Zedtown: Twin Cities

Roughly 600 humans began the latest Zedtown. 1 got evacuated at the end.

Yep. Around 600 started, and 1 made it out. True, there were a number more who survived (I believe around 100, though I could be wrong), but weren’t at the evacuation point at game end.  But still, 600 go in and 1 comes out. That’s one hell of a Thunderdome.

20160529_113815Woooooooo!

That was my third Zedtown, second as player and it was a joy to participate in. I continued my track record of A:not surviving and B: managing to hide from photographers, both of which I’d like to change in future. If I had to sum up how I felt, it would be with one word: ow. My legs ache, shoulders are sore and the fingers on my left hand were cramped from holding a trigger for several hours. Praise be to Deep Heat, the miracle substance! Mercifully the paranoia is fading, though we had someone run past us at the shops post game and we almost went for our blasters. That might have been awkward.

The Cons:
The cold. Nothing the orgs can do about that, but I was damn glad for the Driza-Bone I had on.

The line. Look, the queue at set up is part of the experience, but having clearer signage as to which line is for what faction would have been useful. We almost made it to the front of one line only to find that we were in the wrong faction’s line…

The Pros:

Really, everything else. The NPC’s were fantastic, the mods helpful and polite and any issues we had were dealt with promptly. Sure, there were technical issues with a couple of things and the game did start late, but those are minor quibbles.

The level of costuming was it’s usual high standard. There was one group clad in bright primary colours and tuts, Mario and Luigi, some nuns, one group in doctor’s scrubs and a seemingly endless variety of tactical gear, slings and combat webbing. My group? We were the squad ‘Those with Guns’, dressing old west style.

13254891_10153782092346461_667116875512524000_o“There’s two kinds of people in the world my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig.”

When the game began paranoia kicked in incredibly quickly. There was talk of a corridor near Gold Base that held a zombie spawn point with an improved zombie said to be guarding it. There wasn’t as much paranoia over hidden zombies as I remember from the previous event, at least that I saw, mostly cause my group hadn’t ticked the OZ box.

We spent some time foraging for fuel coasters and dodging zombies, the numbers of which were still under 100. Early on the survivors far outnumbered the zombies, but that doesn’t help things much. Panic and nerves are high, especially with Original Zombies (Or OZ’s) hidden away in each faction. We ran from Alpha Zombies (We didn’t know they could be killed at the time) and ended up taking ‘sticky eggs’ (Ping Pong balls covered in something I think was lube) over to the shop, which was roughly 2/3rd’s of the map away. It was during that quest that the first of my squad was lost, and I was separated from the second. Much travelling, some running and wracked nerves managed to bring my egg to the shop to claim my reward, that being a disgusted shopkeeper giving me a coin to take the egg away.

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The shopkeeper’s ‘assistant.’ Never did find out if they managed to open the safe.

 

We trekked from one side of the map to the other, escorting an NPC with a flashy whirly device, said to be able to turn the territory into an evac point. The members of Red Faction seemingly let us have it, possibly in the name of human solidarity. They outnumbered us, and we had zombies at our backs, but the flashly whirly device was kept safe through it’s countdown and the point was ours.

We got told to hold that point (While the rest of the group fought their way back to gold base), so we spent the next hour on the edge of the clearing watching lights moving through the trees, dealing quietly with any zombies who were nearby and trying not to freeze. The later it got, the louder the chants of “HORDE!” became and the more we tried to sink into the earth, both so as not to get spotted but also because it might have been warmer there. As the time ticked down, we decided to blast our way into the safe zone and ran for it. I’ll admit, I might have been tagged as I was leaping into the zone – I can only apologise and blame adrenaline.

zedtown-twin-cities-mapThe map itself.

We’d made it to the safe zone and evac, or so we thought… Given the number of zombies the safe zone was decaying and the clock was ticking. After a countdown, the zombies charged and it was all over. Well, except for 1 lucky sod, who had hidden away under all our corpses. Nicely done sir!

For Next Game:

Carry more snacks with me. I was starving and cramping up by the end. It’s not often I say I’d have killed for a Mars Bar, but I was close by the end.

