Monthly Archives: November 2025

Some list entries and a little Kombat,

Before we start, for reasons I’ve long forgotten I felt compelled to start this with some of the items on my Bucket List. Feel free to compare and contrast to your own.

1: Attend a venue with a cloak room and check in an actual cloak
2: Form a shield wall/testudo when exiting a peak hour train. We get out, then you get on. That’s how this functions.
3: Run a LARP in a BBC quarry.
4: Run a LARP that has a cavalry charge with players mounted on hobby horses.
5: Stand at the base of the Eiffel Tower, look up and yell “BYE BYE DUGGAN!”
6: Dramatically entering a room/event to Anvil of Crom OR kicking in a door to the opening of the Funky Gibbon.
7: Do a Ramones based tour of New York City. Visit where CBGB used to be, shed a few tears at Joey Ramone Place and see the wall against which the cover of their first album was shot. I’m not a religious man, but that’s holy ground as far as I’m concerned.

But what have I been doing outside of work, sword and depression? Sure, I’ve been kept busy blocking ads for AI and shitty video game emulators, and continue to contemplate taking one of my LARP swords in to keep behind me at the store on Black Friday. But outside that, I was watching The Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare and the idea that it’s basically a stealth prequel/sequel to The Man from UNCLE popped in my head, so it’s film review time! I’m not touching that film yet, as I haven’t finished it, so it’s time to review *90’s electro guitar noises* MORTAL KOMBAT! Oh, and the 90’s Spawn film.

It’s been a bounty of unexpected nostalgia, or unplanned stupidity depending on your take. Either way, choosing to watch the 90’s Mortal Kombat and Spawn films was not a sensible move on my part, though it ended well. Having not seen either since their initial cinema release (I’ve never claimed to have had good taste as a teen*) and seeing them turn up on Netflix. Yes, I know I have a nostalgia problem, thank you for letting me know… I probably shouldn’t be left alone for quite so long when I’m in this state of mind. Anyhow, let’s begin! First off, I’d long forgotten that both films gave Frank ‘Megatron’ Welker a gig, though having the big bad of your film have the voice of Doctor Claw is slightly less than intimidating, and that’s without mentioning the shonky late 90’s CGI. Spawn’s highlight was Nicol ‘Merlin’ Williamson both chewing all the scenery and being oddly restrained at the same time, as least compared to his turn in Excalibur.

Martin Sheen is there solely for the pay cheque, but looks less embarrassed than he does a couple of years later in Babylon 5: River of Souls. I have to give points to John Leguizamo for coping with the clown makeup and costume, though that may have hidden the look of ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ as he delivered his dialogue. As for the lead, Michael Jai White reminds me of Mark Dacascos, in the sense they’re both skilled martial artists and solid actors who deserve better careers, It wants to be all 90’s and grimdark, but it doesn’t have the skill set to get it over the line. I paid to see worse films as a teen (Super Mario Brothers comes to mind), but seeing Jai White trying his best to elevate a mediocre film, it just made me want to watch Black Dynamite again. But let me ask you, how can you not want to watch a film where Richard Nixon pulls out a set of presidential nun-chucks?

As for Mortal Kombat, it’s all about Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa chewing the scenery. About the only thing I recalled outside that was the mystifying even at the time casting of Christopher Lambert as Raiden, but his repeated use of “Heh heh heh” and “I don’t think so” were oddly amusing. I think he, Tagawa and Linden Ashby (Johnny Cage) were the only ones who enjoyed themselves, given how seriously everyone else seems to take things. Or it could just be their acting coaches told them to scowl in place of character development, cause it sure as hell ain’t in the script.

