Monthly Archives: December 2025

Picts or it didn’t happen.

How can I wear the harness of toil, and sweat at the daily round?
While in my soul forever the drums of Pictdom sound?
Robert E Howard

It’s been a mixed last few days. Brutal heat, bad sleep and the news that Ravenswood LARP have cancelled their 2026 event. I don’t blame them, the reasons were more than sensible, but I’m still a little sad about it. Still, that’s something to look forward to in 2027, which is nice. Looking at the LARP Calendar has shown mostly battle games, and that’s not dramatic enough for me. At some point I’ll make it to a Concord and continue to foolishly hold out hope that Path of the Warden will return, but there’s precious little else out there that works for me. Still, I’ve managed to find one!

Spurred on by wifely approval and the fact that two of the 3 factions had sold out their ticket allocations, I’m going to Lost Settlers mid next year! The two sold out factions are the Barborillas, inspired by 17th Century Germany and Spain, and the Orthos, who have a British redcoat vibe. Now, I’ll miss the chance to dress flamboyantly, or Sharpely, but the faction I’ve joined (who still have tickets available!) are the Broch’Tir, who are inspired by ancient Celts, Gauls and the Picts. In short, that’s my jam, as the Skindred song goes. The chance to play with black powder weapons (albeit represented by band guns, rather than cap firing weapons) is one I’ll miss, but the chance to get my Celtic barbarian on? OH HELL YES.

Now, it’s still in the early stages. I’ve been excitedly bouncing around character ideas, looking at what kit I have that’s suitable and works for a Victorian winter. There’s also the matter of sticking to the game’s cultural brief, which sadly means modern kilts are out. Though if I’m reading it correctly (and I really hope I am), the old school great kilt is allowable to a certain degree. And at that point dear reader, I may have let out a burst of joy that even BRIAN BLESSED might have considered a bit loud. I’ve not found a suitable tartan or fabric yet, and I’ll need to get cheat pleats installed, but I’ve wanted to own one for years, and this is as good a time as any.

The two main ideas I’m tossing around are as following:
1: Big Game Hunter. Quiet, sneaky bastard, but reliable and a provider for his tribe.
2: Old Warrior. Cheerful, enthusiastic, and desperately ignoring the fact that he’s getting old.
I do have a loose third concept, but it’s more an additional idea. See, the players have been exceptionally well organised and set up a Google Sheet that has character details, and only a couple of them have taken any sort of medical skill, and from past experience at Path of the Warden, a healer is always useful. Now, from what I’ve read of the rules, combat is rather lethal – armour doesn’t add to it for starters, merely cuts down the stages of healing. Yep, none of this healed in seconds by magic nonsense at this game, no. There’s also a solid warning to bring suitable kit for a new character should the worst happen. I’m reminded of a story from a friend who had a character at a Concord event last about 12 hours, but those 12 hours were glorious.

Side note: the threat of death also happens to be something I enjoy in a LARP.

I’m leaning towards the second option, or an unholy combination of the two, mostly owing to wanting to be A: useful and B: social. It’s an important lesson to remember in LARP (along with remembering to eat and wear comfortable shoes), that while the likes of Batman and Wolverine may be fun on the page, playing an anti-social loner can turn out to be not very much fun. I’ve also inquired if any other players in my nation are interested in some IC romance during the event, but it’s early days. There’s plenty of time to sort out romantic entanglements before hand. Besides, I don’t even have a character confirmed yet!

As for inspirational material, it’s no surprise my first thought was Robert E Howard’s tales of Bran Mak Morn, the Last King of the Picts. Despite Bran appearing in few stories compared to Conan or Solomon Kane, Worms of the Earth and Kings of the Night are bona-dife Howard classics. Other reading is some Osprey books on the Picts, and I’m pretty sure I have a couple on the Roman invasion of Britain kicking about. On that note, the films Centurion and The Eagle are due for a re-watch (Or in the latter case, a first one) and I dug out my copies of season 1 and 2 of Britannia. Fingers crossed I make it more than 3 episodes in this time. Still, there’s David Morrisey and Ian McDiarmid chewing the scenery with merry abandon, which helps. There’s also the 2004 King Arthur, the Doctor Who episode The Eaters of Light (written by Rona Munro, who also wrote Survival, the last story to air in the classic series) and the 2007 film The Last Legion which I sold a friend on watching by saying it had Colin Firth in Roman armour. (That’s not a lie to be clear, but I’m not sure it salvages the film itself)

It also means I have the chance to possibly buy a new sword or axe, not to mention taking my long bow into (fake) battle again. It’s been far too long since I’ve shot it. There’s the gorgeous leather cuirass I bought at a medieval fair a couple years back I’ve hardly worn and while it would require taking the Instrument skill (A tough choice, given there’s only 5 skill slots), the temptation to buy the largest blowing horn I can find has noisily reared it’s head again. Sure, I’d likely need to walk a kilometre or two into a nearby National Park to practise with it, but I’d rather spare my neighbours that horror. Still, could be worse – I could be singing.

So yeah. I’m in that early stage of a new game excitement. It feels wonderful to have things in the calendar that aren’t my brain doctor appointments. I’m kicking around ideas for Pheno next year and still have the occasional thought of making another attempt at working on another LARP event. Either way, it’s lovely to have things to look forward to. May you as well.

“Time, Professor. It is all a matter of time…”

The title is in observation of the fact that numerous parts of this were drafted in my head when I awoke in the early hours of the last few days, but then forgot them when I awoke the next day. I’m certain I’ve lost some cracking jokes, but I’ll also take any opportunity to reference City of Death, the serial that has the single finest joke in all of Doctor Who, classic or modern, and why I can’t help but think of the Mona Lisa as ‘that dreadful woman with no eyebrows that couldn’t sit still.’ It could also reference that Covid shot my passage of time to bits, given I recently saw a joke that referenced Kendall Jenner giving a cop a Pepsi, and then found that ad was from 2017. *sighs* I mean, I know a lot of my cultural references are old, but I’m aware they are. Having that sneak up on me was less than welcome.

