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Team (Almost all) Dual Wield!

So, when we last saw our intrepid band of heroes, their investigations had taken them to the Cliffwatch Inn, when all of a sudden, screams come from the kitchen! What happened next? Well, you’re about to find out!

The Paladin, curious, opened the door, to reveal several Giant Spiders crawling out of the ground and mencaing the staff. The Ranger tried to make friends with them, which didn’t really work, not matter how much she wanted it to. The Paladin bolted to try to find a phone booth to change into his secret identity, while the Rogue and Fighter started whaling on the spiders, with a particuarly impressive Sneak Attack one-shotting one of them. Damage was done both to and by the party, with the Ranger badly wounded and poisoned while the Fighter was consistently only able to hit with one of her two attacks. (Perhaps the universe sending a signal?)

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Weren’t expecting that were you?

The Wizard continued his track record of setting things on fire (Thanks to a well placed and sculpted Burning Hands), then shifted one of the barrels of cooking oil that was eerily close to the flame over to the tunnels the spiders had emerged from. Around that point the Paladin burst through a nearby window flailing his swords wildly and was about as effective as you’d expect doing that. After some more maiming of spiders (And the Ranger almost getting poisoned again), the spiders were murdered. This was to the Ranger’s annoyance, given that she wanted toto tame one so the Wizard could ride it. Needless to say, the Wizard was not on board with that plan.

Feed them? Feed them my axe!

Hessians sacks were doused in water and the flames began to be put out. Naturally, the Watch soon arrived, and Sergeant Gounar began to somewhat berate the PC’s. Turns out, random attacks like this had been citywide, and while the Watch doesn’t think the PC’s are responsible, it’s certainly odd that in a town with this many adventurers, this lot are continually found next to burning and/or dead things. It was politely requested that they accompany the Watch to a chat with their superiors, which the party took to mean secret arrest. Much eye-rolling from the Watch followed the now traditional party sassing session. And yes, the Wizard had scarpered by this point.

“I’m investigating, not persuading!”

The city official and Merchants Guild reps were agitated,but offered the PC’s employment and money if they would stop the threat. This was taken as a veiled threat, but had they walked out, well, I’m not sure what I would have done. (They wouldn’t have been stopped though.) The Fighter commenced investigating, discovering from the merchants several clues and a possible location, while the Ranger inquired about the 50GP of secret herbs and spices she needs to cast Find Animal Companion. (One of the merchants gave her a mysterious note!) There may have been jokes about how investigation is the reason they keep the Fighter around, a more than fair observation, given the Wizard’s tactic is simply screaming questions at people. Off they trotted to the bar they’d been told about, when the Ranger’s sorta boyfriend (The spunky Half-Orc) came flying through the doors. Bare Knuckle Wednesday get’s competitive.

“You see I’ve learnt this new spell and I’m thinking… fondue.”

A slightly awkward chat-up happened (Along with trying to work out if drunkenly trying to find a zoo counts as a date), with the party heading inside to investigate further. Questions were asked/yelled (I’ll let you decide who did what), as the group identified some of the possible compatriots/instigators. Crash zoom into their faces as they hear their names and roll credits!

“20!” *shocked expression* “No, not a natural 20, but your look of panic made it worth it.”

It was a bit of a mess of a session, as I’ve been sick and lost the most recently updated version of my game notes. That’ll teach not to have multiple versions of  my notes stashed on different USB’s and computers. I’m also new to the whole ‘running a game based on intrigue’ thing but it seems to be working. On the bright side, my players continue to be gloriously silly, which makes it all worthwhile. As for what happens next, spoilers…

So, what’s different?

This is mostly reconstructed from thoughts I was having last night while I was trying to sleep, so it’s likely to be a bit rusty. Hopefully it’s also less inflammatory than I can get at that time of night. Anyhow, in amidst all the trying not to cough up a lung I’m doing at the moment, I have more thoughts on LARP. My main larp, Clans of Elgardt, is currenly on hiatus and I recently went to my first Scy’Kadia event which while I had issues with it, I enjoyed and plan to go back to. I’m leaving off a write up of it till I can get another couple of sessions under my belt.

