First off, the film continues the recent trend of me seeing movies and wanting to buy half the wardrobe. Specifically, one of Cap’s jackets and a coat that T’Challa wears. (Not in that fabric, but style.) Clearly that’s a market that needs to be tapped – instead of ushers we need tailors standing outside cinemas asking patrons what clothing they wanted and their measurements. (For the record I’d also love Star Lord’s coat/jacket thing, all of Han Solo’s jackets and the red coat that Thor wears during the party scene in Ultron.) Now that we’re done with the hard hitting insightful criticism you were expecting, let’s look at the film itself!
In short: woah. Hell of a film. Probably the best they’ve done so far – overall I still prefer Iron Man and Avengers, but the idea of a romantic comedy starring the Vision we came up with on the ride home may top that. Tell me you don’t want to see the Vision take a cooking course!
Marvel managed to build on plot threads from Winter Soldier and Age of Ultron (Which I still feel should have been called Fortnight of Ultron), give all of the major characters enough spotlight time (Including the newbies, who were done wonderfully) and drop enough hints at future plot and Easter Eggs that I didn’t want the film to end. It also left plenty of future threads dangling (Though not quite as many unanswered questions as The Force Awakens left me with) – there was no ‘everything wrapped up neatly’ end and I really liked that. There’s the political and spy intrigue of Soldier, enough quipping to fill 3 more Iron Man films and enough kaboom to maybe keep Zack Snyder happy, but more than that, it’s fun. It’s the major advantage Marvel films have over DC (BvS:DoJ I’m looking at you…) and I continue to love it.
It’s not a strict adaption of the Civil War plot, but that’s a good thing – I’m not sure the MCU’s Tony Stark would clone Thor, for which we should be grateful, though the aftermath of that mess would be fun to watch. There’s no easy answers to the conlfict between characters either – both side’s make their case and both can be seen to be in the right, which is what I’d hoped for. Just having them fight for no good reason is dull, but people convinced of the rightness of their cause, that’s something else. Stark has his paranoia and guilt while Cap is well, Cap.
While I’m of the opinion that this version of the MCU should wrap up after Infinity War Pt 2, and switch to smaller scale stuff for a while before a reboot – progects like the Thunderbolts, the Runaways or just more Netflix series etc, if the films keep being this good, I don’t want them to stop. (A Punisher spin-off got announced today, which I can’t say I’m thrilled by. Yeah, they did the character really well, but I’d vastly prefer The Further Adventures of Foggy and Stick.) Mind you, their response to accusations of whitewashing in Doctor Strange didn’t do so well, but that’s a rock and a hard place situation. Either you’re accused of perpetuating the ‘You’re Asian so must know Kung-Fu’ cliché or of casting white people as Asian characters. Still, claiming the Ancient One is Celtic was a pretty terrible move, though not as terrible as Zack Snyder’s glee at murdering Jimmy Olsen.
So, bring on Doctor Strange and hurry the hell up with Black Panther.
PS: And yes, I’m still miffed at Ultron not using the ‘Ultron, we would have words with thee’ exchange.
PPS: Also, there’s 2 post film scenes – at the start and end of the credits. Worth staying for.
So, Batman vs Superman. There be spoilers, so turn away if you’ve not seen.
Not bad, but not fantastic. DC films seem to be slowly improving, so give it a few years and we might get a really good one. I’m hoping that’ll either be Wonder Woman (So we can have more female led super hero movies) or Aquaman (So someone can dub it over with Brave and the Bold Aquaman). Actually, can we put together a Kickstarter for that? I want to see/hear that almost as much as hearing Darth Vader saying “Hold my beer and watch this” or a children’s choir singing Slayer’s Angel of Death.
