Some list entries and a little Kombat,

Before we start, for reasons I’ve long forgotten I felt compelled to start this with some of the items on my Bucket List. Feel free to compare and contrast to your own.

1: Attend a venue with a cloak room and check in an actual cloak
2: Form a shield wall/testudo when exiting a peak hour train. We get out, then you get on. That’s how this functions.
3: Run a LARP in a BBC quarry.
4: Run a LARP that has a cavalry charge with players mounted on hobby horses.
5: Stand at the base of the Eiffel Tower, look up and yell “BYE BYE DUGGAN!”
6: Dramatically entering a room/event to Anvil of Crom OR kicking in a door to the opening of the Funky Gibbon.
7: Do a Ramones based tour of New York City. Visit where CBGB used to be, shed a few tears at Joey Ramone Place and see the wall against which the cover of their first album was shot. I’m not a religious man, but that’s holy ground as far as I’m concerned.

But what have I been doing outside of work, sword and depression? Sure, I’ve been kept busy blocking ads for AI and shitty video game emulators, and continue to contemplate taking one of my LARP swords in to keep behind me at the store on Black Friday. But outside that, I was watching The Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare and the idea that it’s basically a stealth prequel/sequel to The Man from UNCLE popped in my head, so it’s film review time! I’m not touching that film yet, as I haven’t finished it, so it’s time to review *90’s electro guitar noises* MORTAL KOMBAT! Oh, and the 90’s Spawn film.

It’s been a bounty of unexpected nostalgia, or unplanned stupidity depending on your take. Either way, choosing to watch the 90’s Mortal Kombat and Spawn films was not a sensible move on my part, though it ended well. Having not seen either since their initial cinema release (I’ve never claimed to have had good taste as a teen*) and seeing them turn up on Netflix. Yes, I know I have a nostalgia problem, thank you for letting me know… I probably shouldn’t be left alone for quite so long when I’m in this state of mind. Anyhow, let’s begin! First off, I’d long forgotten that both films gave Frank ‘Megatron’ Welker a gig, though having the big bad of your film have the voice of Doctor Claw is slightly less than intimidating, and that’s without mentioning the shonky late 90’s CGI. Spawn’s highlight was Nicol ‘Merlin’ Williamson both chewing all the scenery and being oddly restrained at the same time, as least compared to his turn in Excalibur.

Martin Sheen is there solely for the pay cheque, but looks less embarrassed than he does a couple of years later in Babylon 5: River of Souls. I have to give points to John Leguizamo for coping with the clown makeup and costume, though that may have hidden the look of ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ as he delivered his dialogue. As for the lead, Michael Jai White reminds me of Mark Dacascos, in the sense they’re both skilled martial artists and solid actors who deserve better careers, It wants to be all 90’s and grimdark, but it doesn’t have the skill set to get it over the line. I paid to see worse films as a teen (Super Mario Brothers comes to mind), but seeing Jai White trying his best to elevate a mediocre film, it just made me want to watch Black Dynamite again. But let me ask you, how can you not want to watch a film where Richard Nixon pulls out a set of presidential nun-chucks?

As for Mortal Kombat, it’s all about Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa chewing the scenery. About the only thing I recalled outside that was the mystifying even at the time casting of Christopher Lambert as Raiden, but his repeated use of “Heh heh heh” and “I don’t think so” were oddly amusing. I think he, Tagawa and Linden Ashby (Johnny Cage) were the only ones who enjoyed themselves, given how seriously everyone else seems to take things. Or it could just be their acting coaches told them to scowl in place of character development, cause it sure as hell ain’t in the script.

It wants to be all gritty and ultra violent as the games were, but’s hampered by a low budget, limited technology so it’s more of an 80’s ninja movie filled with unnecessary backflips and spandex costumes, but it doesn’t pretend to be anything else. Despite my mockery of it’s CGI, the limited abilities of it’s cast (To be fair to Bridgette Wilson, she was a last minute replacement and didn’t get anywhere near as much fight training) and costumes, the Goro suit was genuinely well done. Clearly that’s where a lot of the budget went. Overall, it’s very much a sign showing the way to the future for Paul WS Anderson’s directorial career, though it’s too early for his ‘this movie was an excuse to show off my wife’ phase of directing, as that began after he married Milla Jovovich. My theory on his 2011 The Three Musketeers was Jovovich had been shooting an audition reel to play Black Widow and things got out of hand. On that note, Blade Trinity is vastly improved by treating it as Ryan Reynolds making an overly elaborate audition tape for Deadpool.

Going further down the rabbit hole, that led me to watch the 2021 Mortal Kombat reboot, and that was a hell of a lot more fun. It’s still not great – the plot is formulaic, the cast are mostly unknown to me with the exception of Hiroyuki Sanada, who I’m always happy to see. I could say it’s a top tier video game adaption, but that’s also a very low bar. In it’s defence, it’s a lot of fun, had solid fight choreography and wasn’t hamstrung by having to tone down it’s violence to appeal to a younger audience. Indeed, it takes great delight in the way people can murder each other, with fists, blades, gardening tools and even a large hat all being put to ferocious blood splattering use. The fight scenes vary, and don’t extend their welcome, something I couldn’t say about certain almost never-ending fights in John Wick 4.

The film’s MVP though, is Kano. Oh fuck yes, you magnificent bastard. Throwing an Australian yobbo into ‘Enter the Dragon with magic’ may not seem like a smart idea on paper, but he’s the film’s highlight and I will die on that hill. (I’m definitely taking notes from his performance for the next time I play the Yowie at Ravenswood) There’s a noted lack of over the top scenery chewing from the bad guys in contrast to the 90’s incarnation, but on the whole it’s a vast improvement. It’s still not what I’d call a good film, but it’s an entertaining one and that’s all I expected from it. I’m actually looking forward to the sequel, and that’s something I didn’t expect.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing with my time of late. Worthwhile or worthless, I leave up to you. Be seeing you…

*To quote the speech I gave at my sister’s wedding, “She had a short lived love of the Spice Girls as a teen. It was the 90’s, I don’t judge. I am yet to grow out of my teenage love of Iron Maiden, and have no plans to do so.”

The post event blues

And once again comes to post con crash. Slightly lessened for me this year but having to go straight back to work as opposed to recovery time, but it’s been relatively busy, so that’s kept me from too much angst. The comedown is still there though, as is the adrenaline crash. The flood of ideas for next year has continued, but more on that later. An ugly part has reared it’s head, and that’s feedback. As always, it’s terrifying to see, soul shattering to read, and left me in a crumpled heap. To be clear though, I have zero issue with it’s author, and he was kind enough to clarify what he’d said and add some quite lovely things afterward. Feedback is like a bad playtest – it hurts at the time, but it makes for a better product. Some things I can work on, other things have become part of the fabric of my events. I do regret not checking with people on pronouns and comfort levels, and am willing to admit that I was running off a “It’s one of my events, surely nothing too horrible can happen” and at times did tell people to please speak up if they were uncomfortable. I like to think that people would feel OK doing so, and can only pleased that people who choose to play my events are wonderful and who wouldn’t be jerks. It’s not an actual defence, as I had a few first timers, but I assume the best of people until proven otherwise.

(Although I could probably use a Co-GM to stand beside me and tap me on the shoulder when I’m about to go off topic, anecdote or have let players fart about for too long, no matter how much fun they’re having.)

