcome to the dungeon, we got the fun and games
We got everything you want, honey we know the names.
[SHOTS OF OUR HOSTS]
We are the people who can find, whatever you may need
[LOVING SHOTS OF ADVENTURERS GEAR – COILS OF ROPE, GLEAMING WEAPONS, HEALING POTIONS ETC]
If you got the money honey, we got your disease
[SHOTS OF ADVENTURERS BEING TURNED TO STONE, CONVULSING ETC. REAL JOHN HURT MOMENT TYPE STUFF]
Welcome to the dungeon, we take it day by day,
If you want it you’re gonna bleed, but that’s the price you pay.
[SHOTS OF COMBAT – BLOOD SPURTING, LIMBS SEVERING, THAT SORT OF THING]
Cause when you’re high you never, ever want to come down, suck down, suck down…
[ADVENTURERS FALLING FROM LEDGES, BEING GRABBED BY MONSTERS, FALLING INTO PIT TRAPS ETC]
[GUITAR SOLO]
[SHOTS OF SWIRLING AND MESSY MELEE COMBATS]
You know where you are? You’re in the dungeon baby, you’re gonna die!
[PAN AROUND SHOT OF BAND OF ADVENTURERS, ADVANCING MONSTERS ON ALL SIDES]
[AS SONG STARTS TO COME TO AN END, CAMERA MOVES BACK THROUGH DUNGEON STADIUM, GETTING FASTER AND FASTER, WITH THE FINAL SHOT OF THE DOORS SLAMMING CLOSED ON “It’s gonna bring you down huh!”

NPC’s:
OUR HOSTS: Let’s call them BOB and DAVE for the moment.
The IN DUNGEON CORRESPONDENT, a Valkyrie who’se constantly unhappy about the skimpy and impractical armour she’s forced to wear for the show.
THE SAGE: Who tells the audience what’s in the room the Adventurers are about to enter and the week’s themed Dungeon Rooms.
THE THIEF: Pops up from time to time to try to steal from the party and exchange terrible dad jokes wih OUR HOSTS.

So, the game itself. It’s currently a rather lethal game show, sort of The Running Man crossed with The Crystal Maze. I should also watch some Takeshi’s Castle and It’s a Knockout while I’m at it I guess. Sure, there’s the needing two GM’s (And I know two people who’d be magnificent at it) and I still can’t decide what GM’s would have to wear between the horrible neon suits you can find at Lowes or wizards robes made of fabric that’s cheaper than dirt.

Lastly, what system do I run it with? Or, for that matter, do I run it as a freeform, or even a LARP? *ponders* I should sleep now. G’night all!

cue opening theme

It is a time of hope in the galaxy. The Rebel Alliance has struck a mighty blow with the destruction of the Empires dread new weapon, the DEATH STAR, but even as the Rebels celebrate, the Empire is far from defeated. The spark of rebellion that was close to being extinguished now blazes brightly across the galaxy. In the remote Lesaan system, a brave band of Rebels seek to strike a blow to help end the Empire’s tyranny…

There was an animated discussion over how many fingers Mon Calamari have and how that impacts upon their ability to flip the bird. I should be expecting this sort of thing more from my players and yet…*

So, the game itself? Well, there’s the Mon Cal commando (Who unfortunately didn’t have time to watch the film leading up to the first session), the Jawa Force-User (Who might have read the journal that Obi-Wan left for Luke, but he made sure to put it back), and a pair of human saboteurs (Apologies for the lack of details, but they took their character sheets home with them), all hoping to blow stuff up in the name of the Rebel Alliance.

It started with them looking at an Imperial installation they’d been ordered to investigate, as Intel had word that something was being cooked up there. Blowing it up was the ifrst idea, with dropping a starship on it from orbit an early idea. (That was suggested in one of the player’s other games, though in that game the idea was to drop a capital ship on the base) This got switched to smashing a truck through the wall and hoping that blows up the fuel depot (I’m happy they chose that option, as the widespread ecological devastation that would have resulted was a little dark for the first session), a slightly more sensible plan (Especially as the Mon Cal was somewhat horrified by the idea of going in through the sewers). Team Alien went to steal a truck, while Team Human went to mug some Army Troopers for their uniforms. Both plans went relatively well (Even with the pickup line being incredibly close to “Hey, do you want to go to that alley so you can see my boobs and I can stab you?”), thankfully followed by a pair of stun bolts and a quick cut to party members changing clothes bit. The law was alerted to the theft, but I’ll admit to dropping the ball on that GM wise.