So, the film. Batman and Superman punch each other and occasionally scowl, Lex Luthor chews the scenery, a metric shit-ton of property is destroyed and they clumsily hint towards the Justice League, all while trying to cram in as many nods to The Death of Superman and The Dark Knight Returns as they can. Wonder Woman’s the best part of it, though Jeremy Iron’s as Alfred is a close second. The next most prominent cast member would have to be explosions which get more screen time than some cast in the opening credits, almost as if Snyder was screaming at the world “SEE MARVEL, WE CAN CAUSE MORE PROPERTY DAMAGE THAN YOU CAN WITH LESS CHARACTERS!” Lois Lane get’s little to do (I’m guessing there’s some deleted scenes that expand that), Perry White shouts and that’s about it. The cast do what they can with what little they have, though I’d forgotten that Lois and Clark were dating at the end of Man of Steel, which made him walking into her apartment while she’s in the bath more than a bit creepy at first. After that, it was just gratuitous and un-needed, much like most of Bruce Wayne’s flashbacks/nightmares. And yes, we saw the Wayne’s die. Again. It was well done and relatively short, though I might have been distracted by the cinema they were leaving having posters for The Mark of Zorro and Excalibur, a line from which could probably sum the film up quite well. “A dream to some… A NIGHTMARE TO OTHERS!”
I have no idea what comic this is from, but couldn’t resist using it.
Music’s great – the uplifting theme they have for Superman is fantastic and Wonder Woman’s theme is superb.It’s almost a shame that Hans Zimmer has said this will be his final superhero movie, as he did a really great job. The little hints foreshadowing the Justice League are shoe-horned in there and not well. They’re nice to see and all, but pretty damn lacking when compared to Marvel’s end credits teases. (And no, either there’s no post credit scene or it’s part way through and I missed it when I was in the loo)
I guess my main problem with it is the tone. I want my Batman to work at night and Superman during the day – it seems almost insulting to have the most sunlight in a Superman film to be at his funeral. Affleck makes for a good Batman, though at times I could have used subtitles – between the accent, the noise of the film and the voice modulation it’s hard to tell what he’s saying at times. He’s also a violent jerk who seems to have forgotten about the whole ‘no killing people’ thing, though to be fair that’s happened before. I’ve just had my fill of Frank Miller’s Batman, I want the next one to be more Brave and the Bold or Adam West. I’d happily settle for Michael Keaton, who I think did a really good job of showing just how bugfuck nuts Bruce Wayne is. It’s all moot though, as we have Kevin Conroy, praise be his Bat-Voice.
My ideal Superman? Well, Cavill could probably do the job given a better script, so that’s still a mix of Christopher Reeves Superman and Brandon Routh’s Clark Kent.There’s rare moments that hint just how good he could be, but it’s been lost amid the brooding and explosions. *sigh* Running a bit low on things to say, so I’ll sum up. It’s about as well done as I was expecting given the trailers (Why blow the surprise of Doomsday?), though you could have cut 20 minutes of montages, explosions and brooding and made for a better movie. But really, if you’re going to pit Batman and Superman against each other, we already have this: .
Out on the endless ocean
We tear along the gales
With rum inside our bellies warm
And freedom in our sails
A wayward bunch of scoundrels
Assassins, thieves and slaves
The rich and blue bloods fear us when
We hunt upon the waves
Beneath the Black Flag – Miracle of Sound
So, thanks to a discovery recently, I’ve had a thought about running a pirate LARP. Mostly owing to Ian Sturrock, a British game writer, whose bio mentioned he’d run a game called Cutlass Island (described as a cross between It’s a Knockout and Pirates of the Caribbean), which has to be one of the greatest ideas known to mankind. Sliced bread? BAH!
So, the ship has been sunk (By storm, battle, or kraken) and the survivors struggle to shore, dragging what weapons and supplies they can, and must now decide what to do. That was the basic idea, closely followed by the possibility of running it on a beach somewhere for that extra bit of atmosphere. Finding a good location is a start, preferably free of civilians and with a fire pit or two nearby, though having gamed on public beaches before it’s not an insurmountable hurdle. (I’m still curious to know what that fisherman must have thought of the group of heavily armed crusaders walking down to the beach during the first St Wolfgang’s Vampire Hunters.)