The flood of ideas has continued. Well, less flood and more ‘I’m temporarily hyper focused on this until something else comes along’. I have met my brain before. The first idea was the ‘escaping the rest home’ and that’s mostly been about what is the actual point of the adventure and what archetypes are the PC’s inspired by. Inspirations have been the following:
Autolycus (Hercules/Xena)
Locke Lamora
Ffarhd and the Grey Mouser (In this version they’d be a couple)
Catwoman
Lupin III and Fujiko Mine (If you don’t know these names, run, don’t walk, to legally attain a copy of The Castle of Cagliostro and watch it. You’ll thank me afterwards.)

As for the plot, friends on BlueSky have been ‘helping’ with that. Perhaps the children of the PC’s are slated for execution, or borrowed their tools and need to be saved, before the PC’s are incriminated as well? Makes for a nicer idea than breaking out to see the sun one last time before the end, or a thinly veiled knock off of Bubba Ho-Tep, which I’m not sure I can manage as a GM either. As funny as that film was, it was also a lot bleaker than I was expecting. I do like the idea of choosing characters by picking a prop responding to that character’s style – the assassin get’s a dagger, the thief get’s lock picks, con artist a false moustache, etc. In no way do I claim the idea to be original, but it amuses me so it’s not being discarded.

The other idea arose from a sartorial desire. I’d idly posted about wanting tailors set up near cinemas, so I could walk out of a movie and commission versions of things I’d just seen (It’s been a dream for a while) and in an effort to explain myself, said I’d had an idea for a pirate freeform, but didn’t really have an idea short of “Let’s Dress as Pirates: The Freeform.” Since then, there’s been encouragement, a little regret at not dressing up recently, and several ideas, some less cursed than others. The current most spectacular one is the Multiverse Pirate Gathering, in which the likes of Captain Hook, the Pirate King, Davy Jones and Long John Silver (The Tim Curry version, in case anyone wondered) have a get together.

I adore my friends that they’ll jump on stuff like this. For all the chaos it can cause, it makes me feel incredibly loved. It’s eerily similar to how Australians will automatically back each other up when bullshitting to Americans, I suggest something utterly stupid and they emerge yelling things like “Write it!” and “When are we getting a second Fair and Balanced game? And before you monsters say anything, the answer is no. As for the pirate game, the Multi-Vaaarrrrsal Committee* isn’t a bad one, but mostly I’m vexed by how, despite his not technically being a pirate, can I sneak a cameo from Redbeard Rum in?

The other topic that’s been vexing me is a possible supernatural element to it, mostly is there something that hasn’t been used overmuch, or is unexpected? Skeletons, zombies and voodoo (Mostly the Hollywood version, but some more historical) are all much part of the legend these days and what else could there be? We’ve all seen the Kraken, battled zombie pirates and the like, and while I’m normally the first to jump for the old clichés, I find myself struggling for something new. Not sure why to be honest, but my ideas so far have been monkeys empowered by dark magics that fling explosive poop and piss acid, or borrowing an old idea of mine and using drop bears (AKA, crew in bloodstained koala onesies with giant foam claws) and neither of those are exactly practical for a convention one-shot. And no, I’ve no idea where the idea for the monkeys came from.

*“Wake up hon, a new Pirate LARP just got announced!”*

Bedtime now. I’ve worked all weekend, and am back at it tomorrow. Sleep well, I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.

*It’s a working title.

Phenomenon: 2025 Edition!

Another Phenomenon has finished and I find myself back at home again starring at reality. As always, I’m shattered with exhaustion and semi lucid, but running 9 sessions from 11 will do that to you. Good times. Quotes from my event will be in italics scattered about, with no context given. (As far as I know they’re all correct, but feel free to correct me if not) Consider that incentive to sign up for my events in future, as my players are fucking hilarious. Anyhow, let’s commence the recap!

Overall, it’s been bloody lovely. There’s been some wonderful compliments towards me and my event, though the highlight was being told in another game someone was trying to describe an NPC’s hair and beard, which was summed up as “Just like Gav.” I’m very pleased by that, and have made sure not to ask who the NPC in question was. The event organisers and volunteers continue to be lovely, supportive and encouraging and I adore them for it. It feels like being back amongst my people when I walk in, and that was before I found out that I was A: in the same room the entire con and B: it was on the ground floor and close to a bathroom. It’s the little things that can matter the most.

“Lawrence, I’ve been informed you were trained at some sort of Police Academy. I’ve seen those movies and I’m not impressed.”

“How’s things been? Apart from the cancer?”

“Of course they can fit it in the engine, they don’t call it a mini gun for nothing!”

Anyhow, my event. There was frantic re-writing beforehand (I look back fondly on the first of my Musketeers games which was play-tested a month before the event, something I’ve never managed again) and stress. I may take too much joy from people enjoying my work, but I continue to be nervous before my con games. As always, after the first session I shouldn’t have. One of my regulars commented it was his 2nd, maybe 3rd, Pheno with his first session being my game, and he was very pleased by that. Post session, there was quite the sigh of relief. Had a player later either at her first con, or her first roleplaying game (I don’t remember), but if that was her first game she’ll be stunning going forward. Felt good to be back in the saddle.

“They don’t expect the first explosion, but we’ve got more explosions to come.”

“The recoil on the shotgun will lift us higher.”

“The motion tracker from Aliens, but for printers.”

Overall, the game itself went as well as I’d hoped for, though I’m willing to admit some sessions were better than others. Nothing to do with the players, but I’m the first to admit my 1st 2 sessions on the Sunday weren’t quite up to my usual standards – the first session on daylight saving day is always a crap shoot and 3 players left me scrambling to fill a few more gaps. The afternoon session was restrained, owing to a friend of mine’s kid being a player. The kid was spectacular though, and thoroughly deserved the trophy I gave him. Anyhow, that restraint might be how the late session Sunday ended up as a torrent of filth. I may have cracked open that particular Pandora’s (Shoe) Box, but the players ripped it open and let the horror flow freely. Turned out the movie in that session was part funded by product placement/sponsorship from Wikifeet (If you don’t know what that is, don’t search for it) and the level of filth went to 11. Thousand.

“The good news is, I’m a notoriously bad shot. The bad news is, I’m shooting to wound.”

“That might be the worlds largest Rick-Roll?”

“There’s a bunch of settings on the side (of the taser): Recharge, Tickle, Incapacitate, War Crime.”

The final 2 sessions (On the Monday of the con) were minimal dice, maximum narration. We were all incredibly tired, on the same level and I spent a lot of it trying not to collapse from laughter. I think the morning session was the point at which we mutually tried to connect the film to as many fictional universes as possible. So, the people who freeze frame the film will spot shout outs to this company, mentions of these fictional companies and various actors are either in cameos, or in the background. 1 session had Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny playing a characters parents, while the scores at the virtual target practise software in another had the names J Steed, M Smart and I Gadget. I bloody love my players, especially when they match my style of crazy.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever described an axe being touched as sensual.”

“The only people I’ve upset is the Homeowners Association and I can take them.”

“If it’s an Eastern European possum, then it’s a raccoon, and has a moose friend and I hate them both!”