Hotwiring the truck had a bit of a delay, with the Jawa accidentally plugging his R2 unit into the wrong socket (NOTE: That was not a euphemism). Team Alien then ran for the other side of the Imperial base while Team Human waited (With the fire extinguisher from the truck) for the explosion and planned to ingratiate themselves with the fire-fighting effort. The truck hit the fence, smashed partway through and went kaboom. Team Human raced to join the fire-fighting efforts, while Team Alien tried to sneak inside in the confusion. Some failed sneak rolls and an attempt at telekinesis later, Team Alien were busy getting shot at**. Meanwhile, Team Human had made their way inside and found themselves in R&D, which turned out to be a bio-weapons facility.

After changing into hazmat suits, they proceeded under cover of a surprise inspection, asking for a tour of the lab which the lead scientist was happy to give. He explained that they were developing a substance (Hey, I couldn’t resist trying to add a little enigma to it) that targeted non-humans, though they hadn’t worked out all the issues yet, namely being that some humans were still affected. Team Human left, informing Team Alien of their discovery, with the party being happy they didn’t just drop a ship on it from orbit. Anyhow, they’re on route to try to bail out Team Alien and hopefully destroy the facility without releasing the substance. They might even rescue the test subjects in the lab while they’re at it! We shall see…

Things I need to do for next session:
Relearn the system, especially the different between the Persuasion and Con skills.Also, possibly fold some skills together.
Have more people shoot at the PC’s. There was an express lack of gunfire and for that I blame only myself.
Not worry so much. I don’t need as much opening flavour text, or detail, and while I thought I wouldn’t have enough plot, I’ve still got a fair bit left. It’ll need expanding for next session, but it’s good to know I’ve got a start.
Also, if I’m going to write an opening monologue (Like the intros to Clone Wars, not the text crawl from the films), then I should remember to deliver the bloody thing.

Lastly, damn it feels good to be running this game again. It’s been a long time, a long time…

*It was decided by the GM they have 5 fingers and can flip the bird.
** There was some fucking awful dice rolling that session. The surprise was it wasn’t just mine!

Changes…

So, Team (Almost All) Dual Wield won a convincing (albeit slightly strange, even by their standards) victory over the forces of evil (Continuing to mightily sass the Watch as always) and now both laden down with cash and having (sadly inaccurate) street theatre made about their exploits are trying to decide what next. Sadly, that’ll have to wait – owing to a combination of one player’s looming unavailability, the fact we’re at a nice climactic point and my knack for crises of confidence, I’m putting that game on hold for the time being and switching to another. After some consultation with the group, we’re going old school. How old? A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

That’s right, way back to the late 90’s with West End Games Star Wars RPG, aka ‘Bring a bucket of D6’s.” I spent a lot of time playing it as a kid, and it still gives me that warm glow of nostalgia. First thoughts are how retro the book looks (That now ancient 2 column format combined with the cheesily photoshopped advertisements), but that’s kinda charming these days. The system has it’s quirks and things that are of their time (I have vauge memories of trying to use the Force at higher levels and rolling huge numbers of dice), but I’ve still got a lot of love for it. It was the first RPG I purchased after all, with an almost complete set of books for it sitting on the shelf and those few I don’t have are at the D6 Holocron. I was contemplating messing with the skills slightly (Merging the combat and parry skills mostly), but I think I’ll leave alone for the time being and see how it goes in play.

I’m really looking forward to the game, having gotten the itch to play Star Wars again after Rogue One. Different reaction to Force Awakens, which left me both grieving and with a whole load of questions to be answered (What happened post Jedi? Whats the current political situation? Who are the Knights of Ren?) while Rogue One made me want to pick up the dice (And blow stuff up). Therefore, the campaign is based around Rebel Alliance Special Operations, or as one of my players put it, the A-Team in space. I’m starting to write up details and plan ahead, but really I’m just hoping I can avoid the mistakes that plauged the last game. Mind you, I’d settle for not being in a blind panic writing adventures at the last minute. Granted, some of my best work has resulted from that, but it’s an approach I try not to take too regularly.