Do they elect a new captain, break into petty recriminations or just get roaring drunk? Are there survivors from other ships, leading into an uneasy alliance for survival? Or are the others plotting to wait till they sleep and cut their throats? Paranoia’s always a fun tool in a GM’s arsenal, with the occasional glimpse of something through the trees, or sentry’s being picked off unawares. (During St Wolfgang’s we didn’t spot the first vampire till near midnight, which only made the wait more maddening) Players don’t necessarily have to play pirates or sailors, they could be merchants, travellers, apprentice sorcerers or any sort of character with a reasonable excuse to be at sea.
Could there be food and fresh water inland? It’s possible. There could also be mysterious natives from an aeon’s old civilisation, escaped slaves desperate to escape or degenerate cannibals. There could be survivors of other wrecks desperate to escape or other horrifying monsters. It could even be the legendary island of the scantily clad nymphomaniacs where the rivers flow with wine, but you aren’t that lucky are you? Does someone have a map (Maybe even one not written on human skin), heard rumours in a tavern or have you delved into the iron-bound books of Vathelos the Blind in search of hints of what grisly fate awaits you here? Or is it just wrong place, wrong time?
I’m not interested in debating rule’s systems at the moment. All I do know is I’d prefer to keep things as rules light as possible, which brings to mind the ruleset used for Hyborian Tales. Perhaps an adaption of Barbarians of Lemuria (A system I adore), the career stytem fits well. Weapons would be LARP safe, possibly with Nerf bows and crossbows mixed in. Alternatively, it could come down to card draws or rock paper scissors for combat, but I really enjoy live combat, so that’s not my preferred approach. Could be put to a vote of prospective players. Moving along…
As for what setting, well, that’s another matter. I don’t know Seventh Sea (Though I really should) or Mage: The Sorcerer’s Crusade, which at the moment leaves A: the real world, or at least a modified version of such (Possibly adding voodoo and other sorcery, such as from Green Ronin’s Skull and Bones campaign setting) or B: Conan. Real world is easily identifiable (And easier to costume), but runs the risk of descending into cliché. I can’t throw stones at that, as most of my previous games were powered by them, but I’d like to have more than people yell “Arrr” at each other for several hours. A bit more historical murderous savages, rather than the sanitised movie version. (This would mean warning players beforehand and having spare crew roles for dead PC’s as well)
Then, Conan. It’s a setting I adore, being a huge fan of the original stories and where no shortage of piratical shenanigans can be had (In his time Conan sailed with all 4 of the Hyborian Age’s major pirate bands), along with oceans over flowing with lost islands stuffed full of monsters and loot that’s worth the ransom of kings. There’s an eternal enmity between the Barachan Pirates and the Zingaran Freebooters, while the Red Brotherhood of the Vilayet Sea plunder the Turanian galleys, striking back at those that held them as slaves. The last major pirate group of the setting is the Black Corsairs of the Southern Islands, from whom Belit, the Queen of the Black Coast emerged to sweep the coast with fire and sword. I’d be most likely to set a game on the western oceans, which also leaves open the Picts (The Picts of the Conan saga were more like American Indians rather than the proto-Scots of Howards Bran Mak Morn tales) and if we go really far North, the Vanir (Read Vikings). Either way, the chance of hell or plunder is a good one.
There were some seventy of them, a wild horde made up of men from many nations: Kothians, Zamorians, Brythunians, Corinthians, Shemites. Their features reflected the wildness of their natures. Many bore the scars of the lash or the branding-iron. There were cropped ears, slit noses, gaping eye-sockets, stumps of wrists—marks of the hangman as well as scars of battle. Most of them were half naked, but the garments they wore were fine; gold-braided jackets, satin girdles, silken breeches, tattered, stained with tar and blood, vied with pieces of silver- chased armour. Jewels glittered in nose-rings and earrings, and in the hilts of their daggers.
