Tag Archives: writing

“Time, Professor. It is all a matter of time…”

The title is in observation of the fact that numerous parts of this were drafted in my head when I awoke in the early hours of the last few days, but then forgot them when I awoke the next day. I’m certain I’ve lost some cracking jokes, but I’ll also take any opportunity to reference City of Death, the serial that has the single finest joke in all of Doctor Who, classic or modern, and why I can’t help but think of the Mona Lisa as ‘that dreadful woman with no eyebrows that couldn’t sit still.’ It could also reference that Covid shot my passage of time to bits, given I recently saw a joke that referenced Kendall Jenner giving a cop a Pepsi, and then found that ad was from 2017. *sighs* I mean, I know a lot of my cultural references are old, but I’m aware they are. Having that sneak up on me was less than welcome.

Most of what I’ve been doing the last week has been work, and it’s been relatively calm. Sure, there was the parade of right wing nutters that went past Saturday afternoon, but they stayed outside. At first I wasn’t sure what the theme was, as we’ve had a few pro-Palestine protests go past in recent months, but upon sighting the ratio between people wearing Australian flag capes and police, as well as a placard that read “Australia needs a Trump Card”, it wasn’t difficult. I resisted the urge to stick my head out the door and mock, but I did get some snark in with customers inside the store at the time. I did have a pair of LARP swords with me in a bag behind the counter, but there were there mostly for moral support. I knew they were there, and they made me feel happy. It’s also the closest I’ve got to actually using them in far too long, but I’m still in a state of miserable inaction on that front, as opposed to getting my shit together and getting to an event/writing one.

Speaking of customers, most of mine continue to be lovely. Even if I don’t remember them when they return. The area my work is in adds some atmosphere, from the occasional yelling and whooping from the alley, passers by playing music on Bluetooth speakers (who should be jailed if I had my way) and the folks who walk by screaming, whether into their phone or at the sky. The human who encouraged it’s dog (I don’t recall the person’s gender) to piss right next to our front door. I was going to to say something, but was struck dumb in shock, before filling an empty bottle with water and washing the residue away. And the café across the alley ways background music and their overuse of Queen’s Greatest Hits. There’s only so many times I can hear Bohemian Rhapsody – the least they could do was play the Muppet version,

There’s the people who haggle, those who want one thing that we don’t have, or who seem to refuse to acknowledge me. Overly intense chess players, people who want phone cables and video games (neither of which we sell), or are simply lost and need directions. I occasionally wonder if any of them ever found their destination, or if I’ll be haunted by them in whatever afterlife I wind up in. The occasional one who wants to tell me far too much about their characters/campaigns, but I’m certain every game store employee get’s those. And then we have those rare few who make me want to draw forth the Black Sword, announce “BLOOD AND SOULS FOR MY LORD ARIOCH” and let Stormbringer do what it does best. Though I haven’t wanted to smack a customer quite so hard as when one put a copy of the Avatar RPG Uncle Iroh’s Adventure Guide on the counter and started singing Leave From The Vine to me. Bastard. (To be clear, I know him outside of work and it was meant in fun, but still)

I do have a few catchphrases as well!
When selling dice: “And as always, may they roll better for you than for me.”
Battletech: “Have fun crushing your enemies.” (I haven’t gotten to tell any of them about my wedding vows, but when/if we get a new Conan the Barbarian RPG in stock it’ll happen)
Avatar: The Last Airbender Magic cards: “I hope you get some cabbages!”
Finding something a customer has walked past: “You didn’t miss it, you just hadn’t looked their yet.”

Getting back to the strange, there’s been a few conspiracy nuts. One said by embracing Halloween we were encouraging child murder – that was different. Some seemingly come in to try to mess with me – there was a spectacular one yesterday who stuck her head in, yelled “What the fuck, totally weird man” then left. Alas, she returned about 30 seconds later, enquiring as to my state of mind, to which I said I’m keeping busy and could I help her? I was told I could, and I quote, “Suck on my pussy flaps please!” and she left again, excitedly telling the tale at someone in the street. She could have been high, or just trying to shock a mundane, I don’t know. I kept a polite silence as to her offer, though the line “Not even if I was single” did pop into my head about 30 seconds after she left and later that night the thought of calmly saying ‘Sorry miss, I suck dick’ made me chuckle a little. It’s been a few years since I’ve said something that’s made the rest of the room stop and stare at me after all.