So, another game on the way. A band of Rebel misfits, out to steal from, cause chaos for and bring down the Empire, preferably with a lot of explosions. By the Force I’m looking forward to this, even if one player’s character is a Force sensitive Jawa who’s learning from having read the journal Obi-Wan Kenobi left for Luke Skywalker (He didn’t steal it, just read it) and another’s is Arnold Schwazenegger’s character in Commando, but Mon Calamari. My players…

“Let the following commence!”

My players see it as a badge of honour when I stop the game to write down something they’ve said. I am pleased with this.

Monday night saw the return of Team (Almost All) Dual Wield! Sadly it also saw me spend a lot of the game trying not to cough up a lung (Something I’m still doing), so this recap will likely be shorter than normal. If I’ve missed anything, I apologise to my players and ask them to please help me fill in the gaps.

Having just had a group of young nobles pointed out to them by the barman, a conversation was struck up, and it seems as if the Black Star thieves was a small scale smuggling network for a group of rich patrons*. They may have known the missing noble who might have started this, Denius, who seemed changed when they last saw him. They swiftly vanished, which led to the Rogue getting the Wizard and Ranger (now called Team Drunk) to watch the bar and look for anything strange (Having given them some coin), and the Fighter (Now called Team Door) to watch both the door (Which went nowhere but side to side) and Team Drunk to make sure they (AKA the wizard) didn’t burn the place down. The Rogue put in a call to find the Paladin’s sister (AKA his secret identity) and Team Sneak were on their way! While they were tracking the nobles (Who’d attempted to disguise themselves under cloaks), the Wizard and Ranger got roaringly drunk on booze and cheese (Actual cheese, not booze cheese. Though that’s an idea now that I think of it…) Both their players may have been on sugar highs thanks to the pineapple concoctions they were drinking which may have affected things, but I’m sure something strange would have happened regardless.

A drunken request at the bar for some Justice was put in, and shortly after a familiar member of the Watch, Sergeant Gounar, appeared. A by now very drunken wizard (He’s a Gnome and beer comes in pints) may have accidentally started to cast something, only for the Sergeant to pick him up and aim him out of the window at which point Team Sneak felt something of a disturbance in the Force. Team Drunk were gently escorted to the local drunk tank with a surprising minimum of fuss. Handcuffs were broken, though the cell bars weren’t and cheese was thrown at other inhabitants. Mercifully everyone was in seperate cells at that stage. The Fighter collected a claim ticket for them, and will hopefully return in the morning to collect them, giving the Ranger time to throw more cheese in the by now sleeping Wizard’s mouth. Also, the Ranger might have cast the spell to find her Animal Companion. (Actually, that might have happened in the bar, but things are blurry.)

Returning to Team Sneak, they followed the nobles to a warehouse in the Sea Ward of the city, and having failed to fully observe the secret knock, Batman’d it up the side of the building** and observed through a convenient skylight. An argument ensued between the nobles, with some concerned about what they’d gotten into. They were proved right when the one with the most bass in his voice (AKA the leader) proceeded to stab the lead doubter in the throat. At that, confusion reigned, and a discussion about intervening between the Rogue and Paladin led to them being spotted and dramatically bursting through skylights*** into battle! Things went better for the Rogue, at least at first, with some Flynning from the Paladin. Stabbings ensued, Persuasion rolls were made (With the Rogue failing one so badly that the leader didn’t think they’d kill him – it was that sort of a night) but eventually they prevailed.

More conversation ensued, with it being revealed that the smugglers were infact working for the nobles, bringing in luxuries and small contraband. They’d also heard of the missing noble, saying he was acting strangely. The dance of bargaining for their lives continued, with the leader about to rat them out when all of a sudden – *CLIFFHANGER SCREAM*

A slightly odd set of cliffhangers- conversation, cheese throwing and snoring, but it seemed to go well. I’m still getting used to a city based investigative campaign, but my players make all my nerves worth it. They’re an incredibly fun bunch to run for. Plots are coming to a head, and a confrontation seems soon to take place! *crashing chord* Will they meet the mysterious missing noble? Will they find out who their even more mysterious patron is? Will the wizard have to take another bath? Tune in to find out!

*Names were mixed up and things were slightly rewound, leading to the first Doctor Strange reference of the night.