Robert E Howard – Iron Shadows on the Moon
The main method of advancement among crews is simple and to the point – have the support of enough of the crew, then kill the captain in a fair fight and you’re sweet. But, how can you can be sure of their support? Have you led them to enough loot, or are they drunk enough? Or are you just going to have them all killed ‘accidentally’ and thuse leave yourself with a larger share of the loot?
I guess the only other thing to work out at the moment is what they’re going to do outside that – what’s the final goal for the adventure? Survive? Make it through the night, or to another ship? Or find the horrific monstrosity guarding the treasure at the heart of the island and kill it? Or a combination of all three? *ponders*
I’m at the crunch time/blind panic stage of writing my latest con game. I know very little else at the moment, but there is one thing I’m damned certain of: MY NEXT GAME WILL HAVE NONE OF THIS SHIT. No real world politics, no forcing me to keep up with deeply depressing news or trying to make good guys out of people whose almost every utterance I find violently anhorrent. This current game’s been something of a departure for me (Which is a good thing as far as I’m concerned), but it should teach me to watch my mouth and when I have an idea like this, KEEP IT TO MYSELF. Fortunately for you, dear readers, I’m already about to violate that policy, owing to the ideas that hit my brain last night when I should have been sleeping.
So, nothing of the real world. Instead, there will be THEWS, MIGHTY THEWS, MADE OF IRON, the buckling of swashes and weilding of absurdly large swords. Delving into the Earth for the treasures of forgotten kings, evil mustache twirling mages and MORE CLICHES than you can point an enormous axe at. The Good Guys will be dodgy fuckers mostly out for themselves but capable of doing the right thing when it comes to it and the Bad Guys will deserve an axe in their stupid evil faces. And that’s without forgetting a giant snake or ape! Oh, and nothing, absofuckinglutely nothing, that requires more research than watching B-movies and reading Robert E Howard.
Early PC ideas are as follows:
5 players but 6 pc’s, with 50/50 gender balance, because it’s about fucking time I did that in my games.And yes, I even have character portraits lined up, or at least what actor/film I’d be stealing them from.
NORTHERN BARBARIAN – (What’s her name from Vikings) Carries a sword almost as tall as she is. Wears practical armour. (Yes, that’s important)
SORCEROR/NOBLE – (Joel Edgerton – Exodus: Gods and Kings) More a dilettante than most Stygians, once was powerful but forced to flee into exile thanks to his rivals. Seeking power to return and crush them, but mostly drinking and whoring.
ARCHER/RANGER – Pictish, Shemite or Bossonian at the moment. Maybe Mads Mikkelsen from King Arthur. (Awful Arthurian film, but a cracking low magic D&D film.)
THIEF – Zamoran? Maybe knows a little magic? Would love to use Beth Reisgraf, but that’s more to her performance in Leverage than suitability for the role. If you’ve not seen the show, rectify that. IMMEDIATELY.
HOT LADY PIRATE – because why not? (Geena Davis from Cutthroat Island?)
PIT FIGHTER/GLADIATOR – Possibly from the Black Kingdoms, in which case he’d be played by Djimon Honsou in Gladiator. If female, she’d be Turanian and played by Aishwarya Rai from The Last Legion.
Where will it be set? What will happen? Well, the bloody thing’s not written yet and even if I had, spoilers. But rest assured, there will be darkness, danger and the chance of enough wealth to become a king! If you survive…
“I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom’s realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer’s Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content.”
The possibility of a Finn/Poe romance. Fuck yes that would be awesome and not just cause of the people it could annoy. (My favorite part of the Thor films is still the amount of white supremacists who got angry at Idris Eba’s casting as Heimdall) You’ve just had a film where the hero’s are a woman, a Latino and a 2nd generation Nigerian, so yeah, keep moving this stuff forward.