A torch, preferably gaffa taped to the barrel of my main blaster. I hadn’t expected it to get quite so dark as it did, though we were up around the top of the map away from buildings and light sources. This didn’t help much when car headlights from the nearby street kept seeming like torchlight.

A different loadout. The Slingfire’s a fine weapon, but it fires a bit too slow and the reload is cumbersome. We’re torn between twin pistols (Hammershots most likely), or a full auto rifle (Most likely the Rapid Strike). At the very least something pump action, maybe one of the Rebelle Crossbows.

Night Vision Goggles. I kid, mostly. At the very least, a set of binoculars or scope would have come in handy.

Radios. Sure, they don’t fit the old west theme, but they could have been useful when we got seperated.

Costuming: More comfortable shoes for one thing. We’re looking at coming as Templars, from the roleplaying game Deadlands: Hell on Earth for the next event, both to keep the post apocalyptic theme going and to stand out again.

Time to go apply more Deep Heat. Ow…

A Fistful of Nerf Darts

So Zedtown is a few days (At the time of writing) anticipation is high, though their social media currently seems flooded by people making “Is my blaster OK” jokes after this post.

Loosely inspited by the group at UK game Zombie LARP who turned up as Morris Dancers, a housemate and I were kicking around costume ideas. The standard approach of tactical gear was out, as there’s plenty of other groups doing that.Labcoat clad corporate scientists was an idea, but we settled on dressing old west, mostly due to a shared love of the works of Clint Eastwood and Sergio Leone. A drizabone thanks to Ebay and a holster from Artisan Leather Crafts and I’m ready to go.

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It took a while to narrow down that idea though – some of the others on the list are as follows:
Archers – everyone use Nerf bows or crossbows and cosplays as famous archers. One of my housemates has claimed Green Arrow and I’ve called dibs on Hawkeye. Hey, I like purple.

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Arnold – Schwarzenegger characters, complete with either abs drawn on in texta or foam mucles suits. I’d expect a large number of T-800’s but me? Dutch Schaefer. Because zombies bleed, and if it bleeds, we can kill it. 🙂 Hopefully I’d also be able to make to when the escape chopper arrives… Normally I’d go as Conan (I’m about as close to REH’s Conan as Schwarzenegger was, though I’ ll defend the first movie till the cows come home), but since melee combat is banned by the system*, there’s not much point.

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There was an afterthought to that one, of going as 80’s action movie characters or the Expendables, but that’s more military than I prefer. I’ve got nothing against the guys who wear tac gear and carry around more foam (darts) than a mattress factory, but that style of play isn’t for me. Still, going as John McClane with a dart blaster taped to my back isn’t a bad idea.

Flash Gordon –  Given how often ‘I love you’ in my house is followed by “But we only have 14 hours to save the Earth!” this seems  a natural idea. My wife is very enthusiastic, more so to see me dressed as Prince Vultan than to play. I’ve already got the beard, though I’ll need to carry a loud hailer to come close to matching BRIAN BLESSED for volume. And we’d need someone called Gordon to frequently check in on. Granted, running in that kit wouldn’t exactly be practical, but that get’s you Zombie Vultan.

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3 days to go. I should probably watch Commando and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly again in preperation…

*I’m fine with that by the way. As much as I’ve love to bring a longsword along with me, it’s nor worth the risk. 500+ excitable people, few of which would have any sort of training and that’s more potential for injuries than I’d be OK with. Besides, spending the game in a block of pikemen and musketeers would just be dull. Efficient, but dull.

Iron Maiden? Excellent!

Iron Maiden – – Qudos Bank Arena, 06/05/16

An Iron Maiden concert is a special thing, like a gathering of the clans. Young, old, male, female, it matters not – all are here to worship at the altar of Maiden. There’s a wonderful atmosphere in the air, a lot of love in the venue that those unfamiliar with a heavy metal crowd might not expect.

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The train journey there had a fascinating conversation with a very drunk Chilean man (Also on his way to the show), with such revelations that his first STD was from an Aussie girl (Chlamydia to be exact), that he’s on the lookout for a German girl (Or someone from that general part of the world – he doesn’t discriminate) and how when Chile conquers Australia and appoints him overlord he’ll rollback the lockout laws and make polygamy legal. So, all hail our very drunk Chilean would-be overlord?