**Sadly a minor celebrity didn’t poke their head out of a window. Probably a good thing as they would have been rumbled.

*** Yes, there was the faint sound of a Eagle. I’ve been replaying Black Flag recently.

Team (Almost all) Dual Wield!

So, when we last saw our intrepid band of heroes, their investigations had taken them to the Cliffwatch Inn, when all of a sudden, screams come from the kitchen! What happened next? Well, you’re about to find out!

The Paladin, curious, opened the door, to reveal several Giant Spiders crawling out of the ground and mencaing the staff. The Ranger tried to make friends with them, which didn’t really work, not matter how much she wanted it to. The Paladin bolted to try to find a phone booth to change into his secret identity, while the Rogue and Fighter started whaling on the spiders, with a particuarly impressive Sneak Attack one-shotting one of them. Damage was done both to and by the party, with the Ranger badly wounded and poisoned while the Fighter was consistently only able to hit with one of her two attacks. (Perhaps the universe sending a signal?)

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Weren’t expecting that were you?

The Wizard continued his track record of setting things on fire (Thanks to a well placed and sculpted Burning Hands), then shifted one of the barrels of cooking oil that was eerily close to the flame over to the tunnels the spiders had emerged from. Around that point the Paladin burst through a nearby window flailing his swords wildly and was about as effective as you’d expect doing that. After some more maiming of spiders (And the Ranger almost getting poisoned again), the spiders were murdered. This was to the Ranger’s annoyance, given that she wanted toto tame one so the Wizard could ride it. Needless to say, the Wizard was not on board with that plan.

Feed them? Feed them my axe!

Hessians sacks were doused in water and the flames began to be put out. Naturally, the Watch soon arrived, and Sergeant Gounar began to somewhat berate the PC’s. Turns out, random attacks like this had been citywide, and while the Watch doesn’t think the PC’s are responsible, it’s certainly odd that in a town with this many adventurers, this lot are continually found next to burning and/or dead things. It was politely requested that they accompany the Watch to a chat with their superiors, which the party took to mean secret arrest. Much eye-rolling from the Watch followed the now traditional party sassing session. And yes, the Wizard had scarpered by this point.

“I’m investigating, not persuading!”

The city official and Merchants Guild reps were agitated,but offered the PC’s employment and money if they would stop the threat. This was taken as a veiled threat, but had they walked out, well, I’m not sure what I would have done. (They wouldn’t have been stopped though.) The Fighter commenced investigating, discovering from the merchants several clues and a possible location, while the Ranger inquired about the 50GP of secret herbs and spices she needs to cast Find Animal Companion. (One of the merchants gave her a mysterious note!) There may have been jokes about how investigation is the reason they keep the Fighter around, a more than fair observation, given the Wizard’s tactic is simply screaming questions at people. Off they trotted to the bar they’d been told about, when the Ranger’s sorta boyfriend (The spunky Half-Orc) came flying through the doors. Bare Knuckle Wednesday get’s competitive.

“You see I’ve learnt this new spell and I’m thinking… fondue.”

A slightly awkward chat-up happened (Along with trying to work out if drunkenly trying to find a zoo counts as a date), with the party heading inside to investigate further. Questions were asked/yelled (I’ll let you decide who did what), as the group identified some of the possible compatriots/instigators. Crash zoom into their faces as they hear their names and roll credits!

“20!” *shocked expression* “No, not a natural 20, but your look of panic made it worth it.”

It was a bit of a mess of a session, as I’ve been sick and lost the most recently updated version of my game notes. That’ll teach not to have multiple versions of my notes stashed on different USB’s and computers. I’m also new to the whole ‘running a game based on intrigue’ thing but it seems to be working. On the bright side, my players continue to be gloriously silly, which makes it all worthwhile. As for what happens next, spoilers…

So, what’s different?

This is mostly reconstructed from thoughts I was having last night while I was trying to sleep, so it’s likely to be a bit rusty. Hopefully it’s also less inflammatory than I can get at that time of night. Anyhow, in amidst all the trying not to cough up a lung I’m doing at the moment, I have more thoughts on LARP. My main larp, Clans of Elgardt, is currenly on hiatus and I recently went to my first Scy’Kadia event which while I had issues with it, I enjoyed and plan to go back to. I’m leaving off a write up of it till I can get another couple of sessions under my belt.

