(The following is a transcript of an email sent to The Bugle podcast)
Hello Andy, Chris and John (In alphabetical order),
I write to you on behalf of all Australia in a time of desperate need. You see, we need your help, much like Princess Leia needed the help of Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars. Yes, I know we’ve had our differences, what with our stealing Tom and certain diplomatic incidents, but I’m prepared to put all that behind us if you can help us.
You see, our current Prime Minister, Tony Abbott (The man who described the Syrian conflict as baddies vs baddies) has been something of a grade-A arsehole. His recent statements have included saying he wouldn’t support the creation of new national parks, claiming the national broadcaster wasn’t on Australia’s side, trying to discredit asylum seekers and threatened to deport them if they spit, swear or irritate people and claiming that women have smashed the glass ceiling in this country, despite having just one woman in his cabinet. As you can imagine, we’re in serious need of some serious satire, satire of the quality that only your find podcast can provide.
Now, thrash metal band Gwar have been decapitating Abbott on stage during their recent tour, but that’s not enough. Therefore, I beg that you satirise the living shit out of our Prime Minister to the best of your considerable abilities. If you can do this, then I, and all Australian Buglers (By which I mean all Australians past, present and future) will be forever in your debt. This is our most desperate hour. Help us John and Andy, you’re our only hope.