The baseline anger and frustration continues though. It could be the ever increasing length of Black Friday sales, given some stores were running them all month it seemed. It’s another unneeded example of the creeping tide of American cultural imperialism (I prefer Creeping Death), but seeing Christmas stuff in stock in mid October was infuriating enough for me. My views on Halloween boil down to ‘If it makes you happy, then go for it’, but I though it was meant to be a buffer before Christmas started? Clearly not. As with many things in life…. *shakes fist at sky* CAPITALISM!

Regardless, I’m looking forward to a day off, almost as much as not getting Black Friday ads for a while. I continue to block ads for shitty retro game emulators and curse the addition of AI options to seemingly everything I look at. I may have something of a grudge against ads and their overuse, but that comes from my time working in TV. My social batteries are fairly tapped out, but I’m trying to keep thinking of it as the good kind of exhausted, if that makes sense? It’s been long enough that I should be adjusted to it, but I’m still feeling like I want to hide more often than not. I’m not sure what this means for my recovery time, but I guess we’ll find out when/if I get a chance to. As for the rest of my brain, seeing a piece in the Guardian on toxic humility certainly applies to me, but telling myself that I can do good things on a regular basis? Believing in myself? Mostly it reminds me of how much my wife hates my knack for self deprecation. I’d like to say I’m getting better at avoiding it, but it’s as if it’s an awkward internet photo – it’s always there, no matter how often I delete it. Gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth indeed.

Not sure what else I have to say at the moment. It’s late and I should sleep. In case I don’t get the chance to say it, I hope you have all have a wonderful holiday season and only joyous things happen to you and yours. I may frequently be a miserable git who would like nothing more than to make it through this time of year without hearing a single bit of Christmas cheer, but that doesn’t mean I want that for other people. May you take joy however you find it. Glory to you, and your house…

And so as you hear these words, telling you now of my state.
I tell you to enjoy life. I wish I could, but it’s too late.

Stabbing and falling and punching and crawling…

No, the title has nothing to do with my mental state, it’s more that Halestorm’s version of Dissident Aggressor (Surely I don’t need to state the original was by Judas Priest?) is a stone cold banger. You could also take it as a meditation on what it takes to get through some days, but I try not to get too philosophical this early in these things.

So, what have I done of late and why haven’t I written? For starters, my left wrist has been wonky the last few weeks, and it’s kept me from sword. I shouldn’t be able to hear grinding when I rotate my hand, right? To say nothing of the muscle on the back of my left hand tensing up. Yes, I know I should see a doctor, but I’ve had stuff on, OK?

I attended the wedding of 2 friends last week, and was very good and kept to the dress code (New kilt, yay! Also, it has a pocket!) and didn’t take a LARP weapon with me. I first met the couple through LARP, hence the possibility of weaponry, and have been at a few weddings that could have been improved by carrying one (As could almost everything), but I was fairly certain that doing so wouldn’t have been appreciated. So, instead of causing a scene, I was good, and wish the rest of the happy couple’s lives together be as happy as a Maiden gig when Fear of the Dark kicks in.

I’ve had a couple of bits drafted, the longest one being about the Triple J Australian Hottest 100 and how WRONG and UTTERLY STUPID the voting public are. Yes, my tastes aren’t shared by the masses and ordinarily I have far less of a problem with that, but Khe Sanh getting more votes than Highway to Hell? Made things even worse seeing the songs that came in 101 to 200, to add insult to injury. Alone With You was at #160? (I’m) Stranded only came in at #124? NOT A SINGLE RADIO BIRDMAN TRACK? I’ll spare you my further screaming about it, but seeing Ben Lee’s Catch My Disease there did make me want to punch something. I’m sure he’s a lovely guy, but I fucking hate that song.