The following are out of context highlights. Brace yourselves.
The mysterious island the bad guy’s base was located on was shaped like a large foot in the ‘funded by Wikifeet’ session. They entered the caves underneath through a gap between the toes.
Me hearing a player mention using an AR15 and immediately thinking “AR15 – when you absolutely, positively have to kill every motherfucking student in the school, accept no substitute.” I’m not proud.
One of the hacker’s contacts being the actual Nicholas Cage.
All the sex dungeon jokes in one session.
The ways some groups took over the villain’s organisation. Some were intimidation, most involved murder, and in one case a PC snuck up behind him and cut his throat while he was on a zoom call with his underlings.
The way the driver’s (played by Helen Mirren) car having an increasingly large central console with the standard gears being Neutral, Reverse, Drive and Donuts.
What was possibly the world’s largest Rick-Roll.
A bomb detonation being stopped by a knife being thrown into a hand. (I like to think wherever he is that Clancy Brown smiled at that point)
The running gag of “technobabble” “In English?”
Wanting to hear Helen Mirren say “Ooops, had the silly thing in reverse.”

“You didn’t kill my father, will you stop saying that!”

“I’m not that much of a dick, I’m only a mild amount of dick.”

“Valkyrie, Miss Piggy, either way they’re both women we’re not going to fuck with.”

It was fucking glorious. I didn’t get sick this year, even if the plan to nap in my spare sessions didn’t quite work out. The joy of compliments, and plotting new ideas. Some of them include:
5 versions of Batman have to work together. (There may be a secret session with 4 of them being Adam West, with the last PC being the actual Adam West)
Staff at a fantasy charity shop dealing with cursed magic items.
Elderly thieves have to escape from a heavily fortified retirement home.

Anyhow, time for sleep. You should be planning to attend next Pheno.

The Festival of the Wand, Part Deux!

It’s time for Part 2 of the Festival of the Wand, aka my look at Ravenswood Institute’s second event! (Part 1 can be found here should you require a recap)This less a recap, more an analysis, with regrets and plans for the future. Let’s get to it.

The emotional bleed continues. It’s been a different sort of bleed to Ravenswood last year, or Path of the Warden in 2023. The former was a ‘That was fun and I can do this’ while the latter was ‘I went somewhere knowing no-one and had an amazing time’, coupled with the intensity of the IC romance. (Fingers crossed that game returns as I’d love to continue the story) I’m used to bleed happening, it’s no shock, but this time it’s felt different. A large dose of relief that things worked, coupled with some regrets (Rational and irrational) and wanting things to have been better. Don’t get me wrong, the players seemed to enjoy it and I’ve heard nothing but good things about the event as a whole, but the standard I’d set for myself was higher. I can hyper focus when things aren’t going well, and yeah, the nerves were stressing me in the lead up. Finding out mine was the last event was something else. Yes, it gave me time to build a relationship with the students and staff, and I got some good roleplay in, but the tension, the feelings of just wanting to get it out of the way and done so I could relax. *whoof*

As for bleed, binging Skeleton Crew has helped take the mind off it somewhat, and it was great fun. Made for quite the contrast with Andor S2, the previous Star Wars show I’d watched. I’m soon to head over to S2 of Doctor Who, though no thanks to the Guardian and the Doctor Who FB page, I’m already aware of the season’s big events. You’d think there would be some sort of policy on not putting giant spoilers in article headlines, or giving it a couple of days before you announce them but no… *grumbles* Mind you, I’ve likely not helped things but continuing to listen to my Ravenswood playlist mixed with a lot of AC/DC, but as associated as they are with the event, they still make me happy. I’ve long been curious as to what the reaction would be if you hooked my brain up to an activity monitor and played the opening riff of Whole Lotta Rosie.

Overall, the game was vast amounts of fun. Everyone bought into the setting and atmosphere, worked with the story and went along with all manner of shenanigans. The horse curse was a highlight, as was the finale to the voodoo doll saga. I’ve no idea how it began, but I assume it was a cursed item. If they can’t keep that bloody cabinet locked they don’t deserve to have one if you ask me. I missed the start of it, but the end involved some screaming and confrontation, Physical’s star player collapsing in the lunch area and screaming how his career was over shortly before one of the screaming folks stabbed a blood bag filled voodoo doll. Just your everyday lunch at Ravenswood, especially given the other lunch break featured the Automaton entering and a mass Remove Curse being cast, thanks to yet another cursed item. That bloody cabinet. At least, I believe that’s what happened, and stand happy to be corrected. I don’t think it was the same lunch, as I’m pretty sure the Sunday lunch I spent as the Automaton, or hiding waiting for students to choose what object they’ll scry. It’s all a blur,

“Oh, Yowies — you eat the ass end of them.”
“Ummmmmm…”

The people. From the faculty, to the NPC Magical OH&S inspector (Who’d been determined to shut the school down, but was thwarted by having his notes ‘accidentally’ destroyed) to the student body, we all seemed to understand what we were getting into. The Inspector played the role of ‘officious jerk’ to a T (From talking to him he’s been somewhat typecast, but enjoys it) and I was a little sad Phys Ed ended without him interrupting me to enquire about student safety, as we’d planned the first night. Playing the person everyone hates can be tricky, but every time I saw or talked to him about it he was having a barrel of laughs. Especially on the dance floor Saturday night – I’ve no idea what was done to him to induce that sort of behaviour, but my money’s on some sort of unholy Fae brewed cocktail. Or Truth Serum. Apparently there was a bunch or two of that being brewed up somewhere on campus…

“Some one summoned a yowie and now it’s in the woods”
“There’s 2 boys kissing in the woods?”

The main con is the distance, both to the venue and how the players are scattered about. From what the orgs have said there’s spin off potential, and I think there would be an audience in my neck of the woods, but I’m not head GM material for it. Support staff, hell yes, but not in charge. It was lovely as players began to arrive and the chorus of “Hey, haven’t seen you since last year” began, but I want to see these people more. (Even if I’m not throwing spells at them) It’s a lovely community and I’m really pleased to share a hobby with then. For example, the two people running the hazing ritual Friday night gave me some chocolate Yowie eggs as thanks afterwards. It’s the little things that can mean the most, you know?

“So, just to clarify. Have you just awarded both of the students who were doping?”

This next part isn’t so much Cons, as things I want to do better/wish I’d done.
First, taking better care of myself in the lead up and during the event, mentally and physically. I need reminders for go the fuck to sleep and eat a sensible amount of food before LARP, though the game catering itself was wonderful. You’d think by this stage my nerves would be better, but nope. I can’t help but be in brown trousers mode, whether for doing something new, or going to the other side of the country to play let’s pretend with rules. I choose to take it as a good thing, that I care about it and want it to go well and I really do. I just need to believe other people when they tell me it’ll go well.

Be more organised. The weather can be planned for (And as I’ve already said, the crew did wonderfully), and I knew kind of what I wanted, but hadn’t worked out what order to do games in and how much time things would take. Also, while I had a few cheerfully insulting nicknames prepared, I do want more.

Doing more, whether that be asking more questions, talking to other players and getting reactions. I barely cast a spell all weekend for crying out loud! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to overshadow the students, they’re the reason we do this. As I’ve said, I also really want the Yowie and Automaton to return, but a minor cameo. Too much of a good thing can ruin it, you know? Getting back to Coach, part of the initial idea for the character was him being announced and at least half the staff facepalming while muttering “By Gandalf’s beard, it’s that guy” and that didn’t exactly happen. I didn’t seem to cause any havoc on campus (the students managed more than enough) and that’s certainly a goal for next year. Still, the students seemed happy to see me, even the ones who only watched my class, and that’s a big thing. The trophy has been taken by the orgs and will be in Physical House’s dorm next year. More Phys Ed has been demanded, and who am I to argue with that?