(If you were expecting me to talk about something else, well I’m sorry. All I’m doing at the moment, apart from coughing and job hunting, is trying not to freak the fuck out over the American election, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to deal with it. )

So, there’s a bunch of fantasy LARP’s around my neck of the woods, along with a smattering of sci/fi and steampunk. As we’ve discussed, I’m in the early stages of writing a post apocalypse game and am helping write another couple of games. I wouldn’t say there’s a glut of fantasy events, but the do seem to be in the majority. So, while I’ve said I’d prefer to be part of something different, as try as I might, I keep coming back to one: Hyborian Tales.

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It was a UK LARP set in the world of Robert E Howard’s Conan tales, a long time love of mine, filled with muscles, bloody combat and dialogue so testosterone fueled that just holding a copy of the stories can put hair on your chest. It’s classic pulp fiction, mostly published in Weird Tales magazine, though the racial elements of a lot of it are hard to ignore. You have to remember Howard was writing in early 1930’s Texas and while slightly enlightened for his time (In his letters he called out HP Lovecraft for his rasicm), there’s some stories I have real trouble getting through. Black Canaan, I’m looking in your direction. Moving on…

Sure, the fitness based parts of the game (Hiking up and down mountains, masses of combat and none of that simulated armour) meant I’d almost certainly collapse half way through, but it would have been worth it. The game itself only ran 3 weekend events, consisting of 3 adventures (Play 1, crew 2) and a communal tavern night. What do I like so much about it? Well, there’s the immersion of the world, a kitchen sink setting of various historical awesomeness (Vikings, frontiersmen, Mongols etc), the sense of ‘you’ve a sword, a few coins and maybe some rusty armour – now go forth and chase your destiny’, something different to the ludicrously over equipped characters you see in other games and, last but not least, the sheer joy of dressing up and running around with a foam sword. What really sucked me in though, was the atmosphere.

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It was purposely designed for sword and sorcery style gaming, with the rules encouraging combat that looked like  an 80’s fantasy movie, with none of that *tap*tap*tap* nonsense. (That might be another reason I loved the idea so much, as I have real trouble stopping myself from Flynning when I’ve a sword in my hand – it’s why I think I’ll be a better archer than swordsman.) Get horribly mangled? Have a drink and catch your breath and you’ll be back in the fight soon enough. NPC’s were briefed to hurl themelves at the enemy screaming their defiance, followed by hurling themselves on their blades. It’s a game whose construction was seemingly built on a foundation of shouting and thews, which basically makes it the LARP equivalent of BRIAN BLESSED.

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What does all this mean? Well, I still have copies of the rules and I’m guessing this means I should put my money where my mouth is and run it. Sure, I’m trying to get several other projects up and running, but what’s yet another fire in the iron? I love the play and crew aspect of how the adventures were run as crewing seems to be looked down upon here. Not seriously, but there’s seems to be a fair few games seem to have few, if any of them. Granted, most games here aren’t large enough to require a constant supply of NPC’s but crewing is stupid amounts of fun. You get to seed plot, lie outrageously, try to kill PC’s and help guide the story – what’s not fun about that?

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Getting back to the topic, and what I think I was meaning to talk about, was the style of game and how to communicate that. I’ve played some where the style of the game was clear and players understood it, and others less so. I feel slightly arrogant in saying it, but I think I’ve hit that point with my table tops and it’s a good feeling. Actually no, I do have a proper point. If you’re going to run a fantasy game, then tell me how it’s different from the other ones out there? What is in your world and system that sets you aside from the rest? What’s the hook? There’s already plenty of would-be Tolkein’s out there, so maybe try for something different? You know, Orcs that aren’t savages,  Elves and Dwarves that don’t hate each other etc? I get that the classics can be comforting (My games are powered by cliches after all), and an easy way to explain things, but at some point don’t you want to break away from that?

REH art by Bill Cavalier. No, not the Dungeon Bastard Bill Cavalier .

More ideas, and some progress

So, it’s been good and bad. The bad being the convention we planned to host a Nerf event has been canned, but good, because we’re still planning to ahead with it. True, we don’t know where or when yet, but given the amout of effort we’ve put it, we don’t want to abandon it. We might offer the plot to the Zedtown orgs but we’ll see how that goes.