It wants to be all gritty and ultra violent as the games were, but’s hampered by a low budget, limited technology so it’s more of an 80’s ninja movie filled with unnecessary backflips and spandex costumes, but it doesn’t pretend to be anything else. Despite my mockery of it’s CGI, the limited abilities of it’s cast (To be fair to Bridgette Wilson, she was a last minute replacement and didn’t get anywhere near as much fight training) and costumes, the Goro suit was genuinely well done. Clearly that’s where a lot of the budget went. Overall, it’s very much a sign showing the way to the future for Paul WS Anderson’s directorial career, though it’s too early for his ‘this movie was an excuse to show off my wife’ phase of directing, as that began after he married Milla Jovovich. My theory on his 2011 The Three Musketeers was Jovovich had been shooting an audition reel to play Black Widow and things got out of hand. On that note, Blade Trinity is vastly improved by treating it as Ryan Reynolds making an overly elaborate audition tape for Deadpool.

Going further down the rabbit hole, that led me to watch the 2021 Mortal Kombat reboot, and that was a hell of a lot more fun. It’s still not great – the plot is formulaic, the cast are mostly unknown to me with the exception of Hiroyuki Sanada, who I’m always happy to see. I could say it’s a top tier video game adaption, but that’s also a very low bar. In it’s defence, it’s a lot of fun, had solid fight choreography and wasn’t hamstrung by having to tone down it’s violence to appeal to a younger audience. Indeed, it takes great delight in the way people can murder each other, with fists, blades, gardening tools and even a large hat all being put to ferocious blood splattering use. The fight scenes vary, and don’t extend their welcome, something I couldn’t say about certain almost never-ending fights in John Wick 4.

The film’s MVP though, is Kano. Oh fuck yes, you magnificent bastard. Throwing an Australian yobbo into ‘Enter the Dragon with magic’ may not seem like a smart idea on paper, but he’s the film’s highlight and I will die on that hill. (I’m definitely taking notes from his performance for the next time I play the Yowie at Ravenswood) There’s a noted lack of over the top scenery chewing from the bad guys in contrast to the 90’s incarnation, but on the whole it’s a vast improvement. It’s still not what I’d call a good film, but it’s an entertaining one and that’s all I expected from it. I’m actually looking forward to the sequel, and that’s something I didn’t expect.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing with my time of late. Worthwhile or worthless, I leave up to you. Be seeing you…

*To quote the speech I gave at my sister’s wedding, “She had a short lived love of the Spice Girls as a teen. It was the 90’s, I don’t judge. I am yet to grow out of my teenage love of Iron Maiden, and have no plans to do so.”

The Ups and the Downs

Post con crash continues. It could be that, a spike in my depression or general exhaustion, I’m not sure. Maybe I’m getting more social contact through my time at the store, and my system is still adjusting to that. Am I putting too much emphasis on sales reflecting my self worth? Could it have been going straight from Pheno back to work with no recovery time messed with me? Is the unstoppable approach of Christmas even earlier this year making things worse? In the words of Ronnie James Dio, “Who the fuck knows?” Either way, I’ve been tired, unfocused, cranky at times and generally sleepy. Well, more so than normal. I posted about it elsewhere, not wanting to ring any alarms, more talk through it in the hope it’ll move on. While the low mood hasn’t moved on as as far I’d have preferred, I did get a lovely and gratifying amount of support and care shown my way. For some reason that continues to be unexpected, despite the long history of the people in my life being wonderful. I’m sure my wife will say I should expect that, but that’s low self esteem talking!

I’ve made it without buying too much random stuff to try to cheer myself up. Well, mostly. I’ve got a few Sharpe paperbacks from a local second hand bookstore, finally found a copy of The Klingon Art of War that was in my price range (Accursed Ferengi!) and since B5 Books was about to close down, I treated myself to the ‘What the hell happened?’ series about Crusade in digital form. Yes, I normally prefer the physical books, but this meant I could purchase more and I’m still scarred from moving. The deadline helped, otherwise I may have gone for a Captains Coat (Still not sure if wool or cotton), or adding a very pretty axe to my collection. The quest for dopamine is a tricky one, as all too often I buy something, get the minor hit and then get home where it gets added to the pile of other random unused stuff. Yes, I am looking at the stack of LARP weapons I own and have barely used. I really miss LARP – the camaraderie, the stories, the cloaks. It’s a glorious moment heading to an event in costume and have a small child look at you, then accusingly at it’s parents as if to ask “Parent, why am I not wearing a cloak right now?”