“THIS IS NOT MOH&S COMPLIANT!”

There’s also a fair whack of things I wanted to do, but didn’t get to, for various reasons. Mostly I wanted to participate more, to establish a reputation. I’ve had moments in games and life where someone will look at me and go “That was you?” and it feels glorious. Sure, of the things I didn’t do I’m glad for – there was a brief moment of temptation to start flirting with the people talking to the Yowie at the dance, but I like to think had the reception been positive I’d have said “I’m sure you’re all lovely, but you’re a tad scrawny and well, hairless for me.” (Though if you think I haven’t done some searching for Ghillie suits or Chewbacca costumes for next year, you would be very wrong) I’m seeking parts that I can add to my costume, but I’m trying to put any purchases off till early net year, or at least till after Pheno in October, which is a lovely convention and I recommend you all attend. I should be writing that game now as I write this.

Still, if I can learn from this and put those lessons into practise for next year, I should be in good stead. Maybe it’ll be one big game instead of some smaller ones or a mini tourney between class breaks? For now, it’ll be a mystery. I’ve submitted my feedback, the orgs are meeting in a few weeks to debrief and plot for the future, and I’m trying to bask in the glow of a job well done, patiently waiting for the event photos (Yes, there’s some of the Yowie and Automaton, not just Coach) and a hell of a lot of lovely compliments.

So, what happens next? Well, for you my dear readers I’ll tell you. Has this piqued your interest? Do you have the urge to cast spells, cause chaos and be abused by a sweary Yowie? Then get on it and join the FB group! Too far away? Ask the orgs nicely, and they may agree to letting you write and run a spinoff! Prepare for next event, and make sure when it’s time you have a ticket to Ravenswood Institute, where too much magic is barely enough!

Festival of the Wand, Part 1!

I have returned from a land beyond space and time, otherwise known as Western Australia, where I’ve been teaching at wizard university (No, not the Unseen one. Sadly). That’s right, it was Ravenswood Institute’s second event and dear readers, I had a blast. Wait, I had a Magic Missile! No. Melf’s Acid Arrow? Thunderwave? Fireball? (OK, I’ll stop now) For I wasn’t a mere student this year, but a member of staff – enter Duncan Kincaid, sports coach and Phys Ed instructor! The following recollections may be inaccurate, be missing important context and will almost certainly contain events I don’t mention during questioning and later rely on in court.

I mean, what other number would I choose? (It looks more purple in the flesh)

I’d enjoyed myself at their opening event last year, and had been kicking around the character idea for most of that time. it appealed owing to the contrast between the more reserved members of staff and a sports obsessed yobbo (Albeit one magically trained) with the short version being “What if HG Nelson taught at [THE MAGIC SCHOOL THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED]?” I’d submitted it to the admins, asking more if I was on the right track than expecting to be given the OK, and to my eternal surprise it was accepted, with a terrifying speed. Learning later the amount of trust they’d put in me, that they saw what I’d brought to the last game and thought my idea could work, was incredibly flattering, and far from the last compliment I’d receive. Still getting used to that. As long time readers may know, I have a teeny problem with self esteem.

So, what happened? Dancing, wizardry, a mechanical beast came to life, strange creatures appeared and cursed items ran amok. Horses, of a sort, cute (and unexpectedly vicious) animals, shouting, far too much rain and some good old fashioned Aussie racism. It’ll make some sort of sense when explained. The Friday was setup and student arrival. A lesson in basic spellcasting took place (as some folks missed it last year which meant they were in strife) followed by after hours shenanigans. There was a request to NPC a Yowie, who was being summoned by the Spiritual Dorm as part of their hazing of new students, with some ‘extra Aussie’ flavour asked for. Challenge accepted! He was meant to be creepy at first, then funnier, but once I got a laugh I couldn’t stop. What followed was regular abuse, insults (*sniffs players hand* “Smells virginal”), some revelations (“How’d you get the name Yowie?” “I dunno, I walk up to folks, they yell “YOWIE!” and run like fuck.”) and more abuse of white people in general. This lead to the recurring question “Are all Yowie’s racist?” and if I had $5 for every time that was asked over the weekend… The summoning circle was broken (as planned) and I escaped, with a loud cry of “Jokes on you dickheads, I’m free again!” It was glorious fun getting to unleash that inner yobbo.

Saturday morning was Magical Foci with Professor Emberleaf, and that was a joy. She’s a wonderful calming presence and as awful as I am at arts and crafts, it was oddly soothing putting something together. Far as I’m concerned, it’s a relaxing amulet to be placed over the dressing room door after a game that helps sooth wounds and tempers. Cursed Objects was next, which meant I was helping with scrying. In short, students were sitting around a table talking to the object in question in a positive tone while crew walked around making noises and trying to put them off. This would last for 10 minutes, with the tension being ratcheted up every 2. The temptation to whisper in people’s ears “Who are you?” and “What do you want?” was presented, and I jumped at it. We almost made one group literally jump when we gently lifted then dropped the table they were sitting around. *maniacal cackle*

Rain meant the Magical Creatures excursion had to take place indoors, but we coped. I can’t say enough how well everyone coped with the weather, which wasn’t great. A Quetzalcóatl’s eggs were on display, and the mother herself paid us a visit (a fantastic piece of puppetry courtesy of the Magical Creatures professor). A pair of her eggs went missing, and it seemed as if the rest were about to be stolen, but I missed the rest of that plot line. IIRC Saturday also saw the Horse curse. Basically, a cursed item had gotten loose, and if you touched it, you believed you were a horse. At one point there was half a dozen of them, students and faculty members alike, prancing about. A staff member timed it beautifully walking up to them playing The Horses on his phone just as the chorus started. *chef kiss* Then it was club time, dinner and the school dance, which meant time for Coach to dress fancy!

**I am darkness. I am the night. I am Coach!**

The dance brought shenanigans, dancing and some light drugging of the inspector who’d come for an OHS look at the school. Oh, and a return appearance from the Yowie. Emerging from the darkness as ‘Every Breath You Take’ played was a beautiful accident I couldn’t have managed if I tried. So, for some folks the first words they heard the Yowie speak was a loud “WHAT THE FUCK? Even I know that’s a song about stalking!” My personal dislike of the playlist bled over, which meant when asked what music he did like, the response was something like “the primal elemental sound of this country. I believe they call it Acca Dacca!” There was more banter, the discovery of his true name (I panicked for some reason and said Artorius, which I’m retconning to Artie) and getting a slightly supercharged spell to send him home. “You hear a loud cry of ‘Fuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkk’ as he disappears.” The super secret faculty after party was crashed by students, and I headed for bed. I’m really hoping the Yowie cameos in future games – I have a head canon vision of him storming into the next dance, marching up to the DJ and demanding “I want a song about a very special lady, and I want it now!” Several minutes of frenzied air guitar later, he vanishes into the night, and I immediately chug a large energy drink/consume half a tins worth of Milo (NOT Kerrigan) to replace what I’ve just sweated. Rock and roll.

Needless to say, I was slightly impaired come Sunday. There was breakfast (Did I mention the event is catered?) and more NPC duty, this time as an automaton with the spirit of the previous Cursed Objects animating it. A long trek out to the woods, waiting followed by more waiting (Some students had activated a curse), but seeing the looks on their faces as it began to move was worth it. There was conversation on the long walk back, and he told the emotional story of his life before and during the scrying ceremony. I cheerfully admit to stealing the entire thing lock stock and barrel from an episode of Crusade, but hearing afterwards that I’d made some of them cry made all the waiting and sweating (By Crom, I’d forgotten just how much sweat dripping in your eyes stings) inside the costume worth it. I was crying too, before you ask.