Moving on to other events, there’s been further movement on the post apoc game. Not to the extent of booking a venue and having a start date, but I’m planning to kick it off early next year. What has happened is adventure ideas and plot! I was wracking my brains out trying to come up with ideas, but with some prodding from the lovely and talented wife (She who knows all) yesterday, a half remembered idea of basing them around Iron Maiden songs came to light. So, the opening game? Brave New World. Local water hole drying up? Rainmaker. And so on and so on. I’ve now got several albums worth of plots – some may wind up being thrown out or re-written, but sorting out what I plan to do is making me feel a lot better about the thing. Actually having a plan is a novelty for both my game and campaigns, one I’m hoping to break. I usually come up with a plot first and then try to build a world, or hope players will contribute to it in game.  That doesn’t always work, but when it does it works wonderfully.

There’s been a lot of late night nerves and thinking “Oh fuck, this a massive project and can I actually do this?” I’ve had to keep some resolve to want to keep working on it – the black dog’s a hell of a thing. I want to run the thing for my growth as a GM (I adore running my regular B-movie games, but want to expand from time to time) and for my mental health, as a way of keeping myself busy. Furthermore, there’s not any games of the sort running around here and I’d like to think I’ve a varied enough concept and setting that it’ll stand out. And Dropbears. 🙂 So, to the people who’ve said encouraging things, I thank you.

I’m also writing a Feng Shui adventure, either for an upcoming convention of a regular household games day. I don’t have a plot, or a real idea of one, which is different to how my events normally start. Generally, there’s an idea such as ‘What would happen if someone tried to infect Louis XIII with lycanthropy?’ or ‘What about a badass Ewok special forces unit?’ For this one, all I have so far is the idea of setting the final conflict on the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and slightly reskinning the Everyday Hero Archetype to be more ‘All Australian Yobbo’. Equipment: Hotted up ute, 6 pack  of VB and the complete works of Bon Scott era AC/DC. Less Chow Yun Fat (Who will still be appearing somehow, because you don’t not use him in Feng Shui) and more Poida. Hey, I never said it was a good idea…

Have you tried, not being an adventurer?

AKA “I used to be an adventurer but then I had to explain it to my family.”

So, last night’s D&D session got a little strange. Smallcloths got discussed again, a level was gained, they didn’t get in trouble with the law and the Wizard had another bath! A recap follows, though it’s likely to be very out of sequence as I was both improvising a lot of the adventure and laughing even more. As always, my players are welcome to correct me.

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“He’s not high-strung, he’s not a Bard!”

After dealing with the Night Druids, the newly 3rd level party had moved to a local tavern to eat and discuss their next move. While the Paladin (AKA Doctor Love) was attempting to matchmake, it was decided to go back to the Roaringhorns estate (Minus the Rogue, who went home to bed) to join back in with the seemingly perpetual party, both to see if any further developments had ensued and so the Ranger can catch up with the Half Orc she might be hot for. Both of those things ensued, with the Fighter being told that one Denius Huntsilver, a young Noble who was training as a Druid had vanished a couple of years back on an expedition. The Wizard pocketed more cheese and the Ranger some meat, as she’s gathering spell components (50GP of fine foods and rare herbs) to help find her animal companion. Unfortunately, the kitchen doesn’t have the 11 secret herbs and spices needed. The Ranger (Having lured the sexy Half-Orc outside) was also planning to free the animals from the local zoo, which kind of petered out. That wasn’t exactly what the Half-Orc was expecting, but he was too polite to say. The Wizard’s cockney accent continues to be contagious and may well be the local accent now.

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“Sharks are the bears of the sea.”

The Paladin took a by now very drunken Wizard back to the temple and left him in the bath, propped up so he won’t drown. This resulted in a very strange wakeup call (Waking up naked in a bath is one thing, but also being surrounded by a bunch of ab-tacular Priests of Sune?) I can’t blame him for screaming*. The higher ups at the temple have politely indicated that could anyone else he brings back please be quieter, but I doubt that’s going to happen. The Ranger and Fighter made their way to the Rogue’s estate, where, in an unprecedented shock, he was awake before noon. This resulted in the rest of the party spontaneously NPC’ing his family, who were less than thrilled by his adventuring hobby, with his father demanding he go back to bed and not return until at least noon. The longer it went on the more I thought I should stop it and get back to the adventure, but it was too much fun. Eventually they all left to go see a Druid about a thing (With his mother sneaking him a package containing some iron spikes and a supportive note as they were leaving). I’m now planning to meet family of the other PC’s along the way.