DISLIKE:
The DC movie universe, or more specifically the way it’s affected the DC TV universe. Yes, Arrow’s not perfect (And I’ve not seen enough of The Flash to comment outside of HELL YES YOU GOT MARK HAMILL TO SAY THE LINE*), but surely there was a way that both universes could co-exist? There wasn’t a way there could be 2 different versions of the Suicide Squad (1’s the TV version, the other the movie – I’m sure were sufficiently developed to not confuse the two)? And not that I want to run anyone down, but any version of Amanda Waller that’s not played by CCH Pounder counts as an error in my book. Oh, and SOME FUCKING SUNSHINE in Batman vs Superman would be lovely.
*Which I’m sure he’d have said happily anyway – the man is both a huge geek and a giant ham
Tonight’s Deadlands session, a brief recap. Also, an illustrative lesson in why dice hate me.
We’ve gone to burn out some cultists (Who’ve been sacrificing to a fertilty demon in the wheat fields). After some Anarchist Shandy’s (AKA molotov cocktails) have been thrown and those of us who’ve failed haven’t set ourselves on fire, the cultists rush at us.My Huckster decides to cast a couple of bolts at them, and boosts the damage. Since it’s an expensive spell, I decide to Deal with the Devil for the points. It does… not go well.
Out comes the Backlash table, which results in the spell doing damage to me.That takes off my right arm in the magical explosion (Sadly no green flame), and the next round I fail my save and die. On the bright side, it took the 2 cultists with me, with the only other casualty being my horse.
I also fail the card draw to have my character return as Harrowed, which is a mixed blessing. That’s an improvement, which the players in my 4th Ed game can tell you about. Jokes about how the explosive cards fell back down my sleeve follow, many of them made by me.
So, I’m currently deciding between a martial artist (Because their powers don’t cause backlash and The Warriors Way is a fantastic film) or gunslinger for my next character, and not at all cause I now have Bon Jovi’s Wanted Dead or Alive stuck in my head.
(Disclaimer: the following is written entirely from my point of view. Any and all inaccuracies, misconceptions and typos are mine.)
Rumours swirl of dark events in the city. The CDCP have set up quarantine zones throughout the area, but are denying anything is wrong. Whispers speak of the walking dead and other, darker, creatures. The Apocalypse has come, but will you survive the night? Gather your comrades and load your weapons amigo, and welcome to Zedtown.
Zedtown is an 850 player zombie apocalypse Nerf war that ran at Sydney Olympic Park last Sunday. Basically, it’s a giant game of tag played by adults with toy dart blasters. The basics are as follows: if you shoot a zombie, they have to return to re-spawn. If a zombie tags you, you become one of them. Simple. That’s really all you need to know, though being able to engage the following helps:
Your inner 10 year old.
Your inner paranoid maniac.
The feeling of machismo you get when sugared up and watching 80’s action movies.
At the start of the game, the humans are split into 3 factions (Red, Yellow and Blue), with a small number of zombies released about 20 minutes in.There’s also 3 special zombies, known as Original Zombies, or OZ for short. The OZ’s are special in that they’re in disguise, resembling normal human survivors, and from 5 minutes in can start tagging them and turning them into zombies. This results in Cold War levels of paranoia, with a frantic race to try to identify them being one of the few things that the factions will work together as one to complete. The squad I’d joined up with (Not knowing any other players in my faction) kept weapons trained on me for most of the opening hour (To be honest, I can’t blame them), with a joke from another player almost leading to shots being fired. Nerves were starting to fray early. This event had introduced survivor vs survivor fire, which seemed to work well, despite some complaints leading up to it. (Basically, if you got shot by another human, you had to go back to your faction’s base to respawn.) It added an extra element of ‘Humans are dicks and will fuck each other over happily!’ when the sensible response is to combine forces and fight as one. Maybe next event…
The pre game briefing, shortly before all hell broke loose.
I’m now horribly tempted to sign up as an OZ for a future event and keep myself hidden until about an hour to go. Rest assured I’m not actually going to, cause that shit takes effort and I have a horrible poker face (Seriously, I’m an awful gambler – even in video games). But the looks on people’s faces if you could pull that off would be magnificent.)