We also got to be extra creepy during one of the scryings, which was to investigate a cricket ball that had the soul of a small child (I think, I missed a lot of that plot last year) inside. I can imagine that having your eyes closed while 3 people whisper variations on “Mummy, are you there? I’m scared. Mummy, where are you? Mummy, they keep hitting me.” in your ears isn’t fun, but points to the players for somehow not cracking. It was a toss up between that and the specimen jar one, for which I was whispering “I just wanted a chance in life like you. All they do is slice me open and stitch me up again. I can still feel the scalpels…” I remain very glad I was on that end of the ceremony, as I’m all but certain I’d have cracked and fled screaming.

Note: There’s a lot of care taken at the event, with players inputting a list of their dislikes beforehand, and we crew do our best to stay away from them. Also, if you need to step away, you’re more than welcome to put the hand up and walk, no questions asked. Self care is important. The opening for my class stressed there would be coarse language and physical activity, with an overall message of ‘If you aren’t up for it, I don’t need a reason why.”

I don’t have a name for it, but it was $8 very well spent.

Before I’d realised, it was time for Phys Ed, my class, and in the words of one of Australia’s leading stuntmen, “I don’t have the brown underpants on for nothing!” Mercifully the weather had cleared up, and after an opening warning and the casting of a spell of my own devising, that being “Sobrietus, In Extremis”*, we were on! There was sorting them into teams, some meditation and testing how awakened their sense were, by blindfolding half, with the others hurling spell balls at them. It went surprisingly well, with some lovely dexterity on display. A 3-legged race brought out their competitive spirit, with spells being hurled back and forth. Frisbee dodgeball followed and Hot (Potato) Component finished up, with me giving the trophy to 2 players who’d both admitted to taking performance enhancing potions earlier that day. Whoops?

My voice was slightly shot and I was a nervous wreck, but it went really well, and I’m already plotting how to make next years bigger and better, with more audience participation and less illegal doping. Hopefully there’ll be more nicknames, with one player who’d been channelling Elle Woods (Complete with matching Phys Ed lycra – I hadn’t expected her to participate, let alone match outfits) known as Barbie, her more goth compatriot was Wednesday and the school’s resident sports nut, who’s name was Flash, became “Gordon’s Alive.” Hearing people laugh at that damn near made my event. That film is sacred in my house, to the extent there’s a good chance any use of the phrase “I love you” is answered with “But we only have 14 hours to save the Earth!”

And it was over, and back to reality. Harrumph. I should sleep now, so I’ll keep you in anticipation for part 2 of the Festival of the Wand, where too much magic is barely enough!

*It was then pointed out the the punch at the dance was non-alcoholic. As it was fey brewed, I stand by my actions.

Not very fast, kinda furious.

To be aware, this entry will contain minor spoilers for the Fast and the Furious films. You have been warned.

For Feng Shui related reasons, the Fast and the Furious binge watch has continued. I still haven’t watched Tokyo Drift, and for some reason Netflix here doesn’t have F9, but does have Fast X and the Hobbs and Shaw spin off. Crom spare me, I may have to buy the damn things at some point*, if only for the DVD commentaries which hopefully hint at the rumoured feud between several of the leading men about them not being less macho on screen than the others. Rumour has it there’s agreements where one person can’t take as many punches as the other – testosterone poisoning is a funny thing, isn’t it?

I continue to be amused that it’s gone from a series about illegal street racers, some of whom seem to be allergic to sleeves, and that runs almost entirely on the male gaze. (Yes, there’s plenty of buff dudes in tight clothing for those who like that sort of thing, but they’re vastly outnumbered by the scantily clad ladies. I’m reminded of the series Chuck, which I remember enjoying back in the day (And by that I mean the late 2000’s/early 2010’s), but that’s been retrospectively poisoned for me by stars Adam Baldwin and Zachary Levi’s embrace of the far right. I’m more likely to re-watch Burn Notice (Which has it’s own male gaze issues, but also features Bruce Campbell) or Leverage in any case. *sighs* Not everyone is as wonderful as Mark Hamill readers, remember that.

But I digress. So, the films go from a barely plausible series about street racers, to one where two loosely defined ‘agents’ have to team up to stop a cybernetically enhanced madman who has what is functionally a robot motorbike. I get it, the sequel has to go bigger, but surely there’s a point at which you stop, right? NOPE. I feel confident in saying these films throw that, like physics and reality, out the nearest high window at a great speed. There’s the 2 cars dragging a 10 ton safe while being pursued through the streets of Rio in one film, which is in turn topped in a later entry by the driving of a car out the window off a stupidly giant building in Dubai, into and through another building and then into a third stupidly giant building at which point the heroes finally leap out of the car. And I haven’t mentioned the incident with the Predator drone…

There’s no synopsis I can give that will match Grant ‘Honey Heist’ Howitt’s spectacular write up of the first 7 films, but I’m seriously considering adding a mechanic that gives players a bonus to driving checks when they mime changing gears, ala the shot gun rule.

*Feng Shui 2nd Ed’s weapon damage table.*

I do have a massive bone to pick with them though. Seeing Helen Mirren appear was a joy, even if was an extended cameo but that pales in comparison to Fast 8, in which Charlize Theron plays some sort of cyber terrorist, but who spends more time at a keyboard than with a weapon in hand and that is not what I watch a Charlize Theron film for. Yes, I believe she reappears later in the series, but still. It just seems a phenomenal waste. Maybe that’s why I’m not in charge of the franchise, which is probably a good thing.

So. I’ve begun writing the pitch, have been making character notes and ensuring the game starts with a fight scene. I should start learning the system as well, but I’m borrowing one of my gaming groups to run the back of the book adventure in December, which should help with that. Gonna log off here and start making more notes for that.

Be seeing you…

*As well as the Expendables films, but fortunately 3 out of the 4 are on Netflix at the moment. Based on their trajectory, I’m expecting the 4th, which I haven’t seen yet, to be the worst. Though it can’t possibly be as as bad as XXX: The Return of Xander Cage, which was so damned awful I couldn’t stomach any more after about half an hour. Copies of Hard Boiled and The Killer (I have much to thank the late 90’s SBS Saturday night cult movie slot for, but introducing me to the work of Chow Yun-Fat is in the top 5) have been ordered and will hopefully wash the bad taste of that out of my mouth. Gunpowder Milkshake is next on the watch list till they arrive, and I should probably re-watch Shoot ‘Em Up while I’m at it. Might add The A-Team and The Losers to the list as well.

Convention recap time!

So, my last two weekends have been at gaming based conventions – the first, playing at Phenomenon, the second, working a booth at PAX Australia. Therefore, it’s recap time!

Pheno continues to be a delight, both in terms of the people there and the quality of games. They went the gamut from an alien beauty contest, at which I was a very stressed intern, to a new Persephone (Damn intense game, but I expect nothing less from the GM team) to an Orcish drummer. There was an inter species relationship (I was a werewolf, he was a vampire), mostly to spite her father. Also, it was a fake, to disguise the actual relationship I’d entered into late game. It made sense at the time. I even managed to come away with two player awards, which was lovely for my ego. (Though to be fair, I think I only managed that cause Niece couldn’t make it this year. Both her and my wife are tremendously skilled lumberjacks*) It’s always nice to have the recognition, to feel as if I was doing something right in the eyes of the GM, even if in both awards this year it was a team effort. For one game, a lot of political arguments, and my confusion at most of the table not realising I was referencing Raiders of the Lost Ark at one point, but we used our ultimate power to create the Scales of Equality, a magic item to even the odds, so to speak. The rich get poorer, and the poor get richer. Idealistic, I know, but it made sense in the game. The second was less a team effort, and more a 3/4’s of the team effort. I’ll explain.

