Way hey, and up Blue rises!

I have returned home from Drachenfest. What follows is a ramshackle look at things from my sleep deprived and not at all readjusted to reality self.

My ribs ache from coughing (I thought I’d kicked the dry cough that’s been plaguing me the last few weeks, but it returned halfway through the event), my feet are sore and blistered but I managed to sleep some on the train and didn’t get food poisoning, which was an improvement over last time. There was the usual nerves around new people, being a first time player and not wanting to look silly. A brutal heatwave didn’t help things, though the rain finally coming gently on the final night and heavily on pack up day felt like a cruel joke the universe playing on us. Oh, and my faction won the event. Yeah, no big deal Actually, it was a BIG FUCKING DEAL, as it’s apparently only the second time that Blue Camp has won in the more than 20 year history of Drachenfest, including the German and American editions. The party camp we may be, but this year we came, we sang, and we fucking conquered!

*I love the smell of sunscreen in the morning. Smells like, victory.*

Who was I? I was Harskal, an Orc scoundrel fleeing slavery who’d heard the call of the Blue Dragon. I’d arrived as a pirate, eager to pillage and plunder, but responsibility has a knack for finding me at LARP and I soon found myself Blue Camp’s most dedicated gate guard/door bitch. How dedicated? I was recognised by our Avatar and the camp Quarter Master (AKA 2nd in command) for my service, and given the honorific ‘of the Crow’s Nest’, a title I carry proudly. All I said was someone has to be in the crows nest, and it stuck. To have my name spoken at all was unexpected (Yes, my self esteem issues follow me into LARP), but to be called out for it in front of Blue Camp like that hit me like a broadside from a man of war. I fell into it as no-one else seemed to be (They were already plenty busy, to be clear) and it swiftly became my niche. It did also have the advantage of not having to move that much, but there were points when the gate crew were bitterly complaining that we’d just sat back down in the shade when another person would hammer at the gates. Still, any grumbling was strictly in character and all in good fun. There were several people who’s arrival immediately prompted a “Oh fuck…”, but it helped make the event.

The post event crash is hitting. The elation of my camp not just being full of lovely people, but that we won still has me buzzing. I’m finding insect bites I hadn’t noticed previously, even after I’d woken during the Thursday night thinking one of my arms was full of them. Sunscreen was incredibly useful and has prevented me being a charred husk. There were players wearing less clothing who were as red as their garb by the end of things, and the folks in heavier garb and armour who somehow didn’t collapse or cook. I salute them. Again, all hail to the people who were rolling a cart of ice water around all event, I can’t thank them enough. The compliments on my kit, beard and roleplay have been almost as wonderful as the water. It’s not the main reason why I LARP, but it’s wonderful for my self esteem. My regular music suggestions now have a pile of sea shanties and folk music amidst them, and my throat is raw from yelling and singing (I use the term very loosely) at the gates, in battle and in celebration. I love this ridiculous hobby so damn much.

*Closest to a Blue Light Disco I’ve ever been to.*

PROS:
The people. Gods, they were bloody lovely. Encouraging, friendly, and looking out for each other. A large part of the event’s ethos is playing to lift other people and that came across. You’d get people trying to involve others in plot or just chat to them. Check ins during and after battle, and any time the sun was out. I can’t thank the folks who were rolling a cart of ice water around, they were amazing. Without them, players would have been dropping like flies. It also meant I abandoned any makeup plans after the first day, as just walking outside was hard enough.
The crew. All of them. The NPC team, medical staff, referees, build team and anyone else I missed, they did a hell of a job. They were also kind enough to give me a jump start, when I accidentally drained the battery on the van I’d hired. We learn by doing, or in my case, not doing.
My fellow players. I can mainly speak for Blue Camp, as that was were I spent most of my time, but I’d recommend going Blue for your first event, and no, I’m not at all biased. We’re welcoming, keen on a fight, have amazing bards and our medics are top notch. There was singing, joking and a giant rat. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what the background was with it, but the player was lovely to interact with and managed to go through an apocalyptically hot week with a giant foam rat head perched atop her head.
The atmosphere. If you look at it from the outside, it’s a bunch of folks with foam swords and rubber ears yelling at each other in a field. But if everyone is dedicated to the suspension of disbelief, it works. The foam swords become steel, wounds feel real and the stakes are life or death. The moments when Blue broke into song led by our head bard felt amazing, as if I was at a Maiden gig when Fear of the Dark begins and that’s no small thing.
The little things. The conversations before battle, the moments before a siege and anything else you could describe as the calm before the storm. Also, the fact that the head Diplomat for Blue Camp’s name was Lucan, which meant I was continually doing double takes when he was called for.
Family. Getting to see my sister and her family again. Herbert continues to be delightful and the Best Dog Ever.

