How am I?

It’s been, a time. It felt very strange being told “Happy New Year!” by one of my brain doctors recently. He seemed taken aback at my “Happy? Have you read the news?” response but it’s a bleak time of year for me. As for me, well I’m still here. To commit the capital crime of misquoting Citizen G’Kar, in what I’ve humbly dubbed the Retail Workers Creed: “We do not celebrate Christmas, we can only hope to survive it.”

I made it through the Christmas season at work relatively undamaged, outside of the Monopoly box I took to the head from a high shelf. Outside of the amusement that capitalism was actually trying to kill me, the most irritating thing was it wasn’t a large enough wound to get me a cool scar out of it. There were a few days when I had a couple of LARP swords in a bag behind the counter, but they were there to make me feel happy. I’ve joked about keeping one on the shelf with a sign reading “IN CASE OF UNRULY CUSTOMERS” but that would leave me tempted to use them, and that’ wouldn’t end well’s not the atmosphere I want in the store. Customers continue to be lovely, for the most part. It’s the little moments of joy that mean the most, from “Oh yes, we have this thing you’ve been searching for weeks to find” to my now standard when selling dice of “May they roll better for you than they would for me.”

The break from work between Christmas and New Year was unproductive. Almost as if my body went into involuntary shutdown mode and I don’t think I’d been running that ragged in the weeks leading up to it. Hell, I spent most of New Years Day either asleep, lacking the energy to move, or just at quarter speed. I wound up going for a late night walk to try to spark something, but didn’t accomplish much more than getting shat on by a bird while sitting reading the book I took with me. At least it only shat on my arm, and not my book. *sighs* It’s not that I mind the body shutting down, so to speak, but I did have things I wanted to do. Still, rest is nice. On the bright side, I now have a workable (According to my wife, and who else would I trust?) idea for a creative project that’s helped fire up the brain, which has been useful.

New Years Eve itself was spent at a friends place, and was a lovely event. There was a bunch of folks I didn’t know, but seemed nice, I let people be wrong about media and didn’t threaten them for it (I did bring several LARP swords, but no sparring happened), and both my kilt and beard got complimented. Having my beard shaking be compared to bouncing cleavage (I think in terms of a distraction, I don’t recall exactly) was… new. I was sensible and rotated between areas based on the noise level, and it was lovely to meet new LARPers from groups I’ve not been to. Swapping stories was both lovely (People who haven’t heard my LARP tales? Hooray!) while the venting about various frustrations really makes me appreciate the interstate events I’ve gone to. There’s been a refreshing lack of drama in my limited interaction, and while I’m sure there is some I’m not aware of it yet and I’ll keep to that blissful ignorance as long as I can. Yes, I still hold grudges over events in my local scene, and yes, I also realise I should move on from them, but I refuse to. I’m Dwarven in that respect, or maybe Klingon.

I continue to try to lure people to interstate events, both for having people from my neck of the woods attend, and in the hope they’ll bring some of that spirit back to my area. Attending other people’s events is a wonderful thing for getting a sense of perspective. Seeing how other people do things, how they deal with problems, it’s an educational experience, and can be a bit of a confidence boost. I struggle with the whole ‘wanting to do something, but feeling as if I don’t have the skill set’ to do so’, but there’s been a part of my brain that’s looked at how well Ravenswood went for me and wants me to put together a team for an event. But then we fall into the old trap of is it a workable idea, and can I work with other creatives without wanting to murder them when they depart from my vision of the event? How other groups manage it I’ll never understand. All that’s reminded of a wargame I’ve been meaning to read more about called Flintloque, which is fantasy Napoleonic War ea Europe. British Redcoat Orcs battling against French Elves? Oh hell yes! But as much as I adore the idea, I also have no idea how to make it or what to do with it, both things that need to be considered before emarking on a project I find. Still, there’s that previously mentioned project that should tide me over.

The Lost Settlers prep is continuing (I bought some gorgeous bracers and a very pretty axe recently for it), and I’ve now got friends trying to get me to Concord. Fortunately, they’re planning a group in a nation I’m keen on playing in, and it would mean I’d get to wear my Giant Hat of Magnificence! I bloody love that hat. I have enough kit to costume most of my ideas, it’s more the issue of flights to WA are expensive, and coupled food and accommodation at the event, it’s not a cheap trip. I’m fairly certain that flights to New Zealand are cheaper, and while I know that’s closer, it still feels odd that I can go to a foreign country cheaper than somewhere in my own. I unearthed a few things of mine from back in the day I keep meaning to sell that should bring in a fair chunk of that, but I also struggle with being able to justify doing this for myself. Ah, the wonders of having a shitty sense of self-worth!

It’s good to have the creative juices flowing again, things in the calendar and events to plan for. It’s needed to counter the effects of looking at the news, and trying to balance my wanting to stay informed vs having a sense of hope. There’s light amidst the gloom though – I finally managed to get the Owlbear pin from the D&D blind bag range (The cashier wished me luck getting it, I walked out of the store, saw what I had and immediately went back in to say thank you) and won a large chunk of Doctor Who audios and merch at auction a friend alerted me to. That should keep my eardrums distracted for the next few months,

That’s it at the moment. I mean, there’s also been the renovations (A friend of ours who’s a builder has put in new bookshelves for us) and my wife and I have been kepy busy priming and painting them. I get the wonderful job of putting everything back on them when the paint is dry, and I’m both excited and fearful of that. I’m looking forward to having things laid out in an orderly fashion, by topic and/or author, even if I’ll have it messed up within a week. As my wife complains, it’s a flat surface in our house, so I’ll pile stuff on it. Anyhow, time for sleep.

Be seeing you…