The game was based around a group of Bards in a D&D setting, and the GM is well known for his love of the pun. So, when the music puns started to sing (About, oh, 2 and a half seconds into the game), we turned up the amps in response. Except for my wife, who spent most of the session head in her hands, horrified at what was unleashed. I have no defence, other than we felt entitled to return fire. There’s a reason her prize certificate said ‘For courage under fire’ after all. It’s not that I’m a regular user of the pun, but it’s possible I’ve listened to a few too many pun runs from The Bugle and something has infected me. At least, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. Another highlight for me was speaking in Orcish for the first time IC – the character spoke broken Common, but intellectual Orcish, so going from “Me think you no say good” to “I say good fellow, might we settle this without any unnecessary violence?” in a proper RP accent, was delightful.

Only flaw in the con was my coming sick on the Sunday night, which marred my Monday with a lot of irritating coughing and concern about my health. Took the shine off the after party as well – between the coughs and the way my back was hurting from said coughing, it wasn’t as fun as they usually are. There was good news though, amidst the regular banter and debriefing. The good news being, I have an idea for next year, and it’s positively rational! But more about that later.

Turning to PAX, I got back from Pheno, slept the rest of the day, then the day after was on a flight to Melbourne that evening.. Setup, as always, is painful, but getting to talk to people about games can be wonderfully soothing. my abiding memory of the con being people’s faces experiencing the back cover blurb for Eat the Reich, which ranged from slack-jawed confusion at what the hell did I just read, to full blown “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!” Also, near every time I got to talk about it, I’d get the theme to The A-Team in my head. My only regrets, outside of not having more spending money (There was a LARP arming sword that was taunting me the entire con), was not seeing the Owlbear that I’d heard was at the Drachenfest booth. The dragons they had were lovely, but OWLBEAR! I did buy a very cute small plush one, my wife feels we’re on the way to a large collection. Overall, loud and exhausting, with rather overpriced food, but a lot of fun. Looking forward to next year.

Returning to the game idea. Some of my favourite moments as a GM have been when players added to the event, contributing ideas, noodle incidents or bits of canon. It’s a wonderful feeling when players add stuff, even if it’s a better idea than what I had, makes me feel like they’re getting into the spirit of things. I’ve had no small amount of them, ranging from “Was it the Mole-men?” to “We need to drive faster. Somebody give the engine a sandwich.” So, what about a game based on that premise and built on action movie logic? A game that uses a system I’ve not run before, like Feng Shui? *drum roll* Oh yes, that’s exactly the plan.

The idea is simple: it’s the third film in an action movie trilogy, an Expendables-esque** combination of explosions, quips and 10 thousand rounds per 10 round magazine. There’s existing PC relationships, old comrades, grudging team mates and a romance or two, if they have the guts to admit they care about each other. Good drama. At least, I hope. The twist is, the events of the previous 2 films, any Disney+ spin offs or ill advised prequels etc, are determined during play each session. How they met the villain, how much property damage was done in his capture and the full horror of his dastardly world conquering scheme, it’s player driven. I like the idea of getting their input, of making every session really different. Haven’t gotten much further, but there’s a lot of thoughts. Do I set a guideline for what style of event people want at the start? For example, we have three settings:
1: Relatively gritty.
2: 80’s Arnie.
3: Utterly bat-shit insane.

That seems like a good idea, but I know how tired I get near the end of a con, and things get extra whacky no matter what. I’ve had a couple of people say they’d like to request my last session, to see what sort of insanity they can cook up when I’m near exhaustion. That also goes for the setting – did you encounter the villain when he murdered your brother in an underground fighting tournament, or when you fell through a dimensional portal and found yourselves punching Mordred in King Arthur’s court? It’ll certainly test my GM improv skills and not confusing relationships in each session to session could be a nightmare, but I’m liking the idea. Character ideas are coming, and the research… I really should have watched The Old Guard sooner, but that’s led me down a “I need more Charlize Theron kicking ass in my life” path, which has meant I’m finally watching the Fast and the Furious films. I’d be lying if I thought they started well, but I’m up to Furious 6, having skipped Tokyo Drift, and the more over the top they’ve gotten, the more I’m enjoying them. Still early stage enthusiasm, but I’m hoping to hang onto that for as long as I can, so I’m ready to pitch next year. Feels good to have an idea again. Feels real good.

Lastly, Ravenswood have announced another event for neat year, which means I should probably do some more work on the NPC sports teacher idea I had after the last event. *commences idle googling for props and costume*

Be seeing you…

* A piece of slang from the old times, when convention trophies were blocks of wood.
** Let’s be fair here: it may start as The Expendables, but we all know within about 30 seconds it’ll become Hot Shots Part Deux and I’m OK with that.

Praise be to the Maiden

And lo, twice last week did your humble scribe arose from his sick bed, cleansed his impure body and dressed, before donning the sacred vestments of his faith, the holy band shirt and the consecrated battle vest, then heading forth to worship at the altar of Heavy Metal…

Iron Maiden / Killswitch Engage
Qudos Bank Arena, 12&13/09/24

So, I’ve been down sick with a cold for the last week or so, but it’s been 8 long years since the mighty Iron Maiden last graced our shores, and there was no way in hell I was going to miss it. Not the least of which cause I was seeing both shows – the first show I had a floor ticket for (It’s the closest I’ve ever been!), the second show up in the stands with my Glorious and Beloved Wife. I cant say I’m a fan of support act Killswitch Engage, so I spend their set outside eating, though the version of Dio’s Holy Diver that ends their set seems to be received well. It’s been some time since I attended a large scale concert, so seeing what appeared to be phone torch semaphore going on between sections of the crowd was new. Not as cute as the young child who was on a parent’s shoulders down on the floor on the Thursday show though, that was parenting done right.

Our view from the gods night 2.

And then, it is time. The familiar strains of UFO’s Doctor Doctor ring out, the crowd begins to jump and sing, knowing the time is near. The strains of the Vangelis score to Blade Runner fill the air, the lights dim and Caught Somewhere in Time begins, the band hitting stage as the gallop launches in. What can I say about them? There’s Dave Murray, eyes closed in concentration, effortlessly blazing away on his guitar, Adrian Smith’s relaxed and nonchalant manner in complete contrast to Janick Ger’s wild flailing, both of his fingers up and down the fretboard and of his guitar. How he hadn’t lost several into the crowd I’ll never know. Steve Harris, one foot up on the monitors, machine gunning the crowd with his bass. Iconic. For someone who had a stroke about 18 months ago, Nicko McBrain’s drumming has barely missed a beat. Lastly, and certainly not least, is front man Bruce Dickinson. The crowd’s in the palm of his hand as soon as he hits stage, that effortless charisma on full blast. True, the between song dialogue is sometimes a little hokey and there’s a pun that’s positively Zaltzman-esque, but there are few who can match him for keeping a crowd engaged. And that soaring voice of his is still jaw dropping, more so given a bout of throat cancer a few years back.