Who else would you trust to save the planet?
Other random moments of awesome: Incredibly Shouty Guy and his slightly quieter counterpart, Slightly Less Shouty Guy Who’d Lost His Voice. The incredibly efficient Russians and Red Berets. Walking with a horde of zombiers to the last enclave of survivors chanting “ONE OF US!” The observation from a squad member that the factional conflict is showing us how racism works (We hadn’t met them and already hated Blue and Yellow) and discussing whether hiking up my kilt at zombies would break the rules (Yes, I was wearing underpants. I don’t kilt up without them, no matter how much my wife complains) The Holly Jolly Christmas Squad (Who attended the previous game dressed as the Brides from Mad Max: Fury Road), and the dancing zombie with a speaker on his back (I’m guessing in homage to Doof Zombie from the last event who apparently had thrown his back out and couldn’t attend). Escorting a zombie close to our base who claimed to want to talk peace. It was an interesting idea (Leaving aside the whole ‘zombies wanting peace thing’ which was pretty bloody weird), but an NPC corporate exec shot him, so that idea went down the gurgler pretty quick. And at some point I’ll make it out to investigate the bar that’s hidden somewhere in the play area.
Survivors, strut!
FUN FACT: We also discovered that yelling “WOAH” repeatedly and randomly pointing guns at people is an impressive distraction tactic.
At first, the zombies are seen in small groups, and a group of survivors who don’t panic can deal with them without too much trouble. There’s also the Witch, a fearsome creature considered unkillable (Rumours persisted she could be pacified with sugar, with our faction being issued with fun size Snickers bars just in case). Initially restrained by the CDCP (You could go visit the cage she was in!), she broke free about halfway through the day and roamed the grounds, a terrifying scream announcing her presence. She swiftly became an object of such fear that large groups of players would simply run rather than confront her, which worked wonderfully. Case in point: late in the game (After I’d become a zombie) we were pursuing a large group of players who’d formed a defensive line. It was Mexican standoff time and all we needed was the guy who’d been whistling the theme to ‘The Good, the Bad and the Ugly’ to turn up to help soundtrack things. Then one of our group screamed and the players (Who had been looking rather cocky up till that point) broke and ran immediately. Causing fear is a wonderful thing.
The CDCP and their… creation.
It’s when the numbers start getting higher (And they do) that things start to tip in the zombies favour. Watching the survivor count, or the faces of other players, drop when the count is announced get’s tense. In fact, it’s remarkable easy to buy into the whole experience – at a certain point it stops being a game and turns into a desperate life or death struggle, albeit one that we all survive. And that’s even before it got dark, which amped up the paranoia even further. Walking through the stadium watching over the group planting beacons, then hearing the zombies scream over the other side was a real “oh, bugger” moment. It was shortly after that when I got tagged, while hiding behind a fence. I was a bit miffed, but I’d laster till nightfall, much farther than I’d expected to get, so I was well chuffed.
In all fairness, if you thought she was coming round the corner, you’d run too.
FUN FACT: Cowardice and unfitness is a remarkably useful survival strategy! Not a good or efficient one, but it worked well for me.
From 850 survivors at the start, only 13 brave and lucky souls made it out to be evacuated. A mere 13. Around 48 made it out of the last event, and that only had 700 players. The Blue and Yellow bases both fell relatively early (I believe it was still light – I didn’t spend much time at Blue), and there seemed to be a last stand late at the Red base, but I was walking back to the re-spawn area and missed it. It was a glorious day, albeit one that my legs are still complaining about.
Looking to survive the next event? Here’s some tips that may help you!*
Comfortable footwear. I can’t stress this enough. Comfy shoes are a must, even before weapons. You can make it through the day with minimal firepower, but you still need to be able to move.