CONS:
The heat. Sweet zombie Cthulhu riding a pogo stick, the heat was brutal. The main play area lacking in tree cover didn’t help. I can’t fault the venue per se, as the previous venue was a victim of last years bushfires, so I’m impressed they managed to find a suitably large venue at all.
The venue. This is both pro and con, as while the walk from where campervans were parked was quite a trek it did mean things were a lot quieter, unlike what I heard about parts of the in character area.
The opening ceremony. It’s not exactly a complaint, but it felt odd that an NPC (The Speaker or Guardian, I don’t recall) emerged, but then the main crew came out and spoke. I have nothing against it, and applaud the welcome to country, but if you ask me the crew should speak, then the game begins.
The closing ceremony. It went smoothly, and there was much well deserved applause for the Dragons and the crew, but at the end it swiftly became a giant clusterfuck and not in the sexy way. Basically, everyone was hanging about trying to get photos and bantering, and some sort of order would have made things a lot easier. Maybe group photos one camp at a time, or back at people’s camps? And no, I’m not bitter because I haven’t seen myself in any photos yet.
Not doing more. I know I couldn’t have done everything, but there was a lot I wanted to see and do. Wander round the other camps, play Troll Ball, enter the Lanterns competition (Though based on the entries I saw I’d have had no chance), or torture people with my singing voice. I also regret not letting a bunch of Blues in while our Avatar was conducting negotiations with Green Camp. The feeling was ‘I’m sitting on a powder keg and letting you lot in would light a match’, but that could have been a hell of a lot of fun. Hindsight’s a bitch. So little time and so much heat. Oh well, next year….

As for next year, oh there are plans. Hire a larger van, take better care of myself. More guns, more costume and I’ve tentative plans to formalise gate duty, or at least make it more comfortable. Maybe even form a small mercenary faction themed around it, with a banner. Pay us and we’ll tell people at your gates to fuck off if they don’t pass the security questions we ask! If I was really going over the top I’d try to build a full size crows nest that looks over the wall, but I’ll likely settle for adding one to a banner pole. That post event burst of ideas is a wonderful thing.

I have been Harskal of the Crow’s Nest and I can’t wait till next year. FOR FREEDOM! FOR DISCOVERY! FOR AMBITION!

I’ve had… some ideas.

Yes, I’m going to talk about some terrible game ideas I’ve had of late. But before I do, a rundown on recent events!

Blacktown Medieval Fayre is over for another year, and as usual I ache and my social batteries are tapped out. It’s a lovely weekend of playing with and talking about swords, which always brings joy. Almost as much joy as I saw on the faces of small children when handed a sword for the first time. It’s a beautiful and terrifying expression, with any concern of mine soon outweighed by knowing that they aren’t related to me, and thus not my problem. I’ve had numerous people ask to take my photo, and that continues to be weird to me. It’s possible that shots of me may turn up on the feeds of random folks and I don’t know how I feel about that. If you do, please let me know, as my wife will be happy and I’ll look at my facial expression and be horrified. I think a part of it was the hat, though I did have one guy make a gesture resembling my beard and raise his camera. I’m flattered, but I saw some beards there that I was in genuine awe of. Stocatta continue to be a bloody lovely group of sword nerds, and the camaraderie and inclusiveness is a big part of why I love the club so much. Plus, the whole playing with swords thing. It’s far more fun than a gym, and I get to learn how to kill people at the same time!