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“We’re a temple of love, it get’s loud.”

The Druid, offically known as Anarakin but called Charlie by the Paladin, told them the tale of an expedition into the mountains a few years ago (Oddly close to the town the Ranger keeps talking about saving from a bear, a story which most of Waterdeep has heard by now), from which few returned, the rest having been torn apart by some horrific beasts. He knew of one survivor’s whereabouts, so the party went seeking the Cliffwatch Inn to find her. The Paladin took over over her job serving tables so she could talk to the rest of the party, and she told of how the young Denius was a bit full of himself, but wasn’t a bad lad. All of a sudden, there’s horrible screams from the kitchen and *cliffhanger sting!*

Further instalments from the quote file:
“How could it be under the sea if there was a bear?”
“Egg-bearing hips!”
“That’s a terrible idea.” “You just haven’t drunk enough.”
The Google image searches Bear in a Kilt and Bear Nun. Yeah, they’re worth it.
“Large people are probably bears.”
The idea of Watherdhavian speed-dating.

So, even less got done than I was expecting (I should stop panicking pre-game about not having enough plot for them), but it was funnier than I could have hoped for. In a fortnight from now, what is happening in the kitchen? Was the young Noble killed, or was he colluding with the monsters? Who are the thieves with the tattoos and how are they conected with the Night Druids? Will the Wizard bathe again? Hopefully some of these questions will be answered!

*We mostly avoided jokes about a naked 13 year old with a bunch of Priests. It was for the best.

Nananana nananana Night Druids!

Some D&D groups function like clockwork, well-oiled machines of destruction. Rogues and Rangers take point, clearing the way, followed up by the Fighters and Paladins. Barbarians rampage through the battle, with Wizards and  Sorcerers hurling arcane energy in precise blasts. Clerics offer support and healing, helping to clear up any messes left behind or monsters un-muderered. Everything has a place, the group functions smoothly and dungeons are neatly looted, with barely a copper piece left behind. And then there’s the group I DM for…02_latest-story_heroes_sub-header_140707-png“You’ll need better pants than that to fight me!”

While investigating a corpse that was found with a tail attached to it (And wearing nothing but it’s boots, something there was no small amont of fixation on), they had found their way to a garden maze, which the locals said was mostly used by young lovers for illicit trysts. The Dragonborn Ranger had been talking to a squirrel (Soon named Prince Frederick, the Champion of Squirrels!) nearby who had identified a bad smell and scary people at the center of the maze. They then proceeded to stealthily lay waste to the cultists and save the day! Actually no… What followed was a long discussion on smallclothes (Started in part by the Gnome Wizard and his thoughts about his robe) and while the Ranger had attempted to lead them through the maze things weren’t going well.

ph-barroom-brawl“No, you can’t set the fog on fire.”

The Paladin, (Having found time to change into his secret identity of that most noble and pretty vigilante, the White Rose), proceeded to leap onto the Ranger’s shoulders and ride her along like cavalry, which meant he could now see above the maze and direct them far more efficiently (AKA, at all). Also, sniffing someone’s crotch doesn’t determine their identity. The Dragonborn hasn’t quite got the hang of civilisation yet. There was a minor setback thanks to an errant crossbow bolt (Actually a spell, but I wasn’t telling them that) and they finally made it to the enter of the maze. Given the noise they were making, there was no chance they hadn’t been observed (Along with a well placed Alarm spell) and while they accquitted themselves quite well and captured one of the cultists (The Rogue took a few stabs, as did the Ranger and Paladin), the mysterious person leading the ritual managed to escape (FUCK YES Pass Without Trace). There was an attempt to leap over the hedge to follow them, which was closely followed by the hedge being set on fire. At that point the law arrived, though not the possible love intererest Watch Sergeant they sassed mightily last session, but a more “I’m getting too old for this sort of shit” type.

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“There’d be a lot of dead people.” “No, just some.”