Bathrooms. Shelter is useful, as are comrades who’ll watch your back. But knowing a safe spot to pee is incredibly useful. Even more so when you badly need to and realize the closest toilet is in enemy territory.
Comfortable costume. It will be hot, you will be running. Being decked out in masses of camo gear may feel awesome, but there’s no point in wearing it if you’re going to melt. I can’t throw stones though, as I (For reasons unknown but I’m claiming awesome) decided to wear a kilt. Why? Breeze. Breeze is good.
Stake out sources of water and food. Ideally, you’ll have a bottle of water (Which you’ll need) and some snacks in a back pack, but more never hurts. Don’t forget though: the zombies also know this.
As for weapons, there’s two main schools of thought on this. The first is pack a pistol, maybe a small rifle and go lightly armed, relying on stealth, speed and cunning. The second is to tool up with the largest most intimidating blaster you can find, carry enough ammo to last you through a small war (Or a Schwarzenegger film) and spend the day quoting Jesse Ventura from Predator. Both schools of thought have their adherents and it’s not up to me to pass judgement. I prefer to run lightly armed myself, mainly because I’m lazy and unfit and prefer to have less stuff to carry to and from the event. Whatever works for you and, more importantly, let’s you feel like the lead in your own action movie.
There’s no word on the next event, but I’m itching for it. One of the housemates and I are planning to costume like we’re in a spaghetti western. Between us we should be able to handle a fistful of zombies…
Things I have almost yelled at work: “Hey, it’s Bargearse!”
The long version: a recent promo for Brooklyn Nine-Nine used the theme from Bargearse and it took a lot of willpower not to call attention to it, at volume. However, given the A: age and B: comedic taste of my coworkers, I elected not to. Probably for the best that.
For those unfamiliar with early 90’s ABC comedy shows, here’s the saga in all it’s flatulent glory:
Musing recently about the lack of an Assassin’s Creed style James Bond game (How has this not been done already?), the thought, as my brain frequently does, turned to LARP. What followed was a couple of minutes of brainstorming with a housemate and a train ride or two of writing.
1: SPECTRE
It’s that time of year when Number 1 summons all of SPECTRE’s top brass for the annual meeting. Sadly, owing to the activities of a certain British secret agent who shall remain nameless (*cough* Danger Mouse! *cough*), things aren’t looking too good. Can you wheedle enough cash/resources/favours out of the other top brass in time to please Number 1? Perhaps you’ve been skimming and need to get some fast cash, dislike another boss enough to frame them to want to move up the pecking order or are you just James Bond in disguise?
So, what sort of shenanigans can SPECTRE’s top brass get into before Number 1 show’s up? Each member will have a different area of expertise (Smuggling, trafficking, extortion etc) and a certain amount of resources. Naturally, everyone is running short on something and everyone should have something the other wants. Oh, and evereyone hates each other. No honour among thieves after all.
2: PRE CREDIT’S SEQUENCE
Obviously/sadly most LARP’s won’t have the resources to build a lair in a hollowed out volcano, but the pre credits scene from Goldfinger, something resembling that is more doable. What follows is a 10-20 player NERF war scenario.
In short: M has ordered James Bond to blow up a SPECTRE facility, preferably without being detected. Runs should be from 10-20 minutes each (Depending on the venue size), with Bond’s player changing each time.
1 player is James Bond, everyone else is a SPECTRE mook. Bond must infiltrate the enemy base, plant the explosives and get out unseen. He has a silenced* pistol with 2 full loads of ammo, the explosives he needs (Set to a short timer), and his wits. His pistol will kill anything in one shot (No matter where it hits), but he has limited ammunition and probably be shouldn’t be pissing about trying to kill everyone he can when there’s women with sexual innuendo based names he could be trying to seduce. Priorities right?
The mooks start out unaware of Bond and wander the area at random. They can be taken out either with pistol fire, or by incapacitating them with either a tap on the shoulder (Simulating the Bond/Shatner/3rd Doctor shoulder chop) or by wrapping something soft around their throat from behind – maybe crepe paper or a sock, this takes them down immediately. Bond’s player can drag them into cover if they wish (with the help of the knocked out player). Any mook dragged into a bush must hide and can give no information if found by other players.