The event’s the same as always – the food queues are giant, even during the jousting, and more toilets would be very appreciated. The demonstration area being on a hill is less than ideal, but there’s only so much flat ground available. On that note, I don’t seem to have any bruises from the demo fights, though I copped a few beauties to the chest this afternoon. The venue being spread out is one of my favourite things about Winterfest, so things don’t get quite so jam packed. Well, except for the food queues, but there’s only so much you can do. I didn’t hear the MC make any comments along the lines of “The bars now open, so you can get shitfaced!” as I heard a previous event and the event playlist was slightly improved by having more than three songs, though it’ll still be months before I want to hear the themes to Pirates of the Caribbean and Game of Thrones or Knights of the Round Table again. Surely they can find some more music? As for the variety, while it’s always a delight to hear Iron Maiden’s The Trooper, hearing it played during the jousting did make me think “Well, it’s a little out of time period.” I get picky about the strangest things.

As for other attendees, there were more Furries than Plague Doctors this year. I only saw the one Joker, and the group of white guys dressed as Knights Templar gave me the same feeling I get when I see a Southern Cross tattoo – they might not be jerks, but they’ll have to prove that. There were folks who’d put vast amounts of time and expertise into their garb alongside the casuals in polyester costumes. The highlight for me was a chap walking round with a Dread Pirate Kermit puppet, and not only did he do a decent vocal impression, he’d gone to the trouble of getting the sword correct. It’s the little touches. I was shocked that I didn’t spend anywhere near as much as I’d feared, mostly helped by A: There being no LARP weapons I’d wanted to buy and B: Holding fire on buying other random things. I didn’t think I needed to buy a winged phallus pendant, as tempted as I was, but I did buy a pilgrim’s badge of a flying pig and a forged iron D6 from that vendor so it’s not as if I was completely depriving myself.

What else has been happening? My game has been accepted for Pheno this year, and despite the fact I’ve never had a game knocked back, I continue to stress about it. The acceptance also means I’m going to have to spend the next few months reading, watching and writing about pirates, and yes, my first thought is ‘Business as usual then eh?’ It’s another serious freeform, and yes, I’m planning to costume for this one as well. Oh no, I’ll have to buy a tricorn, the horror… Lost Settlers continues to get ever closer, and I try not to panic while waiting for the cloak I ordered to ship. Yes, I have basically everything sorted costume wise aside from the cloak, but I’m still looking for more flair. I may have just realised I haven’t had any combat practise with the axe I bought for the event, but I’m sure I can put some time aside for that, short of walking round the house twirling it. Outside that, transport has been booked, character connections should start happening soon and I’m trying to restrain ideas for backup characters, as I want to do my best to survive the event with my initial character. Speaking of cloaks, Eldest Niece turned 18 recently and given how depressingly sensible her birthday gift list was (Mostly stuff she needs for Uni, and I can’t blame her for that), I bought her a cloak. We also got her something from the list, we weren’t jerks, but once I latched onto the idea, and got approval from my wife, there was no stopping me. She approved of it after opening the parcel, though she thought it would be a towel, based on the note that accompanied it. The note that clearly stated ‘this is not a towel’ part way through. Would I bullshit about something so important?

Retail continues to be equal parts lovely and nightmare fuel. Case in point: the small child who took great delight in racing round the store, only to pause to look at me from wherever he was, and in a tone of voice I describe as half hiss, half whisper, announce “I see you…” I know I’ve joked about keeping a LARP weapon behind the counter in case of unruly customers, but in this case I’m glad I didn’t, as the fight or flight response may have kicked in. Trying not to show fear was all I could do, outside of distracting myself by talking with his father. To his credit, the kid was polite in complimenting my beard, and said thank you when I gave some loose Pokemon cards, but still. It was bad enough when he called out from the top of the stairs, but the sheer Empty Child nightmare fuel of seeing him looking at me through the shelves and whispering “I see you…” *shudders*