Most of what I’ve been doing the last week has been work, and it’s been relatively calm. Sure, there was the parade of right wing nutters that went past Saturday afternoon, but they stayed outside. At first I wasn’t sure what the theme was, as we’ve had a few pro-Palestine protests go past in recent months, but upon sighting the ratio between people wearing Australian flag capes and police, as well as a placard that read “Australia needs a Trump Card”, it wasn’t difficult. I resisted the urge to stick my head out the door and mock, but I did get some snark in with customers inside the store at the time. I did have a pair of LARP swords with me in a bag behind the counter, but there were there mostly for moral support. I knew they were there, and they made me feel happy. It’s also the closest I’ve got to actually using them in far too long, but I’m still in a state of miserable inaction on that front, as opposed to getting my shit together and getting to an event/writing one.

Speaking of customers, most of mine continue to be lovely. Even if I don’t remember them when they return. The area my work is in adds some atmosphere, from the occasional yelling and whooping from the alley, passers by playing music on Bluetooth speakers (who should be jailed if I had my way) and the folks who walk by screaming, whether into their phone or at the sky. The human who encouraged it’s dog (I don’t recall the person’s gender) to piss right next to our front door. I was going to to say something, but was struck dumb in shock, before filling an empty bottle with water and washing the residue away. And the café across the alley ways background music and their overuse of Queen’s Greatest Hits. There’s only so many times I can hear Bohemian Rhapsody – the least they could do was play the Muppet version,

There’s the people who haggle, those who want one thing that we don’t have, or who seem to refuse to acknowledge me. Overly intense chess players, people who want phone cables and video games (neither of which we sell), or are simply lost and need directions. I occasionally wonder if any of them ever found their destination, or if I’ll be haunted by them in whatever afterlife I wind up in. The occasional one who wants to tell me far too much about their characters/campaigns, but I’m certain every game store employee get’s those. And then we have those rare few who make me want to draw forth the Black Sword, announce “BLOOD AND SOULS FOR MY LORD ARIOCH” and let Stormbringer do what it does best. Though I haven’t wanted to smack a customer quite so hard as when one put a copy of the Avatar RPG Uncle Iroh’s Adventure Guide on the counter and started singing Leave From The Vine to me. Bastard. (To be clear, I know him outside of work and it was meant in fun, but still)

I do have a few catchphrases as well!
When selling dice: “And as always, may they roll better for you than for me.”
Battletech: “Have fun crushing your enemies.” (I haven’t gotten to tell any of them about my wedding vows, but when/if we get a new Conan the Barbarian RPG in stock it’ll happen)
Avatar: The Last Airbender Magic cards: “I hope you get some cabbages!”
Finding something a customer has walked past: “You didn’t miss it, you just hadn’t looked their yet.”

Getting back to the strange, there’s been a few conspiracy nuts. One said by embracing Halloween we were encouraging child murder – that was different. Some seemingly come in to try to mess with me – there was a spectacular one yesterday who stuck her head in, yelled “What the fuck, totally weird man” then left. Alas, she returned about 30 seconds later, enquiring as to my state of mind, to which I said I’m keeping busy and could I help her? I was told I could, and I quote, “Suck on my pussy flaps please!” and she left again, excitedly telling the tale at someone in the street. She could have been high, or just trying to shock a mundane, I don’t know. I kept a polite silence as to her offer, though the line “Not even if I was single” did pop into my head about 30 seconds after she left and later that night the thought of calmly saying ‘Sorry miss, I suck dick’ made me chuckle a little. It’s been a few years since I’ve said something that’s made the rest of the room stop and stare at me after all.

The baseline anger and frustration continues though. It could be the ever increasing length of Black Friday sales, given some stores were running them all month it seemed. It’s another unneeded example of the creeping tide of American cultural imperialism (I prefer Creeping Death), but seeing Christmas stuff in stock in mid October was infuriating enough for me. My views on Halloween boil down to ‘If it makes you happy, then go for it’, but I though it was meant to be a buffer before Christmas started? Clearly not. As with many things in life…. *shakes fist at sky* CAPITALISM!

Regardless, I’m looking forward to a day off, almost as much as not getting Black Friday ads for a while. I continue to block ads for shitty retro game emulators and curse the addition of AI options to seemingly everything I look at. I may have something of a grudge against ads and their overuse, but that comes from my time working in TV. My social batteries are fairly tapped out, but I’m trying to keep thinking of it as the good kind of exhausted, if that makes sense? It’s been long enough that I should be adjusted to it, but I’m still feeling like I want to hide more often than not. I’m not sure what this means for my recovery time, but I guess we’ll find out when/if I get a chance to. As for the rest of my brain, seeing a piece in the Guardian on toxic humility certainly applies to me, but telling myself that I can do good things on a regular basis? Believing in myself? Mostly it reminds me of how much my wife hates my knack for self deprecation. I’d like to say I’m getting better at avoiding it, but it’s as if it’s an awkward internet photo – it’s always there, no matter how often I delete it. Gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth indeed.

Not sure what else I have to say at the moment. It’s late and I should sleep. In case I don’t get the chance to say it, I hope you have all have a wonderful holiday season and only joyous things happen to you and yours. I may frequently be a miserable git who would like nothing more than to make it through this time of year without hearing a single bit of Christmas cheer, but that doesn’t mean I want that for other people. May you take joy however you find it. Glory to you, and your house…

And so as you hear these words, telling you now of my state.
I tell you to enjoy life. I wish I could, but it’s too late.