The White Rose and Wizard both vanished (The Wizard is a street wizard see, and might have a record) with the rest of the party left to explain how they keep finding themselves in close proximity to corpses. The Watch, like Queen Victoria, are not amused. What followed was more sass, as the Watch bagged and tagged the evidence, and a bucket chain put the out the fire in the hedge. More investigation followed, and the loot counted (Which was mysteriously light) along with dinner, with the Ranger planning a suit of armour for Prince Frederick. As we leave our intrepid band, they disovered that the ceremony appeared to be venerating Malar, the Beastlord and God of the Hunt. This sort of thing isn’t really in keeping with worshippers of Malar (As far as they know), and as we fade out and roll credits the plan is to contact some of the local Druid circles.

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“Why do we need to elevate the boudoir?”

I might sound like I’m ripping on them for incompetence and that’s really not it. For all they might lack in efficiency, seriousness and staying on plot (A lack of which almost perfectly sums up my GM’ing style) , they more than make for up for by being a hell of a lot of fun to GM for.Really, if they were on target and organised, I’m not sure I could run that sort of game. I’d try, but I think it’d drive me mad. There was I nervous that I hadn’t prepared enough plot, but no, with their customary attention to messing about and investigating random bits of flavour I’ve come up with off the top of my head, I’ve got a good setup for next session. I suppose I should actually decide what the overarching plot will be, or who their mysterious patron actualy is, but I’m having too much fun. Next session’s in a fortnight – I should start writing that one before the day of the game.

Sydcon 2016: A Recap

So, another Sydcon is over and I’m stuck in a mix of sleep deprivation fog and brain exhaustion. As always, after the first 2 sessions everything becomes a blur. I maintain no small amount of jealously for GM’s who can keep better track of their notes, or have enough brain space to remember individual events and quotes from their games. My event seemed to go quite well – a lot of my regulars were back, as were the demands for a sequel to Fair and Balanced, my Fox News anchors game. (It’s not happening people – you can write them yourselves) I’m sitting here looking at my sheets covered in notes and quotes and have no idea who the monsters responsible for them are. Though what does that makes me, who wrote the thing in the first place? Highlights include 2 groups making friends with the giant sabertooth tiger, while the party’s wizard was consistently (And frequently incredibly) creepy, with several players powering his spells with his own blood, while one player decided to sacrifice two NPC’s to summon a giant snake to fight the creature dubbed Frogthulhu. Selected quotes follow:

“My tiger steak brings all the boys to the yard”
“You’re working for a Stygian, not a Stingyian”
*maniacal laugh* “I just destroyed a civilisation!”
“Seasickness is good for the figure”
“If this works I’ll be hanging off you like a Boris Vallejo painting”
“What? I do snakes, not tigers”
“Suprise dentistry, my least favorite kind”
And lastly, from the playest: “They took my tiger penis?”

I only managed to play one game, but that one was more than worth it. What one you ask? That was Rapture: The End of Days, from the fine folks at Storyweaver. It’s a fantastic system that my team have been playing from the beginning (One of the GM’s is still smug that we had t-shirts made, we love the game that much), where hell has returned and dying in a spectacular manner is rewarded. (Given my knack for dice rolling, that’s a useful thing.) To cut a long story short, a robot/alien/thing woman was attempting to coax information from my character, and the GM got up, ran his hands over my shoulder and started whispering in my ear. I’m told it was as uncomfortable to watch as to experience, which helps calm my nightmares somewhat. I remembered the game got intense, but it had been a few years since I’d played one and had forgotten just how intense they got. It’s all in game, but from time to time there’s games where it takes zero effort to act creeped out and that was one of them.

Yes, I was in the process of trying to betray the rest of the party at the time (Being a secret government agent), but I managed to fuck myself over incredibly well (Gaining 6 fear in a very short amount of time) before having my face eaten off by a demon I’d agreed to serve in exchange for booze and being able to cut myself. Picking up a trophy for it (Actually it was the entire team that got it) was most gratifying. My wife on the other hand, as one person commented, she put’s the trophy in trophy wife. Her haul:

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WordPress refuses to align this properly and I’m too tired to care

As for my next event, that’s up in the air. Sure, the Nerf event is booked for Macquarie Con (And we’ve a lot of work to do), but it does feel a little odd not having an event already chosen for Eyecon next year. Maybe another swashbuckler? The Star Trek event I’m working on with another coup will likely be next Sydcon at the earliest. I could even take the con off and play – it’s be the first time in several years that’s happened. Something to ponder for the future. Off to do some gardening now.