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I don’t catch much of support band The Raven Age (Having been stuck in the slowest moving drinks queue EVER), but what I do has me wanting more. Let this be a lesson – SUPPORT YOUR OPENING BANDS PEOPLE. Or at least be more cheerful than the miserable sod next to me, who barely cracked a smile through the show. That ranks up there when I saw Metallica and the person on my right sat down and barely moved during The Four Horsemen.* The more I think on that I’m not sure he wasn’t dead…

The change-over begins, with regular chants of “Maiden!”*clapclapclap* echoing through the room. It’s the strains of UFO’s Doctor Doctor that get’s people really moving as that’s the signal the show’s about to start. After an intro video which had a giant Eddie (The bands mascot) hurling their plane (Ed Force One) into the sky, the show begins…

Steve Harris’ right hand is the most metal thing ever. More metal than a T-800, Robocop and a legion of Cybermen put together. Let’s face it, his little finger is more metal than Mjolnir. Dave Murray, always dependable, grinning away as his fingers fly over the fretboard. Adrian Smith, the epitome of understated cool – how he carry’s off that ensemble I’ll never know, but it’s his look and he rocks it mightily. Janick Gers doesn’t seem to have aged since 1991 (He certainly hasn’t updated his stage clothes), hurling himself about the stage at all speed, flinging his guitar around and regularly soloing with one foot up on the speakers at a near 90 degree angle. Nicko McBrain is his regular octopus like self behind the drums, complete with customary Sooty doll sitting above his bass drum. How he works his way around the kit I’ll never understand, to say nothing of the giant gong behind him. And then there’s Bruce. Hearing Bruce Dickinson in full flight is a special thing to behold. While yes, age (And a recent throat cancer scare) mean his voice isn’t quite the almighty air-raid siren it once was, it’s hardly missed a beat. We get jokes about the youth of parts of the audience, the story of how it was an Australian who shot down the Red Baron and an emotional speech thanking us and reminding us that no matter the colour, gender or religion, all are welcome at a Maiden show.

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Opener If Eternity Should Fail has lyrics that have been begging me to write a game based around them** since I first heard it, Speed of Light is catchier than a cold and while you could probably shave 3-5 minutes of instrumental from The Red and the Black that would mean denying the audience more chances to go “Woah-oh!” and Steve Harris time to do his trademark one foot on the monitors machine gunning the audience pose. Deny them that? I’d rather die. Seeing the backdrop for The Trooper is alone enough to have me grinning from ear to ear and air guitaring as if my life depended on it. Having that followed by Powerslave? *head explodes* The Book of Souls (The title track from the storming new album) gives us an appearance from a giant Mayan themed Eddie who cavorts around the stage before Dickinson gleefully rips his heart out. The set ends with the traditional blast through Iron Maiden, with a giant inflatable Eddie head looming over the band.  There’s cheering, pyro and picks and sticks being thrown into the crowd, before the agonizingly long wait for the encore.

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Darkness. Red lights. A backdrop that looks like flame. Is that a giant inflatable horned demon I see before me? It is! Which can only mean one thing… Woe to you, O Earth and Sea…”  Yep, it’s The Number of the Beast, the song that hooked me on the band *COUGH* years ago. I squeal with joy more than a little. An emotional Dickinson introduces Blood Brothers, speaking about how regardless of difference, we’re all welcome here and we end with Wasted Years, sounding as glorious as ever. More cheers and a sudden realization that it’s going to take a long time to get back to where we’re staying. Stupid reality.

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As roughly 13,000 people exit the venue to the strains of ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’, there’s one thing I know with no doubt in my mind: Iron Maiden never fail to put on a fantastic show and we’re bloody lucky to have them. Hallowed be Thy Name indeed.

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SET LIST:

If Eternity Should Fail

Speed of Light

Children of the Damned

Tears of a Clown

The Red and the Black

The Trooper

Powerslave

Death or Glory

The Book of Souls

Hallowed by Thy Name

Fear of the Dark

Iron Maiden

ENCORE:

Number of the Beast

Blood Brothers

Wasted Years

*Sure, it’s not Creeping Death, but how can you not get up and rock out to it?

