This update may be a little fragmented, owing to an earlier version not saving and some strong emotions, which I’ll get to later. To start with the nerd stuff – the Star Trek: Strange New Worlds binge has continued and the musical episode is truly glorious. I don’t generally care for musicals (This is Spinal Tap being a prominent exemption), but that was wonderful. I’m also cursing the season ending cliff-hanger, but I really should be used to those right now. Other chunks of my mental health have been propped up by binge listening to old episodes of A Wheezing Groaning Sound, the only Doctor Who podcast. Their episodes on City of Death and The Time Warrior are particular highlights, the former for their glee at everything Duggan either punches or smashes (Which is a lot), and the latter for the repeated jokes about Jon Pertwee yelling “HAI” at every opportunity. I’d get into the Ian Lavender discussion during their coverage of The Pirate Planet, but that has to be heard to be believed. Suffice to say, ever since listening to that one that I’ve not been able to hear the word lavender without wanting to shout “Oh shit, it’s The Hello Goodbye Man!” I swear, it made some sort of sense in the episode.

I’m making preparations for an upcoming birthday and this years viewing is determined by a poll! Saturday also saw a playtest for a friends RPG, based on her urban fantasy novels, which was good fun. Feedback was given, and fascists were punched – both worthy things. Ravenswood Institute has released their event information packet and importantly, there’s another player organising a convoy to get there, as the venue is about 150kms from Perth. The brainstorming has continued, and I think I’ve settled on a PC idea. I know that’s dangerous 6 months out, but given how much I dither, it’s good to sort that nice and early. Thee idea is this: a mature age student (I have little confidence in my ability to pretend to be a 19 year old in person) who’s life in the mundane world has led him to appear in D-grade fantasy films. The current working version is played a villain in a cult hit early in his career, and owing to fan demands (and possibly chemical intake), the line between actor and character has blurred somewhat.

“Name sir?”
“My name? Foolish mortal! I am Skaldack the Destroyer! Where I tread I leave nothing but dust and darkness. All life is my enemy, all life shall perish under the reign of, oh I’m so sorry, old habits. Ah yes, the table was for 10, booked under the name David.”

Needless to say, the idea had me chuckling quite a bit, and was received positively by one of the admin team, so it’s a go I guess? The next part to choose will be what approach I take – do I go full Alan Rickman in Galaxy Quest (As I’ve said before, the best Star Trek film and that’s a hill I will die on) or dress like a cheesy goth wizard from a SyFy Original movie. Given I’ve been browsing for faux leather pants, and my wife’s reaction to that piece of information, that’s in the lead. Shallow? Who, me?

Now, to the emotional section. Saturday night saw a TV1 reunion, based around the 10th anniversary of the channel’s end. (I mostly worked for SF, their sister channel) To be clear, it was hard for me, as I loved that place and would likely still be there in some fashion if at all possible. On the way there I was browsing the invite list hoping I remembered enough people, and I did get the jitters the closer I got. It had been a long time since I’d seen them, and upon doing so I was overwhelmed with emotions. Seeing happy looks at my arrival helped ease the jitters somewhat, even if the next thing out of most people’s mouths was “And where is your wife?” I showed some of them her calendar to explain her absence, but I still don’t think that got across how busy she likes to be.

The first of two big moments involved talking to my former supervisor. We were doing the update thing, and I was discussing my journey, getting to the point where I realized I needed to talk to someone about my mental health, then stopping and managing to say “I’m sorry, this was supposed to be a fun night.” It was an awkward moment, but one that was treated with sympathy and respect, and for that I damn near wept. Not seeing someone for over 10 years means you can forget how lovely they are, and I certainly had. Emotions flooded back, joy, fulfillment, of the delight that all that useless nerd trivia I’d built up came in handy. Of feeling needed, and in control in the workplace. Oh, and having air conditioning in the workplace. I’m not saying things were perfect for me there and looking back on it there were plenty of times I could have used mental help, but it was also the workplace where I’ve felt happiest. It could be said to have ruined me for future jobs a bit and others I talked to agreed on that.

That brought back how I felt in the first two jobs I held post TV1, and how bitterly I hated the atmosphere in them. I may flip the bird to the building one was located in on the rare occasions I pass by it. (Yes, I try to hold my standards higher, but on occasion I can be spectacularly petty) I try not to begrudge people interests other than mine, but having to play ads for the Kardashians, let alone other E Channel shows, on a science fiction based channel, even one that was a pale imitation of the original that I adored, still feels like a stain on my life and soul. It felt like I was having to promote something that was opposed to everything I stand for. There’s times I take my fandoms far too seriously, and that may be one of them.

The other big moment of the night was chatting to another former co-worker, who explained that reading my gaming tales here had given her a window into a world she otherwise had no idea about. A speedy way to my heart is to tell me you read my work – all too often during my time writing a weekly nerd update at SF I’d wonder if I was just yelling incoherently into the ether and the precious few responses I got (Outside of the ones from my wife alerting me to typos) meant a lot to me. Anyhow when the person in question reads this, if you ever want to try your hand at gaming, you only have to ask. I’m always happy to help new blood into the hobby. As for the rest of the night the venue reminded me of both the farewell party we had for the channel there, and having to go to the Ivy Bar once after a team building event, which left me both feeling incredibly out of place and wanting to burn the place to the ground and salt the earth so nothing could grow their again. I don’t think I’ve ever felt quite so out of place anywhere. But I digress. I managed to mostly hold it together, and only broke down when I got home and could hug my wife.

It’s late, and I should sleep. Night all.

* Except for the guy who was obsessed with the possible return of Firefly, to the extent that he’d bitch about cast members getting other jobs, as that might interfere with a possible Firefly return. Some people really need a new hobby.