As for the game ideas, I have 3 to talk through.
1: While talking with my wife recently, I was reminded of an internet joke about Michael Collins telling Neil Armstrong before the moon landing “If you had any balls, you’d say “Oh my god, what is that thing?“, scream and cut your mic.” For reasons unknown, the next thing in my head was “Well, that would put a new spin on The Dish, wouldn’t it?” So, the game is as follows: You are the crew of the Parkes radio telescope, it’s the most important day of your lives and you’ve just heard Neil Armstrong scream and the video feed cut out. I have no idea what happens next, which means this will likely stay as an amusing idea, but given the reactions I’ve had from some of the people I’ve told there’s potential in it. Also, I love the idea of actual aliens descending at the end of the game, but different ones each session. It could be the Centauri, the Vulcans, maybe the Yip-Yip Martians. Who knows?

2: Minions. No, not those ones. Times are tough, and you needed work, so when a new mega-corp was hiring, you jumped at the chance. Good pay, dental and 4 weeks holiday time per year, you hadn’t seen those benefits anywhere. It wasn’t until the employee evaluation polygraph tests began that you realised you may be working for an international criminal organisation (Think Cobra or SPECTRE). Sure, the job has it’s downsides – the bosses are feuding amongst themselves, R&D is led by a madman who’s devices regularly explosively backfire and people who visit HR just don’t act the same after they emerge, but the pros outweigh the cons. Mostly. Also, Brad from Legal is a petty bitch who never refills the break rom coffee pot, but as he keeps hinting his brother’s a high-ranking company ninja assassin, you’re wary of making a formal complaint. And that’s without the constant military attacks from a bunch of costumed do-gooders who keep screaming about freedom…

Essentially, it’s a workplace comedy, but with a dash of Paranoia and starring the bad guys. It was almost certainly inspired by a recent burst of GI Joe cartoons YouTube was recommending me.

3: This one’s simple: Take the basic plot of The Boys from Brazil, but instead of Hitler it’s clones of Silvio Berlusconi. This one’s entirely the fault of The Bugle podcast.

That’s enough for now, as I should sleep and not stress about Lost Settlers. Be glad you haven’t heard me trying a Scottish accent for it.

“They drew first blood, not me.”

(A Nerf War scenario loosely inspired by Carl Purcell. Blame him for this)

A lone PATRIOTIC AMERICAN, who just wants to be left alone, has been pushed beyond his limits by a bunch of REDNECK COPS (Including a young Horatio *sunglasses* Caine) and escaped into the woods. The police are now searching for him in increasing numbers.All he wants is to be left alone, but they kept pushing. NOTHING IS OVER.Because YOU JUST DON’T TURN IT OFF!

OUR HERO starts at one end of the map, equipped only with a LARGE AND MANLY KNIFE, a total lack of sleeves and an occasionally understandable accent. The REDNECK COPS start at the corners of the other side and carry a series of Nerf blasters and ammunition. OUR HERO has to escape, the COPS have to take him down. What they don’t know is, he’s about to give them A WAR THEY WON’T BELIEVE!

OUR HERO’S job is to evade or incapacitate the COPS, making to the exit point on the other side of the map. He can take 5 hits from Nerf darts before being taken out, representing his natural AMERICAN SUPERIORITY. He can heal those only with a suitably ABSURD GESTURE, such as pretending to heat a knife to cauterize a wound, but with an especially loud and painful sounding yell. That should take at least 30 seconds in preparation and at least 10 seconds of shouting. The COPS can take 2 hits each and can assist each other in healing (Pretending to wrap bandages around each others wounds etc), which takes 30 seconds.

OUR HERO can also prepare traps (pool noodle punji sticks,hidden bubble wrap representing pit traps etc) from supplies left around the map. To extend the scenario, the COPS can respawn back in their deployment zone while there’s an arms cache left somewhere on the map for OUR HERO to loot (Representing the local gun store). NOTE: You can’t shoot the gun store owner. Just saying.

Should OUR HERO escape, he is ready to embark on a series of increasingly silly and over the top sequels, culminating in him helping create a terrorist group (Awkward…). The COPS are doomed to a future in police procedural TV shows and internet memes.

“Execute Order 66.”