(If you were expecting me to talk about something else, well I’m sorry. All I’m doing at the moment, apart from coughing and job hunting, is trying not to freak the fuck out over the American election, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to deal with it. )

So, there’s a bunch of fantasy LARP’s around my neck of the woods, along with a smattering of sci/fi and steampunk. As we’ve discussed, I’m in the early stages of writing a post apocalypse game and am helping write another couple of games. I wouldn’t say there’s a glut of fantasy events, but the do seem to be in the majority. So, while I’ve said I’d prefer to be part of something different, as try as I might, I keep coming back to one: Hyborian Tales.

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It was a UK LARP set in the world of Robert E Howard’s Conan tales, a long time love of mine, filled with muscles, bloody combat and dialogue so testosterone fueled that just holding a copy of the stories can put hair on your chest. It’s classic pulp fiction, mostly published in Weird Tales magazine, though the racial elements of a lot of it are hard to ignore. You have to remember Howard was writing in early 1930’s Texas and while slightly enlightened for his time (In his letters he called out HP Lovecraft for his rasicm), there’s some stories I have real trouble getting through. Black Canaan, I’m looking in your direction. Moving on…

Sure, the fitness based parts of the game (Hiking up and down mountains, masses of combat and none of that simulated armour) meant I’d almost certainly collapse half way through, but it would have been worth it. The game itself only ran 3 weekend events, consisting of 3 adventures (Play 1, crew 2) and a communal tavern night. What do I like so much about it? Well, there’s the immersion of the world, a kitchen sink setting of various historical awesomeness (Vikings, frontiersmen, Mongols etc), the sense of ‘you’ve a sword, a few coins and maybe some rusty armour – now go forth and chase your destiny’, something different to the ludicrously over equipped characters you see in other games and, last but not least, the sheer joy of dressing up and running around with a foam sword. What really sucked me in though, was the atmosphere.

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It was purposely designed for sword and sorcery style gaming, with the rules encouraging combat that looked like an 80’s fantasy movie, with none of that *tap*tap*tap* nonsense. (That might be another reason I loved the idea so much, as I have real trouble stopping myself from Flynning when I’ve a sword in my hand – it’s why I think I’ll be a better archer than swordsman.) Get horribly mangled? Have a drink and catch your breath and you’ll be back in the fight soon enough. NPC’s were briefed to hurl themelves at the enemy screaming their defiance, followed by hurling themselves on their blades. It’s a game whose construction was seemingly built on a foundation of shouting and thews, which basically makes it the LARP equivalent of BRIAN BLESSED.

barbarism

What does all this mean? Well, I still have copies of the rules and I’m guessing this means I should put my money where my mouth is and run it. Sure, I’m trying to get several other projects up and running, but what’s yet another fire in the iron? I love the play and crew aspect of how the adventures were run as crewing seems to be looked down upon here. Not seriously, but there’s seems to be a fair few games seem to have few, if any of them. Granted, most games here aren’t large enough to require a constant supply of NPC’s but crewing is stupid amounts of fun. You get to seed plot, lie outrageously, try to kill PC’s and help guide the story – what’s not fun about that?

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Getting back to the topic, and what I think I was meaning to talk about, was the style of game and how to communicate that. I’ve played some where the style of the game was clear and players understood it, and others less so. I feel slightly arrogant in saying it, but I think I’ve hit that point with my table tops and it’s a good feeling. Actually no, I do have a proper point. If you’re going to run a fantasy game, then tell me how it’s different from the other ones out there? What is in your world and system that sets you aside from the rest? What’s the hook? There’s already plenty of would-be Tolkein’s out there, so maybe try for something different? You know, Orcs that aren’t savages, Elves and Dwarves that don’t hate each other etc? I get that the classics can be comforting (My games are powered by cliches after all), and an easy way to explain things, but at some point don’t you want to break away from that?

REH art by Bill Cavalier. No, not the Dungeon Bastard Bill Cavalier .

More ideas, and some progress

So, it’s been good and bad. The bad being the convention we planned to host a Nerf event has been canned, but good, because we’re still planning to ahead with it. True, we don’t know where or when yet, but given the amout of effort we’ve put it, we don’t want to abandon it. We might offer the plot to the Zedtown orgs but we’ll see how that goes.

