I have seen a bunch of films recently, the urge to write about them hit, so here we are. Mild spoilers to follow.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard
The sort of film that Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson can do in their sleep. Surprising amounts of fun regardless. 

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard
More of the same in fancier locations, with the welcome addition of Salma Hayek and a glorious turn from Morgan Freeman.

The Expend4bles
It’s not surprising that they’ve gotten worse the more films they’ve made. The first was a solid action film that coasted more on goodwill and the idea of a bunch of old farts kicking ass than anything, but it’s been a steady downhill since then. For a franchise that based itself around ageing action stars, it shed a lot of them between 3 and 4. This one’s half team film, half Jason Statham solo film, with Megan Fox’s uncannily smooth face, always salon perfect hair and S&M style tactical gear a lowlight. As for the ‘acting’, and I use that term loosely, she’s at least better than 50 Cent, who seems to have spent about that much on an acting coach. I’m not expecting a fifth in the series, but if they can make 5 Scorpion King films…

Thunderbolts*
Just as the 1993 Three Musketeers is a scenery chewing contest between Tim Curry and Oliver Platt, this is a ‘who’s having more fun’ contest between David Harbour and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. I’m aware I’ve missed story beats from projects I’ve not seen, but there wasn’t any great moments of “WTF did I miss?” The story it’s trying to tell kind of works, but the bouncing between broad and bleak comedy wasn’t quite working for me, the sacrificial lamb character being bumped off very early and OH GODS I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE. I maintain my belief that the MCU should have wound up after Avengers: Endgame, or at least taken a solid couple of years minimum break. It’s not that I’m against it, I’m just so very tired of it. Given recent creative decisions (All of Secret Invasion, the first female led film being after the character was dead, that they still can’t get a Blade script to screen, bringing back RDJ to play Doctor Doom, etc), it feels like the magic has gone, you know? At the very least, it was only about 2 hours long so it didn’t take up an excessive amount of my time. 

Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning
It’s been long enough between drinks that I really should have re-watched Part 1 again beforehand. I’m somewhat glad it’s the final, as I’m not sure the stakes could be raised any higher. Intrigue, double crossing and whacky spy shenanigans abound, though some sequences did feel more than a bit padded. A couple of unexpected call backs had me bouncing with joy, whereas another development had me wondering where it was pulled from. Again, should have re-watched Part 1. But let’s face it, that isn’t why you go to see these films anymore, you go to see Tom Cruise doing absurdly dangerous stunts and more running in one film than a Doctor Who companion does in a lifetime. How no-one has put together a ‘My First Reader’ version of one of these films I’ll never know. “See Tom Run. Run Tom Run. Jump Tom Jump.” It practically writes itself.

Yes, it could be said that the stunts also a testament to his ego, so he could say “I did that!” or how an awful lot of situations end up as ‘Everyone looks to Cruise to solve the problem’, and that is an issue. Yes, there’s things he can’t do in universe (though not very many), and that has been an issue. Furthermore, despite the near 3 hour run time, there’s characters and revelations that deserved more focus, and there’s a fair whack of opening exposition to catch everyone up.. Really, I just want incredibly competent agents being made to frantically improvise when plans go wrong, and there was more ‘people in suits arguing in rooms’ for my taste in this one. It doesn’t hit the heights of 3 and Fallout, but it’s far above 2 in the scheme of things.

Yes, there have been other things in my life going on, but you’ll have to wait for me to write about them. Be seeing you…