Bit of a change in the format this week, as instead of a general news update, we’re taking a more in-depth look at some of the trailers released in the last couple of weeks.
First cab off the rank, Transformers: Age of Extinction. Now, despite all evidence to the contrary (AKA, his entire career), I believe Michael Bay could make a good movie. It’s unlikely I grant you, but I’ve long been a sucker for a lost cause. Judging from what I’ve seen, this won’t be it. The trailer gives us a good dose of the Bay trademarks – shaky camera work so as to almost make you vomit, explosions masquerading as plot development, quick cuts so as to make what’s happening nearly incomprehensible and a base level of “AMERICA FUCKYEAH!” well above the recommended healthy level. Mercifully, we’re spared Shia LeBeouf in this one, who’s currently busy having a public meltdown. Seriously, I hope the guy is either A: Trying a Joquain Phoenix-esque fake out, or B: get’s help. Moving on…
What we think happened: after the events of Chicago in Dark of the Moon (Which I still don’t fully understand, as I was fast forwarding between the parts with giant robots – it made for a far better, though more confusing film) public sentiment has turned against the Transformers, leading to the US military they once worked with to hunt them down. Mark Wahlberg unwittingly buys a deactivated and shot up Optimus Prime (Now back in his old-school truck cab mode), which results in the Men in Black coming to take him. There follows explosions, screaming and a ‘Don’t mess with Texas’ reference.
Seriously, how hard is this to screw up?
There’s one word for what I’m hoping to see in the franchise and we finally get it: Dinobots. Mind you, out of the 5, we get a brief shot of Grimlock in T-Rex mode and what appears to be Swoop. I saw appears to be, because Swoop was a Pteranadon, not a Hydra/Insert two headed winged beast I’ve forgotten the name of. Congratulations Michael Bay, you’ve screwed up again. You’ve taken an idea as pure and elemental as giant robot dinosaurs and managed to make me angry about it. Congratufuckinglations.
Next up, the Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller helmed Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, the long in development sequel/prequel to the 2005 film. Has it really been that long? Well, Rodriquez was busy announcing projects that were never made while Miller was writing Holy Terror, a graphic novel that began life as ‘Batman beats up Al-Qaeda,’ so some delays were inevitable.
If you’ve seen the first film, you know what to expect. If you didn’t, I’ll sum it up for you: sex, more sex, a little violence, and some sex, with a hard boiled narration stuck over the top. If you enjoyed the first, the second should have more of the same. Eva Green as the dame of the title is a good choice, she’s a fine actress and should be able to chew the scenery with the rest of the cast. Most of the cast from the first film are returning, with Bruce Willis and Mickey Rourke the most prominent. (Yes, they died in the first film, but the timeline of the stories jumps around.) All in all, it’s exactly what I’d expected.
Oh Frank Miller, PLEASE CHANGE. Please?
Briefly turning to games, the trailer for the latest Batman game, Batman: Arkham Knight, has leaked. I have to wonder, with the way that Gotham is presented in the games, is anyone but Batman and criminals left? I get that it’s a terrible place, but it comes across as more war zone less crime riddled city. Either way, it looks like we’ll get the chance to drive the Batmobile, which means there’s a chance that someone will mod the Adam West Batmobile into the game, which will be GLORIOUS.
Then we have the latest trailer for Godzilla and after watching that, we’re contractually obligated to say the following: History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man… Bryan Cranston is shouting, Ken Watanabe is doing that thing he does with his voice that makes me want to listen to him read a phonebook and the Big G (No, not Galactus) is a figure of fear and terror again. It’s sure looking like the Godzilla film we hoped for in 1998, but didn’t get.
Moving on, we have the latest preview for Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which is almost 3 minutes from the film’s opening sequence and some new footage. It’s nothing major, but I love the banter between Cap and the Black Widow – it’s running at an almost Joss Whedon level. Oh, and $5 say’s the big SHIELD eagle in the foyer won’t survive till the end.
Lastly, we have the first trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy, which is well, different. A rag tag group of misfits (Who comprise a human everyone thinks is mad, a green skinned woman and heavily muscled man and the duo of a talking raccoon and his best friend who’s a tree) out to save the galaxy from… something? I’m in. It does seem to be pitched more as a comedy than previous Marvel films, but I’d say it’s about time. It’s also about time for a female led superhero movie (Yes, you can mention Catwoman or Elektra, but I want a good female led movie), but that’s a rant for another time. I can’t say I’m a fan of Bradley Cooper as Rocket Raccoon (There’s a preview of his voice here) but Vin Diesel as Groot is a fantastic idea. (Especially if it’s anything like his last voice acting gig…) Oh and yes, the bald woman with the knives? Yes, that is Karen Gillan.
Come along Pond.
So what does all this mean? It means I’m going to be spending a lot of time in cinema’s this year and hopefully not coming out of them screaming in nerdrage. Your thoughts readers?