** In particular the chorus:
Reef in a sail at the edge of the world, if eternity should fail.

Waiting in line for the ending of time, if eternity should fail
I’m thinking something in the Doctor Who universe, possibly based around the Time War. But it’s not like I’m not already booked up running games til 2019, or so my wife (correctly) claims…

Civil War: A Review

First off, the film continues the recent trend of me seeing movies and wanting to buy half the wardrobe. Specifically, one of Cap’s jackets and a coat that T’Challa wears. (Not in that fabric, but style.) Clearly that’s a market that needs to be tapped – instead of ushers we need tailors standing outside cinemas asking patrons what clothing they wanted and their measurements. (For the record I’d also love Star Lord’s coat/jacket thing, all of Han Solo’s jackets and the red coat that Thor wears during the party scene in Ultron.) Now that we’re done with the hard hitting insightful criticism you were expecting, let’s look at the film itself!

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In short: woah. Hell of a film. Probably the best they’ve done so far – overall I still prefer Iron Man and Avengers, but the idea of a romantic comedy starring the Vision we came up with on the ride home may top that. Tell me you don’t want to see the Vision take a cooking course!

Marvel managed to build on plot threads from Winter Soldier and Age of Ultron (Which I still feel should have been called Fortnight of Ultron), give all of the major characters enough spotlight time (Including the newbies, who were done wonderfully) and drop enough hints at future plot and Easter Eggs that I didn’t want the film to end. It also left plenty of future threads dangling (Though not quite as many unanswered questions as The Force Awakens left me with) – there was no ‘everything wrapped up neatly’ end and I really liked that. There’s the political and spy intrigue of Soldier, enough quipping to fill 3 more Iron Man films and enough kaboom to maybe keep Zack Snyder happy, but more than that, it’s fun. It’s the major advantage Marvel films have over DC (BvS:DoJ I’m looking at you…) and I continue to love it.

It’s not a strict adaption of the Civil War plot, but that’s a good thing – I’m not sure the MCU’s Tony Stark would clone Thor, for which we should be grateful, though the aftermath of that mess would be fun to watch. There’s no easy answers to the conlfict between characters either – both side’s make their case and both can be seen to be in the right, which is what I’d hoped for. Just having them fight for no good reason is dull, but people convinced of the rightness of their cause, that’s something else. Stark has his paranoia and guilt while Cap is well, Cap.

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While I’m of the opinion that this version of the MCU should wrap up after Infinity War Pt 2, and switch to smaller scale stuff for a while before a reboot – progects like the Thunderbolts, the Runaways or just more Netflix series etc, if the films keep being this good, I don’t want them to stop. (A Punisher spin-off got announced today, which I can’t say I’m thrilled by. Yeah, they did the character really well, but I’d vastly prefer The Further Adventures of Foggy and Stick.) Mind you, their response to accusations of whitewashing in Doctor Strange didn’t do so well, but that’s a rock and a hard place situation. Either you’re accused of perpetuating the ‘You’re Asian so must know Kung-Fu’ cliché or of casting white people as Asian characters. Still, claiming the Ancient One is Celtic was a pretty terrible move, though not as terrible as Zack Snyder’s glee at murdering Jimmy Olsen.

So, bring on Doctor Strange and hurry the hell up with Black Panther.

PS: And yes, I’m still miffed at Ultron not using the ‘Ultron, we would have words with thee’ exchange.

PPS: Also, there’s 2 post film scenes – at the start and end of the credits. Worth staying for.

Men in tights punch each other.

So, Batman vs Superman. There be spoilers, so turn away if you’ve not seen.

Not bad, but not fantastic. DC films seem to be slowly improving, so give it a few years and we might get a really good one. I’m hoping that’ll either be Wonder Woman (So we can have more female led super hero movies) or Aquaman (So someone can dub it over with Brave and the Bold Aquaman). Actually, can we put together a Kickstarter for that? I want to see/hear that almost as much as hearing Darth Vader saying “Hold my beer and watch this” or a children’s choir singing Slayer’s Angel of Death.