Moving on to other events, there’s been further movement on the post apoc game. Not to the extent of booking a venue and having a start date, but I’m planning to kick it off early next year. What has happened is adventure ideas and plot! I was wracking my brains out trying to come up with ideas, but with some prodding from the lovely and talented wife (She who knows all) yesterday, a half remembered idea of basing them around Iron Maiden songs came to light. So, the opening game? Brave New World. Local water hole drying up? Rainmaker. And so on and so on. I’ve now got several albums worth of plots – some may wind up being thrown out or re-written, but sorting out what I plan to do is making me feel a lot better about the thing. Actually having a plan is a novelty for both my game and campaigns, one I’m hoping to break. I usually come up with a plot first and then try to build a world, or hope players will contribute to it in game. That doesn’t always work, but when it does it works wonderfully.

There’s been a lot of late night nerves and thinking “Oh fuck, this a massive project and can I actually do this?” I’ve had to keep some resolve to want to keep working on it – the black dog’s a hell of a thing. I want to run the thing for my growth as a GM (I adore running my regular B-movie games, but want to expand from time to time) and for my mental health, as a way of keeping myself busy. Furthermore, there’s not any games of the sort running around here and I’d like to think I’ve a varied enough concept and setting that it’ll stand out. And Dropbears. 🙂 So, to the people who’ve said encouraging things, I thank you.

I’m also writing a Feng Shui adventure, either for an upcoming convention of a regular household games day. I don’t have a plot, or a real idea of one, which is different to how my events normally start. Generally, there’s an idea such as ‘What would happen if someone tried to infect Louis XIII with lycanthropy?’ or ‘What about a badass Ewok special forces unit?’ For this one, all I have so far is the idea of setting the final conflict on the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and slightly reskinning the Everyday Hero Archetype to be more ‘All Australian Yobbo’. Equipment: Hotted up ute, 6 pack of VB and the complete works of Bon Scott era AC/DC. Less Chow Yun Fat (Who will still be appearing somehow, because you don’t not use him in Feng Shui) and more Poida. Hey, I never said it was a good idea…

Have you tried, not being an adventurer?

AKA “I used to be an adventurer but then I had to explain it to my family.”

So, last night’s D&D session got a little strange. Smallcloths got discussed again, a level was gained, they didn’t get in trouble with the law and the Wizard had another bath! A recap follows, though it’s likely to be very out of sequence as I was both improvising a lot of the adventure and laughing even more. As always, my players are welcome to correct me.

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“He’s not high-strung, he’s not a Bard!”

After dealing with the Night Druids, the newly 3rd level party had moved to a local tavern to eat and discuss their next move. While the Paladin (AKA Doctor Love) was attempting to matchmake, it was decided to go back to the Roaringhorns estate (Minus the Rogue, who went home to bed) to join back in with the seemingly perpetual party, both to see if any further developments had ensued and so the Ranger can catch up with the Half Orc she might be hot for. Both of those things ensued, with the Fighter being told that one Denius Huntsilver, a young Noble who was training as a Druid had vanished a couple of years back on an expedition. The Wizard pocketed more cheese and the Ranger some meat, as she’s gathering spell components (50GP of fine foods and rare herbs) to help find her animal companion. Unfortunately, the kitchen doesn’t have the 11 secret herbs and spices needed. The Ranger (Having lured the sexy Half-Orc outside) was also planning to free the animals from the local zoo, which kind of petered out. That wasn’t exactly what the Half-Orc was expecting, but he was too polite to say. The Wizard’s cockney accent continues to be contagious and may well be the local accent now.

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“Sharks are the bears of the sea.”

The Paladin took a by now very drunken Wizard back to the temple and left him in the bath, propped up so he won’t drown. This resulted in a very strange wakeup call (Waking up naked in a bath is one thing, but also being surrounded by a bunch of ab-tacular Priests of Sune?) I can’t blame him for screaming*. The higher ups at the temple have politely indicated that could anyone else he brings back please be quieter, but I doubt that’s going to happen. The Ranger and Fighter made their way to the Rogue’s estate, where, in an unprecedented shock, he was awake before noon. This resulted in the rest of the party spontaneously NPC’ing his family, who were less than thrilled by his adventuring hobby, with his father demanding he go back to bed and not return until at least noon. The longer it went on the more I thought I should stop it and get back to the adventure, but it was too much fun. Eventually they all left to go see a Druid about a thing (With his mother sneaking him a package containing some iron spikes and a supportive note as they were leaving). I’m now planning to meet family of the other PC’s along the way.