So, I had an idea at the pub recently: Order 66: The LARP. There was a couple of chuckles and then we moved on with other terrible ideas. But the thing is, like a lot of my terrible ideas, I’ve been thinking about this one more and there’s potential. So, this is less a LARP and more a collection of Nerf war scenario ideas.

I’m still pondering how to represent Jedi abilities – there’s LARP weapons that can represent lightsabers, though I imagine most players aren’t as skilled in swatting Nerf darts out of the air. A vocal call and motion could represent Force Push and a ‘take a knee and chant for 10 seconds’ could make for healing. Jedi start with a bunch of hit points, say, 5 while clones have 2. The clones have the advantage though, in that they re-spawn at their entrance point to the scenarios. Blasters carried by clones do 1 point of damage per hit, Jedi lightsabers do 2. Anakin Skywalker one shot’s everything, the angsty prat. If you see him coming towards you, call him ‘Annie’ and then run.

1: EXECUTE ORDER 66…

FORCES: Clones, Jedi, Separatist Droids

The Jedi and Clone forces are engaged in battle against the Separatists. What they don’t know, is that the Chancellor is about to issue the order that will all but destroy them.

Both sides (Jedi/Clones and the Separatists) start at either side of the map. At a random point during the scenario (Decided by the GM), the clones will receive Order 66. How they choose to execute the order is up to them – they could lead the Jedi into a trap, attempt to bring them in a storm of fire or a more… cunning… plan. The Jedi have to survive to escape, the Clones have to bring them all down. (This also requires the Jedi players not to be metagaming dicks and work with the clones until the moment of betrayal.)

2: ESCAPE

FORCES: Clones, Jedi, Separatist droids.

In the wake of the Jedi Council’s attempt to arrest Chancellor Palpatine, Order 66 was issued to clone commanders across the galaxy. The Order was simple – destroy all the Jedi…

The Jedi start out in a central area, with the clones and Separatists starting at either edge. The clones have several respawn points scattered throughout the map – if tagged by the Jedi they can return there, count to 10 and re-enter the battle. The scenario is over when either the surviving Jedi make it to the exit point (The Separatist deployment zone), or all the Jedi are killed.

2: OPERATION KNIGHTFALL

Anakin Skywalker, the newly christened Darth Vader, leads the 501^st Legion against the Jedi Temple.

FORCES: Jedi, Clones, angsty twat with a lightsaber, *cough* Anakin Skywalker.

The Jedi are massively outnumbered and outgunned, with mainly Padawans and older Jedi left in the temple. Some are trying to preserve their heritage/secret files and escape the slaughter, while others have been sent to retrofit the Temple signal beacon to warn others away (Yes, I know Yoda and Obi-Wan did that in the movie – work with me here)

The clones enter the map at one point (The entrance to the temple) and have to destroy all the Jedi. The Jedi have to A: survive, B: reprogram the beacon and C: escape with Jedi holobooks. The Jedi start in the central hall (Near the entrance).

The beacon is on one corner of the map, the Jedi archive in the other. The beacon reprogramming will take fiddling with the machine (Represented by some sort of prop) for 1 minute. The holobooks are in the Temple archives and are represented by a prop that takes one hand to carry.

Thoughts?

It’s only rock and roll, but I bloody love it.

Today has been One of Those Days. The lead up to Christmas in television land is always fairly awful, filled with deadlines and system breakages. There are a few things that can help me get through this without going nuts. My wife. My hobbies. Friends and family. But rock and/or roll music is possibly what helps the most. Those who know me should be well aware of my obsession with Iron Maiden, the Ramones and Radio Birdman, so I’m going to talk about some of the slightly more obscure bands on my playlist at the moment.

The Bellrays:

Easy description: The MC5 fronted by Tina Turner.

Take a garage rock band, put a top of the line soul singer on vocals and you get the Bellrays. Capable of stunning beauty and ferocious rage, they play a mix of rock and soul like few other bands I’ve heard. Look, just watch this and try to tell me I’m wrong:

Maximum rock and soul!

Gloryhammer:

Easy description: Early 80’s D&D games set to music.