The setlist is mostly taken from the Somewhere in Time and Senjutsu albums, an unexpected choice between ‘guitar synth led experimental album’ and ‘latest epic double album’. but the sci-fi and historical themes match up surprisingly well. A giant cyborg Eddie pays a brief visit during Stranger in a Strange Land then retreats again backstage, emerging once again in Heaven Can Wait to engage Bruce in a laser gun battle, the first pyro we’ve seen all show. It’s not my favourite song, but the rousing “Woah-oh!” section is irresistible. The thud of the bass drum during The Writing on the Wall threatens to scramble my innards like a Dalek death ray and I’m still amused that I first heard a Maiden tribute act perform Alexander the Great before the real thing. As cheesy as it is, rhyming ‘Aegean Sea’ and ‘334 BC’ is *chef kiss* to me. My face lights up hearing “We want, information. Information. Information” that intros The Prisoner and the level in anticipation that builds in the brief seconds between seeing the banner change and the intro to Fear of the Dark is spectacular, to say nothing of the sing along to it that is as mandatory as death and taxes. Death of the Celts gets a spoken intro from Bruce about how genocidal fuckwits always fail that’s well meaning but drags, and as good as the song sounds live, I still maintain you could strip a couple of minutes of melodic instrumental from the middle and affect it not one bit, Mind you, I’m not brave enough to tell Steve Harris that, and I suspect you aren’t either.

The main set ends with a triumphant blast through Iron Maiden, with a giant samurai Eddie stalking the stage (as well as Janick Gers), and a blast of pyro, not to mention the giant inflatable Eddie head that arose from behind the drum riser. All are thanked, sweatbands and drumsticks are thrown to the crowd and the band are away. We wait patiently, knowing there’s more, our devotion soon rewarded with Hell on Earth (The song, not the return of Scott Morrison as PM), and the raised stage erupting in bursts of flame, which is clearly where most of the gig’s pyro budget has gone to. The banner changes once again and I have to restrain myself from screaming with joy? Why? It’s The Trooper. We all go somewhat apeshit, both screaming along and air guitaring in my case. How can you not? The show ends with a triumphant run through Wasted Years, which is equal parts sadness and joy for me*, as the joy of the song is mixed with the show ending. More items are thrown at the crowd, Bruce promises they’ll be back (I’m fucking holding you to that!) and true to form, Nicko is the last to leave the stage. We shamble out into the night to the traditional show closer, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, and embrace the chill night air.

It was a Maiden show. Part rock concert, part gathering of the tribes. it was genuinely heart warming to see both the love in the room, and the diversity. All ages, races and genders, all of us were there to have a good time and by Crom, we did. My body aches, my throat is shot from screaming and I’m brutally reminded of how out of shape I am, as 6 guys with more than 20 years on me have just kicked my ass. It was a damn good night, both of them. Long live Maiden, and all who sail with them. Amen.

SET LIST:
Caught Somewhere in Time
Stranger in a Strange Land
The Writing on the Wall
Days of Future Past
The Time Machine
The Prisoner
Death of the Celts
Can I Play with Madness?
Heaven Can Wait
Alexander the Great
Fear of the Dark
Iron Maiden

ENCORE:
Hell on Earth
The Trooper
Wasted Years

*Many years ago in the depths of a crush on someone I still regret, I spent 2 hours wandering Melbourne looking for a landmark that would lead me to where I was staying while listening to that song on repeat, completely missing the point of it. I was young and stupid, what can I say?

“Damn, it feels odd to be a player.”

It feels weird that I haven’t submitted an event for Pheno. I mean, I’ve had ideas, but they were more fragments, such as running a sequel to a game that didn’t happen, where the players construct/have flashbacks to the previous adventure as they go through and not a worthy scenario. Yes, jokes about what happened in the last movie can be amusing, but without a solid framework of an idea, a scenario, that’s not enough for me. I guess it’s my head’s way of saying you’re taking a break? It’s not that I’m not looking forward to playing again, I enjoy that, but there’s something special about GMing at cons that sparks joy. The wonder, the variety, of seeing groups deal with things in different ways. It makes me happy, and almost die from laughter. Seems odd is all, given I haven’t had any inclination for running something at home again. I mean, I have plans, but haven’t had the brain to put them into practice. Damn brain.

True, it’s been a stressful last few weeks, with knowing the submission deadline is coming and issues with work and home. Far too many people in my life coming down sick, to say nothing of how many were sick the day of my birthday event. I was damn glad anyone made it there were so many “I’m sorry, but we’re sick” messages. (I don’t blame anyone, to be clear – I’d rather you stay home and get well than force yourselves out) The day itself was enjoyable, Wyrmspan is a fun game (Tiny Dragons!) and The Court Jester went down a storm. Given this year’s film choices were mostly swashbuckling, I’m tempted to make the choices a genre next year, with sci-fi, schlock and sword and sorcery among them. Though to be fair I can likely find something that’ll combine all 3 in one. A new tradition has also been started, that of a late night classic series Doctor Who, with The Ark in Space being chosen. It nearly got horribly derailed, given I jokingly mentioned liking them too much to subject them to Timelash, but maybe there’ll be a night when they need to see Paul Darrow chewing the entirety of BBC Television Centre after he runs out of scenery. I’m also oddly proud of the playlist I put together, as putting it together involved answering questions like “It’s a party – we probably don’t need the theme to The Prisoner.” Also, there’s only 3 versions of Run to the Hills, which I consider to be very restrained on my part.

Distractions have helped somewhat, though the theming was accidental. Between showing my wife Ghostbusters: Afterlife, picking up the remaster of the Xbox game and getting to see Frozen Empire, my brain has been stuck on “Who you gonna call?” In short: we both really enjoyed Afterlife, I adore the Xbox game, despite some issues, with the background banter between the team a highlight. I’m not sure what I find funnier, the jokes about how often Ray get’s possessed or that you can interact with the painting of Vigo in the fire house, that Max Von Sydow recorded new dialogue for. As for Frozen Empire, it wasn’t bad, but felt overstuffed with characters and had a few too many nods to the original film for my tastes. Yes, I’m aware that’s doppelganger check time for me, who lives in the past as much as possible, but even I have my limits. Who’d have thought? This has naturally snowballed into me digging up a PDF of the old RPG, some idle googling of has anyone run a live action version, and wondering how you’d represent proton packs and traps in a LARP. I can see some sort of GM controlled Bluetooth device for the PKE meters (The louder it gets the more energy is nearby, as a general thing), but the proton packs is something else. Maybe MacGyvering a laser tag system, or hi-vis on the ghost costumes that needs to be illuminated by torches on the stream throwers for a certain chunk of time? Either way, the establishment of a new branch seems like a good start for a game and it’s been added to the ever growing list of game ideas I have. Also, I enjoyed the 2016 film, still want to be like Holtzman when I grow up and hope that someday we’ll see a proton pack rigged for a left hander.

Speaking of LARP, things are up in the air. Ravenswood hasn’t sold many tickets yet so who knows (Though I did test my costume when I was acting as the Responsible Adult at Niece’s 16th birthday party), Lost Settlers hasn’t announced dates yet and I fucked up slightly and bought a ticket to Heilung in Sydney for a ritual halfway through Drachenfest. Ooops. I’m going to be good though, and not scalp the ticket for a pile of cash as a relative suggested. That leaves Concord in September, and while I know at least one person thinking of going, the nation she and her husband are looking at is the one I have the least ideas for. So, I can go with that and know someone, or throw myself into the unknown, but with a nation I’m keener on. *ponders* Taking the second option will mean there’s another chance to wear my giant hat, which is tipping the scales somewhat. Then it’s the old issues of working out what parts of the event I want to play in, creating a working character, and not an excuse just to buy more weapons and another cloak. As if I need a reason for that!