 

 

“Forget it Jake, it’s Waterdeep…”

Tonight’s D&D session, a brief recap:
First off, the Dragonborn Ranger has developed a Russian accent, to match the Gnomish Wizard’s cockney. The Fighter’s accent varies while the Paladin only impersonates the Wizard when it’s funny.
 
They attacked some goons menacing them (Last episode’s cliffhanger), almost set several of the party on fire in the process (“What, you don’t have Fire Resistance?”) and then murder them. They proceed to sass the Watch, then sass the Watch even further and leave the Watch sergeant (A recurring NPC) somewhat flustered and angry with them. The Watch plans to keep an eye on them in future, but may just leave them for dead – I’ve not decided.
 
The Wizard, sorry, Street Wizard, has to be restrained from trying to steal, first from and then the entirety of the gates to the Noble family’s estate they were on their way to, and the party proceed to break some bad news to them somewhat badly, letting them know that their son was found both stabbed to death and had grown a rat’s tail from his back, not things his now grieving parents had wanted or expected to hear. (I also forgot to actually introduce the second son (Of a second son?), though he is mentioned.
Hints were found that the dead son had some mysterious connections, with the Gnome finding evidence of Druidic origin. Further investigation leads them to a large park in the North Ward of the city, where the Gnome proceeds to investigate by yelling “Are you Druish?” loudly at people and the Ranger befriends a Squirrel (The Rogue helped by bribing it with food). The squirrel, who calls itself Jasper, has a speech pattern resembling Zathras with a dash of Yoda* and directs them into the maze in the garden, having seen angry tall things there. The party prepare to move into the maze while the Paladin makes time to vanish to change into his secret identity. We close with a brief series of shots of them disturbing a couple making out and what looks like a Druidic sacrifice! *Doctor Who cliffhanger noise*and roll credits.

I’m not sure what I’ll be doing next session yet, but I might be watching The Wicker Man. Maybe Hot Fuzz. Really, I’d happily rewatch the regardless. As for the players, they may not be the most efficient or serious group (And let’s face it, I’d be shithouse at running that sort of game), but they’re a hell of a lot of fun to run for.

*It briefly sat atop the Ranger’s helm as if riding a steed into battle, then vanished into it’s backpack and emerged chewing on a piece of jerky. I couldn’t resist the chance for “How you get so big eating food of this kind?”

Stupid productive brain

So, I’m meant to be finishing my Sydcon game and writing an adventure for tonight’s D&D session. Instead, my brain refuses to stop thinking about the post apoc game, which really needs a name. The current working title is Recovery, but that’s from when cargo cults based on tv shows were a big part of the background. Speaking of that, in the hope that this will get it out of my system temporarily, here’s what I have so far on the in character police force:

BLUE HEELERS: Historical records speak of a legendary band of law enforcers, who lived in a great mountain. In the chaos that followed the fall, it’s said a small group followed their example and after fashioning crude uniforms ventured out into the world to try to restore law and order. Word spread, and nowadays the Heelers, (Also known as the Dogs),  can be found in settlements over Straya, keeping the peace and dispensing justice. Identified by the uniform of a blue shirt and badge, their appearance can vary  – some have managed to loot old world police stations for garb and equipment, while others have nothing more than a t-shirt and a toy badge, but all share a desire to restore order and justice to the world. (Well, mostly – the long and glorious record of the NSW police force stands as testament to that)

The name wasn’t my idea – I was working off blueshirts, or the boys in blue. Heelers works far better and also encourages  a crude thieve’s cant – “The dogs were sniffing around, dug up a bone” etc. That and I really like the idea of law enforcement being player driven. A lot of this game’s development is me learning as I go or throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks.

Hopefully now brain will switch over and let me concentrate on the things I should actually be working on. Not betting on it though.

And what are you? Thieves!

“What daring! What outrageousness! What insolence! What arrogance! I salute you.”

Re-reading the Locke Lamora series had me thinking about thieves and fantasy settings.  It also has me swearing more, so you might want to brace yourselves. I have a splitting headache, have just drunk a lot of water trying to deal with it and there isn’t any painkillers or ice cream in the house (Admitedly, I just ate it, though there was barely more than a spoonful), so I’m a little grumpy.