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So, the film. Batman and Superman punch each other and occasionally scowl, Lex Luthor chews the scenery, a metric shit-ton of property is destroyed and they clumsily hint towards the Justice League, all while trying to cram in as many nods to The Death of Superman and The Dark Knight Returns as they can. Wonder Woman’s the best part of it, though Jeremy Iron’s as Alfred is a close second. The next most prominent cast member would have to be explosions which get more screen time than some cast in the opening credits, almost as if Snyder was screaming at the world “SEE MARVEL, WE CAN CAUSE MORE PROPERTY DAMAGE THAN YOU CAN WITH LESS CHARACTERS!” Lois Lane get’s little to do (I’m guessing there’s some deleted scenes that expand that), Perry White shouts and that’s about it. The cast do what they can with what little they have, though I’d forgotten that Lois and Clark were dating at the end of Man of Steel, which made him walking into her apartment while she’s in the bath more than a bit creepy at first. After that, it was just gratuitous and un-needed, much like most of Bruce Wayne’s flashbacks/nightmares. And yes, we saw the Wayne’s die. Again. It was well done and relatively short, though I might have been distracted by the cinema they were leaving having posters for The Mark of Zorro and Excalibur, a line from which could probably sum the film up quite well. “A dream to some… A NIGHTMARE TO OTHERS!”

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I have no idea what comic this is from, but couldn’t resist using it.

Music’s great – the uplifting theme they have for Superman is fantastic and Wonder Woman’s theme is superb.It’s almost a shame that Hans Zimmer has said this will be his final superhero movie, as he did a really great job. The little hints foreshadowing the Justice League are shoe-horned in there and not well. They’re nice to see and all, but pretty damn lacking when compared to Marvel’s end credits teases. (And no, either there’s no post credit scene or it’s part way through and I missed it when I was in the loo)

I guess my main problem with it is the tone. I want my Batman to work at night and Superman during the day – it seems almost insulting to have the most sunlight in a Superman film to be at his funeral. Affleck makes for a good Batman, though at times I could have used subtitles – between the accent, the noise of the film and the voice modulation it’s hard to tell what he’s saying at times. He’s also a violent jerk who seems to have forgotten about the whole ‘no killing people’ thing, though to be fair that’s happened before. I’ve just had my fill of Frank Miller’s Batman, I want the next one to be more Brave and the Bold or Adam West. I’d happily settle for Michael Keaton, who I think did a really good job of showing just how bugfuck nuts Bruce Wayne is. It’s all moot though, as we have Kevin Conroy, praise be his Bat-Voice.

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My ideal Superman? Well, Cavill could probably do the job given a better script, so that’s still a mix of Christopher Reeves Superman and Brandon Routh’s Clark Kent.There’s rare moments that hint just how good he could be, but it’s been lost amid the brooding and explosions. *sigh* Running a bit low on things to say, so I’ll sum up. It’s about as well done as I was expecting given the trailers (Why blow the surprise of Doomsday?), though you could have cut 20 minutes of montages, explosions and brooding and made for a better movie. But really, if you’re going to pit Batman and Superman against each other, we already have this: .

What could top that?

Many Bothans died, to bring us this trailer.

So, the Rogue One trailer. Leaving aside my burning hatred for teasers for trailers, or two minute trailers with 25 seconds of that taken up by rating info and stuff for other videos on the channel, it looks pretty damn good.

HELL YES MON MOTHMA – SUCK IT MRA’S AND SUCK IT HARD.
A female lead with a good amount of non-white people in the main cast, nice to see.
It’ll be slightly odd to have a definitive story of how the Death Star plans were stolen, given how many different stories and versions of it in the old EU.
Very little spoilery material, even better. One of the things I enjoyed the most about The Force Awakens was how little I knew going into it, a refreshing feeling in this day and age of leaks and endless teaser clips.
Seeing Yavin Base and T-65B X-Wings again – *swoon*
I’m sure the 501st are already going nuts over Ben Mendlheson’s outfit, whic is fair as that’s a rocking cape. That cape rocks so much I’m pretty sure Lando is jealous.
No Bothans though. Boooo. Also, would a nod to Kyle Katarn kill you? (Yes, I know the Bothans helped steal the plans to the second Death Star, but still. Seeing one on screen would be nice, at some point. Damn human-centric movies.)
Could have done without the nostalgia piano at the end, but I understand that’s the hip thing at the moment. Damn kids.
Part of me does think it’s going a bit dark, or at least Star Wars dark, but we’ve had that and it worked out OK, so yeah. Besides, I’m cool with them experimenting

Roll on December.