A bearded man wearing a giant leather hat. — “*Man walks down the street in a hat like that, you know he’s not afraid of anything …*“

I could talk more, but it’s well past time for bed. Be seeing you…

En garde!

Phenomenon is over for another year, and it’s back to reality once again. Booooo! 11 sessions in total, and I was running for all of them I think it’s my first time being fully booked at a convention. As always, massive thanks go out to my players, the con orgs and my play-testers. You’re all worth your weight in gold. By the end, I was, I think, 2 players short of fully booked, a feat which is both incredibly flattering and utterly terrifying. Despite the terror, it’s been a good few days for my ego, with numerous compliments flowing my way afterwards, one saying my game last year inspired his game this year, to say nothing of hearing one guy had adapted and re-run one of my old ones for his home group, so the legend of Tarrasque lives on. My throat has mostly recovered from all the talking, shouting and laughing (A couple of other GM’s briefly lost there’s) and a massive chunk of today has been spent napping to recuperate. The older I get, the more time I need. So, how did it go, I hear you ask?

It was a joy. There’s the usual first couple of session nerves, and the last session exhaustion and insanity. I had one person say in future they’d try to book my last session and I’m choosing to take that as a compliment. First session there was stress, as I realized I’d forgotten to print the stat sheets, Fortunately I still had the playtest versions with me, so with some addition the stopgap solution worked and an early morning Officeworks visit fixed it. They’re a godsend. The two late Sunday sessions left me with a bad dose of ‘can’t sleep, too anxious’ which is never a fun situation. I don’t think anything went particularly wrong in them, though a couple of sessions did go long. Poor time management, too much anecdoting and not moving things forward owing to players having fun are long term problems of my GMing. There was a wonderful moment where a long term player gently reminded me of my knack for over-anecdotes, and if you’re reading this, I really appreciate the tact of it. Also, it could have been finding that Niece, Age 15, chose the femme fatale character in her session not realizing that when I said her partners have a tendency towards accidents, I meant that she arranges them. Whoops. She did really well, but as it was my first time running for her there was a little extra nerves. The event itself was an experiment at running something a bit darker, with some more depth than my usual fare. Now, while I threw out most of that tone about 1.3 seconds in, it was still there in the characters, and a few players jumped in and worked with it, some incredibly well.

Don’t get me wrong, the ones who didn’t did nothing wrong. However the player reads the sheet and forms an interpretation of the character, that’s fine by me. There wasn’t any sort of “I don’t think the character would do that’ thing. I’ve not had that at Pheno, short of the guy who made a Holocaust reference during a Tarrasque session. For the life of me, I can’t remember who it was, but it was gratifying to see the rest of the table immediately join me in shutting it down, and he didn’t try to bring it up again. It’s a collaborative experience, between player and GM, and that variety is one of the joys of it. Half the reason I keep coming back is the variety, of seeing what each group does, where they take things. You can run an adventure 10 times, for 10 different groups and get 10 different solutions to the problem. The adrenaline hit when that ‘they want to do what?’ moment kicks in, it’s a hell of a thing.

Some sessions had less dice rolling than normal, with the last few mostly being descriptive and the dice kept for the really important stuff. I attempted, on the advice of my playtesters, a flashback mechanic, which sometime worked. There was even one guy who was familiar with the system, which was a first. Being fully booked is shattering, but the feeling of being in demand is wonderful. The sense of ‘all these people want to experience what I’ve written’, no matter how many I run, I still get butterflies in the stomach. I’ve talked about having a co-GM for tabletops so I can have a rest or run a few more sessions, but it doesn’t feel right for me. This may sound arrogant, but I feel that a large part of my event’s popularity is my GM style, and while I’m sure other GM’s could do a wonderful job at it, certainly with more intensity and rules knowledge, it wouldn’t be me. I’ve heard talk of GM’s running each others games, or all writing games based on a single blurb and seeing how things go. Hell, I’ve contemplated “Gav’s con game roulette”, where the players show up and a random con game of mine is chosen. Prize giving was, as always, a nightmare. Everyone was deserving of an award, and I do try to give at least 2 each con to people I’ve not run for before. Encouraging newbies is a good thing.

Selected highlights and quotes follow:
The prison break where three people all claimed to be the lover of one very unsuspecting prisoner.
The session where the Cardinal wasn’t played by Tim Curry, but Tom Baker. “You’ve performed a wonderful service for Galli-France.” To say nothing of “Consider it done, and I didn’t even need the sonic screwdriver!”
Commenting how the prisoner has been worked over to an extent the NSW Police Force would think excessive. Yes, I did re-watch Blue Murder recently, and yes, I wasn’t proud of that line.
The use of the phrase “Upside down Miss Jane” in an incredibly unsettling accent, which prompted my response “It puts the squiggle in the basket or it get’s the hose again.”
The last session who engaged with my internal logic of the game being a low budget 1970’s BBC show like no other. I returned from a toilet break to find them explaining the actors had a tea break, not to mention the grumbling about other actors getting better fitted costumes and how they should have read their contracts.
Each session having at least 1 George Takei cameo, with him in perfect renaissance garb commenting “Oh my…”. I don’t recall why it started, but by session 2 it became a challenge to work it in.
Bardcore versions of Yackety Sax, Eye of the Tiger and Hot For Teacher.

“Storming the Bastille sounds like a dangerous idea.”
“I dunno, it sounded revolutionary”

“The voice over says The Cardinal’s boys are in a fine mess.”
“Well, the tricolour is painted on the roof of the carriage, the General De-Gaulle…”

“Caught on fire.”
“Cordon bleu!”

“There’s butter in every room.’
“Well, we are in Paris and it could be the last tango.”

“It is a wonderful day in the Bastille and you are a terrible poltergoost.”

“I lost my liver in a poker game to Oliver Reed.”

“The best way in is going to be as a prisoner. Any volunteers?”
‘Alright, I’ll be the prisoner.” *punches the Guard in the face*
‘I’m not wearing that uniform, fuck it I’ll punch him too!”

“I’m gonna take him out the washerwoman exit.’
‘I’ve not heard it called that before…”

“French maids outfit, French maids outfit, German maids outfit.”
“I’VE COME TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM. JAH VUHL!”

“That’s what you can’t read it, it’s in Comic Sans.”

“Still, life could always be worse. We could be English!” *loudly spits*

*A purse of coins has just been retrieved from a prison wallet* “That’s the shittiest business deal in history.”

More quotes will no doubt follow, as the document was extensive. I’m having ideas for next year, but none of them are at a working stage yet. Mostly they seem to be freeforms, as I’d love to get a chance to play (and nap) again. I’ve an idea for another Babylon 5 one, and am kicking round ideas for one set in the ‘Cold War spies, but with magic’ idea I had a while back. I still haven’t had a game where I can wear the wand holster I own, and I may have to write the damn thing myself in order to. Based on the post con chatter, there’s a lot of freeforms being planned. Who knows, there’s plenty of time to decide.

Time for bed. Good night. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning. Be seeing you.

shoutybeardything

Category Uncategorized