Sedation would have been fucking lovely… So, been a while since last we spoke. Or I typed. You know what I mean. Hasn’t been great, but hasn’t been as rough as some years past. The usual Christmas chaos and hassle, nerves and regret. Another year gone, mercifully. I continue to be glad that no-one I know is Covid affected, and my heart breaks for those who’ve lost friends and loved ones.

Work has been, well work. Had a couple of Sundays working retail at one of our stores and swiftly gained a reputation as being a D&D person. Guilty as charged. Having people go “I’m looking to get into it” or “Friends play and I thought I’d try” and getting to look them square in the eye and say “Welcome to the tribe” just well, brings joy. The money didn’t hurt either – it’s my sword fund. Only issue is, what sort do I buy? I mean, the LARP blades I’ve been after are in stock (A Calimacil Agrippa rapier and Lucrezia dagger), but given the fragile state of things (Thanks Northern Beaches, thanks a bundle), who knows whether LARP will be back And so, I turn to steel. That both cuts down and opens up my options. It’s been a long time since I’ve spent this much on one thing and I don’t want to grab the first thing I see – I want to make a sensible choice.



I’m pretty sure going to Wonder Woman 84 was my first cinema trip all year (This was last year that is) and while I enjoyed it, it didn’t quite have the same zing as the first one. My wife saw a comment that said it was, and I may be misquoting here ‘just like a Russell T Davies Doctor Who‘ and I’m damned if I don’t agree with that. It was a fun film, don’t get me wrong, but lacking. Fingers crossed that Patty Jenkins Rogue Squadron film don’t fall over thanks to executive meddling. I also saw in the New Year by watching Clue for the first time and that film is utterly delightful. I’m quite curious as to whether anyone’s run it as a LARP.



Gaming wise, I’m almost ready to start the Crimson Skies game for my home group.I’ll keep it plot free, as some of my players read this, but I’ve a rough plan, a few antagonists and an Emergency NPC Names list that may be populated by the names of 1970’s Doctor Who production crew. If it’s good enough for Leverage, it’s good enough for me. Played Betrayal at Baldur’s Gate today for the first time, and we won thanks to my dice rolling. I know, I’m stunned myself. I also got to play Rumble at Castle Tentakill, one of the stand alone expansions for Epic Spell Wars of the Battle Wizards and it is very much my kind of stupid. How stupid? This stupid:


Video gaming wise, my progress on Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey has slowed, owing to the Christmas season and the fact that I got Valhalla yesterday. This should shock no-one, as by now we should all remember that
A: Vikings are awesome. I’m a sucker for any culture that can be summed up as ‘Proud Warrior Race Guys.’ There are reasons my favorite Star Trek episodes are about the Klingons.
B: It appeals to the Iron Maiden worshipping, D&D Barbarian playing, Robert E Howard reading side of me. And let’s face it, that’s a big part of me.
C: It’s just gorgeous to wander round in. Odyssey is a beautiful game and talking with Herodotus at the Hot Gates gave me chill, but journeying the frozen North is stunning. Standing high on a mountain, looking out and seeing the Northern Lights in the sky, I damn near wept with joy.
D: The soundtrack. Good grief it’s gorgeous. I’m listening to it as I type and am struggling not to get swept up in it. And that’s before I get to the singing and storytelling when you’re out sailing.

Time for sleep. There’s new Doctor Who tomorrow after all. Be seeing you.

So Netflix, I hear you’re preparing a Conan the Barbarian TV series. In news that will surprise no-one who knows me, I have thoughts about this.

First off, I bet you’re thinking something like “Oh yeah, I know Conan. I saw the first Arnie film back in the day. Big guy, wears a furry nappy, I know all I need to know.”

Right?

WRONG.

Discard everything you think you know. from any of the previous adaptions, whether that be the Arnie films, Jason Momoa’s far from bad but still not great 2011 movie or any of the TV adaptions, both animated and live action. For the purposes of starting afresh there’s only one thing worth keeping from previous adaptions and we’ll get to that later.

First, it seems you have the rights to the stories and not just the character. This is A Good Thing. Read them. All of them, yes even The Vale of Lost Women. (It’s OK, you can leave that one till last) Now, there’s something of a warning I have to give, and some context to. To put it bluntly, to modern eyes the stories can be pretty damn racist. Howard was writing these tales in early 1930’s Texas and while he grew less racist over time, he’s still pretty damn racist. So yes, by all means, please do file off that stuff.