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“We’re a temple of love, it get’s loud.”

The Druid, offically known as Anarakin but called Charlie by the Paladin, told them the tale of an expedition into the mountains a few years ago (Oddly close to the town the Ranger keeps talking about saving from a bear, a story which most of Waterdeep has heard by now), from which few returned, the rest having been torn apart by some horrific beasts. He knew of one survivor’s whereabouts, so the party went seeking the Cliffwatch Inn to find her. The Paladin took over over her job serving tables so she could talk to the rest of the party, and she told of how the young Denius was a bit full of himself, but wasn’t a bad lad. All of a sudden, there’s horrible screams from the kitchen and *cliffhanger sting!*

Further instalments from the quote file:
“How could it be under the sea if there was a bear?”
“Egg-bearing hips!”
“That’s a terrible idea.” “You just haven’t drunk enough.”
The Google image searches Bear in a Kilt and Bear Nun. Yeah, they’re worth it.
“Large people are probably bears.”
The idea of Watherdhavian speed-dating.

So, even less got done than I was expecting (I should stop panicking pre-game about not having enough plot for them), but it was funnier than I could have hoped for. In a fortnight from now, what is happening in the kitchen? Was the young Noble killed, or was he colluding with the monsters? Who are the thieves with the tattoos and how are they conected with the Night Druids? Will the Wizard bathe again? Hopefully some of these questions will be answered!

*We mostly avoided jokes about a naked 13 year old with a bunch of Priests. It was for the best.

Nananana nananana Night Druids!

Some D&D groups function like clockwork, well-oiled machines of destruction. Rogues and Rangers take point, clearing the way, followed up by the Fighters and Paladins. Barbarians rampage through the battle, with Wizards and Sorcerers hurling arcane energy in precise blasts. Clerics offer support and healing, helping to clear up any messes left behind or monsters un-muderered. Everything has a place, the group functions smoothly and dungeons are neatly looted, with barely a copper piece left behind. And then there’s the group I DM for… 02_latest-story_heroes_sub-header_140707-png “You’ll need better pants than that to fight me!”

While investigating a corpse that was found with a tail attached to it (And wearing nothing but it’s boots, something there was no small amont of fixation on), they had found their way to a garden maze, which the locals said was mostly used by young lovers for illicit trysts. The Dragonborn Ranger had been talking to a squirrel (Soon named Prince Frederick, the Champion of Squirrels!) nearby who had identified a bad smell and scary people at the center of the maze. They then proceeded to stealthily lay waste to the cultists and save the day! Actually no… What followed was a long discussion on smallclothes (Started in part by the Gnome Wizard and his thoughts about his robe) and while the Ranger had attempted to lead them through the maze things weren’t going well.

ph-barroom-brawl “No, you can’t set the fog on fire.”

The Paladin, (Having found time to change into his secret identity of that most noble and pretty vigilante, the White Rose), proceeded to leap onto the Ranger’s shoulders and ride her along like cavalry, which meant he could now see above the maze and direct them far more efficiently (AKA, at all). Also, sniffing someone’s crotch doesn’t determine their identity. The Dragonborn hasn’t quite got the hang of civilisation yet. There was a minor setback thanks to an errant crossbow bolt (Actually a spell, but I wasn’t telling them that) and they finally made it to the enter of the maze. Given the noise they were making, there was no chance they hadn’t been observed (Along with a well placed Alarm spell) and while they accquitted themselves quite well and captured one of the cultists (The Rogue took a few stabs, as did the Ranger and Paladin), the mysterious person leading the ritual managed to escape (FUCK YES Pass Without Trace). There was an attempt to leap over the hedge to follow them, which was closely followed by the hedge being set on fire. At that point the law arrived, though not the possible love intererest Watch Sergeant they sassed mightily last session, but a more “I’m getting too old for this sort of shit” type.

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“There’d be a lot of dead people.” “No, just some.”