“Someday, Locke Lamora, someday you’re going to fuck up so magnificently, so ambitiously, so overwhelmingly that they sky will light up and the moons will spin and the gods themselves will shit comets with glee. And I just hope I’m still around to see it.”

Anyhow, thieves in fantasy settings. So, the cliche is, near as I understand it, is for all black, some sort of leather armour, a shortsword or rapier and a cosh. (A blackjack, not a Vorlon.) Why? Conan could steal everything in your house with nothing more a longsword and a loincloth. Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser didn’t have much more. Hell, there’s a group of theives in Zamora who wear nothing but a red silk loincloth when on the job, though there’s few gamers I know I’d want to see in that. Anyway, dressing that way is loudly announcing you’re up to no good, and it’s the sort of thinking that leads to a moment in the first D&D movie where the protaganists are trying to hide, and are all wearing black cloaks. Actually, it’s the sort of thinking that leads to the D&D movie, and who wants that?

“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he’d confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized.”
Everyone in the room stared at him.
“I called him an asshole, too,” said Locke. “He didn’t like that.”

I spent a bit of time a while ago looking at playing a thief in a LARP I’m in (Remembering that partially kicked this off) and there was some hilarious ‘advice’ and kit on offer. For starters, there was more black cloaks that I’ve had hot dinners and all manner of ‘armour’, stuff like this or this that screams “I’m 15 and trying to be Evil McEvil”* and is covered with enough nickle studs that if anyone shines a torch near you you’ll light up like a fucking Christmas tree. Shit like that is not subtle and while I’m somewhat lacking in criminal knowlege, I’m fairly fucking certain some degree of sublety is required.

“I was badly misinformed, I deeply regret the error, go fuck yourself with this bag of money.”

Which brings me to why on Earth would you want to wear all that stuff? I mean sure, it get’s the point across that you’re (apparently) someone not to be trifled with but that brings attention. Why not go the quieter road? Play a merchant or noble (Or at least pretend to be those things) and con people out of their coin with a smile rather than a blade – leave them penniless and thanking you for it rather than swearing a blood oath. (Ah capitalism!) I heard about someone in a LARP recently who decided to play someone like the Joker and expressed that by wearing all black and backstabbing folks left right and center. That, to me, is abnormally fucking stupid. It’s the worst sort of “I’m Chaotic Neutral” BS I expect from 14 year olds and it should be savagely beaten out of people. Well, not literally. But I’ve had some players over the years that I wouldn’t have minded had they accidentally walked into heavy doors. I’ll teach you to split the fucking party 20 minutes into the module…

“There’s no freedom quite like the freedom of being constantly underestimated.”

There was a point to this, I think. I guess it could be to ignore cliches and try to plan ahead? Sure, my knack for that is roughly equal to Cory Bernadi’s talent for not being an asshole, but at least I realized that. Every so often I’ve tried and it’s failed, but I keep fucking trying. In a game a few years back a friend of mine pulled off a scheme that almost elevated his character to godhood and I had no idea about it until I was technically dead. The lance was meant to kill the dragon (and did), but did a bit more than that. I got better. At least that’s what I think happened, I’m Captain Oblivious when it comes to that sort of thing.

“Mew,” the kitten retorted, locking gazes with him. It had the expression common to all kittens, that of a tyrant in the becoming. ‘I was comfortable, and you dared to move,’ those jade eyes said. ‘For that you must die.’ When it became apparent to the cat that its two or three pounds of mass were insufficient to break Locke’s neck with one mighty snap, it put its paws on his shoulders and began sharing its drool-covered nose with his lips. He recoiled.”

Was there a point to this inarticulate fury**? Not really. It could be to put some actual thought into your characters and don’t have them wear stupid things. Well, unless it’s dramatically appropriate. Or you’re acting as a distraction for the actual thieves. OK, it’s less a point and more ‘things I think are stupid.’ I’m trying not to put this as some sort of ‘One True Way’ thing – by all means feel free to coat yourselves in more spikes and studs than Rob Halford, but know that also means I’m going to laugh at you, long and loud. And that’s OK – you’re welcome to laugh at me as well. Given my love of kilts, it could be said I encourage it.

“When you don’t know everything that you could know, it’s a fine time to shut your fucking noisemaker and be polite.”