“KNOW, oh prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the Sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars—Nemedia, Ophir, Brythunia, Hyperborea, Zamora with its dark-haired women and towers of spider-haunted mystery, Zingara with its chivalry, Koth that bordered on the pastoral lands of Shem, Stygia with its shadow-guarded tombs, Hyrkania whose riders wore steel and silk and gold. But the proudest kingdom of the world was Aquilonia, reigning supreme in the dreaming west. Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen- eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet.”

The Nemedian Chronicles

They bound around Conan’s life, from his early days as a thief in Zamora, a barbarian youth newly arrived in civilized lands, to his later years as as King of Aquilonia, the mightiest kingdom in the west. The first of the Conan tales, The Phoenix on the Sword (Itself a rewrite of an unsold Kull tale, By this Axe I Rule!“) takes place while Conan is King of Aquilonia. The first thing we seem him doing is altering a map – this already strikes him as far from the monosyballic brute the stereotype see’s him as. Use this – we can see his enemies develop, drop hints at future stories and flesh out the gaps. Just don’t give us an origin story please – he’s a guy who wanders the world seeking adventure, a penniless thief and vagabond, who embarks on many a perilous adventure in search of fortune and glory, and winds up a wise and respected king of a nation.

I’ve long dreamed of seeing The Hour of the Dragon or Rogues in the House on screen, so please don’t take that hope away from me. Hell, you could get a season or two’s worth of episodes out of Dragon alone. There’s moments that are practically made for the screen – massive swirling battles, deadly intrigue and high adventure. There’s excerpts from these stories that don’t just raise the hairs on the back of my neck, they fire the blood in my veins and remind me I’m alive.

“I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom’s realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer’s Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content.”

Queen of the Black Coast.

We’ve spent a fair bit of time talking about the stories, but what of Conan himself? There’s a lot of misconceptions about the big guy. For starters, his parents weren’t murdered in front of him. Yes, he was born on a battlefield, but that’s where it stops. To my knowledge Howard never detailed his parents, though I’m sure I read somewhere in one of his letters that Conan did venture home briefly in his later years. The earlier tales show him as a youth, unused to civilized ways (The Tower of the Elephant is a prime example of this), and he evolves somewhat over the course of the stories, but he remains at heart, the same general character – ferocious, intelligent and not to be messed with. He can be a firm friend and ally, but get between him and something he wants, be that a woman or a priceless treasure, and he’ll cut you down with barely a second thought. Of course, if it comes down ot the woman or the treasure, he’ll go for the woman every time. He’s remarkably easy come, easy go in this regard – see The Black Stranger and Jewels of Gwahlur for examples of this.

But who will play him? I’m going to assume that you’re sticking with the bouncing between time periods approach, so you’ll need an actor who can convincingly play that. Conan’s people, the Cimmerians, are based on Irish/Celtic myth, so please don’t choose another Austrian. Furthermore, while he should have muscle and a lot of it, he doesn’t have the physique of a modern body builder. Think of him as closer to a heavyweight boxer. I don’t have an actor in mind, as there’s no-one who matches the Conan I see in my head when I read the stories. I’m hoping for an unknown myself.

Now remember when we talked earlier about the one thing that deserved to be kept from previous adaptions? Well, I can sum it up in three simple words: ANVIL OF CROM. It is generally acknowledged that Basil Poledouris’s score to Conan the Barbarian is damn near perfect and about the only thing Conan fans will agree on. I mean, just listen to it – there’s the opening booming of drums, Mako’s epic narration and then, it just blows the bloody doors off. It’s the sort of music that makes me want to stand on top of a windswept mountain holding a sword aloft, the sort of image you’d find airbrushed on vans back in the 70’s. To me it is perfect and I will not hear a bad word against it.

At the same time, I know whoever is composing the score will want to put their own spin on things, and I encourage that. I’m really looking forward to hearing what they do, but be aware whoever gets the ship will have some mighty big shoes to fill.

I think my passion for the material shows. I love this stuff, it means a hell of a lot to me, so believe me when I say this: please don’t screw this up. And you know, if you need a consultant, I work cheap. 🙂

The universe occasionally aligns nicely. Despite the doom and gloom, there are good things coming out of this year and I’m going to tell you about them!