Pirates!

Out on the endless ocean
We tear along the gales
With rum inside our bellies warm
And freedom in our sails

A wayward bunch of scoundrels
Assassins, thieves and slaves
The rich and blue bloods fear us when
We hunt upon the waves

Beneath the Black Flag – Miracle of Sound

 So, thanks to a discovery recently, I’ve had a thought about running a pirate LARP. Mostly owing to Ian Sturrock, a British game writer, whose bio mentioned he’d run a game called Cutlass Island (described as a cross between It’s a Knockout and Pirates of the Caribbean), which has to be one of the greatest ideas known to mankind. Sliced bread? BAH!

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 So, the ship has been sunk (By storm, battle, or kraken) and the survivors struggle to shore, dragging what weapons and supplies they can, and must now decide what to do. That was the basic idea, closely followed by the possibility of running it on a beach somewhere for that extra bit of atmosphere. Finding a good location is a start, preferably free of civilians and with a fire pit or two nearby, though having gamed on public beaches before it’s not an insurmountable hurdle. (I’m still curious to know what that fisherman must have thought of the group of heavily armed crusaders walking down to the beach during the first St Wolfgang’s Vampire Hunters.)

Do they elect a new captain, break into petty recriminations or just get roaring drunk? Are there survivors from other ships, leading into an uneasy alliance for survival? Or are the others plotting to wait till they sleep and cut their throats? Paranoia’s always a fun tool in a GM’s arsenal, with the occasional glimpse of something through the trees, or sentry’s being picked off unawares. (During St Wolfgang’s we didn’t spot the first vampire till near midnight, which only made the wait more maddening) Players don’t necessarily have to play pirates or sailors, they could be merchants, travellers, apprentice sorcerers or any sort of character with a reasonable excuse to be at sea.

Alestorm

Could there be food and fresh water inland? It’s possible. There could also be mysterious natives from an aeon’s old civilisation, escaped slaves desperate to escape or degenerate cannibals. There could be survivors of other wrecks desperate to escape or other horrifying monsters. It could even be the legendary island of the scantily clad nymphomaniacs where the rivers flow with wine, but you aren’t that lucky are you? Does someone have a map (Maybe even one not written on human skin), heard rumours in a tavern or have you delved into the iron-bound books of Vathelos the Blind in search of hints of what grisly fate awaits you here? Or is it just wrong place, wrong time?

I’m not interested in debating rule’s systems at the moment. All I do know is I’d prefer to keep things as rules light as possible, which brings to mind the ruleset used for Hyborian Tales. Perhaps an adaption of Barbarians of Lemuria (A system I adore), the career stytem fits well. Weapons would be LARP safe, possibly with Nerf bows and crossbows mixed in. Alternatively, it could come down to card draws or rock paper scissors for combat, but I really enjoy live combat, so that’s not my preferred approach. Could be put to a vote of prospective players. Moving along…

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 As for what setting, well, that’s another matter. I don’t know Seventh Sea (Though I really should) or Mage: The Sorcerer’s Crusade, which at the moment leaves A: the real world, or at least a modified version of such (Possibly adding voodoo and other sorcery, such as from Green Ronin’s Skull and Bones campaign setting) or B: Conan. Real world is easily identifiable (And easier to costume), but runs the risk of descending into cliché.  I can’t throw stones at that, as most of my previous games were powered by them, but I’d like to have more than people yell “Arrr” at each other for several hours. A bit more historical murderous savages, rather than the sanitised movie version. (This would mean warning players beforehand and having spare crew roles for dead PC’s as well)