Oh, and one last thing: don’t try to play the mysterious loner or the last of your race or any of that shit- you’re just going to be bored when no-one talks to you, you very special snowflake.

OK, I’m glad I got that out of the system. I’ll try to be cheerier tomorrow.

*Just go and buy a Slayer album instead. It’s better for you and cheaper.
** The more I think about it the more I wish I’d called this site it.

Thieves prosper. The rich remember.

First off: an animated adaption of the long lost Doctor Who story Power of the Daleks is coming. I might be slightly excited. More Second Doctor? Oh hell yes.

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Moving on, I have a couple of things to add to the ideas list, both live action games. The first idea comes from my (lovely and talented) wife, and is set in the world of Scott Lynch’s Locke Lamora series. It’d take place just after after the first book in the series (That being The Lies of Locke Lamora) and the criminal underworld of Camorr is in a bit of a state. I’ll be vauge in regards to spoilers for those who haven’t read the books (You mean you haven’t raced out to get them? I’ll wait. *taps foot impatiantly* You’re back? Good.) Basically, the remaining underworld has gathered on the Floating Grave to discuss what come’s next. Tension is high, there’s almost certainly likely members of the law enforcement community among you and after what just happened you don’t trust anyone. So, what happens next? Is the Secret Peace re-established? Has one of the Shade’s Hill mob become a new Thiefmaker? Do the thieves run rampant and let anarchy take it’s place? Or does everyone just get drunk and put off the idea? There’s scores to settle, deals to make and a heirachy to establish. No matter what happens, thiefy shenanigans will ensue.
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I’m still unsure about the writing process – for starters, I’m certain that there’s no way I could do Sabetha* justice. Trying to write it so the world comes alive as it does in the books, rather than a D&D knockoff (Which the books most certainly aren’t). Mostly I’d need to re-read the books several times to keep the details fresh, immersing myslf in Lynch’s wordplay, world building and knack for hilarious profanity and oh the horror. Re-reading the books also might have influenced my choice of possible characters in a hypothetical Seventh Sea LARP a friend of mine has been talking about, though it’s mostly down to what character will let me use my Londo Mollari impression all game.

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The next idea is a stranger one. The Prisoner: The LARP. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then I both envy and pity you. Pity: cause you’ve not seen one of the finest, strangest, most brain-meltingly good shows ever made, but envy, because you get to experience it for the first time. Short version: a secret agent quits, is drugged and awakens in a mysterious place called The Village** where everyone is known by number not name and a sucession of people (All named Number 2) attempt to find out why he left. And then it get’s weird. Attempting to keep the mood of the show wouldn’t be easy – do we keep it in the 60’s, or update it? I think there’s a story that could be told there. I may not be the person to run it, but I’d like to be involved. I could operate Rover perhaps?

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There’s not a huge amount out there of other source material – a sequel comic series (Which creator Patrick McGoohan ‘didn’t hate’) and a GURPS sourcebook, while Big Finish Productions have adapted the show for audio and Iron Maiden have a couple of songs referencing the show (Singer Bruce Dickinson is a big fan). So if we were to update it in the modern era, there’s plenty of scope. After all, the number of cameras around the Village would probably be less than is now around Sydney’s CBD…

Lastly, on a more personal note. I am old, and getting older. For the last couple of years I’ve been contemplating a tattoo, and by that I mean seriously, not the ‘I want crossed lightsabers on my back’ idea I had at 14. So, I think my 40th is an appropriate time – I have over 3 and a half years to confirm what I want and try not to weasel out. Naturally, my thoughts turned to Doctor Who and not wanting to settle for the standard ‘Doctor’s face’ or ‘show logo’ tattoo, I set my mind to wandering. I’m sure I’ve seen pictures of someone with the 4th Doctor’s scarf around their arm, but that’s a little big for a first one. I can’t remember whether wife or I (Probably her – she is magnificent after all) came up with the idea of something based on reverse the polarity, but the current leader is the word polarity but backwards, probably somewhere on my shoulder. That is likely to change though, not just casue I just saw a tattoo of the rings of a Karthani Bondsmage, which is horribly tempting as well.

Be seeing you…

*No spoilers, but Thirteen Gods she’s a magnificent bastard and then some.

**Also the name of the local shopping center where I grew up.