You know who you are.

Once again, with pretty much every mention of LARP, it reminds me of the fun and makes me want to do more, and most of that is interstate. So, what do I do with the kit I have now? Do I go to the shops in costume (I don’t know if I’ve gained a reputation amongst my neighbours yet), or try to write something that I can actually run? We all know what my track record is like with that sort of thing and it’s not great. Sure, I’m contemplating one for Pheno next year, but a single session three hour freeform scores lower on the difficulty scale than a full day LARP. There’d be a similar amount of rules though, as Path of the Warden converted me to a minimal rules (I believe it’s called Nordic, but don’t quote me on that) approach. It’s a vicious circle – I buy stuff that could be used at LARP and that makes me happy, but rarely actually get the chance to use it. Maybe I should stage some small scale costume parties or wear a cape when I’m working in the store?

Switching back to the miserable, the recent malaise has been that bad it’s kept me from sword. Well, that, and an issue with my left hand – I’ve been getting wrist soreness and the muscle on the back of the hand has been sore. I think it was down to a heavy jacket (Yes, my mid life crisis rock and roll one) pressing down on that part of the hand rather than anything more serious. At least, I hope not. It seems to be recovering, though from time to time it’ll flare up and make itself known. I’ve been back at sword the last couple of weeks, and while it’s a struggle from time to time, it feels really good. I train with a lovely bunch of folks, and the welcome back’s were much needed, as nervous as I was walking back in the hall after the time off.

There has been some definite good news though – planning for the next Ravenswood LARP event has kicked back into gear, and I’m excited for it. Based on how Coach was received last year I’m ecstatic, and planning for a bigger and better Phys Ed experience, one with on and off field participation! (I’m also really hoping Spiritual House get’s some new students, so I can be the Yowie again.) New costume plans, games and ideas are floating around, and I’ve been very good and not overwhelmed the admin chat with them, or even asked any of the faculty staff if they wanted to do something IC romance wise. Tickets are on sale now, so if you want to cast some spells and have some fun, get on it! Yes, Western Australia is a trek, but the game (and the people behind it) are wonderful and well worth it. I’m really hoping to not be the only one from NSW next event.

Never thought I’d want to hear Sauron saying “G’day cunts!”

In other good news, I have secured tickets to a special event, as one of my favourite comics is returning. Officially, he’s here for his day job as part of the BBC Ashes coverage team, but he managed to book some shows in around that. He’s the Prince of Puns, the Baron of Bullshit, the Cardinal of Cricket Stats, the one and only Andy Zaltzman! You may know him from his recent Taskmaster UK victory, The Bugle podcast (It’s former co-host being some guy named John Oliver) his other radio and TV appearances, or the pun runs I keep playing to people when I introduce them to the Bugle. He’s also responsible for why I can’t help giggling at the merest mention of Silvio Berlusconi as well as my introduction to the Iron Sheik and for those I am eternally grateful.

I’m not sure how to end this, I’ve been bouncing back and forth. I’d like to say there’s light at the end of the tunnel and that it’s not a freight train and that would be mostly right. Have I spend more time wanting to do something than actually doing it? Emailing the NSW police to ask if I can import a flintlock cap gun instead of writing plot? (I did get a response, but it merely quoted the act at me, and not, as I asked, give me a Yes/No answer as to if I could or not) Have I spent time idly musing about a slow introduction of a supernatural element into a setting and the risks/rewards inherent in that? Really, I’d just be happy to be able to get up in the morning and get something done before having to leave for work, that would be bloody lovely. Surely that’s not too much to ask?

I didn’t come here to be attacked, and yet here we are.

Good night, sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.