First: there’s a new AC/DC album coming in November. Yes, there’s the obvious joke about a new album given they’ve been making the same one for over 40 years, but it’s a good album. Given the loss of guitarist Malcolm Young to dementia (May he rock in peace), singer Brian Johnson’s hearing issues and drummer Phil Rudd’s police issues, I’m not sure anyone would have been surprised if Angus Young had called it quits after the Rock or Bust tour. But things appear to have been resolved, medical wonders worked (In the case of Johnson and bassist Cliff Williams) and possibly the most consistent act in rock and roll is back. As for the sound of the album, based on the first single it sounds like AC/DC and that’s enough for me. There’s something wonderfully boneheaded about their sound, and there are few bands that make me air guitar quite as enthusiastically as they do.

Secondly, there’s a new Iron Maiden live album on the way, from their recent Legacy of the Beast tour. Recorded in Mexico City in 2019, it’s a whole show, as opposed to the ‘1 song from each city’ format of recent live albums. Also, the cover art has to rank up there with Dance of Death for the Maiden album with the most rubbish album cover, which given the art for Dance was apparently a test, is saying something.

It’s a bit of a double edged sword for me, as the shows in Oz were meant to take place this year and obviously didn’t. To really twist the knife, I had a floor ticket and they were playing Flight of Icarus again this tour, for the first time in donkey years, and at the tempo on the album! That may not sound like much, BUT IT MATTERS TO ME. *ahem* Further to that, according to singer Bruce Dickinson, they’ve been writing and doing a few things in the studio. A new Maiden album won’t wash away the stench of this year, but it’d make it a bit more bearable. And it has been a good few years since The Book of Souls after all.

Lastly, for the update at least, come a new RPG – The Dee Sanction. Now, while at first glance an RPG about magic use during the reign of Elizabeth Tudor, the twist that players are agents of John Dee and Francis Walsingham and are part wizard, part spy is an intriguing one. Also, the whole ‘being forced to work’ aspect of things adds some spice to proceeding. What did get me thinking though, was the idea that this is the sort of thing that Cardinal Richeliu would have in his back pocket and that Louis XIII would hear rumour of and then demand why didn’t he have one? It’s something to ponder as I kick Musketeers ideas around.

Be seeing you.

it’s good to have them right? Motivating, brain focusing and all that.
I have very few in life that can’t be summed up basically as ‘Be creative and have fun’, but I never was one for forward planning in life.

However, in contemplating this Musketeers idea, I think I have one. A big one. I’d want this potential game to feel like a Musketeers film, the 73/4 ones if possible. As we know, my tabletop GM’ing style lends more towards the 93 version, with a dash of the 2011. Also, Porthos is the best thing in 2 out of 3 of those films, but I digress. I’ve been trying to brainstorm story ideas for it this evening, possibly to distract myself from the fact that I was watching King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. Not a wise choice on my part. There were the general ones – Spanish spies, English occultists, corrupt French nobles, revolting/rebelling peasants (I loved that film, but haven’t seen in since cinemas) and the Duke of Buckingham attempting to invade France to steal the Queen/sooth his ego. You know, standard stuff.

But I kept coming back to: What would I want to see in a game like this? Dashing heroics, the chance to wear a fancy cloak and hat with a large feather in it, oh yes. Brawls with the Cardinal’s Guards and all that. Vive le France, most certainly. But I I’d want a moment, a big climactic one. Something worth the buildup, stress and chaos. Something that people would talk about in years to come Something a little like this:

It’s big, it’s dumb, every time I see it I get all caught up in the emotion of it and if I could capture even a tenth of it in a game, I’d be happy. Mind you, I also have no idea how I’d pull it off, but I’m the one who has the ideas, not the one who has to work out how to execute them.

I’m finding it’s trickier than normal to get past the opening idea stage. That could be Covid related, as there’s a definite feeling of ‘Why write something you may never run?’ in addition to my usual grumpiness. it could be a brain spike, but I just want something different out of a LARP at the moment. Mostly I’m over tired and missing dressing up and running about. Time for bed.

Be seeing you,.

For welcome but unknown reasons, the ideas part of my brain continues to work. Case in point yesterday afternoon, the title DEADWOOD AND DRAGONS popped into my head.

Now, before you start, i don’t know what the context is yet. Whether it’s the Deadwood universe with dragons (I’d love to see Al Swearengen facing down a dragon myself), or D&D on the frontier but with guns, I don’t know. I’m all but certain the idea was inspired by a Pathfinder game I’m in where I’m playing a Dwarven gunslinger. I’d initially planned to go twin-flintlock pistol, but the DM was kind/foolish enough to let me take a revolver and the concept of Dwarven Doc Holliday came to mind and so far has refused to leave. (Irritatingly, my copies of both Tombstone and Maverick seem to have vanished at the time of writing.)