Yes, I hold musical grudges as bitter as any of the other illogical grudges I carry with me long past any sane expiry date. Surely that’s no surprise by now? It’s rarely against performers themselves (Unless they’ve done a shit cover of something I love), but there’s far too many songs out there who’s success utterly mystifies and/or infuriates me. For example, I take a large amount of delight from knowing that everyone involved with the song Groove Is In The Heart will eventually die. I don’t want them dead now, to be clear, but knowing it will someday happen is something I look forward to. It’s much in the same way that John Rogers (Leverage creator) once said “I do cardio because I need to live long enough to piss on a lot of graves.” Anyhow, I scrapped that piece after seeing that First Dog on the Moon beat me to it and did it in a way far more amusing than I could. I do humbly disagree with him on the best Ramones lyric though, which is clearly the opening of “I Just Want To Have Something to Do.” Tell me I’m wrong. *waits* YOU CAN’T CAN YOU?

(The Turnbuckles and Scientists are also well worth your time. EDUCATE YOURSELVES HEATHENS!)

The main distraction was my event for Pheno, which I tested last weekend and it… Didn’t go well. All hail to my playtesters for their patience and tolerance, and the feedback given will make for a much improved event. I wasn’t ready, even more so than normal, and it showed. I’d also committed the cardinal sin of not talking to my wife about it, which is the first thing I generally do with my games. Yes, it had been nearly 2 years since I’d GMed and have been rattier than normal (Turns out the retail part of my job being quiet of late weighs on me more than I thought), but that doesn’t excuse things. Still, changes have been made, plots rewritten and the enterprise is shaping up nicely. Moral of the story is, thank your playtesters people, they are worth their weight in dice!

In other long delayed achievements, I finally passed my driver’s test and am now allowed to drive solo! I thought I’d fucked it up again so being told I’d passed meant restraining a yell of triumph. It also meant I managed to get my P’s before Niece, Age 17, got her full license, but she has things that are alien to me, like self esteem. After a shaky start, I’m now perpetually torn when behind the wheel between a burst of nerves as soon as I see another car near me and wanting to scream “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU INCOMPETENT P’TAKH? May Fek’lhr visit your soul with a thousand tortures before you next sit behind the wheel!” If you’re going to road rage, do so in a way that utterly confuses the person you’re screaming at. And don’t get me started on pedestrians – “Lady, there’s a crossing barely 50 metres away, why in the actual fuck are you trying to cross here?”

On the bright side, as a reward I bought another LARP sword! #treatyoself The store it came from didn’t have the axe I was after on the day, but given the time it took to get to the event they were at, there was no way in hell I was leaving without a weapon of some sort. Now, if only there was a game near me I could use it at, as all it’s doing currently is sitting next to my writing desk ready for me to twirl it dramatically from time to time. There’s worse uses for a blade. Alas, the next Concord came up too quick and it’s too close to Pheno, and the battle games near me aren’t my thing. At least, I assume they’re still running. It’s back to the old position of ‘if I want something that’s my style I’ll have to be part of the GM crew.’ Either way, it’ll have to wait till after Pheno. I’ve already had 2 workable ideas for 2026 (Both tabletops), and I don’t need more getting in the way of that. Yes, I know that’s only a week away, but I’m nervous enough about the bloody thing. No matter how many I run, I still get spooked hoping that people will enjoy it. I choose that to be a good thing.

I’ve also found some more RPG’s I’m keen to try, and they’re all Borg. No, not that sort of Borg. This sort: Pirate, Dukk and Ninja. Me being keen on Pirate Borg should be about as surprising as my wife being a fan of Stray Kids, and Dukk is a post apoc doom metal version of Duck Tales (Woah-oh!), a premise so utterly insane it needs to be on my gaming shelf. There’s one issue with Ninja Borg though, and that’s while it looks near perfect for the sort of over the top wackiness I run, I’m not sure I can support a game that not only foolishly claims ninjas are better than pirates, but sells merch I find personally offensive?

Anyhow, it’s past 1am as I type, and from past experience my writing only get’s less coherent at this point. Good night. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.