 Then, Conan. It’s a setting I adore, being a huge fan of the original stories and where no shortage of piratical shenanigans can be had (In his time Conan sailed with all 4 of the Hyborian Age’s major pirate bands), along with oceans over flowing with lost islands stuffed full of monsters and loot that’s worth the ransom of kings. There’s an eternal enmity between the Barachan Pirates and the Zingaran Freebooters, while the Red Brotherhood of the Vilayet Sea plunder the Turanian galleys, striking back at those that held them as slaves. The last major pirate group of the setting is the Black Corsairs of the Southern Islands, from whom Belit, the Queen of the Black Coast emerged to sweep the coast with fire and sword.  I’d be most likely to set a game on the western oceans, which also leaves open the Picts (The Picts of the Conan saga were more like American Indians rather than the proto-Scots of Howards Bran Mak Morn tales) and if we go really far North, the Vanir (Read Vikings). Either way, the chance of hell or plunder is a good one.

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There were some seventy of them, a wild horde made up of men from many nations: Kothians, Zamorians, Brythunians, Corinthians, Shemites. Their features reflected the wildness of their natures. Many bore the scars of the lash or the branding-iron. There were cropped ears, slit noses, gaping eye-sockets, stumps of wrists—marks of the hangman as well as scars of battle. Most of them were half naked, but the garments they wore were fine; gold-braided jackets, satin girdles, silken breeches, tattered, stained with tar and blood, vied with pieces of silver- chased armour. Jewels glittered in nose-rings and earrings, and in the hilts of their daggers.

Robert E Howard – Iron Shadows on the Moon

The main method of advancement among crews is simple and to the point – have the support of enough of the crew, then kill the captain in a fair fight and you’re sweet.  But, how can you can be sure of their support? Have you led them to enough loot, or are they drunk enough? Or are you just going to have them all killed ‘accidentally’ and thuse leave yourself with a larger share of the loot?

I guess the only other thing to work out at the moment is what they’re going to do outside that – what’s the final goal for the adventure? Survive? Make it through the night, or to another ship? Or find the horrific monstrosity guarding the treasure at the heart of the island and kill it? Or a combination of all three? *ponders*

THEWS

I’m at the crunch time/blind panic stage of writing my latest con game. I know very little else at the moment, but there is one thing I’m damned certain of: MY NEXT GAME WILL HAVE NONE OF THIS SHIT. No real world politics, no forcing me to keep up with deeply depressing news or trying to make good guys out of people whose almost every utterance I find violently anhorrent. This current game’s been something of a departure for me (Which is a good thing as far as I’m concerned), but it should teach me to watch my mouth and when I have an idea like this, KEEP IT TO MYSELF. Fortunately for you, dear readers, I’m already about to violate that policy, owing to the ideas that hit my brain last night when I should have been sleeping.

So, nothing of the real world. Instead, there will be THEWS, MIGHTY THEWS, MADE OF IRON, the buckling of swashes and weilding of absurdly large swords. Delving into the Earth for the treasures of forgotten kings, evil mustache twirling mages and MORE CLICHES than you can point an enormous axe at. The Good Guys will be dodgy fuckers mostly out for themselves but capable of doing the right thing when it comes to it and the Bad Guys will deserve an axe in their stupid evil faces. And that’s without forgetting a giant snake or ape! Oh, and nothing, absofuckinglutely nothing, that requires more research than watching B-movies and reading Robert E Howard.

Early PC ideas are as follows:

5 players but 6 pc’s, with 50/50 gender balance, because it’s about fucking time I did that in my games.And yes, I even have character portraits lined up, or at least what actor/film I’d be stealing them from.

NORTHERN BARBARIAN – (What’s her name from Vikings) Carries a sword almost as tall as she is. Wears practical armour. (Yes, that’s important)

SORCEROR/NOBLE – (Joel Edgerton – Exodus: Gods and Kings) More a dilettante than most Stygians, once was powerful but forced to flee into exile thanks to his rivals. Seeking power to return and crush them, but mostly drinking and whoring.

ARCHER/RANGER – Pictish, Shemite or Bossonian at the moment. Maybe Mads Mikkelsen from King Arthur. (Awful Arthurian film, but a cracking low magic D&D film.)

THIEF – Zamoran? Maybe knows a little magic? Would love to use Beth Reisgraf, but that’s more to her performance in Leverage than suitability for the role. If you’ve not seen the show, rectify that. IMMEDIATELY.