The White Rose and Wizard both vanished (The Wizard is a street wizard see, and might have a record) with the rest of the party left to explain how they keep finding themselves in close proximity to corpses. The Watch, like Queen Victoria, are not amused. What followed was more sass, as the Watch bagged and tagged the evidence, and a bucket chain put the out the fire in the hedge. More investigation followed, and the loot counted (Which was mysteriously light) along with dinner, with the Ranger planning a suit of armour for Prince Frederick. As we leave our intrepid band, they disovered that the ceremony appeared to be venerating Malar, the Beastlord and God of the Hunt. This sort of thing isn’t really in keeping with worshippers of Malar (As far as they know), and as we fade out and roll credits the plan is to contact some of the local Druid circles.

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“Why do we need to elevate the boudoir?”

I might sound like I’m ripping on them for incompetence and that’s really not it. For all they might lack in efficiency, seriousness and staying on plot (A lack of which almost perfectly sums up my GM’ing style) , they more than make for up for by being a hell of a lot of fun to GM for.Really, if they were on target and organised, I’m not sure I could run that sort of game. I’d try, but I think it’d drive me mad. There was I nervous that I hadn’t prepared enough plot, but no, with their customary attention to messing about and investigating random bits of flavour I’ve come up with off the top of my head, I’ve got a good setup for next session. I suppose I should actually decide what the overarching plot will be, or who their mysterious patron actualy is, but I’m having too much fun. Next session’s in a fortnight – I should start writing that one before the day of the game.

Sydcon 2016: A Recap

So, another Sydcon is over and I’m stuck in a mix of sleep deprivation fog and brain exhaustion. As always, after the first 2 sessions everything becomes a blur. I maintain no small amount of jealously for GM’s who can keep better track of their notes, or have enough brain space to remember individual events and quotes from their games. My event seemed to go quite well – a lot of my regulars were back, as were the demands for a sequel to Fair and Balanced, my Fox News anchors game. (It’s not happening people – you can write them yourselves) I’m sitting here looking at my sheets covered in notes and quotes and have no idea who the monsters responsible for them are. Though what does that makes me, who wrote the thing in the first place? Highlights include 2 groups making friends with the giant sabertooth tiger, while the party’s wizard was consistently (And frequently incredibly) creepy, with several players powering his spells with his own blood, while one player decided to sacrifice two NPC’s to summon a giant snake to fight the creature dubbed Frogthulhu. Selected quotes follow:

“My tiger steak brings all the boys to the yard”
“You’re working for a Stygian, not a Stingyian”
*maniacal laugh* “I just destroyed a civilisation!”
“Seasickness is good for the figure”
“If this works I’ll be hanging off you like a Boris Vallejo painting”
“What? I do snakes, not tigers”
“Suprise dentistry, my least favorite kind”
And lastly, from the playest: “They took my tiger penis?”

I only managed to play one game, but that one was more than worth it. What one you ask? That was Rapture: The End of Days, from the fine folks at Storyweaver. It’s a fantastic system that my team have been playing from the beginning (One of the GM’s is still smug that we had t-shirts made, we love the game that much), where hell has returned and dying in a spectacular manner is rewarded. (Given my knack for dice rolling, that’s a useful thing.) To cut a long story short, a robot/alien/thing woman was attempting to coax information from my character, and the GM got up, ran his hands over my shoulder and started whispering in my ear. I’m told it was as uncomfortable to watch as to experience, which helps calm my nightmares somewhat. I remembered the game got intense, but it had been a few years since I’d played one and had forgotten just how intense they got. It’s all in game, but from time to time there’s games where it takes zero effort to act creeped out and that was one of them.

Yes, I was in the process of trying to betray the rest of the party at the time (Being a secret government agent), but I managed to fuck myself over incredibly well (Gaining 6 fear in a very short amount of time) before having my face eaten off by a demon I’d agreed to serve in exchange for booze and being able to cut myself. Picking up a trophy for it (Actually it was the entire team that got it) was most gratifying. My wife on the other hand, as one person commented, she put’s the trophy in trophy wife. Her haul:

WordPress refuses to align this properly and I’m too tired to care

As for my next event, that’s up in the air. Sure, the Nerf event is booked for Macquarie Con (And we’ve a lot of work to do), but it does feel a little odd not having an event already chosen for Eyecon next year. Maybe another swashbuckler? The Star Trek event I’m working on with another coup will likely be next Sydcon at the earliest. I could even take the con off and play – it’s be the first time in several years that’s happened. Something to ponder for the future. Off to do some gardening now.

shoutybeardything

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