The mooks all carry machine pistols (fly wheel guns, in order to distinguish themselves from Bond’s gun). There are several alarms bells scattered throughout the map, as well as the location that Bond has to set the explosives at, which will change with each run. (This is done to stop sneaky players noting where everything is in order to help themselves along.) All mooks will know where the alarms are– if the alarm bell is rung all mooks should head towards the alarm area.
(Whether or not Bonds player wants to wear a tux underneath their spy clothes isn’t necessary, but is highly encouraged.)
The difficulty could be boosted by adding more mooks, shortening the time or allowing them to make a loud gurgling sound when taken down. Alternatively, you could add a SPECTRE assassin stalking Bond (See the opening scenes of From Russia with Love), or another freakish henchman such as Oddjob or Jaws. I’ve not seen a LARP safe version of Oddjob’s hat, but I’m sure one could be worked up.
*Obviously we can’t fully silence a Nerf gun, but between the mooks having motorised guns and playing dumb, we should be able to represent it.
Yeah, I’d like to be able to say something profound or mind altering, something that would help heal the sick, help the poor and win the war on terror, but sometimes all you can do is express your love for a band. (Actually, that’s something I do frequently, but that’s beside the point) I recently re-purchased their first album and listening to it again reminded of just how damn good this band is. (Yes, I consider it the first metal album – Purple and Zeppelin come close, but none are more black than Sabbath) It’s hard for me to imagine how much of an impact that thing must have made when it first appeared all those years ago. I first heard it many years back (On vinyl no less!) and it scared the heck out of me. I thought myself familiar with all things metallic (Being young and ignorant), but that thing genuinely unnerved me, in a way I’d not felt since I saw Who Framed Roger Rabbit.*
I could talk for hours about the guitar work of Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler (Bass) and Bill Ward (Drums) are one of the greatest rhythm sections ever to take the stage and there’s Ozzy. By all rights, a voice like that should work, especially not not compared to the metal singers to follow him. For someone who helped birth a genre, he sure doesn’t sound like those who came after. It’s a voice like no other, thin and kinda whiny, nothing like the leather lunged screamers like Rob Halford or Bruce Dickinson or the more guttural technique of Tom Araya or Chuck Billy.
I’m not a musician, so I can’t discuss musical technique or theory. Yeah, Iommi strings his guitars differently after his accident (That cost him several fingertips on his fret hand) but I’m stuffed if I can work out how it makes his playing different. I don’t know how to explain what they do, but what I do know is this: IT’S FUCKING AWESOME. I’m sure you’ve heard Iron Man thanks to it’s inclusion in the MCU,but there’s more, far more to them. There’s the rumble of bass that opens Children of the Grave, the 7 minutes of DOOM that is War Pigs, the solo in Wheels of Confusion or the opening of Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, a guitar riff that can LEVEL CITIES. Don’t believe me? Listen and BE PROVED WRONG. Just reinforce your house first.
I didn’t see them when they toured on the 13 album a couple of years back, lack of funds and the public slanging match between Osbourne and Ward put me off. I did however get to see the lineup led by Ronnie James Dio (Who joined after Osbourne was fired) in 2007 and it was one of the greatest nights of my life, even with the idiot a few rows over who spent the whole show screaming for Paranoid. You’re up in the nose bleeds of the Entertainment Center – do you really think the band are going to hear you? The best part was when someone finally explained the band would only play Dio era material and he started yelling for Holy Diver. *sigh*
I guess my final words (For know) are this. Ignore the mud slinging and public wars of words, the reality TV show and every word that Sharon Osbourne ever says. Just listen to the music. It’s more than worth your time and the damage to your hearing.
*It’s been at least 25 years and I still refuse to watch that film again. I am unashamed of that fact.
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