A side project from the singer of Scottish pirate metallers Alestorm, they’re both amazing and silly in equal measure. The band’s first album, ‘Tales from the Kingdom of Fife’ is based around an alternate history of Scotland, where the evil wizard Zargothrax invades the city of Dundee with an army of undead unicorns under his control. If that sentence doesn’t make you either A: pick up a set of dice or B: want to air guitar, then this band may not be for you.

Any band that wears armour on stage, they have my attention.

The Hellacopters:

Easy description: A guitar solo looking for a song

Started by former Entombed drummer Nicke Andersson (Who shifted to guitars and lead vocals), they evolved from a scrappy bunch of maniacs (Debut album Supershitty to the Max! was recorded and mixed in 26 hours) to classic rockers in the MC5/Sonics Rendezvous Band tradition (Andersson started a soul project with Rendevous Band singer Scott Morgan called The Solution, whose albums are worth hunting down) Never ones to let good sense get in the way of a guitar solo, they split amicably in 2008 – a promised live album from the final tour still hasn’t materialised.

Or as I call it, my teenage years

Other bands I could talk about include the Powder Monkeys (An Australian Motorhead), the Dictators (Whose debut Go Girl Crazy! predates the Ramones), the Lime Spiders (Whose classic song Slave Girl was on the playlist at my wedding, but owing the incompetent DJ’s didn’t play) or the Celtic folk/punk rock of Flogging Molly and the Dropkick Murphys. But that is another story…

Some thoughts on fandom

So yeah, the silence. *cough* Been busy writing other projects, new job etc. In an effort to post something, anything, here’s some thoughts on Doctor Who fandom.

I swear from the tone of some of the anti Steven Moffat comments I’ve seen of late, it’s like they think watching the new season is equivalent to being strapped down Clockwork Orange style and forced to watch Attack of the Cybermen on loop. (That’s one for the Classic Era fans – people who’ve only seen new Who can substitute either Fear Her, Love and Monsters or The Rings of Akhaten in it’s place) I’m just struggling to understand the sheer level of vitriol that’s been thrown his way over the last few weeks. Yeah, the episodes haven’t been as fantastic as we might have hoped (Robot of Sherwood wasn’t great, but I really enjoyed Into the Dalek), but they’ve been in no way deserving of the level of abuse I’ve seen.

That’s the facial expression I pull whenever I watch Attack

I get it, you don’t like his work. That’s fine – everyone’s free to have opinions and I welcome that. The world would be incredibly dull were it one giant hive mind that agreed on everything. (Even if that was something that should be agreed upon, like how amazing the Ramones are) I’m not a huge fan of a fair chunk of his more recent work, but he hasn’t done anything on the scale of marrying Martha and Mickey. (Yes, that’s right – make sure the two black companions who’ve had no previous interest in each other should get together when she was already engaged to someone else. Thanks Russell T Davies!) There’s been ups and downs all through the show’s history – for every story as good as The Time Warrior we’ve had The Time Monster. Something as magnificent as The Caves of Androzani and something as rubbish as Time Flight.The horror of Time and the Rani is contrasted by the glory of The Happiness Patrol.(Fair warning: dislike Androzani and I mock you on the internet. Dislike Happiness and PISTOLS AT 10 PACES!) Give it a year or two, we’ll get a change of production team and a show that might be more to your taste again, or just give you more to bitch about. Or maybe you’re one of those people who will never be satisfied by anything Who ever does, in which case you’re dangerously close to turning into Ian Levine and one of him is, frankly, more than enough. (Yes, he returned a lot of missing episodes and saved many others. but he also produced Take That’s first single.)

*looks into mirror* Kandyman, Kandyman, Kandyman!

I guess what I’m trying to say is calm the hell down – it’s just a TV show. (Yes, it’s somewhat hypocritical of me to say that, but I’m trying a sense of perspective out. It’s still new and shiny!) Put that anger toward something more productive, like curing cancer, fighting for social change, reversing the planned ABC budget cuts or just going out and mocking Jacqui Lambie. As much importance as I place on Who (And believe me, it’s a lot), I know there’s far more important things out there. But while Who is on, they can get stuffed!

shoutybeardything

Tag Archives: rambling