So yeah. Another terrible idea. The brain was also toying with a pitch video using clips from Lord of the Rings set to Iron Maiden’s Run to the Hills, which was more than enough to amuse me and what else should matter?

I’ve already had one person recommend the RPG Spellslingers to run it in and while it’s not bad, it’s not what I’m thinking. I mean, ‘Deadlands but with Orcs’ isn’t a bad way to explain things, but that’s not quite where I’m at either. At this stage, it’s an amusing title and that’s probably be where it should stay.

I mean, there’s the idea of local miners digging too deep and falling into the Underdark, or porting over the D&D races to a western-esque setting, with magic and firearms. As much as the idea amuses me, I’m wary of being racist without intending to (Having Elves as quasi native Americans seems a terrible idea) and that’s likely why this won’t process any further. As previously stated, the older I get the less I’m OK with the whole ‘Orcs as barbarians’ cliche and I’d hate to make that mistake here.

Anyhow, the terrible idea part of my brain seems to be working again, which is A GOOD THING. It was always my favorite part of the convention after party and frequently the only thing I can remember from a lot of conventions unless I’ve made notes. I have a vague idea of once suggesting mashing Delta Green and Get Smart together,

It also means you can expect more bonkers ideas of this nature. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

So, my brain started generating ideas again, as it does. The initial ideas was, I’m not sure. It may have started with more thoughts on the Musketeers game that refuses to leave my head (The latest ideas was alignment as a personal code, rather than a D&D esque Lawful, Chaotic etc), but it started to grow.

Part of it stems from no LARP going on at the moment (AFAIK), and part of it stems from my own issues with what’s running in my area. There’s a battle game, which made me realize they aren’t my style and a LARP that has/had torture in it’s rule set and that’s a giant deal breaker for me. I’d started thinking again about a pirate LARP idea I’d done some writing for a while back and then I thought… bigger. Ideas are never my problem, as long term readers of the blog will note.

Cast your minds towards a once landlocked continent, but now sea travel is all the rage. How and why? I dunno, maybe some magic shit happened and storms calmed the fuck down, a portal opened or people just wanted to go on holiday and everywhere landlocked was shut. Or, you know, we add more capatilism and they’ve trashed the continent they live on and need a new one to dump the garbage. Either way, a bunch of the nations of the world are sending ships out onto the big blue wet thing and they’re gonna find stuff. Well, they’re going to try to.

The idea is swashbuckling hijinks, with some trading, possibly being a bit of a dick to the lands you’ve just discovered and making a pile of cash. The early description I had for this is NAUTICAL FANTASY ROGUE TRADER and while it’s unwieldy, that’s not a bad summation. Ideally each nation/ship would have a goal, ranging from ‘Make us rich’ to ‘Find something new and weird’ for example.

Races would likely be the standard fantasy ones – Humans, Elves, Orcs etc, but without the usual cliches. Look, I love cliches (My con games are powered by them), but I’m feeling the need for something different for this. Just because Tolkien did something one way doesn’t mean we have to continue doing it! Is this whole thing possibly an excuse for me to use that swashbuckling Orc idea I’ve had for a while? Quite possibly. AND I REGRET NOTHING ABOUT IT. At some point I’m going to find a LARP where I can play that idea even if I have to write the damn thing.

The two races I have ideas for are:
Elves: They have an industrial, magic punk feel to them. Not evil, but capitalist jerks.

Orcs: Possibly formerly from a landlocked area or just nomadic by nature, they have a a roving foot and can’t bear to be in anyone place for too long.

THE BIG QUESTION; So, what do PC’s actually do each game? Are they ordering ships about, or ar they on deck commanding them? This brings into the further question of where in the game world will the game be set? Obviously, we’d want a central location where everyone can get to each game, as there’s no point saying “Oh, we’re in X next session, but you’ve sailed to Y, so you can’t be there.” That’s bullshit. So, that’s another problem we’d need to solve. I mean, people could crew instead of playing as well, so that’s an option. So long as we warn people in advance, it could work?

Inspirations so far are the board game Seafall, pirate movies and the TV show Black Sails, along with the UK LARP Empire, for it’s trading and national perspective on things and the NZ LARP Teonn(?), for it’s focus on exploration. The latter game started with the nations making landfall on a new island, and IIRC one nation fucked up first contact with the natives so badly they felt the effects for about half the 3 year campaign.

There’s likely to be more thoughts on this (As well as editing of this post), but I really need to go to bed.

Be seeing you…