HOT LADY PIRATE – because why not? (Geena Davis from Cutthroat Island?)

PIT FIGHTER/GLADIATOR – Possibly from the Black Kingdoms, in which case he’d be played by Djimon Honsou in Gladiator. If female, she’d be Turanian and played by Aishwarya Rai from The Last Legion.

Where will it be set? What will happen? Well, the bloody thing’s not written yet and even if I had, spoilers. But rest assured, there will be darkness, danger and the chance of enough wealth to become a king! If you survive…

“I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom’s realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer’s Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content.”

Robert E Howard – Queen of the Black Coast

Things Pt 2, a shorter version

LIKE:

The possibility of a Finn/Poe romance. Fuck yes that would be awesome and not just cause of the people it could annoy. (My favorite part of the Thor films is still the amount of white supremacists who got angry at Idris Eba’s casting as Heimdall) You’ve just had a film where the hero’s are a woman, a Latino and a 2nd generation Nigerian, so yeah, keep moving this stuff forward.

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DISLIKE:

The DC movie universe, or more specifically the way it’s affected the DC TV universe. Yes, Arrow’s not perfect (And I’ve not seen enough of The Flash to comment outside of HELL YES YOU GOT MARK HAMILL TO SAY THE LINE*), but surely there was a way that both universes could co-exist? There wasn’t a way there could be 2 different versions of the Suicide Squad (1’s the TV version, the other the movie – I’m sure were sufficiently developed to not confuse the two)? And not that I want to run anyone down, but any version of Amanda Waller that’s not played by CCH Pounder counts as an error in my book.  Oh, and SOME FUCKING SUNSHINE in Batman vs Superman would be lovely.

*Which I’m sure he’d have said happily anyway – the man is both a huge geek and a giant ham

Things.

You know, things and stuff. I’m procrastinating about writing something, so naturally I’m going to write about something else.

Things I Like:

The all female Ghostbusters reboot. Yeah, I said it. (I’m also OK with Johnny Storm being black in the recent Fantastic Four film.) This really shouldn’t be an issue, but that’s nerds for you.

Andrew P Street’s writing for the Sydney Morning Herald. If you’ve not been reading his column (It appears on the website Sunday through Thursday), this this piece (Written in the wake of last November’s attacks in Paris) is the place to start.

Star Wars: Episode 8 starting production. 34 seconds of footage should not make me so happy. Furthermore, the mid season trailer for Star Wars: Rebels which kept upping the awesome factor. A Sith Holocron! Yoda! “Call me Old Master…” VADER. *Tingles*

That there’s a new Conan RPG being Kickstarted. It’s taken a lot of willpower not to go “SHUT UP BY CROM AND TAKE MY MONEY!” That and the fact it’s a system where the To-Hit check is rolling low. Given my luck with dice, I CAN’T FAIL.

The score to Highlander. Not the Queen score mind you, which is fantastic, but Michael Kamen’s orchestral work. Listen to this and tell me you don’t want to stand on a mist enshrouded mountain holding a huge sword and striking a pose. You can’t can you?

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Things I Dislike:

The comments. Yeah, there’s a shock.

The lack of Book 3 of The Kingkiller Chronicles. Though as much as I may complain, I’m happy for Patrick Rothfuss to write at his own pace. If that means we get a less stressed author and a better book, I’m OK with that. (I also feel the same way about the next instalments of A Song of Ice and Fire, Peter Grant and Locke Lamora .)

My latest con game. I’m not grumbling about that, I enjoy writing them, more the research. You see, the PC’s in this one are Fox News anchors, and that means actually having to watch that diabolical channel. *shudders* This dirt, it won’t come off…

No shortage of other things. It’s perfectly summed up in a First Dog on the Moon shirt,  specifically this one. I haven’t seen a piece of clothing that so summed me up in well, ever.

The fact that I just realised I’ve not used Mark Sheppard as an NPC in any of my games. Sure, most of mine of late have been historical swashbucklers, but still, that’s an oversight I need to correct. Also, I now want to watch Leverage again and DAMNIT TOO MANY SHOWS NOT ENOUGH TIME. *sigh*